Welcome back Ozgirl
I'm sorry for your embarrassments last night. The good news is you can make that the last such night.
I've gone for a month and two months once and thought - well thats it, I'm ok now - kinda silly really when you lay 1 or 2 months against the 2O years I spent drinking alcoholically.
I believe we cross a line and can't go back. Once I accepted that as a fact, things got better for me.
It takes a lot of commitment and a lot of work to stay firm, but the rewards are great if you can do it.
Thought of a recovery programme? Face to face support can help you keep your resolve.
D