Anna

Dee, Thank you for this important and heartfelt thread.

You are absolutely correct with everything that you said. I always feel so very sad when newcomers feel they need to leave because they are upset by the reception they get. I have been at SR for 9 years and I try to always remember the way I felt when I arrived here. I had been sober for awhile, but I was very anxious and nervous about whether I would fit in here. And, I assure you, the only reason I stayed was because of a group of 5 or 6 people who welcomed me with love.

Like you, I have made many mistakes here too and it's been a learning experience. When I find myself responding in a cranky manner, I know I need to stop and look at what's happening with me.

Again, Dee, thanks for the thread and I hope we can all take this to heart and continue to welcome and offer support to our newcomers.

soberlicious

Thanks for the post Dee. Sometimes I see posts where people are hurting and struggling, but doing the same things over again and it's like I want to shake them and be like "Stop it!!! You can do this, dammit" I have to remember that I did ineffective self-destructive things for a long time too. It's the nature of addiction, and I need to remember that. If my words have ever caused harm, I apologize.

sober4metoday

Sometimes the BS gets to be too much and I can't help but to give a dose of tough love!! I can't say I'm sorry for that!! But, I have thought a lot about Dee's post and I agree that it's better to have people here than to have them leave - because SR really is a great resource. So I will make my best effort moving forward to not sound so harsh (or to just walk away) when someone posts get me going!

Happy Sunday everyone! Another fine sober morning....

Wonderland

Great post, Dee, thanks for that.

Stang

My only complaint is the censoring of post here is suffocating other than that I love it here. At the end of the day if a remark on a message board is your excuse to drink then you don't want to stay sober anyway.
Anything other than "oh you poor thing it's ok to relapse umpteen times have you tried AA" is considered mean.

newleaves2012

a lot of newcomers to sobriety are just precariously balanced. they can be pushed either way unknowingly. I was like that. there were early days like that for me.

PaperDolls

When I first came here I was quite a mess. There was not one thing that any one person said to me that got me to my point of desperation. Not that some things weren't helpful but none of us here are so powerful that we have the magic words, tough love or otherwise, that will convince someone they need to get help. That comes from inside each and every one of us.

Dazee

Thanks for bringing up the subject Dee.
I too was very afraid when I got here. I felt so ashamed of what I had done that I could easily have pushed away too. Fortunately that was not the reception I experienced (thanks class of Jan 2012!)

I have noticed postings becoming more sarcastic and militant and it makes me cringe for the newcomer. I found the postings of people actually in my class and going through the exact same problems to be the most helpful. This dialogue helps to remember just how hard all of this really is and how much we need to support each other.

Stang - Maybe I'm not understanding what you are saying.
I've been on the site a couple months and relapsed twice during that time. It was the hardest thing to come back here and tell the truth. I was encouraged to move on and stay with sobriety. And I have.

Dazee

duplicate

sober4metoday

I guess the hardest thing to keep quiet about is when you read users posts that are making light of their <current> abuse problems. I actually find it a bit insulting. We are on this board to get or stay sober - not to laugh at our hangovers and irresponsible behaviors (when they are still occurring). I find it really hard not to speak up!

I would never judge anyone - I am an alcoholic through and through. But small few of newcomers need to show a little respect IMHO. SR can be fun and it can be funny but it is serious business and that business is recovery.

Did I just do it again? lol

Dazee

users posts that are making light of their <current> abuse problems. I actually find it a bit insulting. We are on this board to get or stay sober - not to laugh at our hangovers and irresponsible behaviors (when they are still occurring).
That I can completely understand and relate to. I try not to take it personal and move on to the next posting.

newleaves2012

yea, good point sober4me. sometimes I read those and think "you haven't been broken enough yet but keep on and you'll find out"

sober4metoday

yep! i'm totally on board with that!

WakeUp

In keeping with my recovery program's suggestions, I am not in any unqualified position of authority over another poster. I don't have the right to say, "get to a meeting", "read this", "write that", or even "pour it out."

I am trying even more to only share my experience. I'm a drunk, and believe me, I have opinions on certain things! But I'm really, really trying to keep my opinions out and share my experience.

I have to remind myself of that frequently.

Taws

I'll admit that I quit reading and posting because I knew if I posted about a relapse or something I would get bullied about my approach to getting clean. I'm trying to do it myself, and nobody seems to buy into that philosophy. Sure, I've had a few stumbles and relapses along the way, but it has helped me gain perspective and learn a lot about myself. The thing I liked about coming here was that if I screwed up everyone would help pick me up, dust me off, and offer support. It feels more and more lately like those who relapse are ridiculed if they don't go to AA or don't seek counseling. As Dee said, everyone's plan is different. I know some people think they are helping, but trying to shove your own philosophies down someone else's throat when what you need is support is not actually helpful. It comes off as rude and makes me feel because you've succeeded and I've failed a few times that you're a better person than me. /rant

All that said, I hope to be more active in the future.

Terminally Unique

Warning: Sarcasm Ahead

If you think that Sober Recovery is scary, sign up for the RR forums. No "support" or (((HUGGZ))) allowed over there. You'll come running back and start praising SR in no time. LOL

jocata

I think the best I can do is offer my experience with drugs and alcohol, what it did to my life and those around me, and what I am doing to recover and live the life that I want to have. I have to remember that my chosen method of recovery has no monopoly on sobriety. That, along with encouragement, is all I can offer here.

Everyone of you that posts on SR has helped my recovery, and for that I am grateful.

God bless.

newby1961

Great topic and lots of good insight. I feel at times some of us have a dry sense of humor or at least for me I have a smart alec sort of humor. I blame being born on the East Coast for that.:rotfxko
Sometimes on line it is hard to know where a person is coming from cause we can't see them and chances are we don't really know them either? I recently have taken a few things someone had said personal but the solution to that is to be honest about how I feel and find out if there is any merit to it? A simple PM to someone can nip a problem right in the bud. I know from past experiences that people are not mind readers so they don't know when I am upset or what I am upset about? Stewing in my own sick -n- twisted thoughts is never conducive to maintaining peace & serenity in my program.
I hope everyone has a peaceful end to their weekend?

Dee74

A lot of the time my wife gets annoyed at me for making jokes - she says it's my way of deflecting - and she's right.

It usually means there's something I don't want to talk about (but kinda do) or I'm really scared about.

Maybe I'm wrong, but often I recognise the same thing happening here.
D

checkmate1

Im glad you brought this up Dee as I've been here a long time and because I have struggled with sobriety I feel as though a lot of the time I get put down by unhelpful posts because apparently when you've been a member of Sober Recovery since 2008 you are supposed to be well in recovery as other members have put it. I find this frustrating and refuse to start new threads because of this.

Please share your experiences and knowledge when posting and leave anything negative out because alot of people here are very vulnerable and are doing there best to achieve the best results possible for themselves.