New-Afraid of AA Meeting
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Join Date: Aug 2010
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Hi Everyone - Day 11 and going strong! Thanks for all the support (can't believe how many people have responded and even read the thread)! Don't think I am alone here, huh? I am up and instead of making sure I had wine for later I made sure I was up and planning to head out to my first meeting, gulp (and not a drink either)! It is so interesting how similiar some of our drinking patterns are despite the fact we are all so different and got here through different and unique pathways.
huntwc - Great on 8 weeks! Did you ever attend an AA meeting? Love the dogs!
least - I love your saying, "I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them." That about sums up my feelings towards my dogs!
littlefish - That is great dogs are allowed at meetings but I see you live in Sweden. The U.S. I assume is not quite so dog friendly about letting dogs into places where humans gather!! Actually I did think about people maybe being allergic, however, one of my dogs in hypoallergenic.
Notice how easy it is for me to talk about dogs - and how close I feel just knowing how dog friendly many here are. To me that evening walk with my dogs is critical because if I have been drinking I don't walk because I might run into neighbors and they will know I have been drinking. No one knows the extent - I even think my dogs are diappointed when they hear and smell that I have opened a bottle of wine (and not because they want some)!! It is because it takes their mom away from them. Right now one dog is staring hard at me wondering what this day will bring. It is lovely here - total top-down weather!!
huntwc - Great on 8 weeks! Did you ever attend an AA meeting? Love the dogs!
least - I love your saying, "I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them." That about sums up my feelings towards my dogs!
littlefish - That is great dogs are allowed at meetings but I see you live in Sweden. The U.S. I assume is not quite so dog friendly about letting dogs into places where humans gather!! Actually I did think about people maybe being allergic, however, one of my dogs in hypoallergenic.
Notice how easy it is for me to talk about dogs - and how close I feel just knowing how dog friendly many here are. To me that evening walk with my dogs is critical because if I have been drinking I don't walk because I might run into neighbors and they will know I have been drinking. No one knows the extent - I even think my dogs are diappointed when they hear and smell that I have opened a bottle of wine (and not because they want some)!! It is because it takes their mom away from them. Right now one dog is staring hard at me wondering what this day will bring. It is lovely here - total top-down weather!!
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Join Date: Aug 2010
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Opps - Meant day 10 - just for the record (somehow that count seems very important to me right now). Can't wait until tomorrow because I will have run out of fingers! Then next milestone is 2 weeks - but don't want to get too far ahead of myself right now.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 385
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
SCW,
Welcome! AA really isn't scary, honest--everyone is scared to walk in for the first time, but we've had several people who just went for their first meetings recently and were VERY pleasantly surprised that it was actually a comfortable experience!
Here is a very, very helpful link that explains what actually goes on at an AA meeting.
Oops, posted a bit too soon--wasn't done typing.
I've been in AA for two years--in fact, I am two years sober TODAY, and I have not had a drink since my first meeting.
BTW, dogs actually ARE a bad idea in a meeting.
But your pups will be happy to have a sober mom.
AA isn't the only way to sobriety, but the meetings are everywhere, at all hours of the day, the support is fantastic, and the program of recovery is what can make the difference between "white-knuckle" sobriety and happy, well-balanced sobriety.
It's certainly worth a shot.
Welcome! AA really isn't scary, honest--everyone is scared to walk in for the first time, but we've had several people who just went for their first meetings recently and were VERY pleasantly surprised that it was actually a comfortable experience!
Here is a very, very helpful link that explains what actually goes on at an AA meeting.
Oops, posted a bit too soon--wasn't done typing.
I've been in AA for two years--in fact, I am two years sober TODAY, and I have not had a drink since my first meeting.
BTW, dogs actually ARE a bad idea in a meeting.
But your pups will be happy to have a sober mom.AA isn't the only way to sobriety, but the meetings are everywhere, at all hours of the day, the support is fantastic, and the program of recovery is what can make the difference between "white-knuckle" sobriety and happy, well-balanced sobriety.
It's certainly worth a shot.
blessings
zenbear
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
Posts: 887
sweet,
i didn't read the other responses, so I apologize if I repeat things.
congrats on your 10 days. As for AA, there really is nothing to be scared of. For me personally, it was a relief to walk in the rooms.
Which meeting? any of them really. Closed will be alcoholics only. Beginners, well, i have never been. women's meetings -- sort of freak me out. I can go, but I would not have stayed in AA had that been where I started.
Pick one, two, whatever, and give it a try.
i didn't read the other responses, so I apologize if I repeat things.
congrats on your 10 days. As for AA, there really is nothing to be scared of. For me personally, it was a relief to walk in the rooms.
Which meeting? any of them really. Closed will be alcoholics only. Beginners, well, i have never been. women's meetings -- sort of freak me out. I can go, but I would not have stayed in AA had that been where I started.
Pick one, two, whatever, and give it a try.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
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Aehmnm - Say again, you would not have stayed in AA had you started....in a women's group??? Or in a beginners group?? I am thinking of going to a beginners closed discussion group this afternoon (for my first). It is a place that has many different AA meetings going on all day. I was not sure which to pick. Later there is also a women's closed group. I was so afraid to even think about going that I immediately thought these might be easier for me. But I get your point - one just for women might be a bit strange (but that is in my "real life")!! In this emerging life I am on unsteady ground.
The AA meeting I "attended" by watching from the hill with my dogs (see my first post) is at a church only a short walk from my home and all meetings there are for everyone - next one is tomorrow, but didn't look like many - if any - attended (at least from what I could see from my perch before I left).
The AA meeting I "attended" by watching from the hill with my dogs (see my first post) is at a church only a short walk from my home and all meetings there are for everyone - next one is tomorrow, but didn't look like many - if any - attended (at least from what I could see from my perch before I left).
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
SCW wrote: What I was alluding to in my post is that each group decides the rules for it's own meetings. If a group wants to allow dogs, then dogs will be allowed: it is decided in the business meetings of that particular group. If you look at the website for meetings in your area, you will see that groups have names: each group has regular business meetings where rules are established for that group. You could easily call the AA service number in your area and find out. The AA service worker would get in touch with someone who attends the meeting you are interested in and find out for you.
There is a very basic form of democracy with AA groups and they are not "governed from above so to speak". You could very well find groups that accept dogs in your area, it all depends on what each specific group has decided.
littlefish - That is great dogs are allowed at meetings but I see you live in Sweden. The U.S. I assume is not quite so dog friendly about letting dogs into places where humans gather!! Actually I did think about people maybe being allergic, however, one of my dogs in hypoallergenic.
There is a very basic form of democracy with AA groups and they are not "governed from above so to speak". You could very well find groups that accept dogs in your area, it all depends on what each specific group has decided.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 385
Originally Posted by SweetCityWoman
Lexie - I have been reading the link you send above "what actually goes on at an AA meeting". It is really helpful and has answers to some of the exact questions and fears I have. Hope others who have questions about AA meetings also find some help there.
THX
THX
Every AA meeting is autonomous. They vary greatly in format, attitude, population, size and focus. Not surprisingly, my favorite meetings have usually been held in neighborhoods where I'd be comfortable living. They often draw many members from the local area....although not by any means all of them. I also prefer early morning meetings, because they generally consist of sort of "normal" working alcoholic folks on their way to the job, and who want to get the day started in a good way. My home group meets six times a week at 7 am.
I try to get to meetings early enough to chat individually with others, especially newcomers....to welcome those new to AA or new to that meeting. BTW...I can't imagine NOT being pretty anxious at a first meeting. I still feel anxiety just going to a meeting I've not been to before. And I left my first meeting after about ten minutes. Then I called a sober friend and asked her to take me to a meeting. Much, much better!! I think that is the best way to become introduced to AA.
As for the powerless thing. AA speaks of alcoholism as an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind. I process alcohol maladaptively (allergy) and my body's response is to lose control...one drink calls for another and another and another. It's biochemical, not moral.
It is also insane (obsession). The reference to powerlessness is twofold: one, that I can't stop once I start, and two: the repetitive attempts to drink despite having proven I couldn't is insane (definitely a form of powerlessness). not to mention the obsessing on it even when I wasn't drinking. Surrendering to the reality of the addiction and becoming committed to a solution EMPOWERED me. Becoming willing to reach out for help empowered me. Doing the 12 steps changed my life.
Our literature says that our dilemma is a lack of power...and so it was for me. But a Group Of Drunks can be a higher power upon which you can draw love and strength, learn the skills and disciplines required of recovery, and perhaps enjoy a spiritual awakening (which has nothing to do with religion).
I also recommend that you attend a meeting three times or more before deciding whether to go there regularly or not. And DC has LOTS of fabulous meetings. Keep trying'm until you find one you like. It's like restaurants...if you don't like the food, you move on to the next place. they're all different.
I also recommend that, given the opportunity in a meeting, you introduce yourself as a newcomer....good way to collect phone numbers and make friends.
And some meetings allow dogs...other don't. We vote on stuff like that<G>.
blessings
zenbear
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Can
Posts: 79
Hi SCW,
First of all, congrats on your 10 days!
As far as AA meetings go, as you know there are many types of them. I sometimes go to what's known as a "speakers meeting". I'm in Canada but I would imagine they have them in Sweden as well.
It's very non-intimidating. I walked in the first time, somebody introduced themselves to me at the door with a big smile. I sat down and the meeting started. It started with a few people going over the 12 steps and the AA traditions. Then any new people were asked if they wanted to introduce themselves and get a complimentary copy of the Big Book. I already had one so I declined.
Then a speaker got up to the podium and talked about his struggle and recovery. I found each speech that I attended quite interesting. We then said the Lord's prayer and that was it. About one hour.
If you are thinking of going to AA and are a bit nervous, a speakers meeting may be a good start to make you feel comfortable. There was no discussion or sharing so you won't feel obliged to share anything.
What I saw in the few meetings I went to was a very up-beat friendly group of people.
I am a secular person myself but AA does have secular 12 step programs in some cities. I may explore that option.
First of all, congrats on your 10 days!
As far as AA meetings go, as you know there are many types of them. I sometimes go to what's known as a "speakers meeting". I'm in Canada but I would imagine they have them in Sweden as well.
It's very non-intimidating. I walked in the first time, somebody introduced themselves to me at the door with a big smile. I sat down and the meeting started. It started with a few people going over the 12 steps and the AA traditions. Then any new people were asked if they wanted to introduce themselves and get a complimentary copy of the Big Book. I already had one so I declined.
Then a speaker got up to the podium and talked about his struggle and recovery. I found each speech that I attended quite interesting. We then said the Lord's prayer and that was it. About one hour.
If you are thinking of going to AA and are a bit nervous, a speakers meeting may be a good start to make you feel comfortable. There was no discussion or sharing so you won't feel obliged to share anything.
What I saw in the few meetings I went to was a very up-beat friendly group of people.
I am a secular person myself but AA does have secular 12 step programs in some cities. I may explore that option.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 207
Hi littlefish - Thanks for the clarification about doggie attendence at AA meetings. I get what you are saying. I was thinking that some establishments (buildings) say, "No Dogs Allowed." So I assumed that you can't bring dogs in. Actually, the meeting is for me primarily - the dogs benefit secondarally so attendence is not critical for them!! he he But appreciate your thoughts and support. I am right now very nervous about going at all today - dogs or not. So as the time draws closer I am thinking maybe tomorrow (humm, this sounds like picking out the day I would cease to uncork - a bottle of wine that is)!!
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I like open discussion (or speaker) meetings for a very first meeting, mainly because you are likely to hear more people share about their drinking. Beginner's meetings are good, but I wouldn't pick one for my FIRST one--you are likely to hear ONE long-time member and everyone else will be new.
I'm not wild about women's meetings in general--I like the cross-section of people who share at mixed meetings.
No doubt you will find some meetings appeal to you more than others. But to get a real flavor of what AA is like, I think an open discussion or speaker meeting is best. My opinion only.
One other suggestion (which is probably in that article I sent you, too)--when they ask who is there for their very first AA meeting, raise your hand and give your first name only. You don't have to identify yourself as an alcoholic unless you want to. People in the meeting can then know there is someone new and may tailor the discussion to topics appropriate for newcomers.
Also, get some phone numbers from other women at the meeting. They are people you can call with questions or for support. At my groups we automatically pass around a list for phone numbers for new people. We collect women's numbers for female newcomers, and men's for the guys.
I'm not wild about women's meetings in general--I like the cross-section of people who share at mixed meetings.
No doubt you will find some meetings appeal to you more than others. But to get a real flavor of what AA is like, I think an open discussion or speaker meeting is best. My opinion only.
One other suggestion (which is probably in that article I sent you, too)--when they ask who is there for their very first AA meeting, raise your hand and give your first name only. You don't have to identify yourself as an alcoholic unless you want to. People in the meeting can then know there is someone new and may tailor the discussion to topics appropriate for newcomers.
Also, get some phone numbers from other women at the meeting. They are people you can call with questions or for support. At my groups we automatically pass around a list for phone numbers for new people. We collect women's numbers for female newcomers, and men's for the guys.
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Hi Lexie - Thanks for the suggestions. I see that there is an open discussion meeting at same place, same time as the closed beginners meeting. Tomorrow night there is a meeting closer to my home at a church which is not a special meeting (not beginners nor women only) so I might wait and go to that one. Can you feel my anxiety building?? When I get anxious I obsess. But I also don't want my first time to scare me away totally so want to max. it being a good experience. Like I said, last week at this time (day 3) there was no way I was even going to try a meeting. So I have come a long way and don't plan to go backwards.
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LaFemme - You are right - this decision making about which meeting has got me obsessing and ready to put it off until tomorrow - and that is not how I made it to day 10 - that came from not obsessing about day 1 and just doing it!!
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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HI SCW...I have gone to 2 AA meetings...neither one "clicked" with me. They were both open discussion meetings. Very nice people and so NOT intimidating so don't let that worry you.
Like the others have said I think if we are still curious about AA we need to give several meetings in different locations a try. We should know if one "clicks". It does take guts to walk into your first meeting but I can tell you have what it takes!
Enjoy this beautiful day (I am a bit north of you, outside Philly)...the doggies love the sunshine too!!!!
Like the others have said I think if we are still curious about AA we need to give several meetings in different locations a try. We should know if one "clicks". It does take guts to walk into your first meeting but I can tell you have what it takes!
Enjoy this beautiful day (I am a bit north of you, outside Philly)...the doggies love the sunshine too!!!!
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All - OK, just got dressed and I am almost out of here to give it a try. Say when? Today, right now! Will report back and I know I will be glad I at least tried (maybe another newbie is reading this and will try today with me and let us know later how it went). The worst that can happen - I don't like it, feel totally out of place and embarassed - but deep inside I am facing (not fighting) what I know is true and what I know I need to do. This is just part of finding and building my support structure as I venture forward. Number 1 right now is I found you. Who knows, without this discussion I might have already talked myself out of going and who knows, maybe next week I would be back to serious consideration of the "moderation test" - yet again and again! But my plans today are to move forward - try a meeting.
huntwc - yes, you are most likely enjoying the same beautiful weather I am here in MD. My doggies are begging to go for a fine walk. I will do that when I get home - somehow that thought is assuring that I will return from this first meeting (gee, its not like I'm climbing Mt. Everest, but might just as well be)!! Only kidding - partly!
huntwc - yes, you are most likely enjoying the same beautiful weather I am here in MD. My doggies are begging to go for a fine walk. I will do that when I get home - somehow that thought is assuring that I will return from this first meeting (gee, its not like I'm climbing Mt. Everest, but might just as well be)!! Only kidding - partly!
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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Originally Posted by LaFemme
Looking forward to hearing how it goes...taking one of my dogs to an event Nextel town over:-)
SCW go and do. You will thank yourself for it, even you do not like the meeting.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Originally Posted by recycle
LaF, is that over near Verizonville in Sprint County?
SCW go and do. You will thank yourself for it, even you do not like the meeting.
SCW go and do. You will thank yourself for it, even you do not like the meeting.
I figured it's the spell-check on her phone again.
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