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Old 03-31-2010, 07:06 AM
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hello

Okay, Deep Breath. Hello my name is....and i believe i am an alcoholic. until recently i thought being an alcoholic was staying drunk 24/7. i did not realize that if you drink every night, and still got up and went to work and functioned fine that you could still be an alcoholic. but i have tried to quit and to no avail. i am causing problems in my marriage, i am depressed, i feel like i am going to loose my mind--i feel like i am going crazy. i feel like if i quit drinking, then my life will start putting itself back together. I believe in God, but really do not pray. I have read where having a relationship with God is instrumental in beating this problem. when i do pray i do not feel a "connection" I feel like i am just talking to the air. I thought when you prayed that there was some sort of life changing sign from God, and I have not had that.

Not real sure what i am asking here, just wanted to get this out in the open. i confessed to my husband this morning that i have a problem and was very scared because i have tried to stop but i haven't been able to. last night was a very bad night for us. i really do not remember much of what i said, but i know i hurt him. this was not the first night we have had like this, there have been many. when i told him this morning that i was ashamed of myself and i was very sorry for last night, he just held me tighter than he has ever held me before and would not let me go.
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Old 03-31-2010, 07:25 AM
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Hello, newagain and welcome to SR!
I am glad you have found us and congratulations on taking the first step towards healing your life...
You will find much experience, strength, and hope offered here...
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Old 03-31-2010, 07:27 AM
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It sounds like you have a very loving husband. How long and how much have you been drinking? Any plans on how to stop since you can't do it yourself?
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Old 03-31-2010, 07:33 AM
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Welcome to SR! I'm glad you found us and joined the family. Is it possible to see your doctor for help in quitting, as in, getting thru the initial detox/withdrawal?

I too found I could not stop drinking on my own even tho I knew I needed to stop. I found help in AA and counseling. I hope we can give you the help and information you need to stop drinking
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Old 03-31-2010, 07:34 AM
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Originally Posted by dgillz View Post
It sounds like you have a very loving husband. How long and how much have you been drinking? Any plans on how to stop since you can't do it yourself?
i guess i have been drinking pretty much my adult life, beer and wine mainly. my beverage of choice now is wine -- i drink anywhere from 6 to 10/12 glasses a night. i can put away one of those liters without a problem, but on the average i would say i drink 6 glasses a night.

i do not have a plan, i just want to stop.
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Old 03-31-2010, 08:33 AM
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did i post this in the wrong section. should i have posted in the alcoholism section. just learning this forum, already confused...
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Old 03-31-2010, 08:39 AM
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You sound much like myself, i have no real plan of attack but have not touched a drink in 3 days. I have destroyed my marriage through my drinking and was enough to give me the push i needed. I found telling 2 of my closest friends has helped a little because if people dont know they cant help!!!
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Old 03-31-2010, 08:45 AM
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Hello newagain, posting here is absolutely the right place, along with any other SR forum that you want to say hello and reach out to.

Good for you for wanting to live a better way of life. I had to lose many relationships before I 'got it.'

As for praying, I think God answers us all in different ways. It's not like a bright white light shoots out from the sky every time we pray - it's about developing a relationship with Him.

Something, whatever you choose to believe, brought you here, no?

Welcome and continue to share your fears, doubts, triumphs - this is an awesome place to be.
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Old 03-31-2010, 08:57 AM
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Originally Posted by newagain View Post
Okay, Deep Breath. Hello my name is....and i believe i am an alcoholic. until recently i thought being an alcoholic was staying drunk 24/7. i did not realize that if you drink every night, and still got up and went to work and functioned fine that you could still be an alcoholic. but i have tried to quit and to no avail. i am causing problems in my marriage, i am depressed, i feel like i am going to loose my mind--i feel like i am going crazy. i feel like if i quit drinking, then my life will start putting itself back together. I believe in God, but really do not pray. I have read where having a relationship with God is instrumental in beating this problem. when i do pray i do not feel a "connection" I feel like i am just talking to the air. I thought when you prayed that there was some sort of life changing sign from God, and I have not had that.

Not real sure what i am asking here, just wanted to get this out in the open. i confessed to my husband this morning that i have a problem and was very scared because i have tried to stop but i haven't been able to. last night was a very bad night for us. i really do not remember much of what i said, but i know i hurt him. this was not the first night we have had like this, there have been many. when i told him this morning that i was ashamed of myself and i was very sorry for last night, he just held me tighter than he has ever held me before and would not let me go.
NewAgain,

Sounds like you have already taken the first step to a new way of living. You have admitted you have a problem and you can't fix it yourself. You are right...take a deep breath, because while this might seem so scarey, you can feel relieved that you don't have to pretend that everything is okay.
A.A. is a wonderful program, and the book Alcoholics Annonymous is our guidebook to serene sobriety. I say serene, because just putting the drink down is not enough. We block our connection to God with ourselves. I had to finally admit that alcohol/substances were bigger then me. I know God is bigger then them. I have to put my faith and trust in God, not myself. God uses many resources to help us. The many people on the journey of sobriety are here to listen, guide and help you on your way. I wish the best for you.
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Old 03-31-2010, 10:10 AM
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Hi NewAgain.

Glad you are here. I am pleased that you have realized that you have a problem and can't stop. That is a very hard step for many to get through, so I am happy for you.

My thought is that you shouldn't worry about the relationship with God too much - at least not at first. I am not a religious person, but I have become quite spiritual in my recovery. It manifests itself in very simple, yet significant ways ...

For instance, before I would ask God to "please give me" whatever. When it didn't happen or I didn't see the signs, I got frustrated.

In recovery, I have learned that my job is to live my life in a way that benefits others. I now might say "God, help me to be a good father" or "Help me make a positive difference in someone's life". The shift is subtle, yet important. I don't ask God to give me something, but rather I am asking God to help me help others.

For me, that's it. That is the big spiritual change. I didn't start going to church each day or reading the bible regularly. All I did was to begin to think of helping others before myself.

Yet, this has been amazingly powerful and freeing. It has allowed me to get rid of so many negative emotions that were contributing to my drinking.

There is a lot of great wisdom on SR. Please keep reading. Read the Big Book. Post your experiences. Work on your recovery every day. Go to AA or another program of recovery. By helping others you will find that your recovery is that much more successful and fulfilling.
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Old 03-31-2010, 10:22 AM
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Newagain - it's wonderful you joined us. This a very good thing you're doing. Everything can be turned around. You have the love & support of your husband, and you're going to repair things before you lose each other. Alcohol tore my marriage apart long ago - and we had been a very happy couple. We'd have terrible arguments & in the morning no one remembered what they were about. What a waste. Neither of us ever acknowledged what the real problem was. It's great that you recognize drinking is causing chaos in your life.

Your husband is probably relieved to hear you apologize & admit there's been a problem. It's hard for us to explain to our "normies" what alcohol does to us - how it changes us and destroys the good in us. This never needs to happen to you. Keep telling us about yourself & let us know how it's going. We care about you.
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Old 03-31-2010, 10:30 AM
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Hi Newagain, and welcome.
I'm a wine drinker too, and have no problem putting away a liter. I can relate to your story alot. We will both find the support we need here!
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Old 03-31-2010, 10:44 AM
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thanks so much everyone. i already feel the support from this site. this is a very busy time of year for me, we have a lot of company and do a lot of entertaining. i am worried about the temptation when sitting around the fire at night watching everyone slam them down. hopefully with good communication with my husband, there will be support. although he is a very heavy drinker as well, he drinks liquor and a lot of it. he looses control now and then but is always the nice drunk. he gets up every morning and does a full 12 to 14 hours of work.

i know i can do this, i know i can.
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Old 03-31-2010, 02:38 PM
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Hi Newagain and welcome! I know exactly where you're coming from and empathise with your story. My question is to the others that may be tracking this thread with more experience, if we don't have religion in our lives and feel that AA isn't really an option (at least at this point) what advice do you have to help?
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Old 03-31-2010, 03:00 PM
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Okay I am nearing the 5:00 hour, this is when i would leave work, head to the store and buy the little 4 pack of wine to drink on my way home. i think i will go for a tall cool glass of water and see how that does me...

when i get home i would usually open a bottle of wine, head to my back yard and site, drink, smoke, watch the animals, cook supper and then head off to bed. tonight. i think i will have myself a cool glass of water.....

I love someones tag line that says i have never woken up sober wishing i had drank last night....how true.
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Old 03-31-2010, 03:04 PM
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Lots of good advice here so I'll just say
Welcome to SR newagain

D
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Old 04-01-2010, 06:31 AM
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Good morning all. Well I did it, I made it through my first night. Had to work though a few triggers, ended up washing the car, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning out my chicken coop, playing with my dog and cats...all made me feel so alive. I love to sit in my chicken coop with my baby chicks and watch them eat and play, they like to get up on my lap and look around, like they are playing king of the hill . Chickens are a wonderful pet to have around.

One negative was watching my husband, i haven't noticed the man he is when he is drinking. It made me very sad for him. Praying that by me remaining sober will lead him to dealing with his drinking. Had to get the tractor last night and pull him out of ditch, he said he was on the phone and backed into the ditch when taking the trash off. anyway, we made it home safe, it was 10:00 before we finally ate dinner.

I feel really good today..very strong. a bit jittery, and a little foggy, but all in all, it is better than that waking up after a drunk feeling.

Well good day all....Life is a wonderful when you can be a real part of it.
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Old 04-01-2010, 06:38 PM
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Question

Originally Posted by newagain View Post

Not real sure what i am asking here, just wanted to get this out in the open. i confessed to my husband this morning that i have a problem and was very scared because i have tried to stop but i haven't been able to. last night was a very bad night for us. i really do not remember much of what i said, but i know i hurt him. this was not the first night we have had like this, there have been many. when i told him this morning that i was ashamed of myself and i was very sorry for last night, he just held me tighter than he has ever held me before and would not let me go.

You said, you hurt your husband? Was this while under the influence? We talking physically, emotionally or how did you hurt him?
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Old 04-01-2010, 06:43 PM
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Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000 View Post
You said, you hurt your husband? Was this while under the influence? We talking physically, emotionally or how did you hurt him?
i was drunk and said some pretty mean things. we argued pretty hard.
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Old 04-01-2010, 06:54 PM
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you recall what was said?

Do you and your husband have some unresolved issues? Alcohol usually brings up the things we stuff and don't resolve while we're sober!
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