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Old 11-04-2011, 12:04 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Finally hit rock bottom


Hi guys. I guess my problem is very similar to many of you that are reading this once I start drinking I can't stop. I mean we go all the way till two things happen there is no booze or I pass out. So every 5 days king alcohol and his prime minister come calling and this is been going on for about 12 years now. Just going through a severe hangover as I'm writing this. I'm really scared it is getting so hard to control this addiction. I'm scared for my daughter she is only 2 I feel like I'm failing her big time. Last night I drank till I vomited and I missed work today. My friends don't think I got a problem as I only drink on weekends and it is somewhat socially acceptable. I'm also a mellow drinker I don't drive or act like an idiot so people don't see me as an alcoholic. I think I'm on my last breath here this nasty habit is taken my life in a completely opposite direction I wanted to be in. I'm now 32 and suffer from anxiety and high BP and it seems that I'm only happy when ethanol is pumping through my veins. I need to write this because this is the first time that I have admitted to myself that somehow things have to change. I don't know where to go from this point onwards but I know I'm wiling to change things for good. I can't stop crying as I write this (sad for a 32yo man) I think all the pain, fear and regret is finally built up. Thanks for listening.
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Old 11-04-2011, 12:22 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Dan, Welcome to the site! I've been struggling the last month or so with the realization that I have a problem. I am 27 and was recently married earlier this year. I feel your pain as I read your post because alcohol did not seem to be an issue for me, until it is a big issue... if that makes sense. Being at an age where my friends are all still big "going outers" it is easy to hide the fact that I have a problem... or all my friends have a problem too... but I don't think that is the case. You say you only drink on the weekends, but last night was Wednesday... I only bring this up, because if you have an urge to drink... there is always a reason... good day, bad day, rainy day, summer day, new job, lost a job...ect. Anxiety is also a big trigger for me, but oh my, the alcohol seems to make it 10 times worse!!! I've started seeing a counselor and that's been helping, but I am still not in the "recovery phase" I would love to start a family soon, so that is my motivation for being sober. I've had multiple long term situations in the past where I chose not to drink, and was always very successful, but I always seem to start again (mildly at first) and I do not want to do that if I have kids. We all need support... and this site is great for it. get sober for your daughter! she needs you. good luck!
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Old 11-04-2011, 12:29 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Hey Dan,
You took a big step by even recognizing there is a problem. I guess now it might be time to make a plan. Don't get overly anxious about the plan though, just let it come. In my opinion, people know when they are truly ready, and you sound like you are. This forum has been a great source and outlet for me. You will find kindness and support here.
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Old 11-04-2011, 12:45 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I'm also a parent to a two year old, and have a similar drinking pattern to yours. No one would think I have a drinking problem. But even if they did, the only person that can change that fact is me.

I'm on day one today. Just recently I stayed sober for two weeks. And wanted to test to see if I could handle moderate drinking. I was OK for two days, but have gotten drunk twice as well. So I might not be able to 'just have one'.

Do you want to join me today on trying to stay sober for the rest of the month? What's the harm in trying?? Maybe we can be better parents. We can focus on today, and not the past.
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Old 11-04-2011, 12:45 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Thanks guys for responding. Good point CamilleBelle last nigh was Thursday I don't often drink during the week but as you said I have found an excuse for it last night as one would. This weekend is my bday and I know it will be a challenge to say no to what is coming. The plans were already made last week for a heavy session with he boys. Wow they gonna be shocked when they see me sculling a root beer. I'm determined to to do this tomorrow night we might find out who our real friends are??? I guess that in itself is step one. I don't care for the buzz anymore f$&# it I'm out I want of the ride. All I want is to spend time with my daughter at the local big slide playground or go to a game parlor so that she can win tickets and stuffed toy animals.
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Old 11-04-2011, 12:51 AM   #6 (permalink)
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seethroughblue I'm with you it is day one for me too I'm petrified of things to come but I also feel determined to see this through. We have to do this for our kids they need us to be healthy and sober.
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Old 11-04-2011, 12:51 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi Dan
Welcome to SR

You'll find a lot of support here and a lot of understanding - and a few ideas too

Good to have you join us
D
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Old 11-04-2011, 01:30 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Hi Dan, I have been where you are & want you to know it can change. The anxiety you are feeling will get better when you eventually stop drinking... actually many things will.

Its tough that is for sure but man is it worth it, I have been at that point where I have sobbed over the regrets, suffering & pain this disease causes us & others. But that is the past & you have your present & future in your hands (without the bottle).

You cant change the past my friend but you can change the future.. one day at a time.

Stay close to here & keep reading, posting & sharing. Its time to think about a recovery plan & take some action.

All of the best in your recovery :
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Old 11-04-2011, 01:51 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Hey Dan my daughters are now in their teens and I feel like I might have finally turned the tide. It is good to get a handle on things as it only gets worse with time.
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Old 11-04-2011, 01:59 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dan25 View Post
Hi guys. I guess my problem is very similar to many of you that are reading this once I start drinking I can't stop. I mean we go all the way till two things happen there is no booze or I pass out. So every 5 days king alcohol and his prime minister come calling and this is been going on for about 12 years now. Just going through a severe hangover as I'm writing this. I'm really scared it is getting so hard to control this addiction. I'm scared for my daughter she is only 2 I feel like I'm failing her big time. Last night I drank till I vomited and I missed work today. My friends don't think I got a problem as I only drink on weekends and it is somewhat socially acceptable. I'm also a mellow drinker I don't drive or act like an idiot so people don't see me as an alcoholic. I think I'm on my last breath here this nasty habit is taken my life in a completely opposite direction I wanted to be in. I'm now 32 and suffer from anxiety and high BP and it seems that I'm only happy when ethanol is pumping through my veins. I need to write this because this is the first time that I have admitted to myself that somehow things have to change. I don't know where to go from this point onwards but I know I'm wiling to change things for good. I can't stop crying as I write this (sad for a 32yo man) I think all the pain, fear and regret is finally built up. Thanks for listening.


Dan - I feel we can deal with your future, but only if we handle your past first.

Last edited by Dee74; 11-04-2011 at 02:41 AM. Reason: email links not allowed
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Old 11-04-2011, 02:17 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Welcome to the family.
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Old 11-04-2011, 02:38 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Dear Dan

Welcome to SR... it's full of great people who share many of the problems you may be experiencing. As a recovering alcoholic, I have found it very helpful to find very good reasons not to drink. Perhaps the most important is the question of allegiance: is it allegiance to the bottle or to your beloved? Is it allegiance to incarceration in the dungeons of King Alcohol or is it allegiance to wonderful days of freedom and joy with your daughter? Another thing that helped me was reading a book called Under the Influence, which details in clear, unambiguous language the damage alcohol can inflict on you and your family until it wrings the life out of you. Two strategies are working for me just for today: accepting responsibility for sobriety (instead of punctuating my intentions with the usual ifs, buts, and hopes); and wanting sobriety more than I want another beer. Just for Today is my morning mantra -- another flower in the daisychain of clear days.
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Old 11-04-2011, 03:27 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Welcome Dan xx
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Old 11-04-2011, 04:02 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Once you stop your life will be so much better, no hangovers no fear of doing something stupid ie DUI, you will feel so much better in every way, it really is amazing. I stopped 9 months ago because I was tired of alcohol and all the problems that come with it. The results have astonished me, sometimes when I think about it I bring myself to tears, tears of joy. If someone had told me these things a year ago I wouldnt have believed it.

It may be difficult at first but it gets easier every day, your not giving up something you enjoy, but something that brings you misery, its like quitting a job you hate, you will feel like youve set yourself free. You and your loved ones will be so proud and happy.

Your only regret will be not having done it sooner. The key is realizing your giving up misery theres nothing enjoyable in alcohol. Welcome to the best parts of your life.
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Old 11-04-2011, 04:02 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Dan, great to have you here and thank you for sharing your story.
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Old 11-04-2011, 06:17 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Welcome Dan. Coming to grips that you have a problem is a big step. I'm 36 years old and I too cried when I was typing my first post to SR. It does seem daunting at first but trust me, it gets better everyday you don't drink.

Don't get to down on yourself, if you choose to you never have to feel this way again. You have your whole life ahead of you.
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Old 11-04-2011, 07:15 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Dan, I've gone that route of "seeing myself" as just really disgustingly over doing it, but not being able to stop until one day I realized I was waking up at 6am to go get my booze at the gas station for breakfast.

I looked at myself and wondered, WTF? is going on here? Why can't I control this? I've always been a very self disciplined person, but this alcohol was controlling me, and i'll be damnded if I'll let someone or something control ME.

Yea, I'm a control freak, even against my SELF.
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Old 11-04-2011, 11:21 AM   #18 (permalink)
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good looking out for being sober for your kid, i know you can do this if you keep at it, way to go man!

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Old 11-14-2011, 11:40 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Thanks for reading and all your support. It has now been almost two weeks since my last date with booze. It was horrific going through the weekend it felt like something is missing all the time. Every surge of happy thought had me throwing down a cold one at the end of it. You finally understand how dependent you are once you stop. Anxiety surprisingly has not been too bad. Otherwise I feel better and involved in life. Even gone to a comedy show at a local pub and with all the booze around me had none. It was hard at first but as the night went on seeing my mates slur and start making no sense It got easier. Root beer and coke are pretty good when cold. So far so good thanks guys
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Old 11-15-2011, 02:20 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Well done Dan, 2 weeks is great, fasten your seat belt though, it can get rough, but when the rides over (the ups and down level out) it is really great.

I have replaced getting drunk with others or alone with spending time with my children and wife, I spend a lot of time with my 3 year old grandbaby girl.

I missed a lot with my now grown children when they were her age due to my drinking.

Congrats!
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