Dee74

Don't make me come up there Barb

sorry I missed all this - I've not been here much...you and I both remember where you were when you came here...and - you're not there now...you're much further up the road. That 100 days is 100 days of reinforcement that you can do this. You've seen it. We've all seen it.

Now, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going. It's what we do.
You know the life you really want.

D

Rowan

We are all behind you, Barb. :ghug2

parentrecovers

we're listening, miss scaredy. keep reaching out.

hugs and support, k

:praying

(going over now to dust a seat off for us on the newbie bus...join me?)

gypsytears

Scaredy you have not disappointed me. You are here, you are still trying, you are in recovery hun. You are RECOVERING. I find that talking/ posting about troubles helps. It has helped me to mention when I'm feeling down about things... it's like a safety net. Relapse prevention if that makes sense? I know you feel like you want to lurk, but can I suggest staying with us and talking about things? It might bring your spirits up .

Rella927

Mucho behind you Scaredy! please do not beat yourself up but rather pat yourself for knowing...just knowing and wanting to do something about it is HUGE! Keep posting and talking to us! We are here for you!!

gypsytears

He makes a good point Barb . I agree with stone.

scaredykat

Thanks for caring everyone. I'm glad your all here.

stone

How are you feeling today Scaredy? Any better?

Don't be whipping yourself over this OK? It achieves nothing.

Impurrfect

(((Barb))))

You didn't disappoint us, and we're all here for you. The faster you get back on track, the better (this I know from experience)

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

scaredykat

Hi guys, I'm not going to be on long, just wanted to update you. I'm still not doing good. My head is still so screwed up. I want to isolate myself so bad again. I don't want to go any where.

I have my sister-inlaws Birthday party tomorrow. I don't want to go. I know their going to ask how I'm doing in my recovery. Ya, what recovery. I'm a failure again like always.

My home group meeting is tomorrow night. I'm definitely going. Maybe the girls there can cheer me up. That's all for now.

Barb

gypsytears

Scaredy... you are not a failure!!!


If you go to your SIL's and they ask you don't have to give details you know. You are RECOVERING and that's the truth. You're having a rough patch right now but you will get through it.

Making that home group meeting is a good idea .

parentrecovers

hang in there, scaredy. just take it one day at a time, ok?

:ghug2

scaredykat

Hi guys, I just wanted to let you know i went to my meeting tonight. I felt really nervous. I felt like everyone knew that I drank again. I didn't get a white chip chip. I still feel really ashamed and embarrassed. I didn't tell them anything. I just listened tonight except for the small talk. I'm still holding on to resentments with some of the people in my area. My sponsor is one of them. I feel like she doesn't have time for me or something. She never called me back yet from last week after i left her a message.

Barb

nandm

I have not had the experience of relapse but I have an enormous amount of respect for anyone who is willing to keep trying and come back into a meeting after a relapse as I feel it shows a lot of strength and courage.

Have you considered trying a different meeting. Sometimes when I start getting frustrated with things I take a break from my regular meetings and go to different ones for a while. This allows me the break I need to recenter and not build resentments. Have you also considered finding a different sponsor? It took me 3 sponsors to find the right one for me. The first one kept telling me that I wasn't ready to work the steps. The second was a temporary sponsor that I did a 5th step with. I have had this one for over 3 years. She has taught me how to apply the steps and principles in every aspect of my life. I hope you are able to find someone who can help you find a way to a happy, healthy sobriety. I am glad you are here.

Judith

stone

I wish I could make you realise there is nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about, Barb.
Other peoples opinions do not even come into it, and whipping yourself is likely to make you want to drink to drown your sorrows.
I DO understand you feeling down, though.

I think Nand has some good ideas, try different meetings and maybe a different sponsor too. AA isnt there to judge you, it is there for you to USE for YOU.

I know you were feeling healthier and happier sober, be kind to yourself and get sober again-SOON.

parentrecovers

love and support, miss scaredy.

:day4

scaredykat

Thanks for the advice Nandm and Stone. I probably will get another sponsor. At my meeting on Tuesday they have a Temp sponsor list I can get one from if the woman i have in mind says no.

Rowan

Barb, I relapsed after two years sober and I was scared, sweating, and embarrassed to walk to the front of the room for my desire chip. Two years later I again relapsed. At that point, I wasn't sure I had what it took to stay sober - I hated myself and felt like a failure and a coward. Thank God I didn't listen to that voice - I dragged my ass to meetings, got active, started working the steps again, and eventually things started to feel better. It's been two years now without a drink, and 18 months without any type of pill (sleeping pills) - and it's just gotten better and better. Getting sober is hard work! Please don't listen to that hateful voice inside that tells you that you aren't worth it.
I've seen such a change in you since you've gotten sober, Barb, and you can get to that place again. Start where you are.

Creekryder

Barb,
Don't you realize by your "failure" you show others that it is a tough battle. By your "failure" others realize that when they too slip, it isn't the end of the world. During your "failure" you came back and had another go at it. Dear Lady, that is not a description of "failure." Maybe an example of a human being fighting a very strong, tenacious addiction, but not a failure. You will undoubtedly have a positive influence on others struggling with the bottle. They will see it is ok to start again without being a failure.

Peace—
Padraic

hope3

I couldn't say anything better than what

has already been said...

Except, hope and love...

hope3