Hey EllaBella
I'm also an Aduld Child of Alcoholics. And an alcoholic myself. I grew up with alcohol being very normal. My parents didn't drink all the time and they weren't drunks as such, they both had work and cared for me and my siblings. But looking back it was a very dysfunctional home. No one talked. Well, we talked..but never about the things that mattered. Never about feelings.
Anyway. When I became a teenager I started to drink and when in my twenties I had already developed an alcohol problem. I used alcohol to get out of myself. I used it to selfmedicate. I used it to have fun! I Loved the stuff. Did I have a problem?? Not in my head. It wasn't until later, when hangovers started to get really bad and the things I did in a blackout started to catch up on me, that I had to look honestly at myself and admit that yes, I have a problem with alcohol and I probably need to stop. I actually wanted to give it up entirely, but didn't honestly think I could do it. I tried a few times to just stop but I always went back. I couldn't do it "in my own head", so to speak. I would convince myself that it's ok. "Just a few". "Just try to control it"...haha. No way. I didn't wanna control it. I wanted to get smashed!!
I don't understand people who drink moderately. For me, it's much easier to just let go and don't drink at all. My life is so much better now, I'm 6 months sober in 2 days!!
It's great. My life has changed so much and it's all for the better, believe me! Btw, I'm 29 years old.
I used AA to get sober. Couldn't have done it without them. It's a great fellowship. But there are other ways out there that you might want to consider.
Don't be afraid of the God concept. God is just a higer power, that spirit you seek when you drink! You can find it sober
Wishing you all the best..