Perturbed
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,438
Sorry - been ill...
I wanted to comment on a few things tho:
How do you know which is which is tho Stang?
and I'm glad the hardline technoque worked for you Sap, but that staring down, lecture stuff wouldn't have worked for me either - if it did I might still be with the 2nd Mrs Dee
I was scared back to the bottle hundreds of times - & not always because I wanted to drink, but because it was my one universal remedy for all that ailed me. A lot of the time I wanted to drink sure, but often I just wanted to escape....
I think this is a very important post and thanks for bringing this up TU.
The thing is I was tough in a lot of ways - I weathered social censure, I dealt with illness and injury from my addiction, I managed for years to survive when I really should NOT have...
But in other ways I was very vulnerable, and yes, fragile.
The two coexisted paradoxically together in me, and probably still do.
I think we can get caught up in some black and white thinking sometimes - I've done it myself...absolutes are definitive, they're easy to understand and apply...and to grade pass/fail but I wonder if they always fit well?
All rhetorical questions...we could go on forever....
This thread has been really instructive to me, and I hope to everyone else too - I started out wanting to know what newbies felt, but I think we've all learned a lot about what some of the older hands think too.
As the thread starter I'm going to leave it there tho.
Abstract threads like this can go on and on - and I'm not sure that's always a good thing.
Inevitably we start to splinter a little, people repeat themselves, maybe some squabbling occurs, and the thread becomes less of an open discussion and more a discourse between a small group of folks, probably the ones with the most stamina.
That's valuable too - but it's not an experience limited to this thread.
Other people have written to me with their own questions drawn from this thread - I think it's probably fair to let them to have the floor with their own threads now, if they like
I love this forum - I still think it's one of the best places on the web - and I definitely think SR saved my life....but I wanted to raise this up the flag pole.
I'd like to thank everyone for contributing and, hopefully, helping me to understand each of you maybe a little better
If anyone wants to PM me with comments or ideas (or responses to this last batch of rhetoricals) I'm always open to that.
thanks everyone
D
I wanted to comment on a few things tho:
Originally Posted by Stang
When It comes to life and death I don't mind being called an *******. There's a time for compassion and a time for a foot in the ass.
and I'm glad the hardline technoque worked for you Sap, but that staring down, lecture stuff wouldn't have worked for me either - if it did I might still be with the 2nd Mrs Dee
Originally Posted by ejoshua
it scared me away from AA and back to the bottle for months.
Originally Posted by TU
You may have latched onto a convenient excuse, but you wanted to drink, and that's what you did. You could have not gone to AA and not drank, either.
Originally Posted by TerminallyUnique
I find it difficult to accept the notion that addicted people are fragile, helpless little kittens in need of cuddling and Fancy Feast. We're talking about a group of people known for hearing and experiencing the worst that life has to offer. If you observe the presumably helpless addict in her natural environment, you'll likely find an individual with sophisticated social skills, able to carve out an existence where most people would perish. Were this not the case, they would never be able to maintain their addiction for as long as they do, and accordingly, they learn such skills out of necessity. It is simply not possible to 'get away with it' for very long without significant wiles.
The thing is I was tough in a lot of ways - I weathered social censure, I dealt with illness and injury from my addiction, I managed for years to survive when I really should NOT have...
But in other ways I was very vulnerable, and yes, fragile.
The two coexisted paradoxically together in me, and probably still do.
I think we can get caught up in some black and white thinking sometimes - I've done it myself...absolutes are definitive, they're easy to understand and apply...and to grade pass/fail but I wonder if they always fit well?
All rhetorical questions...we could go on forever....
This thread has been really instructive to me, and I hope to everyone else too - I started out wanting to know what newbies felt, but I think we've all learned a lot about what some of the older hands think too.
As the thread starter I'm going to leave it there tho.
Abstract threads like this can go on and on - and I'm not sure that's always a good thing.
Inevitably we start to splinter a little, people repeat themselves, maybe some squabbling occurs, and the thread becomes less of an open discussion and more a discourse between a small group of folks, probably the ones with the most stamina.
That's valuable too - but it's not an experience limited to this thread.
Other people have written to me with their own questions drawn from this thread - I think it's probably fair to let them to have the floor with their own threads now, if they like
I love this forum - I still think it's one of the best places on the web - and I definitely think SR saved my life....but I wanted to raise this up the flag pole.
I'd like to thank everyone for contributing and, hopefully, helping me to understand each of you maybe a little better
If anyone wants to PM me with comments or ideas (or responses to this last batch of rhetoricals) I'm always open to that.
thanks everyone
D
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Dee I began reading this without noticing the dates, and truly thought it was current! I have seen an amount of posting lately that seem to be more about the poster getting their ego out there, rather than actually giving a considered response to the person beginning the thread. I have posted with regard to this on tr1ckys thread which is currently talking about much the same thing. I feel we all ought to consider the effect of our words before we press send. Are we writing because we feel we can genuinely help, or because we want to be heard?
True strength lies within
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 117
Originally Posted by Dataminer74 
Thanks for your post. The timing for me was good because I inquired yesterday about deleting my account because coming here was starting to make me feel like crap. I was thinking I just need to find a meeting with real people I can talk to. People often use a tone here I don't think they would ever use in person. It makes me afraid to post. I don't need to feel like any more of a loser at this stage in my recovery.
Totally agree,, i was going to delete my account as well, i dont need a tounge lashing , or made to feel like i would not succeed, and be MISERABLE because i didnt follow a specific recovery method. But the amoun tof positive support and feedback i recieve for the most part keeps me going !
True strength lies within
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 117
Originally Posted by Dee74
We've had a few newcomers leave recently over the reception they got here.
That disturbs me....no, actually it ticks me off.
I know that when I got here I was looking for any reason to pull the plug on this whole recovery malarkey...I was terrified of the whole idea and incredibly skittish.
I try not to forget that.
I really admire the passion and the commitment and the experience of the people we have here.
I do take the point as well that the people who really rankled when I got here were amongst the people who I now credit with helping me stay sober today, all these years later.
But people arrive here at all points of the journey - one approach does not always fit all....and I'm not even talking method here, I'm talking tone and intent.
I don't believe we should be in the business of driving folks away.
I've made a lot of mistakes here over 5 years of daily posting - I've made jokes that were inappropriate for the situation, other times I've been sarcastic, or even ridiculed people.
All that made me feel better - but I still wonder if it helped the person I was posting to.
Sadly, most of them aren't here to ask.
share your experience - please by all means- it's our currency... but if you're not getting a good response, or you feel frustrated or feel yourself becoming too emotionally invested maybe it's best to stop, take stock, and think about helping someone else?
D
That disturbs me....no, actually it ticks me off.
I know that when I got here I was looking for any reason to pull the plug on this whole recovery malarkey...I was terrified of the whole idea and incredibly skittish.
I try not to forget that.
I really admire the passion and the commitment and the experience of the people we have here.
I do take the point as well that the people who really rankled when I got here were amongst the people who I now credit with helping me stay sober today, all these years later.
But people arrive here at all points of the journey - one approach does not always fit all....and I'm not even talking method here, I'm talking tone and intent.
I don't believe we should be in the business of driving folks away.
I've made a lot of mistakes here over 5 years of daily posting - I've made jokes that were inappropriate for the situation, other times I've been sarcastic, or even ridiculed people.
All that made me feel better - but I still wonder if it helped the person I was posting to.
Sadly, most of them aren't here to ask.
share your experience - please by all means- it's our currency... but if you're not getting a good response, or you feel frustrated or feel yourself becoming too emotionally invested maybe it's best to stop, take stock, and think about helping someone else?
D
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Dee, just wanted to say you HUGE THANKS!!!!!!!
I remember myself posting here for the first time - how anxious I was. Luckily I didn't get any of "those" comments, but I am not sure if I would stay with SR if I did.
And later on,in early sobriety, when I was crying in front of my laptop, and communicating here to find understanding and share my feelings... If someone who doesn't know me a bit would decide to give me "tough love"....IMHO, tough love is medicine that should not be allowed over the counter - there's subtle borderline between right dose and overdose.
Words are our only, and yet extremely mighty power here...
My best wishes to all and warm welcome to all the Newcomers)
I remember myself posting here for the first time - how anxious I was. Luckily I didn't get any of "those" comments, but I am not sure if I would stay with SR if I did.
And later on,in early sobriety, when I was crying in front of my laptop, and communicating here to find understanding and share my feelings... If someone who doesn't know me a bit would decide to give me "tough love"....IMHO, tough love is medicine that should not be allowed over the counter - there's subtle borderline between right dose and overdose.
Words are our only, and yet extremely mighty power here...
My best wishes to all and warm welcome to all the Newcomers)
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