SunnyFlower

I had to smile when I read this part of your post. I also thought I was "getting away" with my drinking. If she hasn't figured it out yet, she will.

My first day of sobriety (13 days ago) My husband and I sat down together, to devise a plan for my recovery. He let me know that he alway's know's when I am drinking. He said he could tell after my first drink. Funny, he said he could even tell I was drinking, by the way my butt moved when I walked. LMAO (Guess he still likes my butt!)

Seriously though, My husband kept quiet about my drinking. He said he would get mad and want to pour my bottle down the sink, but decided not to. Wise Man! He know's me well enough to know that nagging, and controlling would only throw me deeper into my drinking. He's just been patiently waiting til I was ready to do it for myself.

Cutting back didn't work for me, It's kind of like trying to cut back from smoking, the more I try to cut back, the more cigarettes I smoke. For me it's a "mind" thing, the thought of cutting back only made me dwell on it more.
Cold Turkey is the only route that works for this drunk...Thankfully there is a lot of help and support out here... you have to find what works for you.
You can do it!

whatsgoingon

I had a weird moment of clarity this morning. Sometimes the obvious stuff is staring you in the face.

I have suffered with depression since I was a teenager.

I started drinking when I was teenager.

?

Co-incidence? Or could they be related?

Later in my adult life I also dabbled with recreational drugs such as weed, ecstasy, coke. None of these were to a massive degree (not in my opinion anyway!) and most it was centered around clubbing and my student days.

So pretty much since the age of about 13 years old I have been drinking and occasionally talking drugs. Is it any wonder that I suffer with depression!? With all the highs and lows I'm pumping into my body its quite possible it has affected my mind.

There is a lot to be said about sobriety! It might just lead to happy life.

Daisy1981

[QUOTE=sneeker;3577265]I had a weird moment of clarity this morning. Sometimes the obvious stuff is staring you in the face.

I have suffered with depression since I was a teenager.

I started drinking when I was teenager.

?


Coincidence I think not. Just try and take one step at a time and right now that would be to stop drinking. If you seek medical advice they wont treat depression while you are drinking as depression is an effect od drinking. Take the drinking away and you might feel a lot diiferent and you probobobly will. Then if the depression is still there you can focus on that. Dont see yourself as weak it takes a strong person to accept they have a problem and your family may be really supportive. Good Luck and take 1 day at time thats what I'm doing and so far it's going ok x

Fandy

Check out AVRT in the secular section

Sapling

Nice job sneeker....I know the depression I was suffering from was connected with my drinking.....It was a matter of working the steps of AA for me to solve it...Some people need medication when you remove the alcohol...I didn't. Pat yourself on the back for not drinking last night...Awesome!

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Sneeker

Thanks for sharing with us... it sounds like you have had a few epiphanies already

This part was me 3 years ago. I wanted so much to get rid of the 'bad' drinking I did, the drinking I did by myself. I was a very acceptable social drinker and I never drank during the day (apart from sometimes!). I wasn't comfortable with the word alcoholic and also had depression and anxiety issues which I attempted to get help with. But like Daisy said, they won't tackle that until you give up drinking. I was indignant at the time because I didn't think my drinking was that bad. But the more I tried to control it the worse it got. And I tried every which way to try and curb it. I was shocked when I finally quit how much my mindset changed. Maybe not the depression but all my anxiety has gone. I genuinely thought that if I could fix certain things in my life then the drinking would fix itself. Turned out to be the other way round.

If you are not ready to talk to your doctor about this yet it might be worth doing a few things to help yourself. Maybe keeping a journal to keep track of your moods, getting a self help book on something that might help with the depression, like mindfulness or CBT, or reading some recovery literature like the Big Book of AA or Allen Carr's Easyway to stop drinking. It might help you figure out where you stand on your drinking issues before you discuss it with anyone else. I would highly recommend talking to your doctor though or you could self refer to an alcohol addiction agency (Drinkline can help you find one.. 0800 917 8282). At least talk to your doctor about the depression if only to get yourself on the list for counselling sooner.

Glad you're here and do keep us updated on how you're doing x

freshstart57

Sneeker, glad you are here. What you wrote there, that was me. I wrote it too, in a post just like yours. I self medicated with vodka to the point of clinical depression, leave from work, medication, therapy, the works. I wasn't getting better, just passing out earlier and more often.

The day came, just like it has for you, when I decided that enough was enough. I was going to deal with 'my issues' sober, whatever those issues might be.

You read those replies from people who said they finally learned that alcohol was causing their depression? Bingo. Here is another one. I quit drinking, and life got a whole bunch simpler, easier, happier, more joyful, more peaceful.

I was a sneeker too, Sneeker, I did the things that we all do as addicts, and with that behavior came guilt and shame and misery. The day I chose to stop drinking, there was this huge feeling of relief that I didn't have to do that crap any longer. In my mind, I knew I wasn't 'that guy', but I had been acting like 'that guy'. For years. I stopped being 'that guy'.

You can stop it, too, Sneeker. You can stop sneeking. Maybe you have already decided that you will never be a sneeker again. Maybe you can get a new board name that suits you better. I'm thinking Seeker would be a better fit.

Congratulations to you for joining us here in this most personal journey. I know that you will continue to find a lot of support here. Keep posting, OK?

JohnnyOneDay

Sneeker,
Welcome to SR!!! I agree with many of the comments. Your background sounds just like mine. Sneaking alcohol into the house, thinking wife does not know when I'm drinking. Suffering from bouts of depression. Difficult seeing my life without social drinking. Recreational drug use in college/younger years. Kids at home that need more than a drunk dad.

Well, I used to be like that, then I progressed over 30 years to drinking EVERY DAY, sneaking, getting wasted. Alcohol slowly took over my life. This summer, I decided that I had had enough. My sobriety date is 8/1/12... so today is my 45th day sober!

I would suggest that you address this issue head on now, before your kids are all grown and out, and you risk losing your wife, your health, your business, and much more. (My 3 kids are all teenagers now, and I regret that I missed out on so much of their development over the years.). Have you considered AA? Going to meetings regularly has helped me immensely. After years of heavy daily drinking, for me it just got to be too overwhelming. Now, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

I'm glad you are here at SR; you will get lots of great support. Keep coming back and posting updates!

whatsgoingon

Aint that the truth.

I have been battling with myself quite a bit these last few weeks as I have been really down. A lot of my lows are work related because I run my own business and its quite stressful. Thing is when I take a step back from the business and try and work out why I cant cope with it I don't really have an answer. Admittedly I'm very busy and the money could be better but the potential my business has is very encouraging. I just don't know how to organise myself and I tend to let problems mount until there is so much to deal with I literally feel paralyzed and I just don't know where to begin. Consequently I have been drinking more. I get home after a long day in the office and once the kids have gone to bed I make dinner. I love making dinner as I find it a great way to unwind, problem is when I'm in the kitchen alone its the easiest place to sneak a drink. I've got a fridge full of beer and wine and a kitchen cupboard with cooking stuff like brandy.

My drinking these last few weeks has been bad, for me. I actually thought that if I could sort the depression out then I would naturally stop drinking. Reading the comment above has made me realise that its probably the other way round.

I have been having epiphanies all day! Lol!

The more I realise that my dark cloud of depression has been accompanied by his evil friend alcohol the more I understand that the two go hand in hand. I look back through my life and in real times of trouble alcohol has always been there as some kind of emotional crutch. I have remembered a few occasions that when I was having low periods they only changed when I changed. For instance, I had a destructive relationship with a girl in my mid twenties. Ironically she had a drink problem way worse than anything I am going through now. The relationship lasted about 6 years and I would honestly say I knew around about the 3 year mark that I had to get out of it. I did not love her, she had a drink problem and relationship was a series of highs and lows. (the highs such as holidays were just papering over the cracks). I was desperately unhappy in the relationship and felt so trapped. At the time I drank but not huge amount, my vice back then was weed and would pretty much get stoned every night. The weed would block out my misery and I would just numbly go through one day after another. I realized after a rare moment of clarity that the only way I could get out of the relationship was by quitting the weed so I could deal with everything. I couldn't solve any issues with my mind so dull and dumbed out. Two weeks after stopping smoking I left her and since then I have never smoked it again.

Role on ten years and the weed has been replaced by booze. I cant cope with the stresses in my work and life so I go home and block all out with a drink.

I need to quit the booze. Then and only then will I be able to focus on my business and life, I might then actually make something of it and myself. Its a fantastic opportunity and if I could actually sort myself the business could really be a success. I have all the ideas to take it forward just my stress, worry, depression and drinking holding me back!

I do feel like I've seen the light in the last 24 hours. I just hope I can keep on track.

Fandy

your *issues* don't change when you face them sober. BUT, it is much easier to deal with whatever comes along when your head is clear, you are less depressed and have less anxiety. Sobriety brings a certain peace of mind, no matter what method you use to achieve it.

There was a person on the boards who felt tremendously accomplished because she NOW had the capacity to balance her checkbood, something she had never done when drinking every night. not to mention the other benefits like more cash and better physical appearance, more natural energy.

whatsgoingon

Hey guys! Thought I post an update.

Well it's Sunday night and I'm now 4 days sober! So far it has not been too hard to resist but I am finding it harder to keep my sober change a secret. People are looking at me strange when I turn down a drink. So far I've just said I'm trying to lose weight so I'm giving it a miss for a while which most people are buying.

I'd like to say how much this forum has helped me. I feel part of a really friendly community and there is some much support and people who are happy to listen to you. So big thanks to everyone on this forum, thanks for making feel welcome!

I've still got a lot of unanswered questions going around my head. This forum has taught me that my addiction has a voice of its own and I need to be vigilant and not allow the 'voice' to get through. Thing is I'm having difficulties working out whether my thoughts are coming from my true self or my addiction. I guess it's always going to be difficult because essentially its my mind which is generating all my thoughts good or bad.

I'm still finding it hard to accept there can never be a time when I'll be able to drink again. The thing is despite all the bad depressing stuff alcohol has done to me it's also given me so of my most happy and memorable times. The thought of not being able to sit in a beer garden of country pub on sunny day sipping a pint of Guinness with some old friends is quite hard to accept. I'm also a really big foodie and enjoy going to restaurants where food and wine go hand in hand. Going out for a curry with dad and putting the works to rights over a couple of cobras could be a thing of the past. These are moments in life that i have really cherished. What could fill the void if I carry on my sober lifestyle?

Don't get me wrong here friends, I'm not about to go off the rails I've just been thinking about life in general. I realise I'm on this forum for a reason. The way I see it at the moment is that I'm just going to keep going day by day and see how long I can do it. Hopefully the positives of my new life will outweigh what I'm giving up.

Thanks

Sneeker

hypochondriac

Think about those occasions sneeker... was it really the alcohol that made it special? You can still sit out in a beer garden with friends with a nice cold drink... just not guinness. You can still enjoy a curry without cobra (trust me, this was one of my biggest fears too!). It's your alcoholic voice which is telling you that these occasions will be nothing without the booze. It's being melodramatic and exaggerating it's abilities. Alcohol doesn't actually make any occasion. Going to events sober you start noticing the amount of people who don't drink for various reasons but still have a good time.

I understand why telling people is hard too, It was a major stumbler for me early on, but now I'm proud and just tell people I gave up. Generally I get a look of shock and a 'what, forever?' comment. The world needs more sober role models, then hopefully we can eliminate the 'but everyone else does it' excuse

Slits

....coupled with being a Bald Faced Liar.
....but it has Completely Ruined more than a few.

freshstart57

I know very few people who don't drink who can say that. You can at least give yourself a 50 50 chance of staying sober here. Do you plan to stay sober? For good?

It is easy to tell which voice is speaking because my Alcoholic Voice is the one that talks about having a drink now, or tomorrow, or even someday down the road. It is also my AV that says that I might not be strong enough to do this, that it's ok if I drink now and get back on the horse tomorrow. It is my AV that makes me doubt my own ability, because self-doubt is just one step closer to throwing in the towel and having a couple. It is even AV that is says that it is difficult to identify it, because it is not hard to spot in the least.

You are not your AV. It has no power and cannot DO anything by itself, it requires you to go to a whole bunch of trouble to choose the alcohol, buy the alcohol and pay for it, look at, take it in your hand, raise it to your mouth and pour it down your neck. Your AV can do none of those things, it truly is helpless.

Congratulations on your progress, Sneeker. Remember, all we have to do is become aware of our AV, stare at it for a minute, and it goes away. Keep posting, OK?

whatsgoingon

Thanks again for the advice, I really do appreciate it.

One thing that is helping me stay sober is the gym. I've always been keen gym goer but this last month or so I have been upping the ante quite a bit. I train everyday in my lunch hour and I find it so beneficial in many ways. The obvious plus points are that I'm getting fit and losing weight but it also giving me a lot of mental strength. Its a real great way for De-stressing and it certainly make me feel more motivated.

Since I have been training I have been watching what I eat and I found this great website called drink aware that works out calories in alcohol. Its brilliant, basically you the enter the amount you drink, so for instance in the bad old days I might have had 4 glasses of wine and three bottle of beer. It then calculates the equivalent in terms of calories in burgers!! My normal nightly consumption was the equivalent of 3 burgers or 922 calories! That's a nice little incentive to stay on track. I don't think this calculator would help anyone who is in a really bad place but I think it could be useful for those who are into their recovery and need a positive reminder to keep on track.

At the moment I'm onto day 5 on my new sober lifestyle and my head is slowly coming to terms with it. I'm not thinking long term because that is just too much for me to deal with so I just going day to day and it seems to be working. I have been battling with the thought of losing an old friend in terms of giving up the booze. I hate the thought of never being able to go out for few pints with my mate because lets face it is what a lot of people do to enjoy to themselves, so now I need to find something else. I feel a little out of my comfort zone like I now have to learn how to live again? All my life I have enjoyed things like the pub, having a barbie with friends and going out for meals. These kind of activities are part of our culture and they all tend to involve drinking. Celebrations such as birthdays, weddings and christmas are other events which I associate with drinking. So its going to take a long time to change my mindset. I need to see my new life in action and see what its like to be sober. At the moment I cant see the point of going to the pub if I cant drink. I dont get out that much anyway and when I do and go to the pub with my friends it is generally for a right old knees up and we get bolloxed! I still want to see my friends but whats the point in attending these types of nights if I'm the only one not drinking. I am determined to break the cycle in my mind, i want to live a drink free life because the positives definitely outweigh the negatives.

Feeling really positive today. Something has clicked in my head and I know I can do this. Getting a six pack on my stomach rather the shop is my goal now!!

Thanks all

Sneeker

Sobersunshine

Hi seeker and congratulations on your sobriety. I'm new to recovery as well I too am thinking about all the "good times" I'll miss it hot alcohol in my li. Like when I visit my parents at christmastime.... We usually drink quite a bit of wine. (they are normal drinkers, not alcoholics). Ok, so ill drink water. I'll still be spending time with my parents, and that's the important thing. But I still keep dwelling on this one thing, Christmastime. So I tell myself, "one day at a time." so corny but so true. I don't need to worry about something months away, I need to worry about not drinking TODAY. So seeker, try to just focus on the present and not fret over all the potential situations where you think being sober will not be as fun as drinking.

nvpeale

Do you have a doctor who you could see, and get a professional opinion of your depression and drinking. Then, perhaps you'll know where to begin.

whatsgoingon

Hey Guys,

Thought I'd post a quick update.

I am almost 10 weeks sober! Reading back through this thread and my first post I feel I have come a really long way. Its amazing to think that only 2 and half months ago my life was literally spiralling out of control. Things are much better now, don't get me wrong I still have a long way to go but I'm getting there.

I'm amazed at the challenges I have overcome on my journey. I got through a testing weekend when my sister in law and her family came to stay for the weekend and I carefully negotiated Beaujolais day unscathed! Right now I don't miss alcohol, I don't want alcohol and I seldom think about it. Its been a while since I last posted on here which is testament itself I guess to my state of mind and I really feel I have turned a significant corner.

I do have some issues I need to address such as stress and depression and I'm hoping I can deal with those very soon. The main thing was getting a handle on my drinking which I have done and now I can start to look at other areas of my life.

For any newbies out there reading this I wish you all good luck. Giving up drinking can be done and I found that once I got over the psychological battles and stopped questioning everything it started to get easier. My main hang up was worrying what other people would think or say about me giving up drinking. I'm not so bothered anymore and to be honest I don't make a big deal out of it, I just say I'm not drinking I don't give a reason and no-one ever ask why. I used worry about being in scenarios where I would be under pressure to drink but now I just look after me and don't worry about other peoples opinions.

One little mantra or thought that has kept me going is this ....

I've told myself that giving up drinking will be the key to the rest of my life and the catalyst to make my life successful.

In essence I've convinced myself that if I can give drinking I can achieve anything!

Tiredman

It's clearly a problem....I only just realized that myself 3 days ago but deep down I always knew.

You may be underestimating your wife also........

I am going to miss the simple pub meal and a beer but I know that it is rarely just one beer and often ends in a terrible experience....your probably not as bad as that so it is not so obvious but you will work it out

I am also a private person so choose not to get help but this site has provided me with lots of support. I have committed that if I can't give it up forever then I will seek help.....only 3 days but so far so good.

phoebe64

On day 5 here, and it is nice to read this. Congratulations on 10 weeks!