TamTam

How is work, Liss?? Do you like it? xoxo

Peterson

Just a quick one as I have to go. Good morning.

Good to hear from you jackie. Tell Glenn to F'n chill. The last one he should worry about cheatin is you!
They always get like this wehn they don't see you. It is there way of saying I miss you. F'd up Iknow, but Steve gets his panties in a bunch when I don't see him, but it comes out in anger about other stupid stuff, then I hug him when I do see him and he says. I'm sorry, I just miss you.

If you want to just let him know you love him and rub his neck or something. They are such babies!

Love all of you have a great day. I have to go promote a memorial harley ride for my father.

Me

igfan

Hi Y'all

Today is a better day....I went to my meeting this morning and I even shared! I rarely share, I just don't feel like what I have to say is important or helpful, and I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words. It was a really good meeting and a great way to start my day.

Yesterday was a rough day....just really stressed out, drinking would have been an easy way out, but I knew it wouldn't make things better. I went to my meeting last night and I was asked to hand out the chips....probably my HP telling me i was in the right place.




((((Tammy))))

scootinbabe

hi mommas! so glad to find that i have internet access here at disneyland. don't have easy access to my stuff--meetings and sponsors and SR--so glad that i can pop in when i can.

this place and timing triggers me. i'm here in a hotel nearly identical to the one i was in five years ago at disney world for the same annual conference. i had just had surgery a few weeks earlier, felt ill, was stuck mostly inside with two little kids aged 2 and under, and my dh was off at meetings and horribly grumpy. turned out my dh had been involved with a female coworker/friend, who also attended the meeting in orlando, and she was giving him grief about not being with him. i found out about the whole thing about 5 weeks later...so here i am now, kids are older and so am i, but darned if dh isn't grumpy as all heck. trigger trigger trigger

we finally had first counselling session and he said that basically he was in the marriage because he had sworn that he wouldn't leave me. under any circumstances. no matter how miserable he is. but he loves his kids. boy, did that make me feel hurt. he's been horrible and cold and nasty again. it wouldn't be so bad except he had a coupla good weeks there at end of april and was fabulous for the days leading up to and including mother's day. it seems worse because he DID show me kindness and now now the contrast is even more marked. oi vey.

such is life, eh? but, darned if i'm not gonna get out there and have fun!

it's a big crazy thing here today and the parks are closing early to accommodate the premiere of "pirates of the caribbean" with johnny depp, keira knightly, orlando bloom et al. !!! as you can imagine, young girls are swarming around all over the place...all the men are eager to see keira. my dh is working all day and into the evening. i'd love to go oogle the stars on the red carpet (in disneyland park!!) but scared of giant crowds when it's just me and the three little ones--don't want to get separated or trampled...and the kids haven't seen the movie (too young for it). but i'd love to be a part of the experience. it's just so so california!!

yesterday dh saw a really skinny young woman wearing a pirate wrap scarf surrounded by an entourage of other people. she was walking through the crowd and stopped to take her shoes off and one of the entourage handed her another pair. dh swore it was keira. but said she wasn't attractive in person--and he does find her attractive on screen. who knows? i was off in legoland with the kids.

scootinbabe

here's a story.

my sponsor was telling me that i needed to have a plan while traveling. (and this is before i even thought about the whole trigger crap and dh was being nice) she was worried that i'd be here with no support. so she mentions that her friend "a" goes to california a lot and perhaps i could call her and get some info about meetings out here. of course, this was about 36 hours before we left and i had no time to call because i was packing etc. "a" is a regular at one of the meetings i normally attend; but she and i don't know each other well.

so i walk on the plane yesterday and the first person i see was "a" who was on the same flight. amazing, isn't it? this hp stuff keeps on happening.

pray for me kids. it's going to be a long week if grumpy's evil twin has taken over the soul of my husband.

ayla--what is going on? i have to read back.

hugs to all the mommies!

bwmd and laura p--good to see you hanging in there!!!

cheryl--wtg on the job!

scootinbabe

okay, so not that i ever needed to know but, now that i read back, i've learned what a "wet wendy" is. eeewwwwww

TamTam

Glad to hear from you Scoot- hang in there Sweetie. You are doing great!!

I need my mommies and their strength. I need you to have a conversation with your higher power- who/whatever that might be. My cousin's 22 yr old daughter had a baby boy last night and we thought all was ok. They put him in NICU this morning. He is a bit blue and they are afraid something is wrong with his heart. My cousin's brother committed suicide exactly 4 yrs ago and then my dad was diagnosed with cancer and passed away 8 months later. My aunt is saying there is NO WAY God is taking another one of our boys...

His name is William Scott- that's a good strong name!

Thanks- xoxo T

scootinbabe

****{tam}}}

prayers going up now~~~~~

Smyle

(((Tam))))

scoot--- I hope that the evil twin leaves soon---maybe johnny depp will keep you company !!!
hang in there --I love you !!!

feeling better but still crabby, this too shall pass...lol

~B

Laura_P

Okay, what's the deal going on with all of the MEN out there? Do they all just not get it?????? I really can't complain about mine cuz he's gone so much! He came back last night and was all "did you miss me?" and I'm thinking, "no, not so much except that the lawn needs mowing". But of course I don't say that. He's actually really great, but I do LOVE my alone time also. Occasionally he will work from home and it drives me CRAZY!

We're making a fire pit in the woods, so I worked on that all day. DH helped some, but he mostly complained about how much work it was. I've been working on it all week! Does he think I don't realize how much work it is?????

My prayers and positive vibes are going out there for all of you that are having trouble right now... hang in there!

TamTam

The baby is going to have some tests tomorrow and a brain scan on Monday. They are checking the possibility that he didn't get enough oxygen during the birth. Thanks for the prayers.

Laura- I'm not sure what their deal is... they just don't get it!!

I went to a much needed meeting tonight. I can really tell when I haven't been to enough. I have been struggling... part of the problem is I'm over thinking everything instead of just letting go and letting things happen. The second I walk through the doors of an AA mtg I feel my internal battery start to recharge. Hard to explain- I just know that when I start feeling out of control I need to get my a$$ to a mtg. PLEASE remind me of that when I start whining and complaining... ok.

xoxo T

Smyle

I will remind you...

I am praying for that lil guy

scootinbabe

tam--i know, i know! i need a meeting too. i just can't imagine leaving disney to find a local meeting...yikes! that's what my sponsor told me to do. i thought surely there must be a meeting somewhere on disney property. seems like there's one on every cruise, so why not here? but no.

although it could be fun to see who else shows up at a meeting here--robert downey jr? paris hilton? boy oh boy...

this is what i mean that i'm out here in isolation--out of my comfort zone, tired, stressed, no sponsor here, no meetings that seem feasible--although i did call the l.a. office of a.a. who referred me to orange county a.a. and i got listings of meetings... i really need the peace and serenity that i get from meetings. i tell ya what, you all go to meetings for me and stock up okay? that means you cheryl, tammy and beezymae... thank God for SR or i'd have no one...

ok, so it's 10 here. the stars must have shone and gone in to the premiere. i've got to turn in so that i'm up and at 'em tomorrow....

love love and love to my momma friends...know that you are worth all this effort and that you are doing it one day at a time.

tam...more prayers for the baby. so sad.

**{ayla}} **{c'est}} special hugs for you guys!

NYCGirl

Good morning all,

Prayers for the baby Tam.

Prayers for you too Scoot... sorry to hear your vacation in causing you stress.
Enjoy each moment, remiond yourself how much more pleasant each day is and home uch more you and your family will enjoy your time together because yo are sober.

Scoot,
Remember how much more vivid and happier the memories will be....

Remind yourself of your last bad drunk... is that how you want to remember this week.

Okay... sorry for the flashback..

Scoot enjoy your trip and stay strong .... we love ya.

igfan

May 20, 2007

Looking for a Higher Power

To stay clean of mood-altering chemicals, it is important to find a Higher Power-a personal Higher Power. Not one based on someone else's beliefs, but a Higher Power that speaks intimately to us alone.

Our histories are different; our recoveries are different. The kind of relationship we develop with our Higher Power may well be different too.

Am I finding my personal Higher Power?

I pray to develop a personal relationship with my Higher Power.

Lollipop

Good Mornin Mommas,

(((((Tam)))) Prayers comin atcha', please keep us posted.

((((((Scoot)))))) Men are just idiots....they dont get "it". Please hang tough and focus on the kids, make this THE best vacation ever......

(((Laura)))) I remember building a firepit when we had the house in Kentucky....back breaking work!!! But OOOOH so worth it in the end!!!

(((((((All My Mommas))))

Work is going just fine, I still havent done my "training" because we have been preparing for inventory and been very busy. I am now doing everything that my co-workers do now though.We have a lot of fun and the atmosphere is really laid back. I am still adjusting to being gone from the house for so long but that is no biggie. I only got 30 hours in this week but am scheduled for my normal 40 next.....Bring on the paychecks!!!

I am really having a hard time right now, not with craving, although the thought did run through my head last night when I got home from work......I sat outside and talked to my 13 year old over a diet coke instead..... but I just dont know what to do ladies, help me out here......

As ya'll know, my parents are both suffering from illness, and I am the main care giver. I made the promise to them that I would always be here and they would not have anythingto worry about but I am afraid that my kids are unhappy and it is because of my parents.....
There is no abuse or anything like that and for the most part, they have a very good relationship with them but it is my Dad again. The latest.....
Last night, my son told me about a conversation that took place....Dad informed him that his mother (me) is nothing but a useless drunk! He went on to say some pretty harsh things and it upset my son deeply. My son informed Dad that I am NOT a drunk, I am a recovering alcoholic and that he (Dad) was the drunk considering he cracks his first beer at 10 am. faithfully every single day, sits at the table and drinks until around 7:30 pm. and then goes to bed and passes out only to do it all over the next day......
This has been the routine all of my life, when things are bad, Dad is the first one to support me in his wierd way, but when I am doing good and being strong, he feels the need to run me into the ground to anyone within earshot and I am so sick and tired of it. I am planning on having a talk with him today to let him know (once again) that if he feels the need to down me, he needs to do so TO me and NOT my kids but I also know that he will deny it and call my son a liar......I am just frustrated and dont know what to do......sorry, I am whining now..... will check in later
Lurve You
Liss

Oh and AYLA!!!!!!!! Big Hugs sista, I miss you!!!!

igfan

Hi Jules.....good to see you

jules1973

Good morning my dear friends - I sit here at my computer this rainy Sunday morning detoxing and crying. There is so much to tell you and yet no reason to tell you all of the gory details except this.....after my last relapse (after my knee surgery) I had written all doctors a letter and signed it stating that I do not (under any circumstances) to be prescribed or treated with narcotic pain killers. I got a promotion at work, I was feeling really good and healthy.....my marriage was better than ever and I felt okay.
well, things went along okay for a little while and then I put my self in places that I should not have been in. My grandmother got very ill so I went to visit her house (where I had been STRICTLY instructed) not to go by my therapist, sponsor and others in the program......but I went. and boy did that overload my senses of when I was a little girl and growing up with that kind of abuse. That next week I went to my neighbors house who was doing an addition on her house and I went upstairs to use her bathroom and they had a clear medicine cabinet on one end of the bathroom with FOUR SHELVES of pain killers in any kind...as well as ambien.

I was not at a strong point in my recovery - not strong enough to run like hell out of there...instead I took some and put them in my pocket and then when those were gone I would return for more.......and so on and so on and so on. Until yesterday......I stopped at her house and rang the bell three times, I honestly thought I had heard her husband say "come on in" and so I opened the front door and stood in the front hallway calling to her husbands name and then she walked out of the bedroom and asked what I was doing there and I said,
"I wanted to know if you would like to come to some of the tag sales in the neighborhood with me" and she said "no I would not and I would like you to leave."

So.....after my son's baseball game I went back over because of course I was worried.....her husband opened the door and he said "let's take a walk". We sat on his steps and he had told me he was keeping a log of all of the times I had come over and some of my strange behaviors and that he was going to simply pray for me but then when I "broke" into thier home and freaked thier wife out that he had to call the police and he did. He and the police had gone to our house while we were at my son's baseball game and the husband had said that he would have never done that except I had broken the law with entering thier home....but I explained to him that I thought they had said "come in" and the front door was wide open". He said that was impossible since the front door was locked.

I confessed to him about taking the meds but I did not confess to breaking into thier house because I didn't. I would swear on my son I did not walk right in without thinking that they had said "come in".

So......this is where I am....I am scared because now the police are involved (although the guy said he was going to tell the police to drop it after having that talk with me). He just said I was no longer welcome at thier home or no where near it and that he will pray for me. (He has a son who is an addict and this guy just happened to be a recovering alcoholic - except EVERY time I was at his house they were offering and drinking wine)......that beside the point......what do I do....I need help on this one ladies, I have absolutely no one else to turn to and I feel so alone and scared.
Jules

igfan

Hi Jules, glad you're back. I'm sorry you're going through all this, but i have to ask....is this your bottom? Are you ready to stop? Will you go to any lengths? I hope so.

Love ya

jules1973

iT is my bottom...I am sitting here talking to DH and this is it.