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This Time of Day is Hard

Old 03-22-2010, 03:32 PM
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This Time of Day is Hard

Back from work. Picked up the kids who are talkity talk talk..screaming and running around. Starting dinner...Thinking of all the things I want to fit into my night....missing my wine But, have my Perrier.....
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Old 03-22-2010, 03:36 PM
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I agree, even after 5 years sober it's a little hectic when I pick up my kids and we arrive home. Get dinner started, feed the dog, grab the mail, put things away, start the laundry.

But there's a peaceful rhythm to it sometimes, the sound of the kids laughing and talking about school, teasing each other, then we sit down and eat together. Sometimes I'm amazed at what a gift this sober life is, how I'm blessed with the love of my wife and children, and how much we love each other. Could life really be any better if I added alcohol back into the equation?

I think not.
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Old 03-22-2010, 03:40 PM
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Think of what the wine will lead to? Is it happy, smiley times? I ain't read your story but I'm guessing you joined SR for a reason? Is it the wine that you're missing or is it that feeling of being intoxicated and chemically high?

I know for me that there was never just a few drinks but a total and utter drink till passout session, whether with company or on my own I didn't care. Ultimately you can only stay sober if you don't pick up that first drink. Everything else has to stem from there. It's hard and can seem like a laborious graft at times but what is the alternative? Back to square one again?

Do you want a life free from that chemical prison? Maybe you can only have a few glasses of wine? I know for me that as soon as I take a drop then "I ain't leaving till I'm heaving" but then that's because I'm an alkie. Are you an alcoholic? If so then that wine can't be an option.

Just for today don't drink and you will gain strength from it. You can only recover if you don't pick up.

I don't wish to sound forceful or anything but I know that for me when I was thinking along similar lines then I needed a reality check. Me an drinking a few never happened and never will happen and more importantly I wouldn't have wanted it to happen. Maybe you are different to me as everyone is different but ultimately you must be on SR for a reason and I guess it's the result of booze.

All The Best.
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Old 03-22-2010, 04:38 PM
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Good choice Charlotte.
Astro's got the right idea - there's gifts to be found in pretty much in everything, I think

It will get easier

D
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Old 03-22-2010, 05:01 PM
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I made it through. 5-7 is my worst time, well really only time Mon-Fri I drank unless out somewhere. But, I could pack almost a bottle a wine into those 2 hours.

Thanks for the encouragement and the little bit of tough love!
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Old 03-22-2010, 05:12 PM
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Put on some music and dance around with the kids, or put something on TV that inspires you to try something new like a cooking or home improvement show. Make changes in your lifestyle to take your mind off the bottle. I know it's helped me!
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Old 03-22-2010, 07:23 PM
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I understand the time thing, cooking dinner is a trigger for me, if i can get past that and actually eat the craving goes away, but if I do have that drink, I cant stop, i dont eat and it all goes to crap..... GOod for you for not having that drink

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Old 03-22-2010, 08:10 PM
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Way to go, Charlotte!

I was amazed at how much nearly everything I did was associated with drinking when I stopped. I was also amazed at how acutely aware of things (including sounds) I became. These things weren't new - it's just that alcohol no longer muffled them.

This new "awareness" sometimes had me frazzled (kids screaming) and other times had me in awe (birds on a quiet morning).

As with any change (and this is a big one) it takes time and requires developing new habits. Knowing when your triggers are likely to occur (like 5-7pm) gives you the advantage of planning ahead for them (as Astro suggested).

It does get easier. Congrats on 7 days and good job on sticking with the perrier and posting when you needed to vent.
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Old 03-22-2010, 08:41 PM
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Good for you for thinking through it!

Sometimes it really is just getting through a moment....just a moment.

btw....your kids are so very lucky to have a sober mom. What a huge gift.
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Old 03-23-2010, 03:58 AM
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That is my biggest trigger time too. I thought a glass (or 5) of wine while getting dinner reading, throwing washing on etc helped me relax and get a lot of things done. I recently did a month sober and I did get used to not drinking while preparing dinner and by the end of the month it was starting to feel normal. I now try to prepare for the next day after my daughter is in bed as it is a more relaxing time. And letting things wait until I have more time to do it and forcing myself not to feel guilty above letting things slide for a while. Sobriety should be my number one priority.
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Old 03-23-2010, 06:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Astro View Post
I agree, even after 5 years sober it's a little hectic when I pick up my kids and we arrive home. Get dinner started, feed the dog, grab the mail, put things away, start the laundry.

But there's a peaceful rhythm to it sometimes, the sound of the kids laughing and talking about school, teasing each other, then we sit down and eat together. Sometimes I'm amazed at what a gift this sober life is, how I'm blessed with the love of my wife and children, and how much we love each other. Could life really be any better if I added alcohol back into the equation?

I think not.
Great post, Astro



Charlotte, the time when my son got in from school was my usual time for drinking. I didn't think I could cope with his noise and mood (he's tired, hungry and grumpy after school) without a couple of bottles of wine.


Now I am sober my 7 year old and I have "time together" in the evening. It's usually for about 2 hours and he gets to choose what we do together. I can't say I always enjoy the activity after I have watched all the Star Wars DVDs a hundred times but what I have learned recently is how important it is to my son that we spend this time together.

Many times in the morning it will be the first thing he talks about when he wakes up. I don't talk to him about the bad days but I know now that he really did feel it because I neglected him. All I can do today is make it up to him.......and enjoy being present in the moment with him.

In AA I hear many people regretting drinking throught their kids' childhoods. Those precious moments can never be brought back.

Try changing your routine and making fun time with the kids.......in time you will start to look forward to it.
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Old 03-23-2010, 06:23 AM
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My triggers include boredom, depression, and anxiety. What is working for me to keep me sober is being able to ask myself two questions: Will drinking improve my/this situation, and, do I want to wake up tomorrow feeling horrible and hating myself? The answer to both, of course, is NO. So far it's working well for me.
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Old 03-23-2010, 08:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Charlotte2276 View Post
I made it through. 5-7 is my worst time, well really only time Mon-Fri I drank unless out somewhere. But, I could pack almost a bottle a wine into those 2 hours.

Thanks for the encouragement and the little bit of tough love!
Hi Charlotte,

You are not alone with struggling during this time! My wife and I call this time the "Witching Hour." That time after school and before dinner when the kids (God bless them) just start screaming, fighting, noise...noise...and more noise!

As others have mentioned, I find that if I can get some food in me then this can make a huge difference. I grab some fresh veggies while we're preparing dinnner to help. Once we've actually eaten dinner, then I find my cravings (if I'm having any) are gone. Also, there are always AA meetings at night and, although I'm normally a nooner, I'll hit those once or twice a week to help as well.

My alcoholic brain always wants to remember what the first 1-2 drinks felt like and forget the fact that I never stopped there. I now force myself to remember the guilt, feeling horrible, lost time, etc, etc, that I would experience the next morning due to drinking alcohol. Remember that the cravings do go away and we'll always be grateful for the fact that we didn't drink the night before!

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Old 03-23-2010, 09:20 AM
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i agree that the "cocktail hour" is the hardest time for me too....(and my kids are grown and out of the house)....I've developed different routines and new habits in the last month to take the place of the drinks before dinner...some days are easier than others, but I'm always GLAD I do not give in....when I later think about it and wake up every AM sober and well rested.
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