Facing some big challenges this weekend
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: PNW
Posts: 87
Facing some big challenges this weekend
I have a couple of things coming up this weekend that I am a little nervous about and just wanted to see if you all have any suggestions.
One of my neighbors invited me and my family over to his house for dinner/drinks tomorrow night. He is a really nice guy and we get along great, our wives like each other and our kids like playing together. The problem is that he is a big drinker too and whenever we have had little dinner parties like this in the past we would end up drinking all night and I am sure he is expecting the same tomorrow. He doesn't know that I quit drinking yet but I will talk to him about it when I get there. I'm not really sure how he is going to react. Some of our other neighborhood friends might be there as well which would make it even harder.
Sunday is going to be the real test for me though as I will be returning to the scene of many previous drunken debacles and the place I had my last drink. I will be going to the Seattle Seahawks football game and a big tailgate party before the game. I have season tickets and every game me and some friends go down to the stadium at around 7 am and set up our tailgate party in the parking lot. We basically would drink non-stop until the game starts at 1:00 pm and then drink more during the game. Most of the time I would blackout before the game started and not even remember anything that happened at the game.
Many of my friends count on me to organize the party every game and bring all of the supplies (pop-up tent, bbq, food, tables, chairs, etc). So I feel obligated to still show up and I really don't want to stop going anyways. I have made a lot of friends there over the years and I hope that I can find a way to still go and not drink.
Then there are also all of the people that I sit by in the stadium, many of these people have become friends as well and they have never seen me sober.
Basically I am going to be seeing a lot of casual friends Sunday that only really know me as a drunk. I know I shouldn't care what they think but I do and I am not looking forward to talking about being sober.
I'm sure it will go smoothly and I think most people will be supportive. I know it will be nice to wake up on a Monday after a Seahawks game and not be hung over and not have to read the paper to find out what happened in the game.
Sorry for the long post! Just really nervous about the weekend.
One of my neighbors invited me and my family over to his house for dinner/drinks tomorrow night. He is a really nice guy and we get along great, our wives like each other and our kids like playing together. The problem is that he is a big drinker too and whenever we have had little dinner parties like this in the past we would end up drinking all night and I am sure he is expecting the same tomorrow. He doesn't know that I quit drinking yet but I will talk to him about it when I get there. I'm not really sure how he is going to react. Some of our other neighborhood friends might be there as well which would make it even harder.
Sunday is going to be the real test for me though as I will be returning to the scene of many previous drunken debacles and the place I had my last drink. I will be going to the Seattle Seahawks football game and a big tailgate party before the game. I have season tickets and every game me and some friends go down to the stadium at around 7 am and set up our tailgate party in the parking lot. We basically would drink non-stop until the game starts at 1:00 pm and then drink more during the game. Most of the time I would blackout before the game started and not even remember anything that happened at the game.
Many of my friends count on me to organize the party every game and bring all of the supplies (pop-up tent, bbq, food, tables, chairs, etc). So I feel obligated to still show up and I really don't want to stop going anyways. I have made a lot of friends there over the years and I hope that I can find a way to still go and not drink.
Then there are also all of the people that I sit by in the stadium, many of these people have become friends as well and they have never seen me sober.
Basically I am going to be seeing a lot of casual friends Sunday that only really know me as a drunk. I know I shouldn't care what they think but I do and I am not looking forward to talking about being sober.
I'm sure it will go smoothly and I think most people will be supportive. I know it will be nice to wake up on a Monday after a Seahawks game and not be hung over and not have to read the paper to find out what happened in the game.
Sorry for the long post! Just really nervous about the weekend.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Wow! That is a LOT to put on yourself in one weekend. How long have you been sober?
I wish you the very best.
I am really scared of drinking again and I will do just about anything to avoid it. For me, I would call the friend ahead of time and tell him that you have quit drinking and would appreciate his support by not encouraging you to do so. That way, you walk in and there does not have to be a discussion as soon as you walk in the door.
As far as the game, I would SO take a sober friend with me (for me that would be someone in the program or my sponsor). I would also begin the process of enlisting someone else's help in the bringing everything and set up department so that if you ever do decide that you do not feel up to the scene sometime, you won't HAVE to go.
Best of luck and have fun! But do not drink no matter what!!!
I wish you the very best.
I am really scared of drinking again and I will do just about anything to avoid it. For me, I would call the friend ahead of time and tell him that you have quit drinking and would appreciate his support by not encouraging you to do so. That way, you walk in and there does not have to be a discussion as soon as you walk in the door.
As far as the game, I would SO take a sober friend with me (for me that would be someone in the program or my sponsor). I would also begin the process of enlisting someone else's help in the bringing everything and set up department so that if you ever do decide that you do not feel up to the scene sometime, you won't HAVE to go.
Best of luck and have fun! But do not drink no matter what!!!
Karma Amputee
Join Date: Oct 2008
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I would talk to your old drinking buddy BEFORE you go over there, that way he has time to process what you're telling him, he can discuss it with his wife, and he'll be better prepared to deal with the new you.
As for the football game tailgate, I was really worried about that too because the wife & I go to Pats games with a real boozin crew. Well, we were supposed to go last weekend to our first game since I quit drinking and I was actually looking forward to going sober and just watching football like a normal person. This was gonna be the last major hurdle to really let me know I can do stuff sober. Turns out we didn't end up going because the rain was gonna be so bad and the wife wanted to sell the tickets. I'm kinda glad because by next season it should be a real piece of cake and I avoided needless temptation, $50 to park a car, a bad loss, horrible rain, and would not have gotten $200 for the tickets.
Last weekend might have been too soon for me...
As for the football game tailgate, I was really worried about that too because the wife & I go to Pats games with a real boozin crew. Well, we were supposed to go last weekend to our first game since I quit drinking and I was actually looking forward to going sober and just watching football like a normal person. This was gonna be the last major hurdle to really let me know I can do stuff sober. Turns out we didn't end up going because the rain was gonna be so bad and the wife wanted to sell the tickets. I'm kinda glad because by next season it should be a real piece of cake and I avoided needless temptation, $50 to park a car, a bad loss, horrible rain, and would not have gotten $200 for the tickets.
Last weekend might have been too soon for me...
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I can understand your feeling nervous about being in situations that were always surrounded by a lot of heavy drinking. But, this will be just one of the many challenges you'll be facing while trying to stay sober...so, have a plan ahead of time. I suppose that's what you're doing by posting this.
If you absolutely can't (or don't want to) get out of these social commitments, know what you're going to say to explain not drinking. A tried and true one is, "The doctor has me on an antibiotic...so, I can't drink for the next week or so." Or, you can think up a plausible excuse that would ring true for yourself.
I wouldn't suggest being in a hurry to let the heavy drinkers know of your intentions to quit...they'll either be uncomfortable, feel threatened, or just plain disbelieving. Probably only those family and friends who don't drink heavily, and have seen you at your worst, will be supportive. At least that's been my own experience.
I'm a big Giants football fan. My husband and I used to go to every game before the kids were born. Of course, there was lots of drinking at every game, but one in particular was a disaster! It was at Yankee Stadium long before the one in the meadowlands was built. I was so drunk, my husband couldn't even get me on the train...we spent a couple of hours at a bowling alley across the street from the stadium, as he plied me with coffee. One thing I learned over the years is, coffee doesn't sober anyone up...it just makes a wide awake drunk!
Good luck with the weekend...keep us posted.
If you absolutely can't (or don't want to) get out of these social commitments, know what you're going to say to explain not drinking. A tried and true one is, "The doctor has me on an antibiotic...so, I can't drink for the next week or so." Or, you can think up a plausible excuse that would ring true for yourself.
I wouldn't suggest being in a hurry to let the heavy drinkers know of your intentions to quit...they'll either be uncomfortable, feel threatened, or just plain disbelieving. Probably only those family and friends who don't drink heavily, and have seen you at your worst, will be supportive. At least that's been my own experience.
I'm a big Giants football fan. My husband and I used to go to every game before the kids were born. Of course, there was lots of drinking at every game, but one in particular was a disaster! It was at Yankee Stadium long before the one in the meadowlands was built. I was so drunk, my husband couldn't even get me on the train...we spent a couple of hours at a bowling alley across the street from the stadium, as he plied me with coffee. One thing I learned over the years is, coffee doesn't sober anyone up...it just makes a wide awake drunk!
Good luck with the weekend...keep us posted.
Karma Amputee
Join Date: Oct 2008
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And from my perspective, there are some social gatherings that are just out of the question for me and I don't even consider them as an option anymore, I just know I can't. Anything that is a pure drinking event, where drinking is the SOLE activity is out, no way, not now. For example, I have a bunch of old Army buddies who have a bi-annual "Beer Olympics" type party where very competitive drinking games are played. Good fun in the past for the most part. Of course, they all expect me to be there but I can't be even just to hang out. I first told them I was gonna be going on vacation that week then I just fessed up and told em I quit drinking. It was alright they busted my balls a little, I mean these guys are like brothers so it's OK.
What I'm saying is you gotta decide what is important to you.
Being "there" or being sober.
What I'm saying is you gotta decide what is important to you.
Being "there" or being sober.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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Posts: 87
Thanks for the advice guys! I talked to my neighbor a little while ago and told him that I quit drinking. He was suprised but very supportive which was nice to hear. He thinks his wife is going to crank up the pressure on him to quit now too though. No doubt he is an alcoholic too but I will let him come to that conclusion on his own unless he asks for advice. I'm not so worried about tomorrow now, just have to get through Sunday.
TTOSBT - Today is 11 days sober.
getr345 - That is funny you mention your "Beer Olympics" party, I have done something similar for years with some buddies and I was just thinking today that I am probably going to have to skip that one from now on.
TTOSBT - Today is 11 days sober.
getr345 - That is funny you mention your "Beer Olympics" party, I have done something similar for years with some buddies and I was just thinking today that I am probably going to have to skip that one from now on.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Congrats on the sober time Jakey and yay for you that you talked to your friend. That will make it much more comfortable for you.
Is your wife going with you Sunday or anyone else? You definitely can do anything you want sober but you may find that there are some things that you are just not comfortable at anymore, like Beer Olympics, that cracked me up
Is your wife going with you Sunday or anyone else? You definitely can do anything you want sober but you may find that there are some things that you are just not comfortable at anymore, like Beer Olympics, that cracked me up
Karma Amputee
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Originally Posted by Jakey 
getr345 - That is funny you mention your "Beer Olympics" party, I have done something similar for years with some buddies and I was just thinking today that I am probably going to have to skip that one from now on.
Come on man, how can anyone serious about recovery even consider going to such a thing?
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Originally Posted by getr345
Probably?
Come on man, how can anyone serious about recovery even consider going to such a thing?
Come on man, how can anyone serious about recovery even consider going to such a thing?
I can assure you that I am very serious about recovery, thanks for the concern though.
new and scared. :(
Join Date: Dec 2008
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Jake - do not make me come to Seattle and SLAP YOU!!! 
OK - I am gonna be blunt honest right now..I think you are CRAAAZY for attempting to do all that stuff right now!! maybe you are stronger than me... but I couldn't do it. I had plans this weekend, my best girlfriend's bday at a bar downtown, and i cancelled. I can't be around that type of environment just yet. and I decided to stay home for new years this year, for the first time in my LIFE.
my girlfriend was a little pissed, but oh well. this is the time for me to be selfish and not care about ANYTHING else but staying sober.
I know your friends are counting on you, but is it really worth it?? I would not even want to have that type of temptation in front of me, it is just extra stress we don't need at this point in our sobriety.
I made a promise to myself that for right now, I will only surrond myself with positive situations, stress-free environments, and maybe just MAYBE one day in the future i will be strong enough to go out somewhere and NOT drink.
but right now...no way no how.
OK - I am gonna be blunt honest right now..I think you are CRAAAZY for attempting to do all that stuff right now!! maybe you are stronger than me... but I couldn't do it. I had plans this weekend, my best girlfriend's bday at a bar downtown, and i cancelled. I can't be around that type of environment just yet. and I decided to stay home for new years this year, for the first time in my LIFE.
my girlfriend was a little pissed, but oh well. this is the time for me to be selfish and not care about ANYTHING else but staying sober.
I know your friends are counting on you, but is it really worth it?? I would not even want to have that type of temptation in front of me, it is just extra stress we don't need at this point in our sobriety.
I made a promise to myself that for right now, I will only surrond myself with positive situations, stress-free environments, and maybe just MAYBE one day in the future i will be strong enough to go out somewhere and NOT drink.
but right now...no way no how.
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Hi Jakey,
I sort of agree with sicilia1414. Maybe this is the wrong thing to suggest, but if I were in your situation I would fake some kind of sickness to avoid the pressures this weekend. I'm not suggesting that you avoid learning to cope and function in these situations... I'm just thinking that you should wait until you are a bit stronger.
I sort of agree with sicilia1414. Maybe this is the wrong thing to suggest, but if I were in your situation I would fake some kind of sickness to avoid the pressures this weekend. I'm not suggesting that you avoid learning to cope and function in these situations... I'm just thinking that you should wait until you are a bit stronger.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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Jakey, you always sound very serious about recovery to me. I 'get' the probably, because I am only 3 days in & there is a lot of learning to do.........and personally I am VERY unsure how I will handle social events!
Good luck, stay strong, every time you feel tempted just focus on all that you have achieved and not having to do day one over again.
Good luck, stay strong, every time you feel tempted just focus on all that you have achieved and not having to do day one over again.
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sicilia/majamama/tryingto - thank you all so much for sharing your concerns and suggestions, i really appreciate it! Maybe I shouldn't be but I am very confident that I will come out of this weekend without drinking. I am a very driven and determined person when I set my mind to something like this. I know that I can't go back to drinking no matter what.
That doesn't change the fact that I am going to be in some very tough situations and I am both nervous and sad about having to face these things sober. I am going to go from being the life of the party to the quiet sober guy and it just isn't going to seem normal.
I think the reason I am insisting on keeping my plans for this weekend is that I don't want to have to give up doing these things I have enjoyed so much in the past just because I am an alcoholic. It will be different than before but I think it can still be fun. Maybe I will find out that it just isn't enjoyable anymore if I can't drink, but I won't know until I try it.
I promise you all that I will be here on Monday morning posting about 14 days sober!
That doesn't change the fact that I am going to be in some very tough situations and I am both nervous and sad about having to face these things sober. I am going to go from being the life of the party to the quiet sober guy and it just isn't going to seem normal.
I think the reason I am insisting on keeping my plans for this weekend is that I don't want to have to give up doing these things I have enjoyed so much in the past just because I am an alcoholic. It will be different than before but I think it can still be fun. Maybe I will find out that it just isn't enjoyable anymore if I can't drink, but I won't know until I try it.
I promise you all that I will be here on Monday morning posting about 14 days sober!
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Originally Posted by ananda
It is such a positive that you are thinking about this before you just dive in, and I think your desire to stay sober is definately flaming
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Jakey - I am also 'sad' about giving up alcohol. If I am honest it is and was my friend. I love it. Gosh that sounds terrible. But I hate it. I know it is bad for my body. It makes me look like a fool and do stupid things. It wastes my money. It damages my relationship.
But I can't help but be sad that I can't "get on it" when I go out. That I have lost my escape. That I have to deal with all this.
Your not alone!
But I can't help but be sad that I can't "get on it" when I go out. That I have lost my escape. That I have to deal with all this.
Your not alone!
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