Regarding my abuse of alcohol, and the screaming out loud toll it was taking on my mind, body and soul:
A friend asked me once why I loved and treated my dear hound dog so much better than I treated myself.
I truly believe, as I think you do, that our animals have feelings. You know Dub that your dogs love you, right? If they could talk, they would want you to treat yourself with as much love and caring as you show them.
You doggies look to you to take good care of them. Why won't you look to others close to you for help as has been suggested to you over and over here?
What is the worse that could happen if you did?