New-Afraid of AA Meeting
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 385
Originally Posted by SweetCityWoman 
Hi Everyone - 23 days sober and just home from a great meeting. It was another women's group. Wow, these meetings are so very different - it is very interesting. All have offered something to me and I get tearful in most of them. When they ask if any new members I always raise my hand, introduce myself (still just with my name!) and then say a few things about myself and what got me here. At each meeting everyone is very accepting and usually someone who I meet walking in sits by me, gives me her phone number and sort of looks after me. Typically my hardest time of day is between 5:00-8:00pm so I find that it is helpful to go to a meeting around that time to help get me past it. I also walk the dogs during this time and that helps.
Littlefish - Appreciate your post. Abot finding a sponsor - I have been listening to the shares of people and listening for an outlook that I like and their insight into their own recovery and what they say about their own sponsor! Still a bit afraid to approach someone and ask to be my sponsor - even if temporary. Although I am so glad I am giving AA a try, maybe somewhere inside I am still unsure this will become part of my recovery and life. It is very big to think about.
I can't say enough about how grateful I am to the people on this forum who have reached out to me with kind words of encouragement. I see people doing that to others here and am realizing that a huge part of recovery is reaching out to others to offer kind encouraging words. At first I was unsure about doing this because I am so early into this, but it occurred to me that I feel so much for others and identify parts with myself and words from me can be as important as words from people way far ahead of me. But agree that a sponsor is really a mentor and that involves experience under the belt.
Littlefish - Appreciate your post. Abot finding a sponsor - I have been listening to the shares of people and listening for an outlook that I like and their insight into their own recovery and what they say about their own sponsor! Still a bit afraid to approach someone and ask to be my sponsor - even if temporary. Although I am so glad I am giving AA a try, maybe somewhere inside I am still unsure this will become part of my recovery and life. It is very big to think about.
I can't say enough about how grateful I am to the people on this forum who have reached out to me with kind words of encouragement. I see people doing that to others here and am realizing that a huge part of recovery is reaching out to others to offer kind encouraging words. At first I was unsure about doing this because I am so early into this, but it occurred to me that I feel so much for others and identify parts with myself and words from me can be as important as words from people way far ahead of me. But agree that a sponsor is really a mentor and that involves experience under the belt.
For me, AA is a spiritual discipline, and like most other spiritual paths, including religions, it prescribes certain pretty standard activities: those would include prayer, meditation, shared rituals (meetings) study, mutual moral support, keeping company with like minded people, charity (generosity), service and self examination. Nearly all such paths include some sort of mentor....priest, rabbi, guru, pastor, peer counselor, coach, sponsor, etc. AA is not IMO a religion, because it has no divine dogma...no rigid definition of that Higher Power it refers to so often. We are free to "worship" in our own way; however, the closer to the prescribed practices I get, the better the results I enjoy. My great enemy was my exceptionalism: seeing myself as different, comparing rather than identifying, telling myself that it's ok to violate my principles THIS TIME....after all, it's just a "little" lie, right? Half measures availed me nothing.
And like all spiritual paths, it is a journey, not a destination. I don't know anyone who practices a spiritual discipline that "works" for them, and then is "done" with it. We keep on practicing. OTOH, I've known lots of folks on psychotropic medication who, due to the meds, felt so good that they stopped taking them....whoops! Not a good idea.
AA is a design for living program, not a no drinking program. I don't have to label myself an alcoholic to be a member....I simply need to have a desire to not drink. The Steps are a process of change, and a very simple and elegant one, designed to result in a "spiritual awakening." For me, this is another way of expressing the movement out of self centered egotism and into becoming a loving, living, spiritually oriented person. The world didn't change--I did, but I now see it very differently. And btw....the change within myself was pretty much little by slow<G>. I needed to learn patience.
blessings
zenbear
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Thanks for adding that, zenbear. The original thread was really about how to get into the rooms and feel at home, but you are absolutely correct about the program of recovery.
I waited a long time to actually WORK the Steps. I did a lot of reading about them, thinking about them, going to Step meetings, incorporating bits of them into my life, but that is like learning to be a pro golfer by reading about it and attending a few seminars. (LOL, I don't golf--just a random example of something requiring lots of actual PRACTICE.)
I managed to stay sober for two years, don't feel at the moment like I'm about to pick up a drink, but I can see that I still suffer from the alcoholISM even without the alcohol. In retrospect, I wish I had gotten busy on the work a lot sooner, but I suppose I'm where I'm supposed to be.
Anyway, thanks for your input on the program of AA. Going to meetings is good for us, but working the Steps is better in terms of achieving happy long-term sobriety. I haven't had my spiritual awakening yet (I keep hitting the snooze button), but I want one. Gotta do the work.
I waited a long time to actually WORK the Steps. I did a lot of reading about them, thinking about them, going to Step meetings, incorporating bits of them into my life, but that is like learning to be a pro golfer by reading about it and attending a few seminars. (LOL, I don't golf--just a random example of something requiring lots of actual PRACTICE.)
I managed to stay sober for two years, don't feel at the moment like I'm about to pick up a drink, but I can see that I still suffer from the alcoholISM even without the alcohol. In retrospect, I wish I had gotten busy on the work a lot sooner, but I suppose I'm where I'm supposed to be.
Anyway, thanks for your input on the program of AA. Going to meetings is good for us, but working the Steps is better in terms of achieving happy long-term sobriety. I haven't had my spiritual awakening yet (I keep hitting the snooze button), but I want one. Gotta do the work.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 207
ZenBear - Your post has been most enlightening - in fact one of the best I've heard. I get your point - light goes on in my now sober mind!! I get that AA is a journey - not something to do and then be done with because I have reached a certain level (time) sober. Your comparisons with psychotropic meds. I totally get. It is also sort of like going on a diet. The learning is about a lifetime journey - not a 2 week stint, lose some lbs. and then back to pigging out!! Although with AA the idea was to take something that would keep me sober. But as you described, this requires ongoing adherence to something outside of myself. I suddenly get it in a different way - I get you!!! You are really a Zen master, ZenBear!! But seriously, you took the time to put this into words that not only do I understand but ring true to me as far as the spiritual paths. This is all very existential - something I really identify with - it is all about becoming, not arrival. I also like what you said about not having to label youself as alcoholic but have the desire to not drink. I know they say that to open the AA meetings I have been at. That label is not what it is about for me - it really is acknowledgement deep inside of me that I accept that I can't control alcohol once I take that first sip (no fooling myself about that one!) and that right now I have no interest in moderation because I don't want just one glass of wine - I want 8 or none! So I now can honestly say without reservation that I don't want to drink anymore.
So thank-you for taking the time to share your wisdom with me - this is an important point in my sobriety and maybe I had to be here to really get what you were saying - the teachable moment for me. But I really hope others are reading this and get something impt. out of your post the way I did.
Oh - 24 days and got another coin at my meeting today. Tomorrow I will be trying another meeting I have not been at before (as I said, there are lots and lots of meetings in my area). So I have a routine that is coming together involving several meetings of the same group and a couple outside of this. I can walk and bring my dog to a couple meetings which is great. But the best of all is next Thurs. is ONE MONTH - OMG, never thought I'd be so excited to be at one month. Been there before but the difference is that before I always intended to give moderation yet another try - this time moderation is no longer an option. This time I have surrounded myself with the support of others on the journey with me or who have been where I'm at and still on the journey.
So thank-you for taking the time to share your wisdom with me - this is an important point in my sobriety and maybe I had to be here to really get what you were saying - the teachable moment for me. But I really hope others are reading this and get something impt. out of your post the way I did.
Oh - 24 days and got another coin at my meeting today. Tomorrow I will be trying another meeting I have not been at before (as I said, there are lots and lots of meetings in my area). So I have a routine that is coming together involving several meetings of the same group and a couple outside of this. I can walk and bring my dog to a couple meetings which is great. But the best of all is next Thurs. is ONE MONTH - OMG, never thought I'd be so excited to be at one month. Been there before but the difference is that before I always intended to give moderation yet another try - this time moderation is no longer an option. This time I have surrounded myself with the support of others on the journey with me or who have been where I'm at and still on the journey.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
You are doing awesome SCW...I have learned a lot in a short time by just following and reading and knowing the things and the people on this site...I think that Zen said all of that very well!! I learned an awful lot from that post too.
D.
D.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 207
D - Glad to hear from you and that you too are learning. You too are on a great path. This forum is all about helping each other through both common and unique experiences. Whether beginning or a ways out from drinking we all are here because we care about ourselves and about others. You are a joy!!
Oh, day 25 and finally feeling lighter - both in body and in mind. Each day I try to learn something from people around me either here or at my meetings. Most days I find there is so very much to learn about myself from being around others. Some days I feel tired - adjusting to my new life and trying so hard to hold steady. It won't all happen at once - no miricles here. But I am learning not to fight things but to go with the flow of things (as long as it isn't wine that is flowing)!!! But as someone else wrote, I wake up in the morning and for a split second I wonder how hungover I am - only to open my eyes to the wonderful reality that is my life now - ofcourse I don't have a hangover, I am not drinking! Thanks to everyone here who is following my story and helping and learning.
Oh, day 25 and finally feeling lighter - both in body and in mind. Each day I try to learn something from people around me either here or at my meetings. Most days I find there is so very much to learn about myself from being around others. Some days I feel tired - adjusting to my new life and trying so hard to hold steady. It won't all happen at once - no miricles here. But I am learning not to fight things but to go with the flow of things (as long as it isn't wine that is flowing)!!! But as someone else wrote, I wake up in the morning and for a split second I wonder how hungover I am - only to open my eyes to the wonderful reality that is my life now - ofcourse I don't have a hangover, I am not drinking! Thanks to everyone here who is following my story and helping and learning.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
You are doing such a great job Girl...you are really keeping up and keeping yourself safe (wink wink) and I am proud of you. Your words are very encouraging for others and that is a BIG DEAL!!!
D.
D.
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