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stressed out and how to deal with it...

Old 01-20-2010, 11:30 AM
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stressed out and how to deal with it...

hey all,
I recently closed my restaurant down after a year and 1/2 of bad business. I live in a small town based on tourism and thought that once I closed the place down I would have absolutely no problem in finding work..was I wrong...so far my buddy who owns a local insurance company has me coming in 2 hours each night and telemarketing people about car insurance. Don't get me wrong--I am grateful for that, but it does not nearly pay the bills. I am broke, moving out of a house and looking for another, and trying to pay off bills that are pilling up.
The reason I'm writing this here is that I've quit drinking (and am so happy in doing so) but I'm starting to find that these mental walls around me are starting to get tighter and tighter. The stress is real, but the solution is no where to be found. I've tried to network myself out, put in applications everywhere, but still no answers...I have no desire to drink, fully understand the fuel it would add to the fire, but I'm starting to worry about my mental state. Has anyone ever been this close to the "wall" and if so, what did you do? I'm actually thinking about moving home to my parents house (im fing 35!) :wtf2 because a)they would allow it b)it's the only place i have for free.
This is a man with a work ethic, unafraid to get dirty, has 20 years of experience in the restaraunt biz and associates in business with a p.h.d in the art of bullshitting...
Feelings...they teach you that they are important....I am scared and I can't stand being scared. I'm using this to vent, I'm not looking for anyone to solve my problem, but just would love to hear some stories, advice..because I'm trying to reach out and not internalize!
so far, this is my day
rob d
day 15 with only caffience!
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Old 01-20-2010, 11:48 AM
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Have you thought about relocating?
Not sure how things are in the States right now but here in Canada good people are hard to find in the tourist areas such as Banff in Alberta for people with experience in the Hospitality industry.
Although I don't know for sure I would think the same would be true for New York although I know the cost of living there is through the roof.
It is good that you realize drinking would only makes matters worse.
Keep the faith.
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Old 01-20-2010, 11:54 AM
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hang in there fella, sometimes rock bottom needs to be hit! mental application to life!!
ie,change of attitude change of circumstance, i had a similar experience were i had
this safe job for a number of years,and it was ok, we had a kid an my mrs job was the
safer job to hold onto, so i tried to go part time, but my company didnt let me, so guess
what ended up lookin after a six month old baby 3 days a week, was so sure one of my
associates would have some pt work i couldnt find work for like 3 months, i felt quite
humiliated small, shamed almost, boy when i got back to fulltime work again i never
ever took for granted a job again, and the few associates around about who actually
took pleaure in my plight!! well them suckers were shown for what they were, and
i saw every dogs out for themselves, no matter how much pretentious sympathy
they put my way, it really is a case of look after your own, and trust no one but
yourself.:wtf2 good luck.
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Old 01-20-2010, 01:04 PM
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Rob, I feel your pain. I owned a restaurant for 17 years and I know how hard a business it is. I was fortunate enough to have succeeded and eventually sold the place but it was a very hard 17 years. I know how hard you worked and understand the disappointment you must feel is losing the business.

You're in a dangerous place right now. Everything is going badly and the stress level is maxing out. And this stress can lead you back to drinking if it isn't dealt with quickly. My experience here is to draw on the emotional sobriety I've developed by living the 12 steps. And some of the tools I've picked up include talking to people. Go to a lot of meetings - you certainly have the time. (and I'm not trying to be a smartass here). Talk to others. This is the single best thing I've learned to do. Then while you're talking to other people, talk to your higher power. Ask for guidance as to His will for you. I've been around a long time and over the years have come to realize that I seldom got what I asked Him for, but I always got what I needed. Funny how that worked out.

Then I suggest you keep doing what you're doing. But you need to be patient. Something will turn up, believe me. When I sold my place I wanted to go back to work and it took me 4 years, in a good economy, to land a job. And I wasn't choosy, either. But I ended up landing the best job I ever had. Like I said, I didn't necessarily always get what I wanted, but I certainly got what I needed. And during that 4 year lapse I went to a lot of meetings and talked to a lot of people. Like you, I need to vent. I also burned through all the profit I made in selling my place so I was pretty broke. I wouldn't have hesitated to move in with my parents if it were an option. The bills pile up and we just do the best we can.

I hope some of this ramble makes sense to you. You're in a tough place than can be a dangerous place, too. But you'll make it, just be patient. And you may want to try some of the stuff I did to get through the hard times. As you've said, drinking certainly isn't the answer.
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Old 01-20-2010, 01:26 PM
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I think a lot of tourist areas are feeling the economic crunch these days.

I wonder if you've thought about moving to a larger city or somewhere where it might be more likely to find work?

I wish you well with the job hunt!
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Old 01-20-2010, 02:03 PM
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Hi Rob,

like others have said I think a lot of people are feeling the brunt of the economic situation right now - I wish I had a solution, or a job, for you

The relocating idea isn't a bad one if you're up for that - in any case I'm glad to see you realise a drink would solve nothing - trust me from experience, it would only make things worse.

Keep us updated, Rob
D
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Old 01-20-2010, 02:35 PM
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Originally Posted by rdav74 View Post
hey all,
Has anyone ever been this close to the "wall" and if so, what did you do? I'm actually thinking about moving home to my parents house (im fing 35!) :wtf2 because a)they would allow it b)it's the only place i have for free.
This is a man with a work ethic, unafraid to get dirty, has 20 years of experience in the restaraunt biz and associates in business with a p.h.d in the art of bullshitting...
Feelings...they teach you that they are important....I am scared and I can't stand being scared. I'm using this to vent, I'm not looking for anyone to solve my problem, but just would love to hear some stories, advice..because I'm trying to reach out and not internalize!
so far, this is my day
rob d
day 15 with only caffience!
Hi there! I am about the same age as you (I'll be 35 at the end of this month), former GM employee whom made 2 grand a week, 6 figures a year (yeah overtime!), easy. Went from 6 figures in the bank, my own home, 6 vehicles and an enclosed trailer, and lots of jewlery and clothing that fit. Whoa.. Those were the good days. Kept a bunch in the bank until 2007-2009 when I got hooked on crack cocaine. Moved in with Mom at age 33 (yeah, I felt like a little failure), and currently, go back and forth between Mom's and the boyfriend's. I work 20 hours a week for about 130 a week. And it was all I could find, here in Dayton, OH.
Walls closing in? U betcha. I am still trying to figure out how I am going to pay my credit card agreement (run over card from drug days) AND my tags at the end of this month. ALL of my check goes into gas, bills, and food (until state gets off their arses and gives me back my foodstamps). Oh, and 15 bucks a week on cigs. I have nothing saved and won't have anything saved for a long time. Usually, I can suppliment my income with fairs I attend as a vendor, but January's fair got cancelled. But I trust in my HP that my tags will get renewed and my bills will get paid, whether I have to beg, borrow, or sell something in order to get it done. Thank God, though, I am not selling anything to get dope! I'll wear a HUGE smile on my face Feb. 3rd! I may be broke, but I am clean. I may not have two pennies to rub together, but I am clean! WOOT!
Move in with your parents. It's temporary. A lot of people are doing it, these days. My boyfriend's neighbor went from the same income I once had to half that and is losing his house and moving back in with his parents. This guy is in his 40's. THANK GOD FOR OUR PARENTS! Just make sure you do some extra chores for them, bring them goodies (like flowers), or treat them to a nice, but within budget, lunch/dinner once in a while. Heck, cook for them. And give them extra time. I cannot afford to get my Mom's lunch, and she buys, but she enjoys the time we have together and I do her running for her, like going to the grocery, or when she's not feeling well, taking her car and getting it gas. Sometimes her meds make her shake really bad, so I'll write her checks and I try to be patient and teach her about the computer. She wants to pay bills online rather than in the mail. Whew.. I don't have much patience for that. But I'll learn it. LOL
I try to keep boyfriend's house halfway clean. I hate it because THAT is what I do for a living (cleaning lady), and I hate to come home to do the same thing, but he foot the bill for my nice warm truck (new heater), treats me like a princess (without spending much, he's GOOD! LOL), and has a lot of faith and love for me. So I do it. And even after I get off of work at 1-2AM, get to bed at 3-4AM, I get up at 7:30AM and cook him breakfast. I hope it's good because I am up, but not awake. LOLOLOL..
My son keeps mom's house clean because he lives there too. He's 18.
In fact, tomorrow, we're going to lunch! YEAH! I can hardly wait.
Just keep the faith that things will, eventually, get better. And keep up the awesome work on not wanting that drink and realizing it would solve nothing to go back. :ghug3
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Old 01-20-2010, 02:38 PM
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thanks to all,
yes, this recession has really hit all people on all levels. I managed to open up in early July of 08 right before the **** hit the fan...wrong time to open a restaurant...anyway, I'm ok with it and understand the reasons behind it. Unfortunately I am going through a divorce, the repercussion of a late 2007 DWI and the fact that I have to move. At times these things seem to pile up together and it puts me in a state of seizure. It tires me out, yet the mind runs and sleep is not an option.
To bring this back to early recovery and my alcoholic nature in general. I agree with most that you are giving not what you want, but what you need. I've always prided myself on the ability to withstand obstacles and test, but boy, do I feel like I'm close to breaking. That's where things are different. When I was drinking, I would find a way to cover bull**** with more bull**** and now that I'm not drinking the bull**** which at the time when I was drinking seemed ingenious bull**** now seems like pure bull**** (which it is) and I'm unwilling to resort to it...which means no matter what happens, long term I will get by and be stronger, but bull****aside, am I scared.

I'm just rehashing exactly what was said in my original post..sorry.....the possibility of relocating is something I'm looking into, but for the next few month it's going to take to clean up the leased restaurant, I need to be close by. So, full steam ahead, today is a sober day, tomorrow is another day. I open my energy and thoughts for anything to come my way.

Last edited by Dee74; 01-20-2010 at 02:43 PM. Reason: cleaning up after some bull
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Old 01-20-2010, 02:42 PM
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If your parents will have you live with them for a while, why not? Ya gotta do what ya gotta do, right? And if it helps you stay sober, all the better. Like CQ said; do nice things for them to help them out. I wish you all the best.:ghug3
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Old 01-20-2010, 06:14 PM
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I've been out of work over a year, have burned through savings, have to support wife and two kids, wife has threatened to leave... so I can empathize with all the stress. Certainly moving the family in to the grandparents is one of my fallback options.

Not drinking has helped me deal with the stress. But also, while losing a job is a blow to the ego, and moving back to the parents is a blow to the ego, my alcoholism and inability to get sober were much larger blows to the ego.

Also, to me part of recovery is being better at accepting help from others (as I couldn't get sober by myself). I'm grateful for the support given to me by others in AA. I'm also grateful for the support (especially financial support) given to me by my parents.

So maybe you may want to rethink how you perceive your situation. Times are tough, but your parents are there for you, you're doing what you can on the job front and you've managed to stay sober. There are no quick fixes, but you have a lot going for you.
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