EllaBella

ps. is there any alternative fro 12 steps that doesn't speak about God? I don't want to offend anyone, I am just not a believer.

Dee74

Noone can make you do what you don't want to do Ella.

As I said the important thing is action, not the label, IMO.

I identify as an alcoholic tho because after denying it for 20 years, it was actually therapeutic and beneficial for me to accept that reality.

By accepting that fact, I was able to move from 'fighting' my drinking problems - and seeking to control them - to a point we're I'm living in serenity without them.

I think that's where most people are coming from, here.

D

Dee74

Here's a small list of recovery resources - it might give you an indication of what's out there
Ella

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html

D

intention

Hi Ella,

I am not defining the difference between the two. What I am saying is that for a long time I believed that an alcoholic was a stereotype - drank spirits, drank every day, always got drunk, drank in the morning, drank all day.

And I believed that unless I was like that I was not an alcoholic.

Now I know that the stereotype is misleading. Alcholics have different patterns of drinking. Some drink spirits, some drink wine, some drink beer, some drink hand gels in hospitals. Some drink all day, some drink only in the evening, some drink every day, some only drink at weekends. They are still alcoholics.

I suppose the thing they all have in common is that alcohol has a very negative impact on their lives. They think about drink, they worry about it, they worry about their consumption, they try not to drink so much, they end up drinking more than they intended, they drink to oblivion, they blackout.......Normal or social drinkers, or whatever label you want to give them, don't do this.

As to the line between drinking too much and alcoholism, I believe it is an invisible one. I can't define it because I had no idea when I crossed it. Many people here will tell you the same. As to which side of the line you are at, that is something you will have to decide yourself.



We are only sharing our experience here. With hindsight I wish I had admitted I was an alcoholic far sooner rather than play the word games in my head about what I wanted to label myself instead. That's not to pressure you. It's just to tell you my experience. Ultimately you have to find your own way through this but maybe something someone says about their experience of labelling themselves will resonate with you and help you find the answers you seek.

Keep posting.

intention

That's exactly how I feel. You are just better at being succint than me. That's something I need to work on.

CAPTAINZING2000

I've known people in denial of having cancer but, that's not going to cure it or change it either

academia

Hey Ella-

I'm not sure what I meant about my comment earlier; I guess I was trying to compare our drinking, which isn't really fair or smart.

Anyway, we have a lot in common it seems. I've asked myself the question about the 12-steps without the God part. I'm an atheist as well. However, as I've progressed in my thinking about this (and talking with my therapist) the God part does not necessarily need to be taken literally (although, I imagine that it can be taken either way). Moreso, it's a metaphor for something that you may not necessarily have power to change; i.e. your pre-disposition to and/or having alcoholism. It's not like you can just cure yourself. You're stuck with it and I'm stuck with it. For some people, faith can provide a great degree of courage and support. For the rest of us, you have to find it in yourselves, your community, your support network, and the things that matter you to.

Granted, I have not embarked on the 12-steps yet. In fact, I read as many books and papers as I could on people who can sober up without the 12 steps. There appears to be some cases where this is true, so I guess it depends largely on the person. I can't imagine there being any *negative* to the 12-steps though, even with the God part. Just my 2 cents.

EllaBella

Dee thanks so much, I will read those articles. Yes, I must do some deep thinking and answer myself a question am I fighting and trying to control them or do I admit that I have a problem.

intention I see your point, I always thought of an alcoholic as someone that under any circumstances cannot stop himself from having a drink. Now I know, this is not the case. When I think of it the most negative things in my life are connected to the alcohol, to say it blunt, when I'm sober I am good person, all regrets come with alcohol consumption.

Thanks academia, I will try to think about it this way, well I will do read it first and then probably do some more research. Actually, soon will be in a similar position to yours, cause except working I also joined university to finish my education - don't worry it's an online uni, so no college parties for me

For now, I have to tell you guys, even though it's only 3rd day since my decision, I feel FANTASTIC - maybe it's this new set of mind :-) Anyway BIG BIG BIG thank you to you all, you did make me realise a lot of things ) & I will definitely be frequently visiting SR

Dee74

no articles - just links to sites Ella

D

yeahgr8

For me a drunk is a drunk is a drunk....if you were a drunk and you recovered for 50 years, in my eyes you were and always will be a drunk...just like me:-)

Quite comforting actually having not to aspire to some far off goal and just look towards progress along the lines of being a recovered drunk...

jazzz

Hey EllaBella

I'm also an Aduld Child of Alcoholics. And an alcoholic myself. I grew up with alcohol being very normal. My parents didn't drink all the time and they weren't drunks as such, they both had work and cared for me and my siblings. But looking back it was a very dysfunctional home. No one talked. Well, we talked..but never about the things that mattered. Never about feelings.
Anyway. When I became a teenager I started to drink and when in my twenties I had already developed an alcohol problem. I used alcohol to get out of myself. I used it to selfmedicate. I used it to have fun! I Loved the stuff. Did I have a problem?? Not in my head. It wasn't until later, when hangovers started to get really bad and the things I did in a blackout started to catch up on me, that I had to look honestly at myself and admit that yes, I have a problem with alcohol and I probably need to stop. I actually wanted to give it up entirely, but didn't honestly think I could do it. I tried a few times to just stop but I always went back. I couldn't do it "in my own head", so to speak. I would convince myself that it's ok. "Just a few". "Just try to control it"...haha. No way. I didn't wanna control it. I wanted to get smashed!!
I don't understand people who drink moderately. For me, it's much easier to just let go and don't drink at all. My life is so much better now, I'm 6 months sober in 2 days!! It's great. My life has changed so much and it's all for the better, believe me! Btw, I'm 29 years old.
I used AA to get sober. Couldn't have done it without them. It's a great fellowship. But there are other ways out there that you might want to consider.
Don't be afraid of the God concept. God is just a higer power, that spirit you seek when you drink! You can find it sober

Wishing you all the best..

EllaBella

Thank you Jazzz, this message from you is very uplifting
Congrats on 6 months, I am so looking forward to it!
I more of the person that uses alcohol more to have fun than anything, but what's the point in this, if the next day all I can feel are regrets and no memories from 'having' fun. Then I wonder, why I don't have friends or a partner... well because most of them I meet when I am smashed and that's not real me The fear of "Will anybody like me when I am not drunk & crazy Ella?" overwhelms me & stops me from having sober relationships with people. So, thanks again Jazzz & wish you next succesful 6 months

ps. on your profile it says that ur a musician, must be so much harder to you in this particular environment..

Bamboozle

Hello, EB.

Check out the secular connections section. You'll find a few fellow non-believers there.

I loathe the word "alcoholic". I don't have to call myself that.

What I do know is that I have addiction problems when I consume alcohol. Bad problems.

It is possible to stop and stay stopped through secular methods. I'm about 38 days away from declaring 1 year sober. Go me.

I'm not calling what I'm doing "recovery" anymore. I'm just living.

Welcome to SR.


P.S.--Windy has a two-step program that doesn't mention God. It's very simple and I use it:

Step one: don't drug/drink

Step two: see step one

Anna

Ella,

I think I needed to take a leap of faith when I finally knew I needed to stop drinking. I had no idea how I would be, how I could manage without alcohol, but I knew I couldn't continue with what I had been doing.

And, it has been a joyful experience to uncover the 'real' me and to accept myself as I am.

intention

I like that, Jazz.

Well done on your 6 months.

CrackQuack

Welcome to SR! This is a wonderful place full of support and recovery! I really hope you enjoy it here!
And best wishes to you on your recovery journey. I hope SR plays as wonderful a part in it as it has in mine.
So, you're afraid of being called an alcoholic, but easily call your dad one? Ohhh... Goodness. Might as well jump in there and go for it. Own it. I don't flinch or hesitate when I call myself a crackhead, a crack addict, or an addict. I own it. I put my own spin on it. I call myself a crackhead who doesn't smoke crack. And trust me, people, in this world are MUCH more understanding towards an alcoholic ("Would you like a glass of wine?" "No thank you, I am alergic to alcohol" "Oh that's fine, what would you like to drink then?" ) than a crackhead (OHHHH, you're a crackhead? You'll never stop smoking crack. Hey, where is my wallet? I want to make sure it's safe. Can you go away you filthy user? I don't want your stink to rub off on me! There is NO hope for YOU! You lying, stealing, hooker! Best place for you is in jail or the grave!)... Ya know..
And I am also the child of a recovering alcoholic. My father got sober while serving our country and stayed sober for, I think, I can be off, 30+ years. He passed away in 2004. My grandfather (also passed) was an active alcoholic until the day he died. Gave up 4 packs of cigs a day to drink. Snuck beer into the hospital while he was dying of cancer. One uncle is a recovering heroin addict. The other one commited suicide and was a cocaine addict. My aunt is a pill addict. My children, poor guys, are doomed. I hope they never touch a THING in their lives. Addiction runs strong in my family.
While I wouldn't recommend advertising any addiction, nor would I belittle any addiction, I would like to help you feel more comfortable with your own and allowing yourself the freedom to try a meeting or some kind of face to face therapy. Online is superb. Don't get me wrong. SR has carried me amazingly far, but nothing beats having SOMEONE out there, whom you can see face to face, to talk to. That understands and can relate. And even help you. And best of all, they can give hugs. REAL ones. Plus it sounds a lot like you may be trying to hide your addiction from the real world. I don't think you need to tell everyone, but if you isolate, and don't seek outside help and support, it's a lot tougher to stay clean and sober. I would not say it's impossible. But maybe give a few meetings a try, or see a therapist to suppliment your online support. Just give it some thought.
I hope you are doing well!