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This is a powerful disease

Old 03-22-2010, 06:52 AM
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This is a powerful disease

I had two days going and anxiety out the whatever. My wife isnt (well who knows) an alcoholic, and she is a one glass or two per day- never ever seen her drunk. I had the shakes so bad last night that I drank wine- about 2 glasses - and my withdrawals went away...I KNOW they are going to get me today. This freeking cunning disease. I woke up again this morning with my normal 'no appetite, anxiety, wish I could throw up (not normally, just today)
feeling. I am going to ask her to stop for a month or so...when that craps around me I cave in the first couple of days. She is a sweetheart, and will do anything for us I think- so I think she will. I feel so weak??? but I am not, I do good at my work, always come through with good results, physically fit with the exception that alchohol has become my brains obsession- I dont even know why. I am weak. Just updating...
Dub
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Old 03-22-2010, 06:55 AM
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I hope you can stop drinking and let the w/d's progress until they're gone for good. You know if you keep drinking the w'd's just get worse.
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Old 03-22-2010, 07:00 AM
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Hey Least
my dogs are helping me so much- I have 3 beautiful dogs and they know I am going through this - I can tell. I love my dogs- and really all animals for the most part.
D
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Old 03-22-2010, 07:20 AM
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So how are the meetings going? You know you can go without being sober?
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Old 03-22-2010, 07:26 AM
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"and will do anything for us I think- so I think she will. I feel so weak???"

No, not weak. You're making a very reasonable request. For the life of me I can't fathom why spouses think it's in any way okay to drink and have their alcohol in the house. This is life or death for you. As your companion, she should be more than willing to help in this ultimately small way.
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Old 03-22-2010, 07:51 AM
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Continuing to drink just perpetuates the cycle. You're gonna have to move through that eventually. Have you thought about medical detox somewhere? Or treatment perhaps?
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Old 03-22-2010, 08:05 AM
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Hi Dub,

I think you have worked out now that you cannot do this alone and that means -

asking your wife for help
asking your doctor for help with withdrawal
asking AA for help
asking someone to be your sponsor

You are not alone. Give those dogs a big hug but I still suggest you find a sponsor and start with the Steps right away.

I have 4 dogs - dogs are great
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Old 03-22-2010, 08:23 AM
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Hey dubs...

So, you are still at it... That's good, so you've some willingness. Hate to see you suffer so.

It was a little tough () when I got home from treatment and the wife would pour her nightly glass of wine... but I had two months behind me by then. Now it doesn't even register... I like a sprite zero and cranberry juice... she her spritzer and now that Jay is back on late night... well, you get the picture.

Anyway, dude, maybe a treatment center to get things started, get yourself some tools to stay sober, get an understanding of the twelve steps.

Weakness... no not really, powerlessness... that's a little different concept. Surrender my friend. I'd like to see you here, in SR, ultimately in the 12 step section, posting your progress through the steps...

Mark
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Old 03-22-2010, 08:28 AM
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Get in the habit of getting some food in you first thing in the morning. Fruit and at least some fiber type of cereal.

My lack of good eating habits caused me a lot of problems. Whenever I went somewhere with a full stomache, there wasn't any room for a drink. Drink fruit juices and green tea
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Old 03-22-2010, 08:31 AM
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Regarding my abuse of alcohol, and the screaming out loud toll it was taking on my mind, body and soul:

A friend asked me once why I loved and treated my dear hound dog so much better than I treated myself.

I truly believe, as I think you do, that our animals have feelings. You know Dub that your dogs love you, right? If they could talk, they would want you to treat yourself with as much love and caring as you show them.

You doggies look to you to take good care of them. Why won't you look to others close to you for help as has been suggested to you over and over here?

What is the worse that could happen if you did?
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Old 03-22-2010, 08:41 AM
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Dub did you call your sponsor or any one before you drank?

You are aware that it gets worse with every drink.

Are you ready to stop fighting?

I never won the fight no matter how many times I picked myself off the mat, as long as I kept fighting it I always wound up on my butt.

I finally surrendered & went over to the winning side.
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Old 03-22-2010, 09:42 AM
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Hey dub, I know you've had a really hard go of it lately.. I just wanted to send my best wishes, and I hope you've connected to some support.. you're right, this is powerful stuff, so powerful it will kill you.
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Old 03-22-2010, 10:18 AM
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i dont know what to say.....I do not feel good, but you guys are helping a lot
still me
dub
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Old 03-22-2010, 10:26 AM
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Please Dub, please stop now and you'll never have to feel this badly again. I know how bad w/d can be, I've been thru them too damn many times myself. But now I know it can be done, gotten thru, and be over with forever. Please get medical help or something now. I hate to see you going thru this pain over and over, and it only gets worse.

I agree that your dogs would want to see you well again.
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Old 03-22-2010, 10:34 AM
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(((Dubs)))

This disease is so powerful, cunning and baffling, few of us can make it alone. I think it's a really good idea that you get a program. You want to be sober, you have a lovely family who wants you sober and have a career worth staying around for.

I worry about you detoxing at home. You've said in the past you had some terrible time with your BP and all. Maybe seeing your doctor, getting into a detox center is a good idea. Have you ever completed a rehab? I mean a 30 day inpatient program?

Thanks for checking in. I'm worried for you.

Love,

Lenina
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Old 03-22-2010, 10:52 AM
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Dub,

I am sending prayers for you to find peace in your life.
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Old 03-22-2010, 11:00 AM
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Dub, I am guessing your wife knows what you are going through - not sure whether that means you have said you are an alcoholic, etc. I think it is a good idea to ask for her help, but it also does not let you off the hook in the least when it comes to the full ownership of the recovery (it's inside you, just like the addiction issue is yours). Take the "I am weak" and make it "this is mine" instead. Yes, it is fluff but you need to be propped up and you need some building blocks in your head to keep going. You have to take what others are telling you, both here and offline through AA etc, and make it your own. No one in recovery claims they are valiant because they are no longer using, they also know about weakness and build themselves on a day-by-day basis. Recognize it, and work on it, like you're your own friend, if that makes sense. I think you should keep a mix of tools including AA, you were on to something a week or two ago, it seemed. Hope you will keep going!
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Old 03-22-2010, 01:31 PM
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i'm thinking about you dub and will be doing some metta for you tonight. i truly, truly hope that you seek the appropriate level of support necessary to find freedom from your addiction and that you find recovery. I just learned today that a friend of mine died friday at the hands of this disease. This is not something to **** around with.
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Old 03-22-2010, 01:53 PM
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Awfully sorry to hear of your friend August.
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Old 03-22-2010, 02:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Lenina View Post
(((Dubs)))

This disease is so powerful, cunning and baffling, few of us can make it alone. I think it's a really good idea that you get a program. You want to be sober, you have a lovely family who wants you sober and have a career worth staying around for.

I worry about you detoxing at home. You've said in the past you had some terrible time with your BP and all. Maybe seeing your doctor, getting into a detox center is a good idea. Have you ever completed a rehab? I mean a 30 day inpatient program?

Thanks for checking in. I'm worried for you.

Love,

Lenina
I can't detox at home- I think I have that conclusion, my wds are crazy- I need to be locked up for about 10 days at least. I wish, really wish, I could take 30 days off of work and keep things at home together and go to a detox center- I dont have that luxury. BUT i know 30 days is nothing compared to my life.....I wish I could just put this behind me and move on. Keeping a good attitude I hope.....
Love to You Lenina
Dub
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