New-Afraid of AA Meeting
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 207
New-Afraid of AA Meeting
Hi - New here but not new to drinking. BUT - 9 days sober (in 1 hour it will be 10) and feeling pretty good - for a start. The world has stopped spinning in more ways than one! But why will this time be any different from the past when I tried to stop drinking many times??
1. I understand now that moderation most likely is not an option - it is time to face the fact that it never has worked for me in the past and I can no longer ignore the fact it doesn't seem to work for most others either!
2. I am finally reaching out - I now understand that doing this alone without support most likely won't work - at least not in the long run. Here is where people on this forum come in - I need to share with people who are on the same journey as I. No matter where you are along the journey, or where you live, I know you understand. And I am beginning to face the fact that I most likely will need to attend AA meetings. Last week I couldn't imagine even trying AA but without this type of support am I setting myself up to repeat the past unsuccessful attempts to stop drinking?
I just read Caroline Knapp's book, "Drinking: A Love Story" - a great read (and for dog lovers her book, "Pack of Two" is also fantastic). This further reinforced the fact that I need to put my fear and embarassment aside and begin to attend AA meetings. Attending an AA meeting yesterday for me involved sitting on a hill overlooking the church door of an AA meeting and hiding behind my 2 dogs so I wouldn't have to face my fear of going in - I was sure the dogs wouldn't be allowed, so it wasn't even an option to go in.
About my drinking (briefly): I can (and do) easially down a bottle of red per night - at home with my 2 dogs (they are much smarter than I and never touch the stuff)!! I typically quit a few times a year for a month or so (mostly because I am afraid of liver damage) only to do a "test" run at moderation - and surprise (!!) - after about a week I am right back to drinking every day and I feel I have failed myself and fear my dogs could be left without a mother one of these days. This past time it took me many many weeks of, "I'll quit tomorrow" before I was able to go 1 day sober. But when I do I have no symptoms of withdrawal and each day sober reinforces the next and the reinforcement is even stronger the next day and the next.
I live in an area where there are many AA meetings so tomorrow (Sunday) I am thinking about trying again (sans dogs!) and actually going in this time. BUT I am scared, scared and scared - and not sure whether to go to a beginner meeting or women's meeting or open or closed or what. I have read a little about AA but am not into the religious stuff and it seems counterintuitive to admit I am powerless - remaining sober seems like it involves taking control and feeling powerful enough inside to conquer this. I do recognize that one can't do it alone and this is why I am taking control and reaching out for support. I assume people here have been through this fear of going to a first meeting - so I am reaching out for help to go get myself help. This feels like I am empowering myself vs. being powerless. I think I now realize that I'll never win the "moderation test" and if I let alcohol enter my body it will win - is that the "powerless" that AA refers to?
Thank-you for listening - just writing this is a big step for me. Braving an AA meeting tomorrow could be critical to remaining sober long-term but I fear I will feel totally out of place and awkward and head for the hills and wish I had never left the hill overlooking the meeting yesterday!!
1. I understand now that moderation most likely is not an option - it is time to face the fact that it never has worked for me in the past and I can no longer ignore the fact it doesn't seem to work for most others either!
2. I am finally reaching out - I now understand that doing this alone without support most likely won't work - at least not in the long run. Here is where people on this forum come in - I need to share with people who are on the same journey as I. No matter where you are along the journey, or where you live, I know you understand. And I am beginning to face the fact that I most likely will need to attend AA meetings. Last week I couldn't imagine even trying AA but without this type of support am I setting myself up to repeat the past unsuccessful attempts to stop drinking?
I just read Caroline Knapp's book, "Drinking: A Love Story" - a great read (and for dog lovers her book, "Pack of Two" is also fantastic). This further reinforced the fact that I need to put my fear and embarassment aside and begin to attend AA meetings. Attending an AA meeting yesterday for me involved sitting on a hill overlooking the church door of an AA meeting and hiding behind my 2 dogs so I wouldn't have to face my fear of going in - I was sure the dogs wouldn't be allowed, so it wasn't even an option to go in.
About my drinking (briefly): I can (and do) easially down a bottle of red per night - at home with my 2 dogs (they are much smarter than I and never touch the stuff)!! I typically quit a few times a year for a month or so (mostly because I am afraid of liver damage) only to do a "test" run at moderation - and surprise (!!) - after about a week I am right back to drinking every day and I feel I have failed myself and fear my dogs could be left without a mother one of these days. This past time it took me many many weeks of, "I'll quit tomorrow" before I was able to go 1 day sober. But when I do I have no symptoms of withdrawal and each day sober reinforces the next and the reinforcement is even stronger the next day and the next.
I live in an area where there are many AA meetings so tomorrow (Sunday) I am thinking about trying again (sans dogs!) and actually going in this time. BUT I am scared, scared and scared - and not sure whether to go to a beginner meeting or women's meeting or open or closed or what. I have read a little about AA but am not into the religious stuff and it seems counterintuitive to admit I am powerless - remaining sober seems like it involves taking control and feeling powerful enough inside to conquer this. I do recognize that one can't do it alone and this is why I am taking control and reaching out for support. I assume people here have been through this fear of going to a first meeting - so I am reaching out for help to go get myself help. This feels like I am empowering myself vs. being powerless. I think I now realize that I'll never win the "moderation test" and if I let alcohol enter my body it will win - is that the "powerless" that AA refers to?
Thank-you for listening - just writing this is a big step for me. Braving an AA meeting tomorrow could be critical to remaining sober long-term but I fear I will feel totally out of place and awkward and head for the hills and wish I had never left the hill overlooking the meeting yesterday!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bali, Indonesia
Posts: 645
Hi there,
Maybe investigate if there are different recovery programs in your city? Such as SMART, Rational Recovery, Lifering etc. If you want group therapy AA isnt your only option
You'll find heaps of support here, regardless, from people in all types of programs or doing their own thing. Theres heaps of doglovers here too!
Welcome
Maybe investigate if there are different recovery programs in your city? Such as SMART, Rational Recovery, Lifering etc. If you want group therapy AA isnt your only option
You'll find heaps of support here, regardless, from people in all types of programs or doing their own thing. Theres heaps of doglovers here too!
Welcome
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 207
Ainslie - I am so excited to be here and get your reply. I did see that there are dog lovers all around on this forum - I think that helped me feel comfortable sending my first post. Dogs have that affect on humans!
Nice to meet you and I will do some searching of other groups outside of AA.
BTW - I live in the Washington DC area (Maryland) - so if anyone from my area has any suggestions for local groups I'd be interested in hearing about your experiences.
Thanks
Nice to meet you and I will do some searching of other groups outside of AA.
BTW - I live in the Washington DC area (Maryland) - so if anyone from my area has any suggestions for local groups I'd be interested in hearing about your experiences.
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Saugerties NY
Posts: 11
hey good job on the 10 days !!!! i know its a really hard thing to do is to ask for help. None of us want to ask for help because either we don't want to feel like we are helpless or we don't want other people to think we are either. And the truth is, we cannot do this alone. I can totally identify on what your going through. The meeting can be very scary at first. Buuuut its not what i thought it was gunna be the people were very welcoming and made me feel really good. And even if you go you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. If you just get in the room and sit in the back and don't say anything that is an improvement. And you will be surprised on how many people will approach you because we have all been in your seat. This program has saved and is saving my life and i will def recommend you taking a leap and going inside and get back to us and let us know how it went. GOOD LUCK
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
SCW,
Welcome! AA really isn't scary, honest--everyone is scared to walk in for the first time, but we've had several people who just went for their first meetings recently and were VERY pleasantly surprised that it was actually a comfortable experience!
Here is a very, very helpful link that explains what actually goes on at an AA meeting.
Oops, posted a bit too soon--wasn't done typing.
I've been in AA for two years--in fact, I am two years sober TODAY, and I have not had a drink since my first meeting.
BTW, dogs actually ARE a bad idea in a meeting. But your pups will be happy to have a sober mom.
AA isn't the only way to sobriety, but the meetings are everywhere, at all hours of the day, the support is fantastic, and the program of recovery is what can make the difference between "white-knuckle" sobriety and happy, well-balanced sobriety.
It's certainly worth a shot.
Welcome! AA really isn't scary, honest--everyone is scared to walk in for the first time, but we've had several people who just went for their first meetings recently and were VERY pleasantly surprised that it was actually a comfortable experience!
Here is a very, very helpful link that explains what actually goes on at an AA meeting.
Oops, posted a bit too soon--wasn't done typing.
I've been in AA for two years--in fact, I am two years sober TODAY, and I have not had a drink since my first meeting.
BTW, dogs actually ARE a bad idea in a meeting.
But your pups will be happy to have a sober mom.AA isn't the only way to sobriety, but the meetings are everywhere, at all hours of the day, the support is fantastic, and the program of recovery is what can make the difference between "white-knuckle" sobriety and happy, well-balanced sobriety.
It's certainly worth a shot.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 207
Hi Punisher and Lexi - I feel like I know you guys - I have been lurking and reading posts, but I am very proud that for the first time I am actually THINKING about this vs. the usual feeling of just drifting down the river of sobrity and at any time I can just jump off and grab a glass of cab and all will be OK - NOT!! But I am so glad to feel the support around on this forum. But I hear you about AA meetings and know - really know - that I must muster up every oz. of "brave" and try a meeting tomorrow. Hard not hiding behind my dogs - I tend to do this in many situations! But I am thinking that the first AA meeting is only the first challenge for me - the other big one is giving-up on the "moderation test" - trying one last time must be in the past. This will loom big - but right now it is getting past each day.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I posted today at the old listserv where I worked mightily at the "skill" of moderate drinking. I tried it for four and a half years--did all the suggested stuff. I think everyone has to at least try moderation--I don't know anyone ready to quit drinking at the first sign of trouble.
If you're at all like me, though, you probably found that regardless of your efforts, it was impossible to succeed at it for the long term. I kidded myself for those four and a half years that I was "working" on my drinking problem--to a large extent I was, but what I WASN'T doing was being honest with myself about my progress--or, rather, the lack thereof.
By the time I was ready to throw in the towel, I was, quite simply, DONE with drinking. Sick of the struggle, the constant obsession with it, the planning to drink, recovering from drinking, ALL of it.
Trust me, life is a LOT simpler. It's counter-intuitive, but with this deal you really have to give up the battle in order to win. Simple as that.
Read the article at the link I posted. It explains open/closed meetings, etc. I don't think it matters much which you choose, but discussion or speaker meetings will probably be better for a first meeting than, say, a Big Book study meeting. Those are good and important kinds of meetings, but at a discussion or speaker meeting you are most likely to hear stories from people with whom you can identify. That's important--to see how you are like others who describe their feelings when they drank, rather than comparing their experiences to yours.
If you're at all like me, though, you probably found that regardless of your efforts, it was impossible to succeed at it for the long term. I kidded myself for those four and a half years that I was "working" on my drinking problem--to a large extent I was, but what I WASN'T doing was being honest with myself about my progress--or, rather, the lack thereof.
By the time I was ready to throw in the towel, I was, quite simply, DONE with drinking. Sick of the struggle, the constant obsession with it, the planning to drink, recovering from drinking, ALL of it.
Trust me, life is a LOT simpler. It's counter-intuitive, but with this deal you really have to give up the battle in order to win. Simple as that.
Read the article at the link I posted. It explains open/closed meetings, etc. I don't think it matters much which you choose, but discussion or speaker meetings will probably be better for a first meeting than, say, a Big Book study meeting. Those are good and important kinds of meetings, but at a discussion or speaker meeting you are most likely to hear stories from people with whom you can identify. That's important--to see how you are like others who describe their feelings when they drank, rather than comparing their experiences to yours.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 207
Lexie - I have been reading the link you send above "what actually goes on at an AA meeting". It is really helpful and has answers to some of the exact questions and fears I have. Hope others who have questions about AA meetings also find some help there.
THX
THX
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 207
Lexie - Like you, I have been kidding myself for many many years that either moderation is working or that when I find I am slowly drinking more and more and feeling like my body is shutting down that I can just go a few months without drinking and then try the "moderation test" once again. But I am increasingly feeling the toll living this lie has taken on my mind and my body. But until I faced the fact that I can't do this alone, it was too easy to harbor deep inside that I might give moderation another try. I knew that as soon as I shared this secret with others I would also have to let go the idea of moderation. But I also know how this creeps up. Last time I had gone maybe 2 months and didn't feel like I "had" to drink but I drank because I wanted to prove to myself I can just have 1 or 2 and that be it. Well if it is 1 it might as well be 8 or 9. No different from the time before and time before that - so why did I think I would suddenly be able to moderate?? Guess maybe the thought of never popping another cork and holding that glass of wine and feeling so warm and relaxed with the first swallow would be too overwhelming to tolerate. So being sober always meant - just for now. But I am finally facing that "now" has got to be "forever".
I will let you know how the meeting goes tomorrow.
I will let you know how the meeting goes tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
I felt like this a long time before getting to an AA meeting, so many coincidences pointing me towards AA and my own gut feeling even told me that there was something there that could help me have a happier sober life.
I was sooo scared about going and the first meeting i went to in 2008 i sat the whole way through staring down at the table...i already knew that AA wasn't full of guys and girls with rough clothes and brown paper bags...in fact the opposite, i knew a lot of people in the room had used the program of AA to recover completely from alcoholism and change their lives...i even worked with one of them...
For me it was that i felt quite naked in the meeting, i was used to lying my way around my drinking to the extent that i was known by 99% of people as a good time guy who had everything and was a great guy...i knew that there were people just like me in the rooms of AA and i knew that i wouldnt be able to BS them or myself for long there, that was pretty scary too!
Anyways by the time i was actually ready to get some help i found myself turning up for a meeting in a different country with the express purpose of finding someone in that room to help me...even though i wasn't that well at all and my month off the booze had long gone (a day seemed like an eternity without the vino!) i had a plan...i would find someone that had stayed sober for a while and who seemed to have the life i wanted (happy, joyous and free) and ask then how they did it and basically copy them...well the plan worked!
I shared last night that i remember my first sip of alcohol and the feeling i got from it, i felt comfortable in my own skin at last and basically, what i thought was, normal...i spent 20 years chasing that feeling and never got it again...not like that first drink! The work that i have done in AA and the change that has occured in me has left me feeling like i did everyday, every minute, every second...just like i felt after that first sip...its amazing...there is a solution in AA, i tried everything else first but in hindisight i always kind of knew it was there...guess i wasn't done until i was done?!
As far as advice goes there is a phrase that has served me well...misery loves company! It doesnt mean someone is bad or out to hurt you, it just seems to be the way it is...so heres a bit of advice that could save you years more pain and suffering be very careful who you listen to at this point...get down to a meeting and find someone who has worked the 12 steps of AA and had a spiritual awakening (drastic personality change) as a result of working the program that has helped thousands of alcoholics recover over the last 75 years...when i went for help i didn't know how long i could last without a drink so platitudes like just dont drink for today didnt help much i needed a miracle and needed to start doing my bit straight away...
Good luck:-)
I was sooo scared about going and the first meeting i went to in 2008 i sat the whole way through staring down at the table...i already knew that AA wasn't full of guys and girls with rough clothes and brown paper bags...in fact the opposite, i knew a lot of people in the room had used the program of AA to recover completely from alcoholism and change their lives...i even worked with one of them...
For me it was that i felt quite naked in the meeting, i was used to lying my way around my drinking to the extent that i was known by 99% of people as a good time guy who had everything and was a great guy...i knew that there were people just like me in the rooms of AA and i knew that i wouldnt be able to BS them or myself for long there, that was pretty scary too!
Anyways by the time i was actually ready to get some help i found myself turning up for a meeting in a different country with the express purpose of finding someone in that room to help me...even though i wasn't that well at all and my month off the booze had long gone (a day seemed like an eternity without the vino!) i had a plan...i would find someone that had stayed sober for a while and who seemed to have the life i wanted (happy, joyous and free) and ask then how they did it and basically copy them...well the plan worked!
I shared last night that i remember my first sip of alcohol and the feeling i got from it, i felt comfortable in my own skin at last and basically, what i thought was, normal...i spent 20 years chasing that feeling and never got it again...not like that first drink! The work that i have done in AA and the change that has occured in me has left me feeling like i did everyday, every minute, every second...just like i felt after that first sip...its amazing...there is a solution in AA, i tried everything else first but in hindisight i always kind of knew it was there...guess i wasn't done until i was done?!
As far as advice goes there is a phrase that has served me well...misery loves company! It doesnt mean someone is bad or out to hurt you, it just seems to be the way it is...so heres a bit of advice that could save you years more pain and suffering be very careful who you listen to at this point...get down to a meeting and find someone who has worked the 12 steps of AA and had a spiritual awakening (drastic personality change) as a result of working the program that has helped thousands of alcoholics recover over the last 75 years...when i went for help i didn't know how long i could last without a drink so platitudes like just dont drink for today didnt help much i needed a miracle and needed to start doing my bit straight away...
Good luck:-)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 138
Originally Posted by SweetCityWoman 
I have read a little about AA but am not into the religious stuff and it seems counterintuitive to admit I am powerless - remaining sober seems like it involves taking control and feeling powerful enough inside to conquer this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Originally Posted by HidLid
Powerless over alcohol (aka unable to moderate), not powerless over your decision to not drink. In fact, AA done correctly reinforces that it is up to the individual not to have the first drink. Now they do say if you feel unable to say no to stop and pray to some fashion of high power to help you to stop drinking. For those w/o religious convictions this can still help as it delays the drinking and gives you more time for rational thought.
Check out the Big Book its online at Big Book Online Fourth Edition
:-)
Groovy Dancer
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
Posts: 4,751
Hey CityWoman and welcome to SR! I know you have had a lot of suggestions about going to AA, and info about other programs. I think if you get that courage to go to the meeting you will be fine! That is the most important thing for you to do, because I think once you get there you will feel comfortable quickly.
I am glad that you recognized moderation won't work for you...nothing against you, won't work for me either, if I start with a few soon I will be right back in that hell I was in.
Whatever you decide to do...good luck and keep us posted!
I am glad that you recognized moderation won't work for you...nothing against you, won't work for me either, if I start with a few soon I will be right back in that hell I was in.
Whatever you decide to do...good luck and keep us posted!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi fellow dog lovers!!! Congrats on 10 days...11 now? I used to live in your neck of the woods...You. are lucky you live near a big city as I am sure that means lots of options...for me, physcologically it would help going to a first meeting knowing it wasn't my only option:-)
As soon as I knew I had a problem...I knew I was going to have to be sober 100%...I don't do moderation in any aspect of my life. Why would I do it with my drinking? Still it took me 5 years and innumerable attempts to get sober before now. I am finally happy with the idea of never drinking again.
So welcome, good luck with today's meeting and please keep us posted! P.s. - there is a dog owners thread near the bottom...where you can share pictures of your pooched:-)
As soon as I knew I had a problem...I knew I was going to have to be sober 100%...I don't do moderation in any aspect of my life. Why would I do it with my drinking? Still it took me 5 years and innumerable attempts to get sober before now. I am finally happy with the idea of never drinking again.
So welcome, good luck with today's meeting and please keep us posted! P.s. - there is a dog owners thread near the bottom...where you can share pictures of your pooched:-)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: midwest
Posts: 20
There are so many dog lovers here - I felt right at home the first time I logged in!
AA has helped me so much (I'm on day 19 now) - I think you should check out a womens' only meeting first if you're nervous. Or you could call the local number for AA's main office and ask them what meeting you should attend since it's your first time. I did that and they steered me to the best group! Good luck to you! And Congratulations!!!
AA has helped me so much (I'm on day 19 now) - I think you should check out a womens' only meeting first if you're nervous. Or you could call the local number for AA's main office and ask them what meeting you should attend since it's your first time. I did that and they steered me to the best group! Good luck to you! And Congratulations!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Dogs are welcome in my groups as long as they haven't had a drink earlier in the day. If they have, they should talk to someone after the meeting.
My home group doesn't have a rule about dogs so we have had quite a few dogs coming to meetings. The biggest problem is people want to give the dogs the bad cookies available at meetings, my fault: I buy them on sale.
If some people are allergic to dogs and if it is decided dogs aren't allowed, it is decided as a rule in that particular group at the business meetings.
Hope you like your first meeting! I was scared out of my skin, but now I have been doing service for almost a year and I try not to make the coffee too strong.
My home group doesn't have a rule about dogs so we have had quite a few dogs coming to meetings. The biggest problem is people want to give the dogs the bad cookies available at meetings, my fault: I buy them on sale.
If some people are allergic to dogs and if it is decided dogs aren't allowed, it is decided as a rule in that particular group at the business meetings.
Hope you like your first meeting! I was scared out of my skin, but now I have been doing service for almost a year and I try not to make the coffee too strong.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to SR! I recommend you give several different meetings a try as all meetings are different. I went to AA a lot in the beginning, not so much now, but I found a lot of support there.
Congrats on your ten days sober!
Congrats on your ten days sober!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bali, Indonesia
Posts: 645
Originally Posted by SweetCityWoman
Ainslie - I am so excited to be here and get your reply. I did see that there are dog lovers all around on this forum - I think that helped me feel comfortable sending my first post. Dogs have that affect on humans!
Nice to meet you and I will do some searching of other groups outside of AA.
BTW - I live in the Washington DC area (Maryland) - so if anyone from my area has any suggestions for local groups I'd be interested in hearing about your experiences.
Thanks
Nice to meet you and I will do some searching of other groups outside of AA.
BTW - I live in the Washington DC area (Maryland) - so if anyone from my area has any suggestions for local groups I'd be interested in hearing about your experiences.
Thanks
I dont belong to any recovery group apart from SR, but if I lived in a city I think id check out all the different groups out there - surely theres something positive to learn from every one
Good luck with whichever path(s) you choose
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 89
HI SCW..just wanted to say hello and welcome! We seem to have a lot in common as I...
1) can easily drink a bottle of "white"
2) love love my 2 dogs
3) am not sure about AA specifically the powerless part
4) struggle with the forever part
I could go on but you get the idea. I am up to almost 8 weeks "wineless" a total record for me! You are on the right track by getting help this time. It will make all of the difference. SR is great. The "power" of having a lot of people behind you who "get it" is amazing!! Best of luck..keep posting
1) can easily drink a bottle of "white"
2) love love my 2 dogs
3) am not sure about AA specifically the powerless part
4) struggle with the forever part
I could go on but you get the idea. I am up to almost 8 weeks "wineless" a total record for me! You are on the right track by getting help this time. It will make all of the difference. SR is great. The "power" of having a lot of people behind you who "get it" is amazing!! Best of luck..keep posting
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