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Day 11 and Husband bringing beer home

Old 01-26-2010, 09:59 AM
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Day 11 and Husband bringing beer home

I haven't checked in in a few days. It's been busy around here. I am still sober and strong. I am feeling pretty good, too. Anxiety is all but gone... I am down to .5 mg Ativan just before bed and that is it. I guess I am bummed that my husband is still bringing booze into the house. Thankfully, I would not touch the beer his drinks even at my most desperate... seriously, I can't handle it... but I think it is insensitive of him anyways. He drank too much yesterday, was up half the night with cold sweats keeping ME up and he had a heck of a hangover this morning... this is not an every day thing for him like it was for me but it frustrated me none-the-less. He loves me... he was my rock when I was going through the withdrawals and the panic and all that went with it. He never left my side... but then to have beer and hard lemonade in the house... I don't understand.

This is day 11 and I have not had a single craving for alcohol (yet)... I have too much to live for to go back to that cr*p. I just wish he understood my determination. he always says "well I wish you could have 1 or 2 and stop" but I can't and I think he must know that deep down. I KNOW IT.... thanks for letting me vent!!!
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Old 01-26-2010, 10:09 AM
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Hang in there. I hope someone posts a reply of wisdom from experience. Then maybe you could print out and hand it to him. I'm perplexed as to why he would think that doing what he's doing is in any way okay.
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Old 01-26-2010, 10:16 AM
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I think if you just keep focusing on your recovery, you'll be okay.

You are very lucky to have had your husband offer so much support when you were detoxing. Is it possible that your husband could keep the alcohol in a place where you didn't see it?

The thing is, other people don't understand how hard it is for us, and we can't expect them to. That's why it's good to come here!
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Old 01-26-2010, 10:36 AM
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Hi There!

I always try to start by reminding people that I'm only on my 7th day of sobriety, so please remember that when reading my posts. Those that are much further along in their recovery I'm sure will have some great words of wisdom.

That said, when I decided to stop drinking I had a big heart-to-heart with my wife. I know that she can never understand my disease (who really can outside of an alcoholic?), but she has come to accept my disease.

Anyways, I told her that my alcoholism was just that - mine, and that she was not responsible for my actions. I also told her that the only thing I was really asking from her was for her to support me - which she has 100%.

I did mention to her that it would really, really help me that if she was going to bring alcohol into the house, that I didn't see it or know about it. I told her that this would help remove a stumbling block during my early recovery.

Has she had any alcohol during my early recovery? No clue, and that's just the way I want it to be.

Good Luck!

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Old 01-26-2010, 10:36 AM
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Congrats on 11 days sober and strong!! Hubby is fully supportive of me but I will say this. We have a full liquor cabinet that I have not opened or touched. I have no interest and we have some beer in the house. Hubby will have 1 beer may a few nights a week. Either he drinks it out of the bottle when I am in bed (he works nights) or he pours it in a glass. he keeps it in the bottom in the back of the fridge. Maybe your hubby could try doing that.

Either way you are doing awesome and I am so proud!! We can do this. Life is so much better sober!!!

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Old 01-26-2010, 10:59 AM
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It's tough isn't it MsHappy? I'm in the same situation. I've had originally 15 months under my belt when I relapsed and now it's 4 mths plus. I still find it very difficult that my husband, even if just occasional, keeps booze around. If I'm feeling really strong it's no problem; however if I'm caught out in a weak moment and I know where it's kept (lets face it, we know all the hiding places ) well then it's another matter.
Mostly it just bothers me, makes me angry, makes me question 'why' he can't understand.

What helped me were the members here with experience. It really helped. I've learned to live around my HB when it comes to his drink and my recovery. He will never understand, it's not even his fault, he is NOT an alcoholic. How could he understand? He is supportive and smart and tries, but he will never experience the pain of being an alcoholic. Your husband does sound supportive too, maybe you should sit down, have a heart to heart and come to some kind of arrangement that suits both of you.

In the meantime, please keep coming to SR and let it all out. You are doing well, don't let this discourage you.
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Old 01-26-2010, 12:07 PM
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Did you tell him that you would prefer that there be no alcohol in the house? Or just expect him to be more considerate? He is a MAN, after all, hints do not count.
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Old 01-26-2010, 12:21 PM
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LOL dgillz.. good reminder

I had to have my home alcohol free for a long time when I first got sober. And yes, d.. I had to flat out just ask hubby to keep the liquor out of the house, which wasn't an issue as he's not an alcoholic and could care less if there's anything here to drink. He doesn't need alcohol around bad enough to keep it here and make me feel uncomfortable, if he did, I'd really question if HE had an issue!
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Old 01-26-2010, 12:54 PM
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See thats the thing. I DID ask hubby to keep it away but he (nicely) said that he shouldn't be punished because I am an alcoholic. He won't drink out of the house because he had a DUI almost 3 year ago. I don't think he is an alcoholic... I am not one to judge, obviously... but he won't NOT drink at home.
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Old 01-26-2010, 12:59 PM
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Originally Posted by MsHappy2BSober View Post
See thats the thing. I DID ask hubby to keep it away but he (nicely) said that he shouldn't be punished because I am an alcoholic. He won't drink out of the house because he had a DUI almost 3 year ago. I don't think he is an alcoholic... I am not one to judge, obviously... but he won't NOT drink at home.
Do you know the Serenity Prayer?
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Old 01-26-2010, 01:07 PM
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Originally Posted by MsHappy2BSober View Post
but he won't NOT drink at home.
Then, you have to focus your energy on yourself and how you can deal with this. You can do it!
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Old 01-26-2010, 01:12 PM
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My home doesn´t have to be alcohol-free; we have open bottles with rome, vodka and brandy in a closet. But it needs to be red wine-free!!! Because red wine is my stuff. I can resist it at the shops and at the restaurants. But at home, tired, sleepless, coming home after a really really hard day at work? I can trust myself so much yet. My husband prefer me being sober and has no special need for red wine, so he doesn´t bring it home.
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Old 01-26-2010, 01:47 PM
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I just think it is very rude and disrespectful of the husband. When I was married my husband and I both smoked, I stopped smoking and although he tried to stop he couldn't BUT out of respect for me he never smoked in our home again. If he can't not drink for at least a month or 2 then ah... he has a problem. I can be around alcohol now but during the first year if I even smelled it (even unopened bottles at the grocery store) it made me sick.
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Old 01-26-2010, 01:57 PM
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(I've been sick lately so the brain isn't functioning very well) I opened the freezer the other day and pulled out a bottle of vodka that was about 80% gone. Said something about wow it is almost gone and I didn't have any. Stupid husband starts telling me that I did. NO..I may be sick but I am not crazy! Makes me so mad. He brings home, mostly beer and wine and drinks it. I didn't mind the beer and wine because it wasn't my drink of choice. Now the vodka in the freezer was! He has done everything in his power I think to get me to drink. Leaves out the bottles and now this! I guess that I have decided that he would rather have me drinking because I think he could control me more. I've had to tell myself that this is MY RECOVERY and I will do it by myself (with help from SR) and it has been good but he pisses me off!

Hang in there!!
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Old 01-26-2010, 03:47 PM
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Hi MsHappy

That's why I love SR - even when those closest to us don't, or can't, understand - there's always someone here who will

Congrats on 11 days
D
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Old 01-26-2010, 05:48 PM
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I couldn't agree more with others about SR. Most people don't know about my sobriety or alcoholism because they would not understand what it is like to have an addiction. Some think.....well just stop doing it. Easier said then done and I wouldn't wish alcoholism on my worst enemy.

My ex was the most unsupportive, no good "bleep" to have around when I needed support. He wouldn't go to counseling over marital issues since I was the one with a problem. He said that I needed to stop drinking which I tried many a time and I swear each time the SOB would kick up his drinking with Captain Morgan...my original drink of choice. He would drink several a night when he knew I was on the wagon. I was angry and hurt. As a spouse, he did not identify with me and never made feel as if I had his support. No wonder I failed again and again. I think he was afraid I would leave him if I did succeed in my quest for sobriety.

Just be strong as you are doing this for you. Keep going and it will get easier. I will say from what you wrote that your recovery may be an eye opener for your husband's own drinking. As we all know....as an alcoholic....at whatever stage...you are not ready until You are ready.

Huggs Every day is a better day when we are sober.
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