parentrecovers

you're right, aldo - drinking won't help. keep posting! k

Captain Kirk

Very true.
In fact a few times during the past few days when I've been thinking about drinking I've come on here, read a bit about what others are going through, and I soon felt ok.
I really think all of you are helping me so much. I don't believe I could have kept it up if I couldn't count on yous for support.
I feel quite helpless and somewhat dispaired sometimes, but I do know things will get better in time and it would be irrational to believe I could turn around 7 months of carelessness and distruction in just a few days.
So I'd just like to say a big thanks to all of you! Yous are making this work for me.

Captain Kirk

Hi friends! Day 6 and I'm really on the edge today.
I haven't been sleeping well for quite a few nights now. It's not that I wake up much, if at all, during the night. But I just don't feel fresh when I get up. I can't get to sleep well either, I always have loads of thoughts buzzing around my head at night.
I went out for a non-alcoholic drink with a friend last night. I casually mentioned I was down to my last $50. I wasn't fishing but he insisted in buying me a meal, which was a very nice gesture I thought. He then took me to hang out with some of his friends. It wasn't a problem staying away from the booze. Except that I was very cold I was trembling, everybody else seemed to be ok about the cold. I don't know if I was like that because of the anxiety or because I'm very sensitive to the cold. Without anything to drink I felt as if I really didn't belong with people. It kinda made me regret having gone out, even though I wanted to be around people so much. I don't think I want to go out for quite a few days now.
Today I'm having a bad day. I'm down to my last $35 and I still can't find a job.
I'm not qualified to do much anyway. But as things are at the moment I'd even be prepared to take a factory or a construction job, if only I could find one.
I don't know what to do today. I'm really lost within myself. I know it wouldn't be the right thing to do, but I'm contemplating drinking my last $35. I've got 3 ciggys left. No food. Things have never been this bad. I've got nothing worth selling (anyway, even if I had I'm banned from eBay for shill bidding). I've got no friends or family who would be willing to lend me some money - my mom and dad never give me anything because they think I'd drink it (They treat my sister very well though. She's not an alcoholic or a trouble maker). As I'm unemployed I can't get a loan from the bank. If it wasn't for you I'd have nobody to spew my thoughts out to either.
It beats me what I'm going to do when these $35 run out.

bugsworth

Hello there Aldo! I am so sorry that I can't remove the pain and fear that you are experiencing. Please remember that drinking NEVER fixes another problem. Everyday you chose not to drink your body and mind and IMO your soul repairs. I know your situation seems bleak, but you need to remain steadfast about not drinking. I am thinking about you and will keep you in my prayers. Remember after a great storm the most beautiful rainbows appear.

Captain Kirk

I know. If drinking did fix things none of us would probably be on here now. There isn't a solution to anything at the bottom of a bottle.

Thank you. That's very kind of you. I really appriciate that.

Captain Kirk

I've just recieved a letter from the gas people saying that if I don't pay my expiered bills (ammounting to about $700) within the next 6 days they'll cut off my supply.
I was quite miserable this morning but I'm feeling a bit better now. My grandfarther gave me a few $. Not enough to do anything with but at least it will do me for ciggys and something to eat for a couple of days.
I guess the thing about loosing my heating and hot water is one of them things that I need to be serene about as it's something I can not change, for now anyway.

scaredykat

Hi aldo, I'm glad your still here with us. Sorry for all the problems your going through, but it definitely won't help if you drink.

Reading your story I'm a lot like you with the shyness and drinking to help me be more talkative. That was in the beginning for me when I fell in love with booze. The end of my drinking took me to being alone on my couch drinking. Not going out side hardly ever. Take care.

Barb

Captain Kirk

Hi Barb, thanks for checking me out!
Yea, in the end I was drinking at home too. I'd go out and get really drunk then I'd bring a few bottels of wine home (believing it would make me sleep better!) and just sit in the kitchen most of night drinking. Which wasn't very nice.
It appears allot of shy people rely on booze to allow them to be more socialable. I suppose that's because alcohol makes you less inhibitive.
I hope you're doing ok. I'll see you around.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Hey Aldo,

I'm sorry for your financial worries..I know what that's like. but, that aside, you are doing great!

Can you call the gas company, state your position (unemployed etc) and see if they have any plans available for folks? Is there a shelter nearby? Often, and in my town, there is a shelter that supplies basic needs (bread,milk,cheese) to people who need it.

Karen

Captain Kirk

Hi Karen!
I suppose I could call the gas people. About a year ago I owed them $3000 and they allowed me to pay $500 every 2 weeks for 6 weeks. Maybe I'll call them on Monday.
A shelter!? I wish! There's nothing where I live. It's the end of the world over here!! lol
Thanks for your advice. Take care.

nogard

Welcome to SR and yes talking to everyone I owed money to and making an arrangement worked for me. Maybe see a financial counsellor as well.

Kevin

dave47

Hello aldo and welcome mate.Read your first post and many of us can share much of that(are you sure that was the short version?).See already theres been loads of good advice so good luck.

Captain Kirk

Hi friends!
Day 7 today. It's ok!
I couldn't get to sleep last night as my problem regarding the money I owe the gas people was spinning around my head.
I was thinking, for lack of other alternatives, maybe I could ask my mom if she could lend me the money I need to keep my heating and hot water, untill I find a job so I can pay her back.
I wouldn't want her to think I'm taking advantage of her. I don't know if she understands that alcoholism is an illness. I guess their's no harm in asking, right? At the worst she's only going to say no.
If my sister was ill I'm sure our parents would do anything to help get her better. And I'm sure that if I had a recognized illness they'd do the same for me. It just seems that when you've got alcoholism everybody abbandons you.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Well, can't hurt. The worst that she can say is no.

Captain Kirk

Hi friends!
Day 8 today and I'm rather happy I managed to get through the weekend ok, I was a bit worried that I would have falled off the wagon this weekend, but in the end it was a breeze.
On Friday I went out for something to eat (I have a broken finger so I can't cook at home as I'm unable to wash the dishes, I also live alone and have no real friends or family nearby who maybe could have helped me out) with my friend. That was fine. I didn't feel the need to drink at all. Then my friend took me to hang out with some of his friends but I became all anxious because I don't really know his friends. I was also very cold . Everybody else seemed to be ok about the cold. I was shacking. I don't know if it was because of the cold or the anxiety though.
On Saturday I went out for something to eat alone and then I caught up with my buddys, but everybody seemed to be drinking and I really felt weird not having a drink in my hand. I just hung around for 10mins without saying anything to anybody and then I went home, not because I wanted to drink but just because I felt I really didn't belong amongst them.
On Sunday I went out for a meal (I hope my finger gets better soon because it's expensive eating out every day) with two friends. That was ok.
I don't have any problems when I'm talking to people one-on-one, or even in small groups providing that I know them. But when I'm with large (more then 4 or 5 people) groups I get all anxious and self conscious.
Yesterday I made quite an obvious hint to my mom that I'm having difficulties paying my utility bills. She either didn't understand or didn't want to understand that I was asking for a loan.
My friend on here suggested I call the gas people and talk my situation over with them. I know that's a good idea, but I'm really shy so I'd prefer not to. I guess I'll just have to wait until I find a job before I can pay them and suffer the consequences in the meantime.
In fact I was just reading the letter from the gas people again. The first time I read it I didn't realize that it said they'll also be taking me to court.
And today's the first of the month ago, so I should really have to pay my rent within the next 10 days. But I guess I can put that off for a while. Usually my landlord doesn't call even if I'm 2 or 3 months late with it.
So that was my weekend!
Fortunately I don't crave alcohol when I'm on the wagon, so staying sober may be a little bit more easy for me then it is for others. It's just that if I were to drink I can't stop. It's a terrible illness.

FindingClarity

Aldo,

Where are you today, are you doing okay?

FC

Captain Kirk

Day 8 today and in regards to my alcoholism I'm doing fine. Other things aren't going too good (eg. like finding a job. And then even if I were to find a job I couldn't start immeadiatly due to my broken finger, and anyway I wouldn't see any money untill the end of the month). But I'm ok, thanks for asking.
Have a nice day.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Aldo,

where do you live? There has to be some kind of familysocial services office somewhere close to you. And please do call the gas company. I hate hate hate hate doing that too, so much to the point that I let my house into foreclosure, which could've been avoided if I just picked up the phone at the first letter delivery. I pulled it together however, but what a pain in the neck it was.

As for hanging around crowds drinking in early sobriety, I don't recommend it. I felt the same way that you do...

Worries bout money was one of my triggers to drink, so I hope that you do the next right thing (calling the gas company) and then deal with what happens.

big hugs,

Karen

Captain Kirk

Hi Karen!
I don't live in the U.S. as you may have assumed. I only talk in US$ because they're a universal currency and everybody knows what US$ are exchanged at.
I live in Europe.

Hmm, I don't know about calling the gas people. I'll sleep on it tonight and then make a deccession in the morning.

Thanks for your concearn and advice, I really appriciate it.
Have a nice day.

scaredykat

Hi aldo. Keep hanging in there.

Barb