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This is stupid! I know what I'm doing to myself!

Old 04-01-2010, 03:45 PM
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This is stupid! I know what I'm doing to myself!

I can't believe I can't just stop doing something that I know is hurting my life in general. I KNOW why I have gained 40 + lbs in the past 5 years. I KNOW why I feel like crap most mornings. I KNOW why I am always anxious. I KNOW why I do stupid things that I don't remember half the time. I KNOW why I have ruined relationships. I KNOW why my job performance is getting worse. I could go on for days. It's silly to me that I KNOW how all of these things could change yet I go back to the same patterns. I KNOW what I am capable of when I am not drunk or hungover. I just wish there was a miracle to change it all right now. I don't WANT to drink!!! I KNOW how I tell myself every morning that I will never do that again yet come 5:00 on the way home on most days I stop to pick up wine. I find myself scheduling plans around the days that I know I want to drink or will be hungover especially on the weekends. I'm tired of hiding! I KNOW how great I feel when I go a few days without drinking. I tell myself how great it is and try to remind myself all throughout the day so I won't drink that night. Doesn't always work for me though! I envy those around me that can go out once or twice a month and have a few glasses of wine and be fine with that. For me, when I do go out with other people I will have a glass of wine then go home and open another bottle or two. Then the other nights it's just me and the wine! What a life!!! Argh! I have found such inspiration a hope in all of the postings I have read over the past few weeks. Thank you all! I KNOW I can do this!! Day 2 almost down!!!
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Old 04-01-2010, 03:51 PM
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Lightbulb

Don't know what to tell you but hang in there,& NEVER give up. Not liking to get drunk, I think, is a VERY good beginning ( I LOVED it), & seeing with clarity what alcohol is doing to your life is too. At least you're GETTING IT. A lot of people don't. Good luck to you.
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Old 04-01-2010, 03:54 PM
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Ah, I had all those issues including the extra 40 pounds. By month FOUR it was gone.
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Old 04-01-2010, 04:05 PM
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Im nearly at the end of day 4 and though im still having urges, today has been probably the best day yet. Most of the withdrawal symptoms have passed, I even managed to be in a pub tonight with friends and NOT DRINK!!! If you really want to do it you will. Keep the faith and stay strong!!! Im not saying it easy and day 1 and 2 were by far the hardest for me but its getting better. Im actually starting to feel like I did when I was 18, before I found the demon that is alcohol.
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Old 04-01-2010, 04:07 PM
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Welcome to SR FRESHSTART

yeah I knew all that - I knew it for at least 10 years of my 20 year 'career'.

It took doing something, coming here to SR, really aiming to stay abstinent, that made all the difference for me.

Hope we can help you too
D
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Old 04-01-2010, 04:08 PM
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Welcome to SR! I always found the first few days to a week the hardest. After that I started feeling normal again. I knew also what I was doing to myself and my kids but still couldn't stop on my own. I went to AA early in my sobriety and it helped me. Now I stay sober with the help of some meetings, SR, and my addiction counselor.

Congrats on deciding to live sober. It takes some effort but is so worth it.
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Old 04-01-2010, 04:13 PM
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It's not stupid, it's addiction..

Keep up the good work!
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Old 04-01-2010, 04:28 PM
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Good luck to you! Man, so I know ALL about the extra weight!!!! When I stop smoking pot for a month, I instantly drop 10 pounds.....I know with the beer I like to drink, I would drop probably the other 20 I need to lose to get back to that lovely 115 I used to be before I discovered I liked to drink beer...a LOT of beer....

ciao!
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Old 04-01-2010, 05:29 PM
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Hi and Welcome,

Yeah, this disease of addiction makes us do crazy things.

I'm glad you found us and hope you keep reading and posting.
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Old 04-01-2010, 06:08 PM
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It will be 21 days this coming Sunday and I was a wine drinker like you. I drank 4x a week and usually the whole bottle and maybe break open another. I can relate to everything you said because that was me in a nutshell! I feel great and I never want to go back down that road again! No more hangovers,anxiety,shame....my self confidence is coming back and I just Love it! I changed my routinue and it really helped. Hang in there...It gets so much better
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Old 04-01-2010, 06:23 PM
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day two for this wino too. you wrote my story in your post. what is that saying insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result...well we are breaking the vicious circle and on the road to the life we love when we are sober. just think you and i can also go on a weight reduction schedule, once we quick the wine we should drop that xtra 40.

glad you are here, keep posting and keep reading. i am humbled by the response received from everyone.
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Old 04-01-2010, 07:39 PM
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It's silly to me that I KNOW how all of these things could change yet I go back to the same patterns.
silly? yes I can relate to that. For me it's party because of my thoughts...I want them to go away. and it's pain from my past...I want to erase the past; the secrets, regrets. and combine these two and i have a streak of rebellion in me since i was a teenager....and it's like I still am; a 49 year old teenager.

anyway keep up the good work
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Old 04-01-2010, 07:43 PM
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Welcome to SR.
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Old 04-01-2010, 08:29 PM
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Alcoholism is cunning and baffling
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Old 04-01-2010, 08:42 PM
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Welcome to our recovery community....

You will meet many of us who are winning
over our alcoholism. Please do stay with us
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Old 04-02-2010, 12:25 PM
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Thank you so much everyone! I am feeling ok today. I was sooooo close to driving to the liquor store after my dinner plans were cancelled yesterday but I didn't! Yay! My roommate left for vacation for 2 weeks though! Really really worried about the time alone! I will be with family for the weekend which is usually a safe place for me. I like going there cause I know I won't "have to" drink when I'm there. Any suggestions for what to do for the next 2 weeks?? I would still drink when my roommate was home but behind closed doors. With the freedom to not have to "hide" would have been a binge waiting to happen. I'm open to going to AA meetings but haven't been able to bring myself to go there yet. Feeling the anxiety coming on!!!
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Old 04-02-2010, 12:30 PM
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I've found a lot of help in AA. I do have an awesome sponsor and am reading the material and working on the steps, but it's worth going just to hear the stories that other people share. You can see a lot of yourself in them, and you can hear stories that paint a picture of a place you don't want, and don't have, to be. And at least it will kill some time, right?

Also, what else do you enjoy doing in your spare time when not drinking? Is there something you've wanted to do but couldn't find the time? Now you have it. I'd really like to get to work a little on my golf game. There's a couple video games I can knock out some hours on. Luckily, I work full time and am a full-time student, so I don't have tons of leisure time to fill.

Stay strong!
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Old 04-02-2010, 12:45 PM
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Welcome Freshstart

You will find the answers here. Stay focused, read through the threads. Your whole life depends on it!

All the very best and hang in there!
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Old 04-02-2010, 01:37 PM
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I don't even remember what I liked to do before I started drinking LOL. Too many years have gone by! I guess I'll have to find a new hobby!...Thanks Snarf, I think I will suck it up and go to a meeting when I get back into town. Seems like that might be what I need!
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