er pot...kettle
jimbo
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: london berks England
Posts: 426
Originally Posted by smacked 
I see the conundrum.. who are you to say you aren't willing to put up with her drunka$$ when she put up with your antics 'and worse'. Well, Jim.. you are living a NEW life. It was her life to live the way she wanted, and when she chose to stay with you during your drunken nights, that was her choice. She could have at any moment pulled the "I cannot be with someone that drinks like you" card, and been well within her rights to do so. Every time you came home drunk, acted a fool, puked in the toilet or whatever.. you weren't inserting a credit into some sort of account that would eventually be paid back and balanced out when SHE decided to act the fool. If your new life is enhanced by her overall, and you are happy with the choices she makes.. awesome. But do know you always have the right to decide who you want in your life, and what you will not accept. There is no way I could be in a relationship with someone who drank like that, even occasionally.. but that's just the way I structure MY life..do what's best for you, hun.
who is that in your avater she looks like someone famouse but i cant place her face ???
Last edited by baldjim; 10-25-2009 at 01:27 PM.
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can i just point out to our overseas friends that this sort of drinking in the UK is the norm! scary isnt it.any given friday or saturday night you can go into a town centre and see probably a third of all the folk out and about this drunk.the drinking culture in this country is that bad.its not a good night unless you are blitzed,like trucker i couldnt put the drink down,,can your girlfriend Jim? my experience was this,,,,i went to AA at the begining of the year,i got sober and got on the steps,my alcoholic boyfriend followed me into AA amonth later of his own violition and for himself,not to save our relationship.had he not done this we would not have been together.sobriety is the first and formost thing in my life and comes before everything,if it does not i will drink again and will be nothing again anyways.and lifes to good to go down that path again,,ive been down it and it was sh!t!!!! only you can decide whats best for you Jim,but soul search,is this going to threaten your sobriety?
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Location: north yorkshire, england
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I kind of agree that your sobriety is the most important thing you have at this moment but hell to turn around and start doubting your whole relationship because she had a drunken night out with her friends stinks to me of the worst kind of self centred ********.
Oh you had to stay up a bit later than you wanted and listen to her snore, I hope you are cringing after you put her through that as many times as you probably did.
If you want to split with her , then say so, be honest.
Unless you are not telling us what is really going on you have no leg to stand on hun.
And the "we could have been doing something together" quote is sickening.
I am an addict, not the significant other of an addict, but this idea that once we stop drinking we can control either others drinking or their behaviour is nasty.
Oh you had to stay up a bit later than you wanted and listen to her snore, I hope you are cringing after you put her through that as many times as you probably did.
If you want to split with her , then say so, be honest.
Unless you are not telling us what is really going on you have no leg to stand on hun.
And the "we could have been doing something together" quote is sickening.
I am an addict, not the significant other of an addict, but this idea that once we stop drinking we can control either others drinking or their behaviour is nasty.
jimbo
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: london berks England
Posts: 426
Originally Posted by Charmie
can i just point out to our overseas friends that this sort of drinking in the UK is the norm! scary isnt it.any given friday or saturday night you can go into a town centre and see probably a third of all the folk out and about this drunk.the drinking culture in this country is that bad.its not a good night unless you are blitzed,like trucker i couldnt put the drink down,,can your girlfriend Jim? my experience was this,,,,i went to AA at the begining of the year,i got sober and got on the steps,my alcoholic boyfriend followed me into AA amonth later of his own violition and for himself,not to save our relationship.had he not done this we would not have been together.sobriety is the first and formost thing in my life and comes before everything,if it does not i will drink again and will be nothing again anyways.and lifes to good to go down that path again,,ive been down it and it was sh!t!!!! only you can decide whats best for you Jim,but soul search,is this going to threaten your sobriety?
if you look on facebook all the women go on about wine and vodka round each others houses and on a mon the guys go on about only 4 days to go before they get smashed again
i have never been a druggie but every one is on coke every one
sorry i'm off on one again
back to your point it will not threaten my not drinking status as i have said and i meant it i cant stand to be around her when she is drinking
unfair and selfish i know but as smacked said that was her call this is my call
she wont risk losing me to drink ..if she does then she cant really of thought that much of me can she
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Northern California
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Originally Posted by baldjim
thats why i love your post you speak witha clarity of thought that somehow eludes me
who is that in your avater she looks like someone famouse but i cant place her face ???
who is that in your avater she looks like someone famouse but i cant place her face ???
jimbo
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: london berks England
Posts: 426
Originally Posted by allport
I kind of agree that your sobriety is the most important thing you have at this moment but hell to turn around and start doubting your whole relationship because she had a drunken night out with her friends stinks to me of the worst kind of self centred ********.
Oh you had to stay up a bit later than you wanted and listen to her snore, I hope you are cringing after you put her through that as many times as you probably did.
If you want to split with her , then say so, be honest.
Unless you are not telling us what is really going on you have no leg to stand on hun.
And the "we could have been doing something together" quote is sickening.
I am an addict, not the significant other of an addict, but this idea that once we stop drinking we can control either others drinking or their behaviour is nasty.
Oh you had to stay up a bit later than you wanted and listen to her snore, I hope you are cringing after you put her through that as many times as you probably did.
If you want to split with her , then say so, be honest.
Unless you are not telling us what is really going on you have no leg to stand on hun.
And the "we could have been doing something together" quote is sickening.
I am an addict, not the significant other of an addict, but this idea that once we stop drinking we can control either others drinking or their behaviour is nasty.
i totally dont agree with your thinking but thanks for your thoughts anyway
well sunday is a day when we could of done any number of things together and to be honest ,i had her dogs and kids to look after while she was in bed ill and i'd of rather of been doing other stuff so if that would not bother you i know where to come for a dog walker and child sitter in future dont i
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Really Sunday is a day when you could have been doing lots of stuff together?
Did she ever have to sit around on a Sunday while you slept it off (or heaven forbid threw up in a bowl
Did she ever have to sit around on a Sunday while you slept it off (or heaven forbid threw up in a bowl
jimbo
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: london berks England
Posts: 426
Originally Posted by allport
Really Sunday is a day when you could have been doing lots of stuff together?
Did she ever have to sit around on a Sunday while you slept it off (or heaven forbid threw up in a bowl
Did she ever have to sit around on a Sunday while you slept it off (or heaven forbid threw up in a bowl
now i dont drink and its my choice not to sit around when i can be doing other stuff to get myself healthy
selfish maybe
life saving for me thats for sure
i have my own place she has hers ,if she wants to drink that is up to her i wont stop her
while she sleeps it off i will be down the coast and doing healthy stuff
its a win win situ for both of us
have a nice day
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: north yorkshire, england
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Good I am glad you are getting on with it and doing stuff you enjoy.
But to turn around and say our relationship should be ok if she stops drinking is horrible.
Don't get me wrong I have no idea of the dynamics of your relationship but don't come the old "how dare she get mashed" stuff.
From what you have said in the past it is you who had the problem, if she has a problem maybe you could try and talk to her about it, instead of whinging online and expecting a pat on the back.
But to turn around and say our relationship should be ok if she stops drinking is horrible.
Don't get me wrong I have no idea of the dynamics of your relationship but don't come the old "how dare she get mashed" stuff.
From what you have said in the past it is you who had the problem, if she has a problem maybe you could try and talk to her about it, instead of whinging online and expecting a pat on the back.
jimbo
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: london berks England
Posts: 426
Originally Posted by allport
Good I am glad you are getting on with it and doing stuff you enjoy.
But to turn around and say our relationship should be ok if she stops drinking is horrible.
Don't get me wrong I have no idea of the dynamics of your relationship but don't come the old "how dare she get mashed" stuff.
From what you have said in the past it is you who had the problem, if she has a problem maybe you could try and talk to her about it, instead of whinging online and expecting a pat on the back.
But to turn around and say our relationship should be ok if she stops drinking is horrible.
Don't get me wrong I have no idea of the dynamics of your relationship but don't come the old "how dare she get mashed" stuff.
From what you have said in the past it is you who had the problem, if she has a problem maybe you could try and talk to her about it, instead of whinging online and expecting a pat on the back.
i have worked very hard to stop drinking ,my life was in danger i have a mentally ill daughter to look after and if anything happens to me who will look after her ???i must stay healthy end of
i have other children too and my main concern is being a good dad to them not being the perfect understanding other half of someone who wants to get smashed
i really dont need the hassle of being in that situ
as any ex drunk will tell you to kiss a partner that tastes and reeks of jack daniels aint too great
if you cant understand my position i really dont care
its my kids and my health that matter here not getting understanding from members that i dont know
i'm walking my walk and talking my talk, i hope you can do the same
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
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Jim, you said yourself in the title...pot, kettle.
Then you said, she doesn't do it that often.
Soooo.....what is your point?
You are coming across as a big baby really. You are aware of the pot, kettle thing but it hasn't really sunk in?
Then you said, she doesn't do it that often.
Soooo.....what is your point?
You are coming across as a big baby really. You are aware of the pot, kettle thing but it hasn't really sunk in?
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Left Coast
Posts: 454
Jim i understand how this would be upsetting. And to others...he is just venting and coming here for some perspective. Cut him some slack.
Doesn't matter what or who i was in the past.......dealing with drunk people pisses me off. Ironic or not thats just a fact. So i do what i need to to limit such encounters. In a kind firm boundry sorta way.
Doesn't matter what or who i was in the past.......dealing with drunk people pisses me off. Ironic or not thats just a fact. So i do what i need to to limit such encounters. In a kind firm boundry sorta way.
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Originally Posted by StayinAlive
Jim i understand how this would be upsetting. And to others...he is just venting and coming here for some perspective. Cut him some slack.
Doesn't matter what or who i was in the past.......dealing with drunk people pisses me off. Ironic or not thats just a fact. So i do what i need to to limit such encounters. In a kind firm boundry sorta way.
Doesn't matter what or who i was in the past.......dealing with drunk people pisses me off. Ironic or not thats just a fact. So i do what i need to to limit such encounters. In a kind firm boundry sorta way.
All I was saying is he should cut her some slack, he sounds like a born again Christian, too judgemental. You know?
jimbo
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: london berks England
Posts: 426
Originally Posted by allport
I am doing the same, all I am saying is that you are judging a woman who stood by you through your bad times, give her the same respect.
Originally Posted by stone
Jim, you said yourself in the title...pot, kettle.
Then you said, she doesn't do it that often.
Soooo.....what is your point?
You are coming across as a big baby really. You are aware of the pot, kettle thing but it hasn't really sunk in?
Then you said, she doesn't do it that often.
Soooo.....what is your point?
You are coming across as a big baby really. You are aware of the pot, kettle thing but it hasn't really sunk in?
jimbo
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: london berks England
Posts: 426
Originally Posted by stone
All I was saying is he should cut her some slack, he sounds like a born again Christian, too judgemental. You know?
i'm trying not to drink and i really dont need to be around drunks and drink
maybe it does not bother some guys but i worry one of these times i will listen to the go on one drink wont kill you bregaid ,if i'm not around drunks it wont happen
she says she aint drinking ever again
not because of me because she feels so very very ill still
i must say it has made me more determined just seeing her look so ill
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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I don't think any of us can avoid 'drunks' Jim - but as long as your recovery is solid, you'll have nothing to worry about.
When I worry about relapse, I listen to the hint and I think about doing more in my recovery.
As for your gf, maybe you need to sit her down and set this fear out for her?
...tomorrow LOL
D
When I worry about relapse, I listen to the hint and I think about doing more in my recovery.
As for your gf, maybe you need to sit her down and set this fear out for her?
...tomorrow LOL
D
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Location: UK
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Originally Posted by baldjim
not really
i'm trying not to drink and i really dont need to be around drunks and drink
maybe it does not bother some guys but i worry one of these times i will listen to the go on one drink wont kill you bregaid ,if i'm not around drunks it wont happen
she says she aint drinking ever again
not because of me because she feels so very very ill still
i must say it has made me more determined just seeing her look so ill
i'm trying not to drink and i really dont need to be around drunks and drink
maybe it does not bother some guys but i worry one of these times i will listen to the go on one drink wont kill you bregaid ,if i'm not around drunks it wont happen
she says she aint drinking ever again
not because of me because she feels so very very ill still
i must say it has made me more determined just seeing her look so ill
So now you have turned it around from not liking it, to she may drag you back into it? she is damaging your recovery?
It still sounds like BS to me. Poor you, you GF got drunk! Oh no!
Because you can't, she shouldn't?
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
I work in a liquor store.
(is where I am right now matter of fact)
but I do NOT deal with drunks well.
And I'm three years' sober.
If I *could* ... I'd be back behind a bar someplace making 3X this $$$.
But I can't.
Cope with drunks, that is.
It may be that , in the long run ...
you cant remain sober and happy in a relationship
with someone who is still activley overindulging in alcohol.
IT's a choice thing.
I guess for now it's just a matter of keeping score.
Personally I am too active in the recovery community
to 'be' with someone who is not ALSO
actively pursuing recovery.
But that's just me.
WHich is what I thought you were asking.
When you're with an alcoholic
you're never going to be better than second.
Either you're going to be second to their bottle of choice
or you're going to be a more pleasant second to their dedication to recovery.
But you'll never be #1 with an alcoholic.
it's all about the choice.
Somewhere along the line a decision about that might have to be made.
(is where I am right now matter of fact)
but I do NOT deal with drunks well.
And I'm three years' sober.
If I *could* ... I'd be back behind a bar someplace making 3X this $$$.
But I can't.
Cope with drunks, that is.
It may be that , in the long run ...
you cant remain sober and happy in a relationship
with someone who is still activley overindulging in alcohol.
IT's a choice thing.
I guess for now it's just a matter of keeping score.
Personally I am too active in the recovery community
to 'be' with someone who is not ALSO
actively pursuing recovery.
But that's just me.
WHich is what I thought you were asking.
When you're with an alcoholic
you're never going to be better than second.
Either you're going to be second to their bottle of choice
or you're going to be a more pleasant second to their dedication to recovery.
But you'll never be #1 with an alcoholic.
it's all about the choice.
Somewhere along the line a decision about that might have to be made.
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