Hi Ozgirl, welcome back,
You are not alone in this, and I can relate, what your wrote sounds a lot like my own story:
- binge drinker since I was 15, I am now 29
- Over the past couple of years I have been drinking more frequently and it got to the stage a few months ago where I was drinking a lot everyday
- I was deluded and thought this break would stop my bad habits and I could drink in moderation in future
- I feel so horrible today, guilty
- I am determined to be done with drinking for good
- similar age and drinking career
- escalation of drinking over the last years:check
- Several breaks of one or two months tricked me into thinking I could handle it. It never worked.
- Lots of mornings after with anxiety, guilt and depression, and this feelings started to stay at one point.
- Same conclusions for me....I ha dto face the fact that I could not control my drinking behaviour and that as long as I didn't quit for good, it would not work out.
The good news is that you can make all this stop and get better. As other posters before me said, reaching out for support on the forum is a good step, and support in real life, be it alcohol counselling, be it A.A. or secular meetings, can increase your the odds to succeed in staying sober. I don't want to push this on you. I'm over 9 months sober and while I didn't go to meetings right away, I have benefited a lot from them-and some things in early recovery would probably have been a bit easier with real life support.
Keep reading, keep posting, you can do this- it is really worth it. Hugs, and all the best
