SweetCityWoman

W - Interesting about your comment guard my sobriety like it is my life. Well I did feel like I was guarding something special that was my secret and not anyone's business why I turned down the wine. Actually I had never been out with these people and all were talking big about getting an "entire" bottle to split between 4 peopls (which sounded very lean to me)!! But reality is that each of them didn't even finish 2 glasses - so very minimal social drinkers despite the initial pushing. So they were pushing 1.5 glasses on me - oh wow. But that is all it would have taken to send me home and drink 4 more!! So I guarded my day 12 like Ft. Knox - much too raw at this point and I won't minimize this - not even at 12 weeks or months. But talking to you guys now is feeling so good you probabally know. Not rocket science but might as well be so I need to share just to hear from those who are traveling this path before.

SweetCityWoman

Just got back from my 2nd AA meeting!! Very different from the other meeting. Oh, I am day 13 and going strong!! This meeting was different than the other one - very. Lots of people and different type of crowd. Someone spoke a bit on 6th step and then discussion was mostly on this until they asked for new members!! OK, that was me and I had no idea about 6th step but said a few things. For some reason I was very emotional. Then they gave out tokens and almost everyone in the room was over 10 yrs. sober some were 20 and some were 40 - I was blown away. One other person was at 1 month and they gave her a token. Then I think because they wanted to make me feel good about my start they gave me a token for less than 1 month!! I clutched that token the rest of the meeting but I was very tearful. I just seem so far from what these people had achieved. The discussion was much more intellectual and less from the gut than the first meeting. I identified with the people themselves more - you would never know most were alcoholic but I identified with the gut stories more from the other meeting. This meeting was in my neighborhood so I think that is why I identified more with the overall crowd -although I didn't recognize anyone. But there was not way I could have attended had the meeting not been 2 blocks away - just no time at this time of day. Got many people giving me cards and phone numbers and one woman who I think is a touch stone for the group immediately became someone I could see as a sponsor. But there were a couple other women who I immediately felt a bond with. Very unique experience.

Oh - best news of all - dog friendly!!!!!!! One woman had a small dog so I asked and they said sure - so I can walk over with one of my dogs!!

DayTrader

^^^^^ great meeting story. and it's awwwwwwwwwwwwwesome that you found a place so quickly that's chock-full of old timers and long-term sobriety. You'll find, like you said, those meetings will be substantially different than meetings with a ton of new ppl.

Very very cool for you. It took me over a darn year to find ONE meeting with a lot of long-term sobriety that I could get to with any reliability (I still can't drive).

SweetCityWoman

I guess I live in an area where there are many many AA meetings so many to choose from. I get now that each one is very different but just something about beng in the company with people sharing the same problem is part of what makes this work. Given I work and have 2 dogs waiting for me it makes it very easy to blow off meetings, however, this one is only 2 blocks away from home and dog friendly (it is in a church) so I can walk one of the dogs and attend a meeting all in one!!

The first meeting hardly mentioned the steps so I thought meetings were only about sharing experiences. This meeting today was very focused on the steps - esp. the 6th so I am now understanding that meetings are about learning the steps and it is easy to read about the steps but takes years to actually walk the walk. Someone said they had to go back to step 4. Right now having read very little abt the step process I don't get how this works and how you know when to move to the next step etc. But I am beginning to see how meetings are about learning how to live the steps and reinforcing the steps and not just having people tell their stories.

Mark75

Bingo...

Soon you'll be able to share your own experience with the steps.

It sounds like a healthy meeting!! Keep going back. I enjoy very much hearing people's personal experience/struggles/epiphanies with the program of AA. I can hear a drunkalog anywhere... I want to hear the solution and might people living in it.

DayTrader

DOUBLE BINGO!!!

Story-meetings can be fun from time to time but I need to be reinforcing "the solution" - THE STEPS to gain a connection to God as you understand Him as often as possible. Sharing heart-ships / discussing our troubles....I think it has it's place but it needs to be balanced with a solution. If group therapy sessions worked long-term for a lot of people, there would be no AA/NA/CA/SLA/etc... and AA certainly wouldn't have stuck around 75 YEARS.

In the chapter "There is a Solution" it reads: "The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined. The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way on which we can agree, and upon which we can joing in borhterly and harmonious action."

vertigo

So glad you found the perfect group for you SCW! Yay!
I haven't been to a step meeting yet - all of the ones I've been to were discussion. But I do have a sponsor now - meeting with her tomorrow night.
Thanks for keeping us updated! Congratulations on 13 days!!!!

SweetCityWoman

Thanks guys for the comments. I now get it - the discussions and stories are good but I didn't get how going to hear that everyday would sustain me. But if we are learning coping mechanisms following a tried and true program that I get how progress is made - learning different things when you have been through basic survival (without alcohol) skills. I also liked that it was a mix of intellectual teaching and discussion but those who spoke focused on the target of the meeting - step 6 but then gave examples from their own experiences - what worked or not and why not. It was so interesteing. So in talking about step 6 many other steps were also mentioned.

Ofcourse I was not really getting some of it since I don't even know the steps but that was OK. I felt like part of the group just because I admitted to the group I was on day 13 and they all cheered - even those with at year 20 or 30 or 40!! My meger 13 days was respected and appreciated - why?? They all, every single one of them has been where I am today. This is a bond felt very deeply and never ever forgotten or taken lightly. I held my token so tight it inprinted into my hand on my walk home. I will never forget this. I am big on symbols and rituals.

DayTrader

"getting it" comes with time....and practice. Then something really cool happens, you "get it" at an altogether different and deeper level. It's a program that's always growing with you. Believe it or not, it hasn't gotten stale for me in several years. I'd assume the "long-timers" would also agree.

Your story about the cheering, the feelings of acceptance, the feeling of being loved, "the bond." - THATS the power in the "we" of AA - the power of the fellowship! Frickin' awesome isn't it? I've been taking that for granted in the last couple meetings........THANKS FOR REMINDING ME!

LexieCat

SCW,

GET A BIG BOOK!!! Sorry, didn't mean to holler, lol. Seriously, the program of AA (including all the stuff about the steps) is in the book. And a sponsor is to help you work the steps. If you get a sponsor very soon and get right to work, that's the best way to do it (lol, do as I say, not as I did). There's also the "12 & 12" (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions) book, and it's good reading, too, but the first 164 pages of the Big Book is the text book. The stories in the back of the book are good to read, too, but it's the first 164 that spells it all out.

So glad you found a great group. That might be a good home group for you. And I think the fact that dogs are welcome is a SIGN.

Use some of those phone numbers you were given, too. See if someone wants to meet you for coffee and a chat--you can ask all those questions you are wondering about.

SweetCityWoman

Lexie - Someone said they would order me the book and bring it next week. This group has 3 meetings a week, however, there are 2 more meetings at the same place. So I think some go to both and some tend to go to the same ones because they are the same time of day - like noon 3 times a week and the others are 7:30 twice a week. The nooners stick to noon - I think. Maybe not. I am arranging my work so I can do the noon meetings and the 7:30 is easy - an after dinner dog walk to the church, a 1 hour stop and then onward.

Day Trader - Glad my words brought something to you. I am getting the feeling that newcomers play an impt role that is something about, "So we never forget". That thought has settled in a spot inside of me and is taking on a new meaning because of the comments made to me today at the meeting. I was emotional and I think the tears were of relief or maybe feeling very safe in a world that spins and spins - even when sober!! I also couldn't believe how welcomed.

shaun00

Im glad your enjoying the meetings.

It would appear you managed it without my format of standing on a chair..lol..

Secretly its my deep desire to do it.......and im still waiting for a newcomer to burst in and make my night..lol..

Its a wonderful feeling not to feel alone dont you think......seeing all those guy/girls that know what its like to be trapped in alcoholism.

For me it was important to realize the difference between the meetings and the programme of action...the 12 steps.

Its the steps that got me sober and sane.........in a sense its the vital medication to recover......

i look foward to hearing your experience........good luck.

zbear23

Hi again SCW.
The 12 step program of AA is IMO the most elegant (simple) psychospiritual process I've ever encountered. The fellowship provided me the love and support I needed, and my sponsor guided me through the steps. The Steps ARE the program of AA. The fellowship loved me until I learned to love myself.

I'm so happy that you seem to be intuitively grasping the essence of AA recovery. Be patient with yourself. Our text claims that "seldom have we seen a person fail who has THOROUGHLY followed our path."

blessings
zenbear

SweetCityWoman

Two weeks today!!! Yea! As I mentioned, I am going to read about the 12 steps so first off I printed them out (I sort of knew them - or so I thought)! It seems that although people are saying here and at meetings that this is not religious (or associated with any particular religion) I am seeing lots about turning things (like defects and shortcomings) over to God. I am not sure (when I get there) how to deal with some of this stuff - it is the God part since I am not a religious person - maybe spiritual but not organized religion. How do I deal with this? I am getting that these steps are impt. to all of this AA stuff (other than just sharing experiences) so I want to give it a try but now am not sure how to handle some of this. Anyone else have this experience with the steps?

LexieCat

AA has NOTHING to do with religion. "God" is a term used for a higher power of your understanding. You can think of it as the universe, if you want to. The idea is to get out of your own way and let something greater than your own wants and fears control your life.

I've been listening to a Big Book study lately, and one of the points stressed is that we are driven by things like fear and resentment. The Steps are designed to clear that garbage away so we can start living free from all that.

I like to think of the Steps as a guide to truth. You know the old saying, "The truth shall set you free?" (LOL, there's also the joke that tacks on, "but first it will **** you off" ) That's what it amounts to. When we are free, we no longer have to drink. We live the way we should live, without being a bundle of fear or anger.

You'll get a better idea when you read the Big Book, and as you listen to people share in your Step meeting.

BadCompany

Two decades in AA and I have never seen a "little sunbeam for Jesus" come through the door looking to get sober. All of us have trouble with the God stuff when we first get here. The ones that know nothing are just a little bit better off than the ones that know everything. Those are the only two types that come through the door.

IMO The hardest thing is to have an open mind going into this stuff. No expectations no reservations, just do these things and see what happens. No one ever does this though, we all muck it up to some extent, but it is engaging in the process that gives us a result.

Mark75

so far so good... if you are "maybe spiritual" ... that is a great start! There is nothing that is remotely "organized religion" in AA. God is what you conceptualize it to be, not someone else.

SweetCityWoman

All - Appreciate the posts about my concern about the God stuff. I do know in the 2nd meeting where they discussed the 6th step (this is a group where many are actually on 6 and higher) and they were using phrase, "higher power". So as I begin to read about the steps I need to not get distracted by the God stuff and it becomes something that stands for something that is comfortable for each person - whatever you call it.

BadCompany - I get (and like) what you said to come in with, "no expectation and no reservations". This I can do and feel very comfortable with. I get that one must go into this 12 step not jumping to conclusion about the outward way it looks. Without people explaining it is easy to be turned-off. I have a very open mind and I have kept open to AA - at least through my first 2 meetings and can do this to give the 12 steps a try - or at least learn more about it and not assume it isn't for me until I understand it better.

zbear23

IMO, "God," is a word...a noise...symbolizing a belief that there is some sort of "higher power" in the universe. For me, it is purely the power and energy of Love, that force that connects everyone and everything, and is everywhere....all I needed to do was welcome it into my life: plug in, so to speak. I'm comfortable with the notion of "universal mind," or Carl Jung's "collective unconscious," just as I'm ok with calling that force Allah, Brahma, Jehovah or Christ. It's an abstract that my dualistic mind cannot really grasp anyway. In fact, in Judaism, the "real" name of god is forbidden and unpronounceable...perhaps because it is inconceivable to my dualistic thinking.

My favorite thought about the "nature" of such a force is that "God" is us and we are God, and like a hologram....that divinity is reproduced in its entirety in every single fragment.

When a drop of water falls into the ocean....does it experience its "oceanness?"

blessings
zenbear

Mark75

good stuff z .... thanx