calfritch

i'm not too sure if thats cheating or not....i guess thats for you to decide!!

Rowan

Yikes. I was going to post something lighthearted about your reference to my scary avatar and sig, Aldo, but just saw your post about the booze-laced chocolates.
If you're seeking sobriety, alcohol is a no-no.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

I'm with Rowan Aldo. In your early sobriety I would stay away from the alcohol dipped chocolates, especially in your current frame of mind (the other night at the bar you stated you felt like you were going to fall off the wagon).

Karen

Captain Kirk

but I'm not drinking alcohol. I just had a box of alcoholic chocolate - they were the only chocolates I had at home at the time.
Anyway, they're not my favriot chocolates and I wouldn't buy them for myself (I had got them for a friend) so maybe if I did cheat a little bit yesterday it won't happen again.
But I do take vinigar on my salads and sometimes I will eat food that's been cooked on alcohol.
I don't think it does me any harm. It's just when I actually drink the stuff that I can't stop.
Do you think I should eliminate alcohol completly from my diet?

Captain Kirk

I only ate them because I was craving the chocolate, not because they were alcoholic chocolates.
But I understand what you and Rowan are saying and I objectivly think that the best thing to do would be to stay away from alcohol completly.
Thanks for stearing me back onto the right road!
So should I change my sobrity date now?

Rowan

It's your decision, Aldo, but if it were me, I would change it.

What you may or may not know about alcoholism is that it's an allergy of the body, as well as a disease. Taking in any sort of alcohol could set off what's called 'the phenomenon of craving' and could lead you to drinking again.

There are different schools of thought about cooking with alcohol. Personally, I don't eat anything that's been prepared with it. Before sobering up, I used to love cheese fondue, and found out it had white wine kirsch in it. So I miss eating that a LOT, but don't want the alcohol. But, that's just me.

Others won't rinse with mouthwash that has alcohol in it. I do, but rinse thoroughly afterward and am careful not to swallow any.

Hope this helps some, Aldo.

Captain Kirk

Thanks for sharing your point of view. I guess at the end of the day we're all free to decide what we want to do or what we don't want to do.
What some people decide to do may seem extreme and fanatical to others, but it's their choice and I will try to respect that.
As you know I did pass a period of 6 and half years on the wagon during which I did consume vinigar and foods cooked in alcohol. I don't believe I fell off the wagon because of that.
In my humble oppinion, as I understand it, their's a diffrence between drinking and eating. And during the past few weeks that I've been sober I've been really enjoying eating and discovering new foods. So I think I'll stick with the alcoholic foods (not the chocolates though) because having to give up drinking alcohol that i liked so much is tough but having to give up on food too would be extremly hard!

nonameneeded

i'm not proud, but i've done all of those thiogns, throwing things out windows etc. blow all my money, wreck my nice car, everything drunk.

so feel ya an di'm in the exact same boat.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Aldo, the "foods cooked with alcohol" decision is you own personal choice IMO. I was concerned about the chocolate because as far as I remember, those used to TASTE quite a bit like taking a shot of something. Like Rowen said, I wouldn't want you to get that craving going..I personally stay away from foods cooked with alcohol, but that's cause I was a heavy wine drinker, and I'm afraid the taste would leave me craving a big ole glass of wine. That's me.

You are doing great!

Big Hugs,

Karen

calfritch

hey aldo - yeah i think in the end it is personal decision about what you think you should or shouldn't do. last week, not even thinking i took some nyquil because i had a bad cold and couldn't sleep. i realized the next day that it does in fact have alcohol, but it didn't awaken any cravings or anything. i wont do it again but it didn't seem to affect my recovery. hope the rest of your weekend went well!!

chicago

Wow great post! I can hear the pain in you're writing. We, my friend, are the same age. I can indentify with alot of the things alcoholism has taken from you're life. I lost ALL those same things. In sobriety I have since gotten everything back 10 fold. But I HAD to follow the suggestions people in AA gave me.

1) Get a sponsor

2) Work steps

3) Make meetings

If you simply can't live life like you have been and are willing to go to any length to change it.....take these 3 suggestions. Sobriety is the most amazing journey I've ever been on.

SauerKandiKiss

Just because you trip, doesn't mean you have to fall down! I'm here to chat if you need someone!

scaredykat

Hi aldo, Sorry I didn't write earlier. I didn't feel well earlier(emotionally). I'm better now. I agree with the others. I also don't want to eat anything with alcohol or any medicine, mouthwash with alcohol. I'm just doing what i was taught in AA. I'm also careful to avoid restaurants with bars in them. But that's just me.

Barb

Captain Kirk

Hi!
I wanted to send you a PM but it says your mailbox is full.
I just wanted to thank you and say hi
I read your story on here before I joined. I found what you did (and all in just a year - that in itself is remarkable!) was very inspirational. So I'd like to thank you for that.
How's life treating you nowadays?
Take care.

citychick

Hi aldo! I see you've been getting some really good advice here. They're only suggestions but "doing the suggested things" was some of the best advice I've had. After a lifetime of running on my own will and getting steadily more and more desperate, the advice of older sober members has proved itself worthy.

You'll be in my prayers. Stay away from the first drink..........and I wouldn't tempt fate with the alkie chocolate......if I were you....

Captain Kirk

Hi Friends!
Day 38 today (I think) and I don't have much to report on.
I'm doing fine keeping away from the alcohol (including alcoholic chocolates!) but I guess I'm not doing so well socially.
I'm sleeping 12 to 14 hours a night and I'm just satying at home allot. My neighbors must think I'm weird!
Last weekend went well. On both Friday and Saturday nights I played pool with a chap I kinda know. On on Saturday I went with some friends to a night club. It was ok.
As allot of you know, yesterday was my birthday. It was a good day, maybe because it was also Halloween. I was surprised at how many people on here wished me a happy b-day! It was wonderful!! Thanks once again to all of you!
Maybe I have more friends and people who care about me then I thought. Yesterday a few people called and I recieved a few phone/txt messages and emails.
Last night I went to one of my old drinking haunts and they must have known it was my b-day because the bartenders and waitresses all wished me a happy b-day. They even got me a cake too (well, after all the money I've left them during the past months it's well paid for innit!) I really didn't know so many people cared all that much about me.
Last night was fun too because it was Halloween and allot of people were dressed as vampiers and witches. I wish I had of brought my camera out with me, but then again even if I had of had it with me I doubt I would have used it. I feel embaressed about taking pics of people, even though I know I really should. For example I only have 3 pics of my best friend who I've known for 10+ years. One day I'm sure I will regret not having taken many pics of my friends.
After tomorrow I'm going to visit my mom (who lives in a diffrent country) for a week. It will be fun and I'm looking forward to going away for a while (also to allow my neighbours to think that maybe I'm not such a hermit as they probably think). Where I live it's not very nice during the winter because it gets so cold. So I usually take a long vacation around december/january to break the winter. In fact next January I'll be going to Spain and northern Africa.
I'm still eating far too much but I've almost completly eliminated the cookies/ice cream/chocolates. Now I'm just eating allot at meals but little or nothing inbetween.
I'm still smoking about 20 ciggys a day, which is still far too much. I really can't find a way to cut them down. Maybe I should switch brands and try a brand I don't like.
Talking of which, I just about have time for a cigarette before Miami Vice starts!
As I said I'll be away next week so I probably won't be on much for a few days but I'll try to check in as often as possible. However if I'm in difficulties be sure I'll be on!!
I hope you're all doing well.

Captain Kirk

Jolly good, thanks!

Captain Kirk

Thanks, I am. So good that I'm not at all looking forward to going home. I get board and too lonley at home Plus I've got to go back to the impossible task of finding myself a job.
Anyway, Day 48 today and I'm doing very well.

scaredykat

Hi aldo,

Yay, we're both still sober.

Barb

Captain Kirk

Hi Friends!
Day 49 for me today!
I’m feeling fine. I just got back from 10 days at my Moms. I had a fun time. I went to a theme park and went on some really scary rides. I went to a kind of Mardi Gras parade. And I also went to my sisters graduation. It was all fun and I cooped fine.
Today at the airport I had about $15 in coins that I didn’t want to take back home with me as they’re of no use to me in the country where I live. So I “invested” them in a slot machine. I lost that and ended up putting in another $120 before I won $300. If I didn’t have a flight to catch I would probably of have put it all back in – and more! I used to be a compulsive gambler years ago but I now have that under control. I haven’t gambled in years, but my experiment this morning just goes to show that compulsive gambling must be like alcoholism: you’re never cured. In January I’m going on vacation to somewhere where theirs a very nice casino. I’m a bit worried about that. I like gambling because I think it’s a great way to pass an evening and I don’t really care whether I win or loose. What worries me is that when I do loose I loose big time. Anyway, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.
During the past 10 days that I’ve been away I’ve put on about 10lbs/5kg. I just can’t stop eating! Since I’ve been on the wagon I’ve put on about 33lbs/15kg (but I was about 22lbs/10kg underweight before). I’m thinking about subscribing to the gym.
I can’t stop smoking. Some of you have told me that the smoking thing isn’t a big issue at the moment while I’m new to sobriety, but I’d really like to quit. I’m smoking about 10 to 15 a day at the moment, which isn’t really allot but I just feel it’s a horrible vice which I really can d without. I guess I’ve just got to try harder.
On my way back from the airport today I was wondering just what must have been going through my mind during those 6 or 7 months that I’d started drinking again. I’ve often heard people say they were powerless over alcohol and it made them insane. I sometimes used to think that could have been just an excuse to justify somebodys behaviour while they were under the influence, but after having reflected on the issue for a while I think that it is a true statement. After all, if I had of been thinking straight I wouldn’t have destroyed my cars; my friendships; my guitars; my reputation; my health. I really wonder what was going through my mind. I mean like just what did I think I was doing and what did I think I could obtain through drinking? And having continued in that way for 6 or 7 months surley must just go to show that I wasn’t thinking straight.
My health’s worrying me a bit at the moment. My broken finger (acquired on the night of my last inebriation) doesn’t seem to be well. I’ve had it seen to by the doc a few times and he keeps on saying it will return to normal, but I’m not so sure. One side of it is numb and has little feeling. I can’t really play guitar too well (not that I’m that good anyways!) with it.
My arm’s also worrying me a bit too. I have a self-inflicted burn (which I did when I was f****d up on benzos and alcohol) which got infected and although the wound has now healed (after about 3 months of it not healing) the scar keeps on getting bigger and it’s very tender to touch. It’s not painful but sometimes if my clothes rub against it it can be a bit uncomfortable. I’m not sure if the skin is tight around my injury or if the muscels below it are tight but sometimes it feels like it’s being pulled. I have an appointment with the dermatologist at the end of the month.
Still no job. I was offered a very humble job in a saw mill. 11 hours a day, around all that dangerous equipment, for not much money at all. I didn’t take it. I’m not really qualified for much, but I think I should be able to find better then that. So, as I still can’t find a job I’m ashamed to say that I’m still living on handouts from my family.
So, 49 Days without a drink. I’m not tempted to drink at all. I know alcohol makes me do insane things and makes me feel ill (indigestion; headaches; etc ect). As I’ve said before when I think of alcohol I tend to think more about alcoholism rather then alcohol consuming. I know I’m an alcoholic and I’ll never be able to drink ever again. That’s fine with me. I accept that.
What I do miss most about drinking is that, as my life is very boring, drinking is a really good way of passing time. Not only is it nice to socialize (which I’m no good at when I’m sober. I’m very shy. I’m not very good at all at making friends) but the time also seems to pass much quicker when one’s drunk. Sometimes I get so bored that I just sit down and think – maybe that’s not such a bad thing, but still this is very different from what I was doing when I was drinking and it’s also very different from my last spell of sobriety (7 and half years on the wagon that time). I think it’s a bit difficult to adjust to life and social situations without alcohol, but no doubt with time I’ll get used to it.
Well, this is it for now. I haven’t been on here for quite a few days so I want to read up on everything I’ve missed.
I want to thank all of you once again. I really don't know what I'd do without you and this forum.
I’ll see you around!