One Year & Over Part 87
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,687
Yes it’s a good feeling dickensen. 
Sassy, I sympathize.
Your time together will have its challenges. Will she accept boundaries so you can spend time with her without it being difficult perhaps.
We’ve some black clouds in the sky this afternoon.
Sassy, I sympathize.
Your time together will have its challenges. Will she accept boundaries so you can spend time with her without it being difficult perhaps. We’ve some black clouds in the sky this afternoon.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,009
Good morning all. Yep, in the short run, drinking feels good but in the long run it is a miserable roller coaster. I already experience so much shame that I'm happy I don't suffer the drinking shame anymore.
I did get a bike ride in this morning. This town has wonderful bike paths. I got out while it was still relatively cool. I enjoy all the other bikers and walkers. It feels a bit like a positivity club similar to SR. I know nothing about the people on the path but everyone, old and young on the path are getting out and exercising. It makes the world a bit better. Similarly, SR is a bit of a positivity club; leave off the opinions and do what you can to stay sober and show up for life.
So I hope to do some ironing today, find some black embroidery thread and clean the bathroom.
Onward.
I did get a bike ride in this morning. This town has wonderful bike paths. I got out while it was still relatively cool. I enjoy all the other bikers and walkers. It feels a bit like a positivity club similar to SR. I know nothing about the people on the path but everyone, old and young on the path are getting out and exercising. It makes the world a bit better. Similarly, SR is a bit of a positivity club; leave off the opinions and do what you can to stay sober and show up for life.
So I hope to do some ironing today, find some black embroidery thread and clean the bathroom.
Onward.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Good to hear all is well with your life Intro
FBL hubbys brother died suddenly in my first year of recovery, even that new to sobriety I really appreciated that I could be there for him completely and what would have been a selfish need to drink away my sorrows wasn't a thing.
Mags, thanks for the info on the fan, I'll look for a good one. I know it will do me a favour in Spain.
Sass, we are all screwed up to an extent by our parents, but there comes a time in our lives where we have to pull-up our (in my case) big girl panties and say "ok, this is the hand I was dealt, what can I do to make me a better person and have fewer issues with relationships?" It isn't easy and I do backslide, but I no longer feel the need to 'blame' my father for my hang ups, I just deal. I hope your daughter can give you the peace you deserve.
All good in Tootsville, got a bbq at my brothers house today with my nephew, niece and their (between them) six youngsters. It will be noisy and full of love, life and laughter.
FBL hubbys brother died suddenly in my first year of recovery, even that new to sobriety I really appreciated that I could be there for him completely and what would have been a selfish need to drink away my sorrows wasn't a thing.
Mags, thanks for the info on the fan, I'll look for a good one. I know it will do me a favour in Spain.
Sass, we are all screwed up to an extent by our parents, but there comes a time in our lives where we have to pull-up our (in my case) big girl panties and say "ok, this is the hand I was dealt, what can I do to make me a better person and have fewer issues with relationships?" It isn't easy and I do backslide, but I no longer feel the need to 'blame' my father for my hang ups, I just deal. I hope your daughter can give you the peace you deserve.
All good in Tootsville, got a bbq at my brothers house today with my nephew, niece and their (between them) six youngsters. It will be noisy and full of love, life and laughter.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,673
2.5h on 3 walks with dog today. After a chance dog/vet show gave me a thought (!) and after a little google research...I purchased a muzzle lead accessory for dog. A halter that snugly fits around her muzzle, but she can still pant. It clicks together at the rear of her head, at the top of her neck. The leash snaps on a ringlet on the bottom of her muzzle. A marked improvement in behaviour. No lunging at other dogs, walks more closely to my side...
BUT the vet guy on TV was gently rebuking owners of a great dane that goes mental on walks. In Britain, such dog behaviour- if it causes distress to any people, can be put down. The vet told them that would be their fault, not the dogs. HeVincent thought about and painted his art, including technique. He failed miserably as an a got them on the right track. I kina worked out with my anxiety ridden blue heeler gentle, soft voice commands, praise good behaviour, just stand still on walks and wait for her to calm down, or ignore if unwarranted attention seeking behaviour- she kinda yowls- as a yodel. She's cool. Gonna build her and I up to 3h walking time daily. Following guidelines on keeping her fit and stimulated.
When she goes outside for misafternoon siesta, I sit outside and started studying. Reading letters written by Vincent V/G to his bro, Theo, who supported Vincent emotionally and financially and died of grief, overwork and stress 6months after Vincent died (shot himself in stomach, took a long time to die in Theo's arms). The letters, hundreds of them, give a real time idea of how he thought about his art, what he observed in his studies, relationships with colors and technique.
Vincent was a crap art student had to take this yearw to draw' book by a credible arist. After some serious google research, I found and downloaded a copy of the same 'how to' book. I then went to an officeworks, that printed and bound the letters and the how to book for a fraction of the cost on a nice book, No copyright issues.
I did, however treat myself to a very lovely book of Leonardo Da Vinvi's drawing. It comes with Leo's notes- that's adanced drawing study. I took study leave from art school this year 'cos of depression/anxiety. So study at home good- thanks to dog.
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BUT the vet guy on TV was gently rebuking owners of a great dane that goes mental on walks. In Britain, such dog behaviour- if it causes distress to any people, can be put down. The vet told them that would be their fault, not the dogs. HeVincent thought about and painted his art, including technique. He failed miserably as an a got them on the right track. I kina worked out with my anxiety ridden blue heeler gentle, soft voice commands, praise good behaviour, just stand still on walks and wait for her to calm down, or ignore if unwarranted attention seeking behaviour- she kinda yowls- as a yodel. She's cool. Gonna build her and I up to 3h walking time daily. Following guidelines on keeping her fit and stimulated.
When she goes outside for misafternoon siesta, I sit outside and started studying. Reading letters written by Vincent V/G to his bro, Theo, who supported Vincent emotionally and financially and died of grief, overwork and stress 6months after Vincent died (shot himself in stomach, took a long time to die in Theo's arms). The letters, hundreds of them, give a real time idea of how he thought about his art, what he observed in his studies, relationships with colors and technique.
Vincent was a crap art student had to take this yearw to draw' book by a credible arist. After some serious google research, I found and downloaded a copy of the same 'how to' book. I then went to an officeworks, that printed and bound the letters and the how to book for a fraction of the cost on a nice book, No copyright issues.
I did, however treat myself to a very lovely book of Leonardo Da Vinvi's drawing. It comes with Leo's notes- that's adanced drawing study. I took study leave from art school this year 'cos of depression/anxiety. So study at home good- thanks to dog.
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non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,845
Good stuff, PJ!
Made the tough decision yesterday to leave my FB recovery group. The online meeting attendance has been practically non-existent lately and I just feel that the group has run its course. Besides, I'm FB friends with most of them anyway, so can still stay in touch.
I was also able to enjoy the beautiful weather and got in a couple of rounds of disc golf and then spent some time on the basketball court. I've really let my outdoor activities slide this summer, so it felt good to be active again. Besides keeping my weight in check, I find I sleep better too!
Have a Super Sunday, overs!
Made the tough decision yesterday to leave my FB recovery group. The online meeting attendance has been practically non-existent lately and I just feel that the group has run its course. Besides, I'm FB friends with most of them anyway, so can still stay in touch.
I was also able to enjoy the beautiful weather and got in a couple of rounds of disc golf and then spent some time on the basketball court. I've really let my outdoor activities slide this summer, so it felt good to be active again. Besides keeping my weight in check, I find I sleep better too!
Have a Super Sunday, overs!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
PJ, Roxy is a lucky dog to be with you! And I think you are lucky to be with her 
Toots, thanks - I remember those times with my not-so-easy parents but it wasn’t like this. I hope you and family enjoyed the bbq yesterday!
Mags, I don’t think she has any kind of reasonable boundaries. I’ve tried suggesting that we use the “I feel xxx when you say yyyy” method of expression but so far she hasn’t. I haven’t seen her in 3 years. I don’t travel anymore and she won’t travel (it’s an hour or two by plane and then find hotel because she doesn’t want me to stay with her). It’s certainly not all her fault but she doesn’t acknowledge any contribution to the problems. I feel compassion for her but can’t withstand the barrages of anger. I’m trying to navigate being supportive while dodging the flames. I have always hoped we could work this out but I’m having major doubts now. We used to be very close when she was in high school but since the bipolar illness started it has become much more difficult. Even without the extra challenges I don’t think it would be easy but it does complicate. I think I’m sad more than anything and can’t help blaming myself for some of it.
Ah well, such is life!
Have a super Sunday, Overs
Toots, thanks - I remember those times with my not-so-easy parents but it wasn’t like this. I hope you and family enjoyed the bbq yesterday!
Mags, I don’t think she has any kind of reasonable boundaries. I’ve tried suggesting that we use the “I feel xxx when you say yyyy” method of expression but so far she hasn’t. I haven’t seen her in 3 years. I don’t travel anymore and she won’t travel (it’s an hour or two by plane and then find hotel because she doesn’t want me to stay with her). It’s certainly not all her fault but she doesn’t acknowledge any contribution to the problems. I feel compassion for her but can’t withstand the barrages of anger. I’m trying to navigate being supportive while dodging the flames. I have always hoped we could work this out but I’m having major doubts now. We used to be very close when she was in high school but since the bipolar illness started it has become much more difficult. Even without the extra challenges I don’t think it would be easy but it does complicate. I think I’m sad more than anything and can’t help blaming myself for some of it.
Ah well, such is life!
Have a super Sunday, Overs
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,181
I am sorry your situation with your daughter is so fraught with difficulties Sassy. It must be extremely frustrating to be at odds with your own child at this stage of your lives. I hope she stays on her medicine routine. That really makes all the difference for folks suffering with bi polar issues.
FBL, glad things are moving forward for you. It has been a difficult stretch for you recently. Just when we begin to feel a little comfortable with life, life shakes things up.
PJ, I think Roxy and you are the perfect couple and can learn a lot from each other.
Have a good day all!
FBL, glad things are moving forward for you. It has been a difficult stretch for you recently. Just when we begin to feel a little comfortable with life, life shakes things up.
PJ, I think Roxy and you are the perfect couple and can learn a lot from each other.
Have a good day all!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,636
Hi all -
Super busy and had a tough month (they’ve been stacking up - mostly bc I just am so time poor I can’t rebound).
But today I’m catching up on things including reading up on posts - it truly is helpful perspective to see that everyone else has big life events happening took. thank you. Grateful for this thread.
that said (ha ha) I just got paged so I’m off again.
Wish you all health, happiness, and a positive outlook with whatever flavor we are working on.
hope to get back here again soon as a regular!
(Our version: we’ve had COVID>hand foot and mouth>COVID again in 6 weeks, plus 3 other illnesses morphed into sinus infections, ear infections, plus about 40k in unplanned housing expenses in one week, and all the family people “needs” that are always ongoing.)
Another thing I am grateful for - my sister (sober 20 years?) and I both work hard and get things done quickly and competently, so even tho we aren’t exactly chatty, I can count on her to deliver, and family things are so much easier with a co person who just starts bailing when the boat takes on water. Perhaps we have a shared framework with recovery…
Super busy and had a tough month (they’ve been stacking up - mostly bc I just am so time poor I can’t rebound).
But today I’m catching up on things including reading up on posts - it truly is helpful perspective to see that everyone else has big life events happening took. thank you. Grateful for this thread.
that said (ha ha) I just got paged so I’m off again.
Wish you all health, happiness, and a positive outlook with whatever flavor we are working on.
hope to get back here again soon as a regular!
(Our version: we’ve had COVID>hand foot and mouth>COVID again in 6 weeks, plus 3 other illnesses morphed into sinus infections, ear infections, plus about 40k in unplanned housing expenses in one week, and all the family people “needs” that are always ongoing.)
Another thing I am grateful for - my sister (sober 20 years?) and I both work hard and get things done quickly and competently, so even tho we aren’t exactly chatty, I can count on her to deliver, and family things are so much easier with a co person who just starts bailing when the boat takes on water. Perhaps we have a shared framework with recovery…
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,673
Prayers Sassy.
Thanks for sharing FBL.
Dog is quite honestly , a living metaphor for my recovery. I have begun to see the world with gentler eyes. As I treat dog with kindness and mindful patience, some of it applies to self care. The mindful stuff. Also- lots of water, healthy meals, exercise, patience, adapting to new things, rest, moderation, etc. I had to take study leave from Uni art course to deal with depression/anxiety. I started studying at home...a first this year. Also= hard, productive work.
Thanks for sharing FBL.
Dog is quite honestly , a living metaphor for my recovery. I have begun to see the world with gentler eyes. As I treat dog with kindness and mindful patience, some of it applies to self care. The mindful stuff. Also- lots of water, healthy meals, exercise, patience, adapting to new things, rest, moderation, etc. I had to take study leave from Uni art course to deal with depression/anxiety. I started studying at home...a first this year. Also= hard, productive work.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,687
Good Morning Overs
PJ, so pleased Roxy has come into your life.
Sassy, I hope one day you and your daughter will get your closeness back.
SE lovely to hear from you. Sorry to hear you’ve had covid and other illnesses in your family. It’s almost inevitable if one family member catches some ailment the rest will follow. Glad you have a sister who is ‘hands on’ and in recovery too.
Toots, sounds like a good Sunday was in store for you at your brothers home. ❤️
FBL, I can understand you not wanting to waste your energies, and giving up the fbook group sounds a good step forward at this present time.
Made a nice lunch of fresh salmon and vegetables at Mil’s yesterday. She seemed a lot calmer than the day before. I’ve noticed she goes through ups and downs. Mr. Mags is able to get her back on an even keel until the next episode.
There’s a young (or very small) goldfinch feeding on our tree. It could fly ok though so may just have been tiny.
Have a good day my friends xxxx
PJ, so pleased Roxy has come into your life.
Sassy,
I hope one day you and your daughter will get your closeness back. SE lovely to hear from you. Sorry to hear you’ve had covid and other illnesses in your family. It’s almost inevitable if one family member catches some ailment the rest will follow.
Glad you have a sister who is ‘hands on’ and in recovery too. Toots, sounds like a good Sunday was in store for you at your brothers home. ❤️
FBL, I can understand you not wanting to waste your energies, and giving up the fbook group sounds a good step forward at this present time.
Made a nice lunch of fresh salmon and vegetables at Mil’s yesterday. She seemed a lot calmer than the day before. I’ve noticed she goes through ups and downs. Mr. Mags is able to get her back on an even keel until the next episode.
There’s a young (or very small) goldfinch feeding on our tree. It could fly ok though so may just have been tiny.
Have a good day my friends xxxx
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Had a lovely day yesterday catching up with the older ones and renewing acquaintance with the wee ones - I see them so infrequently they forget me! Today I am golfing with mum and my brother and then tomorrow afternoon I head homewards. Wednesday I need to hit the ground running as I have so much still to do.
Good to hear from you SE, sounds like things have been pretty full on for you.
FBL some platforms don't lend themselves to recovery, perhaps that was the case with the fb group
Mags, Mr Mags sounds like a very patient soul
Peej I think you and Roxy are a match made in heaven. I didn't like to ask about your art, but I'm so happy you're back working.
Sass, I feel all you can do is keep reinforcing any boundaries you have with daughter. My friend has a daughter who is a heroine addict. She is never going to change, and her mum has had to take a step back for her own sanity. She cannot 'fix' her little girl, and neither can she deal with the abuse and conflict.
'wavey' Bekind, Dee, Suze and anyone else I've missed!
Good to hear from you SE, sounds like things have been pretty full on for you.
FBL some platforms don't lend themselves to recovery, perhaps that was the case with the fb group
Mags, Mr Mags sounds like a very patient soul
Peej I think you and Roxy are a match made in heaven. I didn't like to ask about your art, but I'm so happy you're back working.
Sass, I feel all you can do is keep reinforcing any boundaries you have with daughter. My friend has a daughter who is a heroine addict. She is never going to change, and her mum has had to take a step back for her own sanity. She cannot 'fix' her little girl, and neither can she deal with the abuse and conflict.
'wavey' Bekind, Dee, Suze and anyone else I've missed!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Good morning, Overs!
i very much appreciate the support! My daughter is very, very bright and can run rings around me. So usually when she starts blasting away at me I spend a lot of time trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. Last night (via email) she went so far beyond normal that for a change I was able to see that she was totally out of control and so I sent one very brief non-arguing message to calm things down. We’ll see what transpires today. She pulled that one just as I was going to bed so, needless to say, I haven’t had any sleep. It’s been a very long time since she has been this bad. Makes me wonder how the rest of her life is going. Sigh. Possibly a manic episode. I’m getting too old for this!
pj, I see all kinds of positives for both of you in the relationship you and Roxy are rapidly developing
SE, sorry to hear about all the illnesses! Take care and I hope life calms down a bit soon!
Have a happy July 4th in the US and a happy Monday elsewhere.
i very much appreciate the support! My daughter is very, very bright and can run rings around me. So usually when she starts blasting away at me I spend a lot of time trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. Last night (via email) she went so far beyond normal that for a change I was able to see that she was totally out of control and so I sent one very brief non-arguing message to calm things down. We’ll see what transpires today. She pulled that one just as I was going to bed so, needless to say, I haven’t had any sleep. It’s been a very long time since she has been this bad. Makes me wonder how the rest of her life is going. Sigh. Possibly a manic episode. I’m getting too old for this!
pj, I see all kinds of positives for both of you in the relationship you and Roxy are rapidly developing
SE, sorry to hear about all the illnesses! Take care and I hope life calms down a bit soon!
Have a happy July 4th in the US and a happy Monday elsewhere.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,845
Sassy, so sorry to hear about the struggles with your daughter. A huge lesson that I've learned in recent years is that what somebody else thinks of me (yes, even those closest to me) is none of my business. Easy in theory, but harder in practice. Just know that you are loved and worthy!
PJ, sounds like you and Roxy rescued each other.
Nice to have Monday off (Independence Day here in the US). I'm sad that there is so much division in our country these days. I have friends from all over the political/religious spectrum. Seems to me we need to look for the common ground rather than focusing on the differences. I still believe that most people are decent human beings, but only time will tell.
Have a Marvelous Monday, overs!
PJ, sounds like you and Roxy rescued each other.
Nice to have Monday off (Independence Day here in the US). I'm sad that there is so much division in our country these days. I have friends from all over the political/religious spectrum. Seems to me we need to look for the common ground rather than focusing on the differences. I still believe that most people are decent human beings, but only time will tell.
Have a Marvelous Monday, overs!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: US
Posts: 16,909
I quit Facebook a long time ago and I don't miss it! 
That’s awesome about Roxy, PJ…..she’s like your emotional support companion
Sorry about the challenges with your daughter, Sass….sounds a lot like my boss. Hope things will work out for ya!
That’s awesome about Roxy, PJ…..she’s like your emotional support companion
Sorry about the challenges with your daughter, Sass….sounds a lot like my boss. Hope things will work out for ya!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,009
Hey ho folks,
I'm up but not moving much.
Today's goals: vacuum, visit my Dad, exercise, try again to work on overskirt, textfriend, call my sister, go through mail.
The couch seems to have strong gravity today.
Onward.
I'm up but not moving much.
Today's goals: vacuum, visit my Dad, exercise, try again to work on overskirt, textfriend, call my sister, go through mail.
The couch seems to have strong gravity today.
Onward.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,687
Good Morning Overs
Sassy, if you can, avoid reading your daughter’s texts and emails before you go to bed. Leave them until you feel up to it. Though to be honest you shouldn’t have to ‘brace’ yourself of what she’s going to say each email. I agree with FBL that it’s not our business what anyone thinks of us but convincing myself is another matter. I’m still working on that one. Love and hugs dear Sassy. You are loved here love.
Toots, hubby is a patient soul to a point. I don’t know how he put up with my drinking days. Well I do, he went on fishing trips. Sometimes the guilt just rises for the person I was. Glad that’s behind me now. How’s the packing coming along…or are you at your mum’s still. Time flies by.
Off for my hand therapy at Derby today.
Have a good day my friends xxxx
Sassy, if you can, avoid reading your daughter’s texts and emails before you go to bed. Leave them until you feel up to it. Though to be honest you shouldn’t have to ‘brace’ yourself of what she’s going to say each email. I agree with FBL that it’s not our business what anyone thinks of us but convincing myself is another matter. I’m still working on that one. Love and hugs dear Sassy. You are loved here love.
Toots, hubby is a patient soul to a point. I don’t know how he put up with my drinking days. Well I do, he went on fishing trips. Sometimes the guilt just rises for the person I was. Glad that’s behind me now. How’s the packing coming along…or are you at your mum’s still. Time flies by.
Off for my hand therapy at Derby today.
Have a good day my friends xxxx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,673
3.5h , 15km, 3 walks...Roxy is knackered. The muzzle harness prevented her attacking 3 silent organisms, which were all silent but dog got supernose. A pigeon in long grass, a rat dog hiding and a cat. Credit to her- well behaved otherwise .See GP first thing tomorrow about status quo- re depression/meds, so an early start. I also got 2h study in.
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