Perturbed
I'm grateful for finding sobriety. It has changed my life and never in a million years could I ever imagine that I would function, muddle through life's challenges, sober. I can't take the fact that someone doesn't take my advice as a personal insult. It is not that in the least bit. It is anyone's personal right to choose their own path, no matter where it may lead. Good, bad, or death, as harsh as that may seem, it is reality. I have seen it all. I have seen many insist on doing things their own way, stay in their comfort zone, only to have their bottom drop out from beneath them and fall hard. We see it coming, but all we can do is offer advice that may not be taken.
I have seen others get a grasp and get better rather quickly. I have accepted that not everyone will beat this and some will die. Many in denial can not see what is directly in front of them. That is the nature of the beast. I know I couldn't. I kept pushing my illness to the next level and frankly, I'm very lucky to be alive. I took good advice as arrogance and judgement, to come full circle and accept it for what it was, good advice that I wasn't ready to understand. I have lost dear friends I will miss immensly. The bottom line is this, I come here to help and to be helped. You have to give to get. I have found my way, what works for me, and the choice is up to the individual.
I will help anyone who asks for help and will attempt to plant a seed in someone who may not be ready or want it, but I tried. I will not hold back and will speak the truth as I have lived it. I will do my best to remain compassionate and through it all, I know that tomorow will come and I will continue on my path until the end. This will remain true as long as I put my sobriety in the forefront. I must work on me before I can help anyone else.
How do I know all of this? Again, trial and error. We are all in differnet stages of growth and knowledge. Live and let learn...or so it goes.
I do know that many who leave, do come back when they are ready. Where there is a will, there is a way. If and when they do come back, they will be given a hardy welcome.
I have seen others get a grasp and get better rather quickly. I have accepted that not everyone will beat this and some will die. Many in denial can not see what is directly in front of them. That is the nature of the beast. I know I couldn't. I kept pushing my illness to the next level and frankly, I'm very lucky to be alive. I took good advice as arrogance and judgement, to come full circle and accept it for what it was, good advice that I wasn't ready to understand. I have lost dear friends I will miss immensly. The bottom line is this, I come here to help and to be helped. You have to give to get. I have found my way, what works for me, and the choice is up to the individual.
I will help anyone who asks for help and will attempt to plant a seed in someone who may not be ready or want it, but I tried. I will not hold back and will speak the truth as I have lived it. I will do my best to remain compassionate and through it all, I know that tomorow will come and I will continue on my path until the end. This will remain true as long as I put my sobriety in the forefront. I must work on me before I can help anyone else.
How do I know all of this? Again, trial and error. We are all in differnet stages of growth and knowledge. Live and let learn...or so it goes.
I do know that many who leave, do come back when they are ready. Where there is a will, there is a way. If and when they do come back, they will be given a hardy welcome.
I realized a bit ago that I was one of these people Dee is speaking of. I retreated for a bit, yanno, regrouped with my mentor. He suggested (strongly) that I start acting like the guy that I wanted to be around for me when I got sober. Today that's the attitude I try and bring here amongst other places I visit.
If I have caused anyone on here any harm I apologize. Please get with me (privately of course) and I'll be more than glad to set things right.
If I have caused anyone on here any harm I apologize. Please get with me (privately of course) and I'll be more than glad to set things right.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 2
Lurking but felt like running
I've been lurking for sometime but there have been a few responses that made me cringe and want to not come back but I am here. I think I need to be beat up and reminded of the harm and hurt I have caused to make me see that this is not the way anymore. Sad thing is, I see that, I know that, I have lived that, now how do I stop. I want to!
I feel sick when I think I am not going to have a bottle to pour, I plan my daily life on where to buy my next bottle, it controls my life.
To be honest, I have never attended a church/ Sunday School so to speak and never really prayed to a higher power, at this point I'm not really even sure I believe, so without the 12 steps and the higher power, how does one proceed?
Go easy on me and no preaching please! I love stopping in and reading all of the posts!
I feel sick when I think I am not going to have a bottle to pour, I plan my daily life on where to buy my next bottle, it controls my life.
To be honest, I have never attended a church/ Sunday School so to speak and never really prayed to a higher power, at this point I'm not really even sure I believe, so without the 12 steps and the higher power, how does one proceed?
Go easy on me and no preaching please! I love stopping in and reading all of the posts!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Hi and Welcome daffyneedsme2.
Alot can be learned by just participating in the different forums with a comment here and there like you just did! As you share in and read the threads you'll feel a new comfort level and others will begin to get to know you as well.
The first thing in stopping drinking is understanding how to keep that drink put down. We all have our story. Sharing yours a little bit is a great way forward.
You chose an excellent thread for your first post!!
Alot can be learned by just participating in the different forums with a comment here and there like you just did! As you share in and read the threads you'll feel a new comfort level and others will begin to get to know you as well.
The first thing in stopping drinking is understanding how to keep that drink put down. We all have our story. Sharing yours a little bit is a great way forward.
You chose an excellent thread for your first post!!
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
Good comments by all. To all those who may have been offended, please know that this is not what is intended, people generally mean well by what they post, they are guided by strong feelings (from things they themselves learned the hard way) and maybe sometimes it gets taken the wrong way. If there is someone you find intolerant/offensive, there is always the ignore function. In every forum you join, there's a risk that there is someone you clash with, I choose to walk away rather than allow it to cause overall disharmony. I do find it disappointing when threads get off topic from the original post, or original question the poster was asking, and becomes a heated debate about ideology and methods of recovery. Those things are understandably a turn off to a newcomer.
Sometimes I think we have to step back and ask, are we projecting some of our own recovery expectations on others, getting too invested? I know that I have done that on a few occasions, become conscious of it and had to take a step back.
Sometimes I think we have to step back and ask, are we projecting some of our own recovery expectations on others, getting too invested? I know that I have done that on a few occasions, become conscious of it and had to take a step back.
Unfortunately, just like many years ago before the internet, some folks who aren't 'quite there yet but looking into the fact they may have a problem just might take offense.'
I saw it years ago in face to face meetings (before and after 'the meeting'). I too took exception MANY TIMES to what my sponsor and her hubby would tell me. I remember one time in particular, I was about 2 months sober, and something Hugh said really pissed me off and I was about to STOMP out there door.
Hugh called me back and said 2 things to me I have never forgotten:
1) "Laurie, If I baby you, I will bury you."
and
2) "I WILL risk your friendship to save your life."
WOW
As the years have gone one and I have worked with many over these 30+ years both in face to face and on line (yes I have and do sponsor long distance) I have keep those two statements as my mantra. Now that does not mean I have to do it sarcastically or meanly or nasty, but I have to 'call a spade a spade' when I read the alcoholic thinking coming out on these boards.
I have learned, that when a 'post' triggers me, NOT to answer immediately, to step away, and go think and meditate for a bit, and look at why I was 'triggered' (either negatively or positively) and then post or not.
I can also tell you, like many others in recovery, that I do NOT believe, I even started to earn what "tact" is until I was well into my 10th year, rofl
I am glad you started this thread Dee, it gives all of us the 'reminder to stop, think, meditate and try and use 'tact' if at all possible.
Love and hugs,
I saw it years ago in face to face meetings (before and after 'the meeting'). I too took exception MANY TIMES to what my sponsor and her hubby would tell me. I remember one time in particular, I was about 2 months sober, and something Hugh said really pissed me off and I was about to STOMP out there door.
Hugh called me back and said 2 things to me I have never forgotten:
1) "Laurie, If I baby you, I will bury you."
and
2) "I WILL risk your friendship to save your life."
WOW
As the years have gone one and I have worked with many over these 30+ years both in face to face and on line (yes I have and do sponsor long distance) I have keep those two statements as my mantra. Now that does not mean I have to do it sarcastically or meanly or nasty, but I have to 'call a spade a spade' when I read the alcoholic thinking coming out on these boards.
I have learned, that when a 'post' triggers me, NOT to answer immediately, to step away, and go think and meditate for a bit, and look at why I was 'triggered' (either negatively or positively) and then post or not.
I can also tell you, like many others in recovery, that I do NOT believe, I even started to earn what "tact" is until I was well into my 10th year, rofl
I am glad you started this thread Dee, it gives all of us the 'reminder to stop, think, meditate and try and use 'tact' if at all possible.
Love and hugs,
I wasn't here and not sure what happened but let me just say from my own experiences...
As said in previous posts everyone is stepping over a different stone in their journey. No one is skipping down the same path. But everyone has that one raw nerve that seems to get sizzled with a wrong word. One thing I have tried to do in my past year of excepting new ideas, thoughts, advice and comments is NOT to take things personally. It is a very vulnerable feeling, a very open wound kind of feeling when you stop an addiction and any simple comment can seem like one is smearing salt in a wound. It may not necessarily be meant to be that way...but sometimes when one overcomes addiction they think EVERYONE has to overcome it because they have won and you should, too. Welp, don't work like that...all I can do is offer my personal experiences and hope somewhere along the line something I've said will plant a seed. I know it's not easy to not take things personally but it has helped me tremendously knowing that any comment or suggestion does not have to feel like a dagger in my heart. I have learned not to be so critical, judgemental, biased and that has made it easier for me to accept help.
And remember that everyone has a different degree of a soul. Some are weak, some needy, some strong and some like myself very stubborn. After drinking for more than 30 years, there was no way you could tell me it was time for me to stop drinking, for me to recover and stop causing chaos. All we can do for some is be there, offer personal experience and for gods sake -be nice.
As said in previous posts everyone is stepping over a different stone in their journey. No one is skipping down the same path. But everyone has that one raw nerve that seems to get sizzled with a wrong word. One thing I have tried to do in my past year of excepting new ideas, thoughts, advice and comments is NOT to take things personally. It is a very vulnerable feeling, a very open wound kind of feeling when you stop an addiction and any simple comment can seem like one is smearing salt in a wound. It may not necessarily be meant to be that way...but sometimes when one overcomes addiction they think EVERYONE has to overcome it because they have won and you should, too. Welp, don't work like that...all I can do is offer my personal experiences and hope somewhere along the line something I've said will plant a seed. I know it's not easy to not take things personally but it has helped me tremendously knowing that any comment or suggestion does not have to feel like a dagger in my heart. I have learned not to be so critical, judgemental, biased and that has made it easier for me to accept help.
And remember that everyone has a different degree of a soul. Some are weak, some needy, some strong and some like myself very stubborn. After drinking for more than 30 years, there was no way you could tell me it was time for me to stop drinking, for me to recover and stop causing chaos. All we can do for some is be there, offer personal experience and for gods sake -be nice.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Albuquerque
Posts: 5
Take it with a grain of salt? No sarcasm intended please. I will say and do believe all of the replies and remarks come from true intentions. If it ain't, i still I gain something positive from it. I'm here for one reason, support from people that have been there.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 36
Sapling its fine, no need to apoligise. I got worked up pretty fast yesterday, was already agitated before I logged onto the site and took it on full force when a couple of people didn't take the hint, they were only trying to help me and I can see that now. Everyone comes from different backgrounds and walks of life dealing with alcohol and I`ll try to remember that in the future and act accordingly, Dee linked me another forum which will suit me better, thanks for that. No hard feelings to anyone
It's one thing for me to share my experience, strength, and hope, and what I've done in my recovery. They can take it or leave it. Trying to get someone to agree that they should do it how I did is where we run into problems. It's an ego thing. I try hard to remember where I was before I found my path to recovery. It's quite arrogant of me to think my way is the right way, in fact that's old behavior. I try not to be that person today.
Dee, and to all the mods here, thank you for what you do for us and SR. You help make SR a great place. It's been a huge part of my recovery for many years, hopefully many more years to come.
Dee, and to all the mods here, thank you for what you do for us and SR. You help make SR a great place. It's been a huge part of my recovery for many years, hopefully many more years to come.
It would seem, that as a group, we are every bit as sensitive as we are headstrong. These qualities almost seem to define us at times. I think it’s our ability get beyond these qualities, that in the end truly defines us.
It's one thing for me to share my experience, strength, and hope, and what I've done in my recovery. They can take it or leave it. Trying to get someone to agree that they should do it how I did is where we run into problems. It's an ego thing. I try hard to remember where I was before I found my path to recovery. It's quite arrogant of me to think my way is the right way, in fact that's old behavior. I try not to be that person today
You said that so well. If we all want to humble ourselves all we need to do is take a mental trip down memory lane to the depths of our own addictions. Not a place any of us would want to return to.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: LA, California
Posts: 372
Dee, thanks for this thread. It reminds everyone, including myself. That this is a place of open arms. Everyone should be welcome, no matter how bad their current situation is, no matter how far along in sobriety they are. btw Dee, I've always enjoyed your posts, very informative and intellectual, while being sincere and polite. Good job to you sir
With respect Stang, it's not about sugar coating, puppy dog eyes, unicorns, loving people to death or anything else like that.
It's about doing our best to help and making sure our contribution is the best we can make it.
I don't see how anyone could be against that.
I'd like to thank everyone for their input
It's been a really useful thread for me, and I hope for others too.
This is a great place and the response to threads like this convince me it will stay great for a long time to come
D
It's about doing our best to help and making sure our contribution is the best we can make it.
I don't see how anyone could be against that.
I'd like to thank everyone for their input
It's been a really useful thread for me, and I hope for others too.
This is a great place and the response to threads like this convince me it will stay great for a long time to come
D
Good reminder, Dee. I think sometimes we let ego get in the way and our intentions become somewhat self-fulfilling. Let us remember to keep our participation sincere and compassionate.
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