baldjim

my partner went out with a friend last night ,i was there with them till about 10 pm they were drinking shots and jack d my fave drink, by 10 i wanted to go home but the girls being drunk wanted to go to a night club for an hour and the deal was i'd stay up and drive pick them up at 12 midnight

suited me fine i went back took my partners kids some pizza and watched the football on tv (soccer) we ate the pizza me and her 15 year old son had a good chat ,i took the dogs for a walk and i had a nice chilling night

at 12 i checked my phone no come and pick me up text

12.30 nothing

1 AM nothing

1.30 nothing

i sent her a text saying i'm tired and i could do with going to sleep is she going to be long

nothing

at 2am i drove down to the night club and waited outside

2.30 she staggers out of the door very very drunk bare foot,her top rght down showing enough cleavage to park a harley in ,she see's the car trips in through the door ,gigling like a schoolgirl saying i;m dwunk and slurring

the stench of jack d and shots was over whelming

as i drove her home she had her head out of the window as she felt sick ,every time i went around a corner she fell all over the place sometimes falling onto me whilst i was driving other times smashing her head on the window

all the journey home was .. stop the car i want to walk ,i feel sick etc

i spent a very sleepness night with her moaning in her sleep ,snoring like a wounded wilderbeast and her tossing and turning getting up to the tiolet 50 times

this morning has been no better listening to her being sick into a bowl and saying stuff like never again etc

yet i cant really say a word can i ??? i have done this and much worse over and over again ???

i know i cant really preach here but if she dont stop drinking .... i wont be able to stay in this relationship

what sort of moron am i saying this???

i have been much much worse but i cant stand it :wtf2

spen71

Does she drink on a regular basis? Like everyday or night? If not and it is only an occasional thing, you cannot really preach. But if it is a regular thing I would just explain the circumstances of you drinking career and how you ended up in bad situations all the time.

Every relationship is different and only really you can decide.

least

In the end only you can decide what to do, if anything. How long have you two been together? Does she drink a lot? Or regularly? Has this happened before?

It is astounding how we can finally see how awful alcoholism is after we've quit drinking. I hope you can come to a resolution to this problem.

:ghug3

baldjim

thanks guys ..she does not drink that much to be honest

i have pretty much stopped all contact with the drinking crowd i used to be in mher friends all drink and are up the pub or have wine days where they all go around each others houses ..a bit like coffee mornings for drinkers

i really dont know why i'm ticked off to be honest ,as i said i used to be a lot worse myself

she is in bed feeling sorry for herself and i have taken the dogs for a 2 hour bike ride in the woods (no they dont have their own bikes i have a special lead fom my bike)

i'm sitting here getting my breath back on this beautifull sunday morning/afternoon i'm not sure which our clocks went back

we could of done something nice together

littlefish

If it's any encouragment: my husband continued to drink heavily the first year of my sobriety. I switched over to being the designated sober driver. He liked that. I have taken him home from several parties with him being totally smashed.

A really surprising development lately is that he has cut down enormously on his intake. He was drinking box wine and his weekend drinking amounted to around 4 to 6 bottles when I quit and now he is down to 1 and 1/2 bottles of wine for the whole weekend.

I never pressured him and it's just happened. If a hard drinking Swedish Viking weekend warriar can cut down like that, maybe anyone can!

shaun00

what ...you live in the uk and your dog cant ride his own bike!!
jeez get a real dog....lol.....

Ive been where you are jim...........came in blitzed........throwing up.
promised she wouldnt drinking ever again like that.
never again ...never again.

the difference is she didnt drink like that again.......and ive known her for 10 years...
ive only seen her blitzed the once.

thats where she differs from me.........she says "im done drinking like that"
and pulls it off.
i say "im done drinking like that"........and early next morning im hunting for a drink.

Maybe your pissed that she can do that?.........and you cant.
just a thought.

Anna

I hope that things work out for you and your girlfriend Baldjim, but I know I couldn't live with someone who was drinking often. It wouldn't work for me.

Have you talked to her and told her how you feel?

baldjim

i dont know why i'm ticked off trucker


maybe i resent the fact that the whole day is wasted

maybe i'm just so freaking tired after getting no sleep

maybe i'm just a grouch lol

any way she looks like a zombie she wont be doing that again for a while lmao

baldjim

i may try talking to her later

she is a mess right at the moment lol

we should be ok if she stops drinking

i dont know how she put up with me whilst i was a jack d monster

shaun00

i think as alkies we tend to look at others drinking with horror.
i guess as long as its not the norm then she will be fine.

yeah i was anonyed at the time......quiet funny looking back.
she puked in my new motor.....not happy.

go cook her a nice big fry up..........lol.

baldjim

i did her fried egg sarnies with hp sauce and lots of cups of tea

which is a hell of a lot more than the cold shoulder and the screaming abuse i used to get

traderjane

Thanks for your post, Jim. It's a powerful reminder of where we don't want to be.

I don't know what to do about her -- I think time will tell -- but just be glad you didn't have to experience what she did, had an awesome bike ride and Sunday with your dogs. When I was hungover I always used to look at other people who were not and be jealous of them. There is a big price to pay for partying and I'm not willing to pay it anymore.

Keep us posted on it all!

allport

I wonder how many times she thought of your relationship "it should be ok if he stops drinking" judging by the fact you are still together, despite the cold shoulder and abuse, she stood by you and gave you many chances.

You finally got your act together, how long did it take?

Personally I wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with a drinker but it sounds like you are being a bit quick to judge her.

Gypsy Feet

awwwww, hugs for the sammie!! It's funny, if you post this in the alkie section, people may ask you if your jealous, but the friends and family people might tell you to leave her=)

When my husband and I split, we had too many problems to overcome. We had both been drunks. One of my problems I couldn't get past, was that every time he got THAT drunk, he repulsed me. Straight up turn off!

Anyway, you have to decide if it is a threat to your sobriety, or if you can deal with episodes like this occasionally.

I personally would have a partner reserve those kinds of nights for when I didn't have to see them at all, have them stay at a friends (or I would), and maybe offer to pay for the cab.

Wolfchild

Even though it is a difficult situation, there is something to be learned in it.
i hope you will be able to see a clear course of action with this one soon.

Many times in my life i suffered from the shortcomings of others becuase i compared my past actions to their present behavior. It took me a long time to see that i was rationalizing their problems and minimizing my feelings about what they were doing. i was actually limiting my own ability to find a practical solution to the situation! Steps 1, 2, & 3 helped me to stop playing the victim to the disease & to stop volunteering for the pain and confusion that it caused.

Ago

Welcome to sanity

We like it here

smacked

I see the conundrum.. who are you to say you aren't willing to put up with her drunka$$ when she put up with your antics 'and worse'. Well, Jim.. you are living a NEW life. It was her life to live the way she wanted, and when she chose to stay with you during your drunken nights, that was her choice. She could have at any moment pulled the "I cannot be with someone that drinks like you" card, and been well within her rights to do so. Every time you came home drunk, acted a fool, puked in the toilet or whatever.. you weren't inserting a credit into some sort of account that would eventually be paid back and balanced out when SHE decided to act the fool. If your new life is enhanced by her overall, and you are happy with the choices she makes.. awesome. But do know you always have the right to decide who you want in your life, and what you will not accept. There is no way I could be in a relationship with someone who drank like that, even occasionally.. but that's just the way I structure MY life..do what's best for you, hun.

NAchic

If this episode is an occasional thing for her, I would think out of respect for you she wouldn't even have put herself in that position knowing that you are in recovery. I'm not sure how long you have been in recovery..but especially early on, maybe you could just tell her to give it a rest until you feel you could handle this type of behavior if at all. Good luck to you Jim..Nice job on staying sober yourself..Your awesome!!!

tallcactus

I'm with Trucker.
Give her yr thoughts and hear her's, U know her pattern of drinking and I love that U were there 4 her...
Time will tell.

vegibean

IMO, I don't think "we" have much of a leg to stand on knowing what we've done. I have friends who drink, some who can get out of control but I will never step up and do the lecture thing. That's for them to deal with on their own terms.

I think you'll figure things out as you go. I think you did good and I bet it felt awesome to be responsible, lol!!!