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8 days and struggling...

Old 07-02-2010, 03:27 AM
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8 days and struggling...

I feel like I cannot do this anymore. I cannot sleep, my face feels numb, I cannot go to the toliet, I feel snappy and depressed. I thought I would feel alot better by now then what I do. Feels like all these things are never going to stop.
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Old 07-02-2010, 03:45 AM
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Stay strong Almay. Remember why you wanted to stop drinking. Remember how you felt every morning.

There is a certain time of day, each day, when I feel like someone is scratching a cheese grater down my face. That's how much I want to drink. For those 15 minutes I nearly forget why I wanted to start this whole sobriety thing. I want to say f*** it and go buy booze.

It's at this moment you have to "play the tape to the end" as they say. I don't know about you but I couldn't even look myself in the mirror for the past year because I looked so wretched. That's what I hear when I play my tape to the end. What is at the end of your tape?

You are having a down moment right now and I am so glad you are reaching out here. I've had a hard time believing it myself that it gets better, even spoken from the people who know that it does from experience. But let's trust them and see for ourselves.

Please check in tomorrow and tell us how you're doing.
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Old 07-02-2010, 03:52 AM
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Almay,
Re-read yourself if it helps. Remember how difficult it is to make the first day. I am restarting again and it is so stupid to be so jealous of my oldself with more days under my belt.

Remember you will forget how you even manage to get the first day done. Promise yourself not to drink for one hour more. Then think if you can make another one.
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Old 07-02-2010, 05:06 AM
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Almay, stay strong. 8 days is a hump that you've made it over. Wilde is right. That first day back is even worse. Remind yourself that IT WILL GET EASIER. I'm not religious. At all. But praying/meditating/breathing deeply (whatever works) for 15 minutes can make a difference. It's amazing when a mood passes and you realize it's just that–a mood. Something they say in AA is "feelings are not facts." Feelings pass. For the sleep you might try melatonin. It's been giving me a solid 7 or 8 every night and that has helped me feel good this first week.
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Old 07-02-2010, 05:33 AM
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i just feel ill and scared. Very depressed.
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Old 07-02-2010, 05:41 AM
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Almay,
Just want you to know we are reading you... so you are 'virtually' not alone. Listen, re-read your posts. Remember you did it once to day 8 and you started drinking again. 8 days is a bad place for you. You need to get day 9 so break the bad spell.
While you are at it, you can also try to tell us what your head is telling you about drinking. What is the excuse? Why do you want to drink? You feel that if you managed to stop you can do it all over again... This is usually my one. I do not have a single good reason to drink ever. But I always find a way of telling myself I will stop just after the one indulgence. I know you are the only one who can make it and my words can go to hell. But if you are still posting instead of heading to the shops I know you can make it to day 9.
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Old 07-02-2010, 06:00 AM
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Almay 777,

It's that demon trying to lure you back! Trying to make you forget all those embarrasing, humilating times you remember when you awake in the morning. That is if you can even remember.

Think of how hard hard you struggled this week. Think of how proud of yourself you should be. Think of how awful it'll be going through that again! Cause most certainly you'll be there again sooner or later.

I feel for you and your depression, but this will pass and you NEVER have to suffer like this again if you just hold on to your resolve. Do anything you have to not to let the demon win!

My thoughts and prayers are with you! HANG ON!!
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Old 07-02-2010, 06:07 AM
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Hang on, Almay. We're all here for you. Talk it out with us if you want. Distract yourself. Don't pick up a drink. You are in control of that. I know you can make it through this hour.
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Old 07-02-2010, 06:30 AM
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Hey, Almay, one day at a time, okay? Hell, even one minute at a time if you have to. :ghug3
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Old 07-02-2010, 07:06 AM
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Hey there Almay,

My heart goes out to you - we all wish we could be there with you but we ARE here for you and thinking of you and know that you can do it! :ghug3

You got lots of very good advice above and I agree with opivotal - look back at all the bad and humiliating things that have happened to you when drunk and all the people you've hurt...write a list if you haven't done it already - I read through 'my list' when I'm struggling and it works every time as the thought of being that person again just doesn't bear thinking about...I can get up in the morning, hangover free and look myself in the mirror and be proud that I'm sober again for another day - you can do it too Almay!!!

Do you have a daily routine? What do you usually do to fill your days? Are you going to AA meetings? Since going sober I've been going back to the gym, meeting up with friends whose lives don't revolve around the pub/drink, listening to good music, cooking good food, etc. You need to occupy your time - especially in the early days otherwise you'll be driven to distraction!!

In any case big hugs my dear and please please keep fighting till tomorrow - we know you can do it!!



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Old 07-02-2010, 07:42 AM
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Originally Posted by almay777 View Post
i just feel ill and scared. Very depressed.
Please Almay, try to remain strong, once you get past the week end I aam sure things are going to be a lot better, your system is toxic and needs to cleanse itself, are you drinking lots and lots of water to flush the system? You can do this, it will get easier! Maybe you should go to the doc and see what they can give you to help make the withdrawels easier. Think positive... we are all here, keep posting.

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Old 07-02-2010, 07:49 AM
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I am struggling because all I want to do is feel normal again. I was drinking so much for so long I am not sure I can even remember what normal is. My eyes are so dull I feel depressed every time I look in the mirrior and see what i have done to myself. Does this ever go? When I was drinking I didnt care. But now I do care and want to get better. Just praying I can get through the weekend without picking up a drink.
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Old 07-02-2010, 07:50 AM
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Don't give up Almay!! I am at day 7 and have been doing better. I found that walking, swimming and keeping busy has really helped me not only get busy, but get some sleep. I also have been reading a lot!! Thank goodness for the public library. I also love to cook and have been taking care to eat good foods. To me, it does not matter if I have to cry, lose some sleep, get mad, yell whatever, the thought of going back to day one is enough to get me through. Do whatever you have to do, but please don't give up!
Figure out what you like to do and start living!

Melissa
:ghug3
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Old 07-02-2010, 07:59 AM
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Almay, hang in there!

Try to be patient with yourself, and hopefully you will feel better soon.
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Old 07-02-2010, 08:03 AM
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Embrace the depression, feel it, acknowledge it. Face the fear and feel it. After a while it becomes like one of those bad dreams that scared you, but then you knew what was coming and it had no effect on you. Drinking is only going to cocoon you, and eventually repeat this cycle and this process. I would def go see a doc, if you think you may have any other physiological/emotional problems or any other valid mental issues. Eat a healthy diet, shower daily, exercise, read, do not smoke or use any other mind altering drug, if you have a doggie hug him. Get outside and say prayer to your higher power to help you. This is not going to be easy.This is your spiritual lesson, that's all. I can't stress that enough. Alcoholics get a gift, in the form of this life lesson, that other never get the chance to experience. Treat it like a test you know you are going to ace, and you will. It is a badge of honor to you soul to stay sober.
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Old 07-02-2010, 08:18 AM
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Almay,

So many times I feel like I can't do this all anymore either.. but then I think "What's the alternative?" I can go drink and in a day, a week, a month, etc.. I will be RIGHT BACK HERE..having to start all over. That is unless I want to just completely give up and live my life in the bottle. It is hard for me every single day - it is painful and overwhelming. But, at least for me, drinking had also become painful and overwhelming. At least through this pain of struggling with reaching sobriety I am gaining some self-respect and a small sense of hope. Either way it's going to be painful right now - continuing your quest for becoming sober is the only choice that can actually bring you to a place where things have a chance of getting better. You already know where the other choice continues to bring you. The physical stuff will improve - if you were drinking for years it's going to take a while to start seeing it. Your body has been abused for a long time - it will need time to recover. I know I keep expecting to look in the mirror and see drastic changes, but it's not going to happen overnight.
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Old 07-02-2010, 09:24 AM
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It does stop. You will feel better. But, you must remain sober for that to happen.

There is hope. There is healing. YOU can make that happen...little by little, you can.

I really like what Cheesegrits posted. Thank you.
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Old 07-02-2010, 09:52 AM
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what is the alternative. If you start drinking now you are back in the viscious cycle. You will have to face yourself tomorrow and start all new. Is it worth this? Unless you do want to stay an alkie and die early alone with your bottle. Hang in there.
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Old 07-02-2010, 01:54 PM
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hey Almay

I know how it can seem like things will never get better - but they do.
I've been there - don't give in - I know how you've struggled - don't do the U turn!

If you are feeling ill tho, please think about seeing your doctor, ok?

you can do this! We're all with you.
D
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Old 07-02-2010, 03:00 PM
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I can't add anything to what everyone else had said but I wanted to send my thoughts and prayers to you. Tell yourself that if it's still bad after the weekend, you will talk to a doctor. We all know that one night of drinking isn't going to fix anything. Also, remember that eating something can often help with the cravings.
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