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Horrible night

Old 03-20-2010, 10:11 PM
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Horrible night

Hi, I am kinda new here. I posted a few months ago but don't remember my old user name.

I have been battling alcohol problems for years now, being a big binge drinker since I was 15, I am now 29. Over the past couple of years I have been drinking more frequently and it got to the stage a few months ago where I was drinking a lot everyday (over a bottle of wine each day). I participated in Febfast, a charity initiative in Australia that encourages people not to drink alcohol at all for the month of February. I completed the month successfully. I was deluded and thought this break would stop my bad habits and I could drink in moderation in future.

Last night I went to a birthday party and got very drunk, I was horrible, rude to people (I was asked to leave) and was really mean to my boyfriend who is such a wonderful person and doesn't deserve this at all. I feel so horrible today, guilty that I was rude, usually I am really worried about hurting peoples feelings and try to be a good person. I feel very depressed and on the verge of a panic attack and like I am the most horrible person in the world.

I am determined to be done with drinking for good. I am just terrified that in a couple of months my resolve will be weakened. I never want to feel like this again.
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Old 03-20-2010, 10:35 PM
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Welcome back Ozgirl.

Hard determination and a street fighter persistence has served me very well in my addiction treatment efforts. Keep active in your recovery efforts here at SoberRecovery and elsewhere...alone I could not manage my addiction recovery...but together (with those in addiction treatment) I could.
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Old 03-20-2010, 10:51 PM
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I was also a bad drunk, now its time to start to make some changes for the better.

Stay close to SR & keep sharing your thoughts and just dont pick up for today.

I just went to my second AA meeting tonight & it was a wonderful experience, talking with & hearing others stories really seemed to make things better.

Before my first meeting I called a local AA hot-line & chatted to a great guy on the other line. He then had someone come by to take me to a local meeting. This person is now my sponsor (not pushing AA on you or anything... I just wanted to share my recent experience).

All of the best in your recovery
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Old 03-20-2010, 10:55 PM
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Wink

.stick with me!!! ...we'll make it..OZboy..
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Old 03-20-2010, 11:18 PM
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Welcome back Ozgirl

I'm sorry for your embarrassments last night. The good news is you can make that the last such night.

I've gone for a month and two months once and thought - well thats it, I'm ok now - kinda silly really when you lay 1 or 2 months against the 2O years I spent drinking alcoholically.

I believe we cross a line and can't go back. Once I accepted that as a fact, things got better for me.

It takes a lot of commitment and a lot of work to stay firm, but the rewards are great if you can do it.

Thought of a recovery programme? Face to face support can help you keep your resolve.

D
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Old 03-21-2010, 12:42 AM
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Thank you for the helpful advice and warm welcome. I think I will attend an AA meeting one night this week.
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Old 03-21-2010, 01:05 AM
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Welcome to SR Ozgirl,

I know exactly the feeelings you are going through and feel your pain. The best part is that you have been clean for a month before, this time make it for good, you can do it. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. In my 25 years of drinking I never made it past 30 days, now I have a little over 2 months sober and have never felt better except for being tired all of the time. My mind is much clearer and the anxiety is all but gone, I never knew life could feel so good.

Good luck to you and remember life is way to short to live it as an alcoholic.

MahiMahi
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Old 03-21-2010, 01:34 AM
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Hi Ozgirl, welcome back,

You are not alone in this, and I can relate, what your wrote sounds a lot like my own story:

  • binge drinker since I was 15, I am now 29
  • Over the past couple of years I have been drinking more frequently and it got to the stage a few months ago where I was drinking a lot everyday
  • I was deluded and thought this break would stop my bad habits and I could drink in moderation in future
  • I feel so horrible today, guilty
  • I am determined to be done with drinking for good
  • similar age and drinking career
  • escalation of drinking over the last years:check
  • Several breaks of one or two months tricked me into thinking I could handle it. It never worked.
  • Lots of mornings after with anxiety, guilt and depression, and this feelings started to stay at one point.
  • Same conclusions for me....I ha dto face the fact that I could not control my drinking behaviour and that as long as I didn't quit for good, it would not work out.


The good news is that you can make all this stop and get better. As other posters before me said, reaching out for support on the forum is a good step, and support in real life, be it alcohol counselling, be it A.A. or secular meetings, can increase your the odds to succeed in staying sober. I don't want to push this on you. I'm over 9 months sober and while I didn't go to meetings right away, I have benefited a lot from them-and some things in early recovery would probably have been a bit easier with real life support.
Keep reading, keep posting, you can do this- it is really worth it. Hugs, and all the best
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