TTOSBT

Welcome David!
It is good to have you here and it sounds like you are starting to put some tools to work. The post its are a great idea (no alcohol in the house is even better ). Keep playing that tape and do not forget why you started this!

Yup, life on life's terms does happen, drunk or sober.
I have almost 6 months sober and I am amazed at how I handle situations today. SO much better!!!

David69

Thanks TTOSBT.....I honestly fought with my decision to remove the booze from the house. My reasoning (100% true) was simple. If I remove it great but it is SO easy to buy anywhere. If I cannot stay sober around it then I won't be able to stay sober away from it. Crazy thinking I am sure (for a lot of those here) but it makes sense to me. So far the urge is not there it was strictly habitual when I grabbed the glass (still caught myself and did not pour anything). So once I get a week, month, 6 months under my belt and feel safe being around it I will dump it out. That will be my reward to myself for overcoming this nonsense. I know it sounds crazy but seems to make sense to me.

flutter

Welcome Congrats on putting that bottle back! I could NOT do that, I'm sure of it. I threw out all the liquor in the house, well aware I could just buy some (which I did..), but even having to take that extra step to go out, buy it, etc.. gave me precious moments to re-think my decision to drink, and then decide not to. That's just me tho! Best of luck, and welcome to SR!!

mtnmagic

Hey Dave Congratulations on your quest for sobriety.

I repect and understand your reasoning for keeping the bottle in the house.

I'm like flutter. I just could not do it if I knew I had alcohol in my house.
The bleeping bottle would whisper, talk and even yell at me to pick it up at all hours of the day and night. I know eventually I would. I know, some of us are sicker then others, lol.

Keep us posted on how you are doing, ok?

David69

I still debate on that decision mtnmagic. Could be a mistake but it never mattered before when I dumped it all....just got in the car and bought more. I know it is right there and that is a challenge which right now I am enjoying (cause I am winning). ....I will keep you all posted daily.....at a minimum.

David69

Went from drinking a lot to eating a lot!! LOL...sad state of affairs. I am in fairly good shape being a former soldier and firefighter....but holy cow, I am eating like a teenager again! Never realized how many calories your body takes in with booze. Guess it is time to stock up on healthy snacks and hit the treadmill, heavybag, mnt bike. At least with the money I save from not buying booze I can buy some larger pants!!!

David69

Feeling great! Going on another day and it seems to be getting easier. With the weekend coming up...that will be the true test, no work to keep me occupied.

mtnmagic

Hi David - Glad things are going well for you. I know what you mean about your days off being a true test. My days off are during the week. I've been through a two day weekend and this week a three day weekend. I got antsy and a little restless, some slight cravings, but the miracle is I've gotten through both of them without drinking. It has been a long, long time for me.

I know you can do it.

David69

Going on day 6 which is my weekend off......feeling confident. Slept almost through the night for the first time in years (without booze).....no sweats or constant wake-ups (except for once or twice). While this weekend should be my first true test I don't think I will have any problems....just don't want to drink right now. Plus I caught a glimpse of my long lost six-pac in the mirror this morning.....No, not beer but abs! Holy crap, I thought those boys left for good! lol.....If that does not inspire me I do not know what will.

Anyway.....got coffee brewing (which I REALLY need) and the kids are driving me bat sh!# right now with the Wii. Like watching monkeys fight about who gets to put the stick down the termite hole.

ClimbingUP

Congratulations!! I know what you mean about being able to sleep again. Those first few nights sober after a binge would always be sleepless and sweaty.

Yeah, we're all in this weekend together! I plan on going for a long bike ride and take in a meeting. I bet there's great mountain biking out in Oregon.

Hope you have a great day!!

Serenidad

Wow! You sound exactly like me! I never drank daily either. I could go weeks without drinking if I wanted to. It is what happened when I did drink that was crazy and it really hurt everyone around me.

Just remember, you don't have to quit forever. It is a one day at a time thing. Saying you want to quit forever is too overwhelming.

Good luck!

David69

ClimbinUp....Yes, there is some great mountain and road biking here.....gotta start hitting it again hard, have not done it in a few years! Great outlet for all that unused energy. Thanks for the positive feedback.

Jen042208......I appreciate the feedback, it is always good to hear that others deal with the same problems. I think it helps those here when they realize others have been there/done that. It gives you the sense you are not going through some symptom unheard of. Thanks again.

David69

Man.....I am just getting it all thrown at me. Seems like every little thing now is pi$$ing me off. I feel like I am getting almost zero support here from my wife lately.....even though she is the first one to tell me to quit. I was hoping for a little understanding during this transition period....maybe a little "I get what you're going through" type response. Nope, not here. Hell, she doesn't even know how many days I have been sober (she guessed and missed it by several...on the low side of course), yet she had no problem marking the current bottle levels to ensure I was not sneaking anything!! Now that really does not feel like support to me? Am I wrong for being ticked off here? If her support is monitoring me like a child than I do not need it. It is not that the marks bother me so much but it would be easier to understand if she had taken an active role in other areas as well.

David69

One other thing....before anyone mentions it. Yes, I know I am not quitting for her or anyone else, other than myself. But I have gotten more support here than in my own damn home!

ClimbingUP

I'm not married, so I can't really comment on the dynamics between spouses, let alone when you compound it with alcoholism. But it seems, like so often happens within a committed relationship, that underlying, unspoken resentments might be at play here.

I had to work really, really hard to learn how to express myself in my relationships--whether it be romantic or otherwise. It's really hard to express ourselves openly and much easier (it seems) to act passive aggressively when we're hurt.

I hope that things brighten up there. Although, you shouldn't fault your wife for not being as supportive as the folks here. It seems like so many of the people on here have really well thought out advice that comes from years of introspection and experience with alcohol. Have you guys considered going to an AA meeting together? It might be good for her to realize how many people are going through what you two are going through.

David69

ClimbingUp.....Thanks for your reply. No, we have not considered going to an AA meeting together.....I don't even go simply due to my own pride. I know I can beat this without involving a ton of people on a face2face level.

As far as the bad blood for years of this disease.....well it truly goes both ways in this house. She battled with it for years and decided to lay off it (for the most part). There were still those nights where she got bombed and I did not. I think our issues are strictly due to her lack of understanding here. She wanted this, now she has it but I guess she expected roses falling from the sky with candles and soft music the day I stopped. Not a reality as anyone here would know. It is a rough road and I hope she gets it some day. I am sure a good portion of this is due to me being so focused on myself that I seem distant. Who knows....I could just be acting like a whine-bag! All I know is none of this will affect my sobriety!!! I am determined to accomplish what I set out to do....quit!
Thanks again for the feedback....much appreciated. Now I am off to find some cheese for my whine...lol

ClimbingUP

I didn't want to go to AA for a long time. To be honest, I was so scared that I was going to be judged by everyone there. The first time I went, I told myself that no one there knew what I was going for, I wasn't going to say anything, and for all they knew I was researching a paper on AA. You might surprise yourself if you go to a meeting. I have found a comfort level at AA meetings that I never thought I would. People share at AA the way they share here, and it feels really good to listen to the insights that others have gained. It feels good knowing that you're not alone in this. Personally, I need the social outlet or I don't think I'll stay sober.

least

Congrats on six days sober! The worst physical stuff should be over by now. I found the mental addiction to be the hardest of all. But it does get better with time.

I'm sorry you're not getting much support and/or encouragement from you wife. That sucks. But I'm glad you get support from us, cause that's why we're here!

David69

I get what you mean. I did go to AA years ago as well as a type of AA in the military. Neither really took with me. I guess because there are so many different levels of addiction it makes it hard to relate sometimes. Here it is different. I can respond or not......I can give as much or little detail as I want to.....It is really MORE anonymous than any other venue. (if you can understand that) I know it works great for some people and is needed by some people......just not me right now. Who knows though, if this fails for me I may have no other option but to give AA another shot.

mikel60

Hey David,
Mike in Boston, here. I just read through your posts and want to wish you continued success. I can relate to the emotions. Everything got to me early in sobriety - still does sometimes. Keep rolling with it and keep posting.

I stopped when I was 36 and my life has completely changed. AA worked for me after rejecting it for years. I'm sober 12 years now. Do what you feel works best for you - everyone has a different path - and it sounds as if you're keeping your mind open.

Good to see you're hanging in. This is a good place. Hope to hear more from you. You are doing the absolutely best thing for yourself and your family. Your wife will get that eventually. As for the kids driving you nuts- mine are only 2 and 4 so I can't relate - yet. They'll be at that driving me nuts stage soon. Then I'll need your advice.
Mike