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Old 10-13-2009, 11:26 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Positivity...


I'm feeling a bit low tonight. I have been suffering from a really bad cold/flu and working long days this week and I can sense that my thinking/mood is on a bit of a downer tonight.

I guess doing the xmas rota at work has made it hit home to me about how I am sober and drinking ain't an option and I think my thinking has been starting to get a little 'out of the present day'; you know thinking about all the oppurtunities I may be missing out on and general talk of parting/socilaising by all the people of my age (23) and younger. I am so very shy and self-conscious even though there are people plenty worse off than me who are full of confidence. I dunno I just feel a bit low tonight and feel that many of the people/girls who I felt really in common with will likely drink/drug and so I won't never be able to meet them as I have to keep myself to myself in-order not be around drinker/druggies/smokers. AA is great but I am by far the youngest member there at all of the different meetings I have been too.

So the general point of this post is that I think people who have a long time sober, 6months+ for example, need to post and let us all relativley new sober people know that the sacrifices we are making ie- abstinance from booze/drugs is definatley worth it (even though i know it is!!! haha)

We need some positivity!!!!

Peace and love xxx
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Old 10-13-2009, 11:37 AM   #2 (permalink)
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well this should cheer you up

a sr member dared me to post a monkey spanking thread for a joke

its currently being looked at by the mods and i think i'm in trouble

worse still some people thought it was a serious thread and posted stuff that maybe they should not of

if i dont get banned i could get lynched

er nice knowing you just in case lol
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Old 10-13-2009, 11:46 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Old 10-13-2009, 11:47 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Once you get used to it, being sober socially is lots more fun than a boozy, druggy evening. For one thing, conversations make more sense and you can remember who you were talking to.
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Old 10-13-2009, 11:54 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST View Post
need to post and let us all relativley new sober people know that the sacrifices we are making ie- abstinance from booze/drugs is definatley worth it (even though i know it is!!! haha)

We need some positivity!!!!

Peace and love xxx
Neo, you've been down that road......had to say it.

I don't look at sobriety as a sacrifice-of any kind.
Things I 'sacrificed' were things that I gave away when I wasn't sober.
Hope you get to that point someday.
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Old 10-13-2009, 11:55 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Naghty monkeys deserve spankngs!!! Social, I'm on day 77 and have been able to ease into social situations where there are drinkers, better and better with each attempt. Maybe find A sober buddy... Go out to a bar and people
watch see how it feels. You can have fun and socialize w/out
booz.
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Old 10-13-2009, 12:06 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST View Post
I guess doing the xmas rota at work has made it hit home to me
Peace and love xxx
WHat is 'xmas rota"?

You are so smart and fortunate to have realized at such a young age that alchohol is not the way to go for you! You can still go to the parties (maybe not this year might be too tempting) and have a great time w/o the booze! AND you may find you have more friends and better friends because they will be true FRIENDS not just drinking buddies! And in the long run people are going to respect you a whole lot more because they will see you as being responsible. I wasted my 20s (30s and 40s too...) being a drunk most of the time as have many many others on here, and am filled with so much regret and remorse and lost time--you don't have to have those regrets, you can live your 20s-30s etc with pride and honor.
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Old 10-13-2009, 12:13 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I quit booze and drugs last xmas and it was tough but since then I ve joined AA and Im actually looking forward to a sober xmas and new year. Im 33 so a bit older than you neo but Im newly single and the worries Im never gonna meet anyone blah blah blah are ever present so Ive gotta let it go....its all meant to be and we never know what is around the corner good or bad. Ive made some great new friends in AA so I wont be alone and Im doing it all sane and sober woo hoo!!!
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Old 10-13-2009, 12:15 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Thanks for that post jamdls, xmas stands for Christmas, I believe you Americans refer to it as 'The Holidays' or something like that.

I know all of the things about self-respect etc and remembering nights out etc but I guess it just gets a little difficult at times when you know deep-down that you have to turn down any social events in which booze will be around, which is pretty much most in England, and you are still young but it's a sacrifice (and it is a sacrifice undoubtably to have to shy away from social gatherings) and also so many of the people who were on 'the same wavelength' as myself also liked to indulge in boozing, the difference being they could control it where as I couldn;t and I am an alcoholic.

Like I say I am in a low mood and also I think posts about positivity that has been gained from sobriety are a good thing especially if you are still young as it seems harder in many ways as there is always that nagging feeling that you are somehow missing out...

I ain't gonna drink though and have no intentions of drinking. 14 weeks sober tomorrow.
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Old 10-13-2009, 12:23 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Neo,

You might not see this as positive, but it's the truth of my experience. When I was where you are, about 3 months sober, I had finished a 4th and 5th step, and was well into making amends with those I had harmed. With no reservations whatsoever, I can say that life had taken on new meaning in a big way. The miracle was already happening. It wasn't a matter of 'is this better than drinking?', it was a matter of Oh my God I didn't know it could be this good!

Nothing has changed from then to the present day. I keep doing the same things, same spiritual principles, same actions. And the results are the same; a life fulfilled beyond my expectations.

What step are you on?
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Old 10-13-2009, 12:31 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I can see how it gets you down Neo...About the xmas part, I have been worried about how I am going to fly home for xmas for a week and not drink...just last night I was tossing and turning in bed thinking about it...then I had to ask myself, why the hell am i worrying about something over two months away?? I'm hoping by then to have more resolve and won't have to worry about it. I mean the options are; go home for the week and drink my face off and feel like **** every morning and forget most of it and not enjoy the food because it will ruin my buzz and not be able to really connect with everyone because I am drinking to much...or don't drink. Everyone else will be drinking but they won't be drinking the way I would be drinking. I know I will have waaayyyy more fun if I don't drink, even though everyone else will be drinking they will really only be having a few and will still be totally coherant...if I was drinking I would be slamming them back and would, as always, be the one who got totally loaded...I don't want to be that guy anymore.

As far as being young and not being able to socialize because you don't drink. I think once you get more confidence in your sobriety you will be able to socialize just fine...you will be more interesting because you will be able to hold a conversation...I think once you get used to going to partys and not drinking others won't bother you and will look at you with new found respect...at least that is what I am hoping .
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Old 10-13-2009, 12:59 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Hi Neo, firstly congrats on getting sober at your young age. I completely wasted many years of my life drinking.

It sounds to me that it might be a good time to start exploring different sports, activities & hobbies that get you out & about and give you the opportunity to meet people (young ladies too ;-)

What kinds of activities/sports & hobbies do you like to do? I know I have been meeting a lot of people with healthy lifestyles through a site called Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup.com From mountain biking, tennis & hiking to just about anything else. The people I have met that are active "may" have a couple after their activity but that's it a couple... (I have a coffee or ginger ale).

Do they have any local co-ed sports (guys & girls) that you might be interested in. I know some young guys that are having a blast & meeting young active women while playing a sport they love & having fun.

Try some volunteer work, especially at events that attract a younger audience. Its a great way to help the community & meet new people. The other volunteers are usually great people that don't drink abusively & like helping others (sounds good to me) and yes young women volunteer too ;-)

Keep up the great work & I look forward to reading more as you progress further into your recovery. You have done such a great job so far, keep it going!

Take Care,

NB

P.S. I should add that on my day after drinking mornings I could barely do anything at all and rarely did. Yesterday I played tennis for 2 hours & went mounting biking down a local mountain (now that is a rush). Cant wait to get out on my snowboard this coming ski season to carve up the mountains.

Man... I have wasted so many years drinking (41 now), please don't look back & say I wish I didn't.

Get out there & find your passions, explore new things & most importantly have a freaking blast doing it.

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Old 10-13-2009, 04:35 PM   #13 (permalink)
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At the risk of starting a new Whiners thread...LOL

I'm not having a great week - I'm sick, I'm tired, my PC is dying...I have a lot to do, both here and in the real world...

but I've not *once* thought of drinking - and for someone who drank all day every day thats a real gift to me.

It really is worth it, guys - hang in there
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Old 10-13-2009, 10:55 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I'm in my early/mid twenties too, and I've barely had three days of sobriety so far, but I just want to chime in and say that I understand. It seems like everybody our age either has kids or goes out drinking for fun.

What I'm planning on trying to do is find interesting new hobbies that don't involve drinking, including groups of people who meet up to share that hobby. I haven't really had the chance to try to find this kind of stuff yet, but I have a few ideas that I'm considering looking into. Some are more lame than others, but I know that even if the hobby is lame, it'll be fun to meet some other people and socialize in a sober environment.

Writers workshops, hot air balloon launches, horseback riding, scrabble clubs, bridge clubs (I have no idea how to play or even if it's any fun, but I found a place here that gives free lessons!), line dancing lessons/clubs, misc conventions for things I'm already interested in, um... OK, can't think of any more right off the top of my head, but I know there's lots more out there. And the majority of these things will probably have older people as members, but there are some younger people in there too sometimes. I met my BF of several years now at a convention where most of the people were old and eccentric, but I was there pursuing a hobby I enjoyed, and amazingly there was another young person there doing the same thing and we turned out to be perfect for each other!

So don't feel too bad... I know getting sober young is hard (not that it's not hard when you're older too), but I know there's fun stuff out there for us that doesn't involve drinking, and we can find it!!! And because we're sober, we can enjoy whatever we do even more than if we weren't. LOL, and we'll remember the fun better too! :-)
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Old 10-15-2009, 07:21 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Hi NEO. Last Thanksgiving I stayed home on my couch. My youngest son was with me and it was a struggle, mostly because of my emotions, not so much the drinking. I got through it.

Christmas on the other hand was a lot more trying, I stayed at a friends, bawled my eyes out and wished I was out there drinking with everyone else too. HOWEVER, I had to remind myself that it just wasn't worth it. As pathetic as I was last year, I'm so glad that I got through it. I didn't need to pick up, I just needed to feel how I was feeling which was sad, depressed, lonely, angry........I was a miserable mess.

This year I already know is going to be different. Things are much better for me this year. I am stronger and I know that I still DO NOT need a drink to get through anything whether it's a crisis or thrilling.

You can do it too NEO. I have faith in you.
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Old 10-15-2009, 08:05 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Neo projecting leads to worrying about very little.

When I was younger it took me very little time to learn that if I was looking for a long term relationship to start looking early in the evening for ladies like that, for 2 reasons, one being that ladies that are looking for long term relationships do the same thing! The second reason was ladies (Unless they are drunk) find drunk men repulsive!

Now if I was just looking for a one night stand I did not even start looking until at least 10pm or later............. Back then I was a dog and if I was "looking" those ladies were to be found after 10pm or later...... of course they were also looking for what I was looking for.

Want to find out just how repulsive a drunk lady (or man) really is? Go to an all night food place after the bars have closed!!!!

I quit drinking for 1 1/2 years in my early 20's, had an absolute blast!!!!

Stay sober for a while, go out with sober people, beleive it or not you will have far more fun and do so many more things then you ever did while drinking.

There is not one single thing that I can not do today that I did while drinking. Now here is the bonus to doing things sober.... I do them all better then I did while drinking and I remember it all the next day!!!

Do you like sports? How many times on a Monday morning at work do you hear people talking about the END of the BIG GAME? Can you participate in it? I couldn't, I rarely even remembered who had even won the game unless I heard it on the radio and then there was no way I could participate in a discussion about the last part of any game, to drunk or to busy getting drunk to know what happened.

Well guess what? Today thanks to staying sober I am one of the participants in those conversations, I can make intelligent converstion instead of saying the same old dumb stuff I hear others say like "How about them Cowboys!" LOL
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Old 10-15-2009, 08:26 AM   #17 (permalink)
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I believe that one day you will NOT need to turn down any social events where there will be booze.
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Old 10-15-2009, 08:58 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Once I had gotten through step 5 and was moving forward I have not hesitated to go any place I have been invited to or want to go to. Now obviously I am not going to go to a kegger or a party where its soul purpose is to drink! I have been to more then my fair share of them over my 40 years of drinking, I am full and want no more!

Now maybe if I had this sick desire to watch a bunch of people get drunk and watch them act like donkeys, well maybe I would, but I do not like to have the old me all over the place! Perhaps if I wanted to hear the same person tell the same "NOT" funny joke 20 times I might go! LOL
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Old 10-15-2009, 11:06 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Hey dudes and dudettes!! Just finished my week of work now and can lie in tomorrow!! My flu/cold is feeling a little better now and i am over the worst thankfully.

I attended an AA meeting last night and I knew literally everyone there from previous meetings I had been to, though i had not been to that particular meeting before. It is funny because everyone was asking me where i had been as i hadn't seen them for about 12 weeks and I soon put them straight that I was still sober (14 weeks!!). Some seemed pleased and some not. The shares were very intense and i felt quite uneasy at times but I think it will help in the long run.

I like to use AA sparingly as i feel that's what works for me; I "take what i want and leave the rest", it is very cliquey but I find it helps me keep grounded and feel like I am playing my part to remain sober.

sobriety cannot be a bed of roses all the time and everyone has up's and down's but I am still grateful to be sober. I cannot go back to where i was before and I do not wish to.

I just need to work on my self-image/confidence insecurities that I have and also laziness to my personality and things will get better with time. "One day at a time"... It is soooo easy to forget where we have come from and feel a sense of nostalgia about old perceived lifestyles etc that were really just addictions corrupting our minds in many ways.

It really isn;t about the drinking with me but the lifestyle that went with it/ ease of not feeling vulnerable/shy/isolated.

Music is my passion and I have played in bands since I was 12 and thats what i am great at (guitar) but I am wary at the moment as the lifestyle is so closely related to drinking/drugs/partying etc.

"ONE DAY AT A TIME" I am gratefull to be sober and thats the main thing.
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Old 10-15-2009, 03:54 PM   #20 (permalink)
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HEy Neo, I'm also a musician (keyboards and sing) and I'm also shy. I'm 29 and I got sober and started AA 2 months ago. It's been really great so far, although I did have a slip up just 2 weeks after my first AA meeting. Since then I've been doing really well and I'm in a much better place now than I've been in a long time, since I started drinking actually, which was when I was 14.

My shyness was definetely a big reason for my drinking, but already now I can feel it's getting much better and also my self confidence. I think my shyness had to do with not being honest with myself and others, and although I'm very new to the AA concept, I think the program has helped me being better at communicating with people and being more confident. I'm very excited about the programme and what else it might do for me in the future.

Anyway, I can relate to what you said about being a musician and booze being a part of the whole scene. I drank for several years and the "scene" was a great excuse for it too. But never think that it makes you a better musician or that you have to drink. You're so young and just think how great you'll be in a couple of years without booze! (and if you keep practicing and playing, of course ). And I'm sure you'll feel so much more expressive on the guitar if you keep being sober. Booze might be a good way to let loose, but in time it just makes you boring and sad, especially as an alcoholic.

One other thing, I always enjoy reading your posts! I normally don't pay much attention to the nick names, but when I read your posts I check the nickname cos I think they're so insightful and what you say makes a lot of sense! And now I see you're just 23 years of age!

Keep being sober, I know you're on the right path. And so am I!
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