WLDKATZ

I told him I would......It was so weird, he said I was the reason he and his wife had quit, I had introduced them at one of my parties and they got married this last fall, they said if I could they could so they went into detox together and came out and are totally into the AA life......sort of dumbfounded me

scaredykat

I'm very glad you haven't used. You don't want to loose all those days you worked so hard for.

I agree with Dee. Go to the meeting. Who knows you might like this meeting better.

Impurrfect

((((Pamm))))

Sorry I haven't been around the last couple of days....bad storm knocked out the internet yesterday morning and I was exhausted, so turned off the phone and slept. Dreamed that Desirae called me and told me not to pick her up, but thought it really happened. Forgot to turn the phone back on, and she called me at work after being frantic for 3 hours because I didn't pick her up and she thought I'd been in a wreck, and wasn't answering my phone. I am still exhausted, but have the next 2 nights off.

Okay, nuf about me....you've got a lot of crap going on right now, but luckily, I do understand your sense of humor I'm glad you're reaching out here, but hope you go to the meeting today anyway. You need as much support as you can get right now.

As far as the money...can you let someone else (mom, maybe?) hold onto it? April isn't too far away and you need that money for your legal issues. I don't want you stuck without ANY money, but I know that when I'm stressed out, money in my pocket is NOT a good thing. I put everything into the bank. I know that it only takes a trip to the ATM to get it, but it's an extra step and gives me time to realize I don't want to do anything stupid. I've only had those feelings a couple of times, but then I haven't been through as much as you are going through.

And if nothing else gets through to you, think about this....I need you to stay clean!! Yes, I'm being selfish, but you know you are one of the first people I call when I need someone to talk to. Think of how you'd feel if you called me and I was f'd up....not a good thought, huh? We get through whatever life hands us, and we reach out to those who can help.

Another thing....coke is very bad for your liver. You're already having chemo for tumors on your stomach...do you really want to make the situation worse? You know that getting high and forgetting about things for a while won't last...you'll want to continue and it's nothing but a downward spiral. God IS looking out for you by striking out twice trying to get something.

I am going to read around here, then get some sleep, but will be checking in when I wake up. Please do whatever you have to do to NOT USE, okay?

Luv ya!

Amy

p.s. Elvis is all better and purring like crazy. We got snow this a.m. but it didn't stick.

WLDKATZ

Thanks sissy I know you would worry.........the need is still there, not as badly......H spent the night, I asked a pizza delivery out/in, I guess for me.....lol I have a date Friday Like I need that hassle eh? I still haven't made up my mind about the thing with K that will move me closer to you, you know I should be writing all of this **** down it would make one heck of a good soap......
I went to the meeting with F.........it was like old home week....LOL so am not joking......I didn't know whether I should of been selling or using.........thank GOD F understood about me needing Godfather.........I was stressed out from that meeting....we knew so many ppl and what shocked us most was how many ppl I had associated with it was just wild to realize I had so much more sobriety than I realized.........
Have you ever done something over time and just didn't realize it was just something you DID? I quit drinking a long time ago when I found out I had diabetes, yeah once in a VERY great while I would like new years or a wedding....nothing like I had when Brent had died.....when J had started beating on me I couldn't handle the alcohol because my meds were so strong
I was always staying so sick.....he was lacing all of the weed with coke, after things happened and I was able to get him out of my life I basically went threw my "detox" I was off of everything even my prescriptions THC pills and the methadone....I went to my parents farm and staid there not moving for 3 months then I was taken out to the hospital because I had quit taking my diabetes meds and my kidneys weren't acting right

then after that i knew what kidney failure was didn't want to drink no more but still the same thing every so often then last summer hit and I SPIRALED into my cycle.
I had gotten off my meds some how my insurance had screwed up I was off of them for weeks I remember throwing my annual opening to summer party I couldn't drink that night because I was driving my baby that night but that didn't stop me from the coke and weed
then I met P OMG he was so consuming he was greater than any drug or need that I could of ever wanted or needed we were such fire together, still I never drank with him, I don't know why but I wouldn't.......he would because by that time I was driving us everywhere because he was in the bottle I would work while he slept......I remember the night I had to say good bye to him, even in my heart I had....He was begging me to take him up to the store just one last time I was feeling scared because I was running late for work and he had already drunk 3 with me ( not WITH me but while I was driving us around) I told him no he was like don't let me out at the house let me out at the stop sign so I did and he was like thanks a few less steps to walk I asked him what he meant he said I am going up to the store....I was so scared.....he had to go past a busy road and he was so unstable....I called him he turned off his phone
I went to work, got fired, came back home and called him again no answer, went by the house yes all of his cars and trucks were there called again no answer so I left him alone 3 months later the day after my birthday there was a knock at my door and OMG there stood the sexiest man I had ever laid eyes on in my life clean and sober as the day his momma gave him life P has gorgeous eyes that will let you see forever........all I could do is say look what the cat dragged in come in please........he sat down I offered him a drink( any polite hostess would right- so would a very scared woman thinking her friend was about a game) he was like I haven't drank in over two months do you have some time to talk......I was dumbfounded

He had came to make amends......OMG what do I do, I fell even harder, P needed a STRONG INDEPENDENT woman I was going to be that woman I took on a second and 3rd job I was doing more coke to try to stay awake and functioning....I was doing it then I was doing it big I started the running of the stuff because I just couldn't be stopped or so I thought and as many of you know I went to Jail....it was those 6 heart wrenching days that I found out I was pregnant.....OMG HOW...IUD hello I wasn't suppose to have any more WTF is going on I was watching my self go nuts then I herd that nurse go on about me having the princess illness and then it was no contact with any one then it was P getting me out and finding out I was PG and him snapping
Never forget the night......he came back he had left so mad I was terrified he was going to drink again I called him left message after message begging him not to do anything stupid that it would be ok
he came back and found me with a half and he went nuts he was like it is OUR child Pamm and it was that night June 11, 2007 I swore I would never use again
I haven't.
I cant.
I wont.
And if perchance one day I want to again I need to re read this and recall that night, because that was the night I understood. It was also my most sobering thought all day since my meeting....I had to walk away from this too many times while getting it down but it is there for me to understand that I too plaid my parts.....
Damn I am tired I think I am going to get a nap in D&D went grocery shopping for me!
BTW UPDATE!!! The Pizza Guy did call back asked me out for Friday.........Told him I would tell him when he brought my dinner.....going to a 7 o clock meeting with F!

Dee74

glad you're back to the meetings, Katz.

D

gypsytears

Pamm I've been to a few meetings. Very few really. But I found them to be cliquey. I think if I hung around and asserted myself I would've found a niche but I didn't. SR is enough for me but I am not fighting all the things you have going on in your life. What I'm trying to say is... keep going to the meetings. People will come up to you... if they don't YOU go up to them. You don't strike me as a shy girl. You really need some good sober people around even though you have SR.

WLDKATZ

gulp.....did I really let out P???
Sorry guys have been doing that strange thing called cleaning out my closet lately.....getting rid of the excess baggage....I am trying a new meds.....I have to get them filled yet but the first I bought was Wellburtrin then there is my xanax and Lamectail( not sure how to spell em but I think the ppl who know me understand........lol)
the muscle spasms have pretty much stopped in my legs and lower back now ( I have been praying for that again for months now) so I am getting sleep again sort of........lol
I am holding on I have been to a couple of meetings and truthfully I am not really getting into it much too many ppl from my past around....now I know why P goes so far away now...... but I am holding on and hanging in




and I say that even with the knowledge that my animals may possiably be bringing me animals to nurse back to health?????
Baby took a bird away from Spits and dropped the damn thing in my lap and started whining this morning.....WTF? not too sure what exactly happened but there are feathers all over my kitchen and the vet put it down laughing saying it had been missing the leg for awhile and itsnt it the damnedest thing to see how even the littlest thing can pull its self up and say I go on to anotehr day........it got me to thinking........morbid as it was I got taught a lesson.......just not sure which of the two is the more important



Love Hugs and Prayers.....
Pamm
and Da Gurlz
P.S.Sorry has anyone heard of or from my Rob???? I miss him so much and I pray he is ok!!!!!!!

WLDKATZ

BTW AMY
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WLDKATZ

I miss ya girl!!!!

IO Storm

Hey Katz! Sorry GF..didn't know you were going through so much stuff sweets.

Yeah....keep up with meetings..please..they will keep you grounded.

Love,,,

Me

WLDKATZ

Thank You hon but every one has their own stories I guess how are you?

IO Storm

I am fine...I atttended my only son's Navy graduation Thursday....wow....

Flew with my sis on a tiny jet...stayed in a beautiful hotel for tow days and got to spend

as much time with he and his GF as we could.

So proud of that boy! All his instructors aragged on him.

But I have a tremendous bellyache...shouldn't have the sushi...

And Katz...believe me...much of my life story reads like a horror novel as pertains

to my struggle with the disease...

WLDKATZ

I love the Military Graduations, I remember my brother D......it was awsome....I also remember getting the elbow from momma as he was walking by in his group filing out yelling out to him "Did they teach you to swim yet"?......we could tell who he was ( they really all DO look alike.....lol) because his face was so red..........lol

IO Storm

Awwww Katz..that's the only bad part. Because of some hang up...that part of the

ceremonies won't be until Monday...and we all flew there Wed and Thur.

Everyone is disappointed..but at least we got to see him graduate, get his diploma and

meet all his instructors. they couldn't say enough great things to me about him!

Gotta go..see ya later Katz!

Take care...

WLDKATZ

later sweetie I hope your feeling better

Impurrfect

(((Lil Sis)))

Just checking in before I go to sleep. Sorry I haven't been around as much. Got burned out on going in to work 2 hours early every night, so have been "on strike" and going in when I'm supposed to, so actually getting a little more sleep. I will go in early tomorrow, though, 'cause I'll be the only server there.

I can't believe that a week from today I'll have one year clean!!! It's the longest my body's gone without something "mood altering" in about 9 years.

So, you're dating the pizza guy, huh? I got hit on by 4 different guys at work the other night. I am NOT going to get in another relationship until I get past picking out men that are SO wrong for me. BTW...XABF got locked up 2 days ago. I'm expecting a letter any day with all the jail BS. Thank God I am way past believing all that crap any more. Hoping to move this month

I'm glad Elvis doesn't bring me birds, though pretty-kitty has left a couple of dead mice around and I get freaked by mice. Elvis is all cured from his abscessed tooth and is back to normal.

Luv ya!

Amy

WLDKATZ

Good to hear Sis!!!!!
Baby took a man from OMG is it going to bite me and keep her away to come up here get on the couch.......HUH? How does she do that?????
yeah it is really cool......
I have come to the conclusion that most insurance companies are rip offs........My parents are trying to figure out what is cheaper paying for my meds and everything out of pocket or pay BC/BS 16G's to put me on their insurance and still have to pay co pays and crap.....huh?

Alot STILL going on but I am feeling a bit more calmer about things and trying to take it on one step at a time.....trying the timer method too it seems to be working....like I am only going to be on this thing for another 7 minutes then it is back to work!

WLDKATZ

OMG I LOVE THE WORDS IN THIS SONG!!!!!!!!!
YouTube - Timbaland - The Way I Are OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO

scaredykat

Hi Katz

WLDKATZ

Hi Barb Honey how are you I am sorry I ended up going to a meeting, how have you been feeling? I know I haven't been here much but you know I am!