Dee74

There's no extra benefits or tangible changes or anything SCW - the friends list is just a nice way of acknowledging friendships and building community

D

LexieCat

Gotta run for now, but here is an AA pamphlet that answere ALL the questions about sponsorship. There are several other pamphlets and other helpful info on the AA site.

There is also an online edition of the Big Book you can read there, but I recommend your getting your own as soon as possible. Many groups have copies you can buy ($7.25 for hardcover--I'm our literature rep!).

RobertHugh

SCW-- I am late to your thread, but thrilled that you got yourself to a meeting. That is incredibly hard to do, most of us have gone through it, and we were all feeling for you. But just think: it will never be as hard to go into an AA meeting again.

Meetings are key to bring you to the fellowship of AA-- and it sounds like you started to feel that at your meeting. The next step, in AA, is the program of recovery. This is where we go through the 12 steps, with a sponsor, in an effort to have a personality change sufficient to keep us from drinking again. To be recovered, relieved of the obsession, as long as we try to practice certain principles in our lives.

You may or may not find a group focused on the program of recovery. There are AA groups that are primarily fellowship-focused. I recommend, as you look around at meetings and sponsors, that you ask these sorts of questions-- will you work the steps with me?

Why? Because for the real alcoholic, simple abstinence doesn't work. It sounds like you may have experienced this yourself--- the ability to stop for a while, but then the obsession takes over and you go back to it. I heard you say that moderation does not work, but are you thinking at all about the notion of "powerlessness?" It's a polarizing word-- who wants to admit that degree of weakness, after all-- but it becomes a very important concept as we launch into a program of recovery.

Anyway-- just wanted to add some thoughts. I wish you well...

ItWillBeWorthIt

Glad you are able to join us -- you will love being a part of this community. Congrats on day 10.. that is an excellent accomplishment... keep going, the rewards are fabulous.

I hope you find meetings that make you feel comfortable.

Enjoy the new you and take very good care of yourself. I look forward to hearing about your journey and sharing my journey with you.

SweetCityWoman

Hi RobertH - Appreciate the comments. Yes, in the past I have quit but then what I call the urge to do the "Moderation Test" stirs me to test myself to see if I actually could go moderate. So after maybe 2 months sober I might have 2 glasses of wine while out or at dinner and leave it at that and see if I can only drink on occasion. But what happens is the 2 glass test usually is OK for that night but almost 100 percent - I will drink again that week and maybe not stick to only 2 and within a week or so I am back to the same old - daily bottle of wine. So finally I have come to realize that since this has NEVER worked for me in the past - and most people say it doesn't work for them - that perhaps it won't work this time. So I am facing the fact that I need to do something different for this to work in the long haul. One is putting to bed the idea of moderation. The other is that I can't do this alone in isolation - so I did my first AA meeting today and it was good, very good.

Today is day 10 for me and in 5 hours it will be day 11 and I am feeling good.

SweetCityWoman

IWBWT - Thanks for the welcome. This group has already been important to me - it helped me get up the courage to try my first meeting. Last week there was no way I was going to even try. Then today I was obsessing about which meeting to go to and fast talking myself into, "I'll wait until tomorrow" - but that is just too familiar! So earlier today with a little help from my SR friends I bit the bullet, attended a meeting and lived to tell the story (sober at that)!!

artsoul

Welcome SCW! I can relate so much to your post (the bottle of wine, the attempts to moderate, the fear of quitting "forever"). It was just incomprehensible to me that I couldn't be a normal drinker with a little bit of willpower and brains.

I'm glad the meeting went well - it's a lot like coming here only you're able to see who's talking to you! It's amazing how much we all have in common isn't it?

Congratulations on your (now) 11 days! This forum is great because you can come here any time you're having an urge or a life problem and there will be someone to talk to. It's been a life-line for me.

yeahgr8

Its great that you are asking questions and going to meetings...well more than great:-)

The Big Book tells us how to get recovered from alcoholism (it uses the word recovered not recovering)...if you haven't already got one, get one, and use that as your reference point to check out what people say...

I can't recommend enough getting a sponsor ASAP...and you are looking for someone who has worked the steps and had a spiritual awakening...if they haven't done/got either/both you might as well ask your pet to sponsor you, they will be just as successful;-)

I had Dinner last night with my sponsor and we were talking about our lives today, hes 24 years sober, me 14 months...it really is a gift and the work involved in AA is so very simple...you just got to be willing...it is there for anyone.

Wishing you the very best!

CarolD

SCW.......Welcome.....

I'm so pleased the meeting was a good experience
AA has been an awesome adventure in living sober
for me.......that can be true for you too....

Congratulations......

SweetCityWoman

Hi All - So today is day 11. Really feel support from this group - it is great just to stop by and visit. Tomorrow I am going out to dinner with friends from work. This is a situation in which normally I would drink a glass - 2 at the most of wine with dinner and then come home and drink several more to make-up for the wine I would have had at dinner if it would have been appropriate. But even with friends who drink - 3 glasses of wine at dinner seems to be the "accepted" max. So then I come home and double that! But tomorrow will be different. I will have maybe iced tea with dinner and a skim latte after. Then come home and have Snapple. Feeling no pull to drink. Trick right now is just not to let myself think about any details about wine, e.g., how nice it would be, good it would taste, warm and relaxed I would feel. I just let it the word "drink" flash through my mind and then the word, "no way, keep it steady". Sort of like if I am on a trip and missing my dogs, I try not to think of details about them or I really miss them on a feeling level, rather I just let the thought flash through me mind - until I am returning home - they I let the feelings wash over me and the excitment of seeing them builds and builds.

zbear23

SCW
I'm so pleased...but not at all surprised....at your first experience in AA. I think I may have mentioned before that it was AA that was instrumental in my coming to believe that I really was lovable....because they loved me. Didn't care much about what I did, even whether or not I stayed sober....just loved me no matter what. Now I get to pass that love on to others.

As for sponsorship: When I returned from a treatment program with 45 days sober, I went to a meeting where I ran into a fellow I'd worked for some years before. He was three years sober, and I was envious. I had always envied him his successes...the house, the cars, the sociability...etc. In fact, I rather despised him. Whatever made me ask him to sponsor me will remain a mystery, but I did. He took me through the steps and introduced me to lots of people in the program. We went out to dinner a few times. He was a great sponsor. I still don't like the guy<G>. And our "stories" are very different.

I needed people to test my reality...to tell me if my thinking was in the real world or in LaLa land. While I did some of that with my sponsor, that wasn't his job. He wasn't my marriage counselor, my employment counselor, my spiritual advisor, my daddy...etc. It's hard not to develop a personal relationship with a sponsor in the process of doing the steps, but frankly, the Steps helped me develop healthy personal relationships with lots of folks besides a sponsor. My circle of AA friends, my homegroup, etc., were my support. My sponsor was my 12 step guide.

And don't worry about picking the perfect sponsor. You can hire'm and fire'm at will. Just don't fire one before you've got a new one. Don't try to force the issue if it's not working. Sometimes it takes a few wrong choices to come up with the one that works best for you. Seldom have I seen anyone marry their sponsor, and staying with one sponsor for life doesn't happen all that often (unless one dies young<G>). I've had several over the course of a quarter century in AA. Even had one who fired ME!!! How 'bout that.<G>. I needed a sponsor who wouldn't buy into my BS....with love.

blessings
zenbear

SweetCityWoman

zbear - Appreciate hearing about your experience with AA and encouraging. Thanks for the advice about sponsor. The meeting I went to was on Sunday, however during the week I come home from work so tired it is all I can do to feed dogs, feed me and respond to all the emails that have accumulated during the day, take dogs for a romp and then off to bed. Not sure where I found the energy while I was drinking but tonight I am exhausted - but sober. In 3 hours I will be on day 12 and going strong.

Anna

Hi SweetCityWoman,

It sounds like you're doing well!

I think that early sobriety is very tiring. I know for me, there was a lot of emotion, as well as trying to reconnect spiritually and I had to limit my activities.

SweetCityWoman

Anna - That is interesting to hear your take that sobrity in the early part takes a lot out of you. The first week I felt the best physically than I had for months - plus I am eating healthy and walking the dogs again. But this week I got up a couple of mornings and my body felt heavy and sluggist - like I was a rock. But I got up and forced myself to get going. So I think it is both physical and emotional. Plus much of my energy is going to keeping my mind off of things and staying busy vs. sitting and drinking and drinking and drinking!! But I think I am now feeling a good tired.

zbear23

I STILL sometimes excuse myself from meetings after work because I'm just too tired (of course, I'm old as well<G>)....and I no longer go to daily meetings anyway. (don't work a whole lot any more, either. LOL)

But early on I found the solution. Since I believed that daily meetings were a good antidote to daily drinking, I attended AA every day in my first six months. The solution that I found...and which I think I may have mentioned....is finding early morning meetings that I could attend on the way to work. My home group meets at 7 am six days a week, and members are mostly working folks who want to get a good start on the day. IMO....the early morning meetings are the best. I've never had a problem finding such meetings, some as early as 6 am, and the lift I get more than makes up for any loss of sleep (not to mention I don't stay up all night any more<G>)

I like meditating at sunrise also.<G>

blessings
zenbear

SweetCityWoman

Hi All - Day 12 and I am going out to dinner with friends from work. Planning on having a diet coke but feeling some anxiety inside that I can't quite put fingure on - whether work-related or being around wine and having to say no. No question that I WILL say no. Tomorrow I am planning to go to a midday AA meeting. I do recognize it is easy to be too tired in the evenings but this shouldn't be an excuse.

SweetCityWoman

I've done it - went to dinner where people were begging me to have a glass of red and I had diet coke with lime!! I saw it - each person had about 1-2 glasses and that was it. If I had drank I would have wanted more (ofcourse) and then come home and would be drinking as we speak!! What a waste the would have been. So I am still on day 12 and almost 13 and proud of it. If I got through this I can do it again. I still had fun and didn't need the wine!!!!!! Success!!!!!

LexieCat

That's great, SCW (geeze, every time you post I hear that bon, ci bon, bon bon ci bon bon...),

Good for you! Just remember, dinner with friends is one thing--be careful hanging around drinking too much in the very beginning. You want to get on solid ground before you get TOO daring.

Now you need to get yourself a Big Book so you can curl up and read a bit every day.

Meeting again, tomorrow?

wpainterw

Way to go! SCW! But watch out for that crowd that you say was "begging" you to have a few drinks. Better go slow on going out with them for awhile. Choose your buddies carefully now. And the places you go. Sure, it means a certain change in your life. But it's well worth it. Guard your sobriety like it's, well like it's your life! It is your life. Your whole life depends on that. Good luck.

W.

SweetCityWoman

Lexie - I actually didn't want to go to dinner but it had been planned for a few weeks with several people from work who I typically don't go out with but am very relaxed with. So I was concerned esp. last week when I was only on days 1-6 or 7. If asked just today I would have most likely not gone but was sort of obligated and I am the one who supervises so it was impt. I was there (but not a working meeting so not critical). I sure don't want to put myself in situations where I have to "test" myself esp. not this early on. So appreciate your caution.

But as I said, I tend to do the "flight into health" thing so all this good-good stuff has to be put in perspective - but it can also give me a head of steam as I forge ahead. I know only too well that there is a very real and scary chance that I will see day 1 again - all is not smooth sailing to the finish although it has not been rough sailing. Got over the 1st AA meeting fear. I still am not hooked into meetings. Tomorrow is one near my home which I plan to attend as my second meeting. I do see how we all follow each other's journey and how very difficult it is to shoot out of the start in a big blaze of success with the all too real thought about how awful it would be to come back and tell everyone who has been so proud that I have fallen. But all I can do it try my best to keep moving forward and hopefully not go back to day 1. But if that happens I can't give-up on myself.