Class of August 2021 Support Thread Part 6
Member
Join Date: Aug 2021
Location: Litchfield, SC
Posts: 585
Thanks, y'all, especially Free and Viking. Huge pick-me-up. Between the back problems and current hiatus with AA, I'm feeling a little of the proverbial "at home alone with a crazy person." When I first came on here, it was my lifeline between meetings. It's nice to know that lifeline is still there, unlike AA, 24/7 and free of politics and confrontation.
It occurred to me...paradoxically, the more you value and wire into AA, the more it has the capacity to hurt you. Maybe that's the case with any close relationship or significant investment. And maybe I was putting my eggs all into one basket. Then when I severally re-injured my back over the holidays, I basically missed 3 weeks in the gym and it became all AA, all the time. Well, nothing's good out of balance. And spending every evening with the stress of social mingling...it's exhausting. I have good social skills, but my time window is limited.
This isn't the first time I went all in with AA and ran into toxicity that really shocked me. Well, all those times, I went back out. Not this time.
You gotta know in the military when you've hit burnout, and that time may be now. I'm not sure what's next, but keeping up this breakneck schedule isn't the answer.
I dream of a sober life where I'm not beholden to AA, but given my track record, can't say I'm upbeat about my chances. Thanks--SS
It occurred to me...paradoxically, the more you value and wire into AA, the more it has the capacity to hurt you. Maybe that's the case with any close relationship or significant investment. And maybe I was putting my eggs all into one basket. Then when I severally re-injured my back over the holidays, I basically missed 3 weeks in the gym and it became all AA, all the time. Well, nothing's good out of balance. And spending every evening with the stress of social mingling...it's exhausting. I have good social skills, but my time window is limited.
This isn't the first time I went all in with AA and ran into toxicity that really shocked me. Well, all those times, I went back out. Not this time.
You gotta know in the military when you've hit burnout, and that time may be now. I'm not sure what's next, but keeping up this breakneck schedule isn't the answer.
I dream of a sober life where I'm not beholden to AA, but given my track record, can't say I'm upbeat about my chances. Thanks--SS
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,521
I have had a couple of experiences with severe burnout in AA. And I handled them both very differently.....
The first time, when I became disillusioned (with people, as you have SS) I left. Decided I could not do AA anymore. I tried a few other groups that were secular as well as religious, but none of the meetings or programs were for me, and I knew that pretty quickly. But it took me a few years to get back to AA that time....years I barely remember.
The second time I got 'fed up' and decided to leave AA, I didn't. I just changed up my meetings (as Viking said) and did as you said SS ~ tried to get a bit more life balance in place, and that worked well.
Ultimately for me, both AA and SR are super-crucial for me. I need to be here and I need to (want to) always use the 12 steps as a guide in my everyday life. ❤️
The first time, when I became disillusioned (with people, as you have SS) I left. Decided I could not do AA anymore. I tried a few other groups that were secular as well as religious, but none of the meetings or programs were for me, and I knew that pretty quickly. But it took me a few years to get back to AA that time....years I barely remember.
The second time I got 'fed up' and decided to leave AA, I didn't. I just changed up my meetings (as Viking said) and did as you said SS ~ tried to get a bit more life balance in place, and that worked well.
Ultimately for me, both AA and SR are super-crucial for me. I need to be here and I need to (want to) always use the 12 steps as a guide in my everyday life. ❤️
Member
Join Date: Aug 2021
Location: Litchfield, SC
Posts: 585
Thanks, y'all. Well, I don't know if/when I'll be back to AA. Guess I'll be seeing my sponsor on Monday, and we'll be having a long talk about everything.
Last night I slept like a rock, and woke up with a huge sense of relief knowing I'm not going to the meeting that is the biggest source of stress and disturbance. I don't want to drink, the day is mine, think I'll be able to work out, it's cold but bright and sunny out.
AA changes your thinking in a cult-like kind of way. You're supposed to be rigorously honest and talk about what's bothering you, but when you do, you're often met with accusations of heresy and/or platitudes. That's not the case in SR. AA--especially my sponsor--has sure been the rock these 5 1/2 months, but I have not wanted to drink. My primary impetus is to not return to where I was. And to keep the growth and peace going.
But straight up: no, I cannot see myself in AA for the rest of my life. No way. The word "systemic" has been politically bastardized, but this *is* a systemic thing. I want to make these changes and way of life permanent, but not at the expense of trading one tunnel for another.
If I said that anyone at AA, I'd hear "that's your disease talking," "that's BS," "your best thinking got you here," "get to a meeting," "if you want what we have, you'll do what we did." etc. etc. etc.
No more negative reinforcement. No more toxicity. No more orthodoxy. I don't see any of that here in SR.
And thanks, Dee--doomed to failure is the last way I feel when I'm here. The voice, and feeling, I'm fighting now is "You're doomed to failure without AA."
I depend on a God of my understanding, and myself to some degree. But I don't think it's healthy to have a dependence of any one person or thing, including AA. best, SS
Last night I slept like a rock, and woke up with a huge sense of relief knowing I'm not going to the meeting that is the biggest source of stress and disturbance. I don't want to drink, the day is mine, think I'll be able to work out, it's cold but bright and sunny out.
AA changes your thinking in a cult-like kind of way. You're supposed to be rigorously honest and talk about what's bothering you, but when you do, you're often met with accusations of heresy and/or platitudes. That's not the case in SR. AA--especially my sponsor--has sure been the rock these 5 1/2 months, but I have not wanted to drink. My primary impetus is to not return to where I was. And to keep the growth and peace going.
But straight up: no, I cannot see myself in AA for the rest of my life. No way. The word "systemic" has been politically bastardized, but this *is* a systemic thing. I want to make these changes and way of life permanent, but not at the expense of trading one tunnel for another.
If I said that anyone at AA, I'd hear "that's your disease talking," "that's BS," "your best thinking got you here," "get to a meeting," "if you want what we have, you'll do what we did." etc. etc. etc.
No more negative reinforcement. No more toxicity. No more orthodoxy. I don't see any of that here in SR.
And thanks, Dee--doomed to failure is the last way I feel when I'm here. The voice, and feeling, I'm fighting now is "You're doomed to failure without AA."
I depend on a God of my understanding, and myself to some degree. But I don't think it's healthy to have a dependence of any one person or thing, including AA. best, SS
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,340
Big Hugs SS!
You have the right attitude, and you will be successful. You know you are not defective. Just a human that got addicted to a VERY addictive substance.
The book, Alcohol Explained is very good and can be downloaded RIGHT NOW from Amazon. Best $12 I’ve spent in years
You have the right attitude, and you will be successful. You know you are not defective. Just a human that got addicted to a VERY addictive substance.
The book, Alcohol Explained is very good and can be downloaded RIGHT NOW from Amazon. Best $12 I’ve spent in years
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,340
Alrighty, the ONLY ONE up at dark thirty. Not exactly sure why. Sometimes life is like that. Had a few spoonfuls of low-fat cottage cheese, came on here, reading. Hoping to get shuteye soon before skiing. Hopefully warmer at the start today, maybe -9C or about 16 F, better than yesterday, it was -18C. Too cold!🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
I was awake early from sounds of the coming blizzard (I think it's here now, I cannot see out the window and the house is shuddering fairly consistently.) I'm about to make some crepes for breakfast and enjoy the power while I have it. Where I live, it's not a question of IF it will go out, but WHEN. Maybe I'll get lucky this time.....
Have a great Saturday everyone, and enjoy your skiing, Free.
Have a great Saturday everyone, and enjoy your skiing, Free.
s xx ❤️
Member
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 517
Viking glad to hear you made it though the blizzard and had fun! The crepes sound amazing.
SS sorry to hear AA isn’t fitting you right now. I think you’re taking the right steps and good on you for steering clear of alcohol.
We got a bit of snow today about 4-5 inches. It was a really wonderful day and evening. We made breakfast, went to the gym, went to my husbands parents, took the dog to the park, finished my homework, and I made some Bolognese sauce.
The make better connections challenge ended yesterday it was a really good experience and I learned very valuable information. One of the main takeaways I got was that there are different levels of connections, give to get to give not to get the same thing back in the same exact way, and the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. The more you align with yourself the more people and things will be attracted to you. Anyways it was a really good use of my time/money and I feel like I’m truly getting to know myself and I really like what I’m discovering.
Much love to all!
SS sorry to hear AA isn’t fitting you right now. I think you’re taking the right steps and good on you for steering clear of alcohol.
We got a bit of snow today about 4-5 inches. It was a really wonderful day and evening. We made breakfast, went to the gym, went to my husbands parents, took the dog to the park, finished my homework, and I made some Bolognese sauce.
The make better connections challenge ended yesterday it was a really good experience and I learned very valuable information. One of the main takeaways I got was that there are different levels of connections, give to get to give not to get the same thing back in the same exact way, and the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. The more you align with yourself the more people and things will be attracted to you. Anyways it was a really good use of my time/money and I feel like I’m truly getting to know myself and I really like what I’m discovering.
Much love to all!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2021
Location: Litchfield, SC
Posts: 585
The last few days have been good. Peaceful. Productive. I am absolutely killing it in the gym. Not rushing off to AA every night, and...keeping fingers crossed...just finished a series of back treatments that are, so far, working beyond my wildest expectations. This is, again, something that never would have happened if I hadn't been sober and persistent. It is really something special because I have been fighting this for 16 years, could write an entire book about it.
As far as AA goes, I just don't know. In the military we have what's called a "safety stand-down" where training/ops cease while evals are done. Evals are definitely needed. Right now I feel like I've escaped the commune.
Does anyone else feel they're bone-tired of talking about alcohol, period? Drinking it or not drinking it, it's occupied the center of my life for so long I can't remember when it didn't. Can we be vigilant and consistent in recovery without making it all about alcohol, all the time? What's it like to actually enjoy life without feeling like the Sword of Damocles is hanging over your head, 24/7? Sincere questions, not rhetorical.
Anyway, it's a very cold winter's night (for the South) and I am enjoying Keith Jarrett's Sun Bear Concerts. A big steak and diet ginger beer for supper tonight, then sleeping in tomorrow. Simple but favorite weekend things.
As far as AA goes, I just don't know. In the military we have what's called a "safety stand-down" where training/ops cease while evals are done. Evals are definitely needed. Right now I feel like I've escaped the commune.
Does anyone else feel they're bone-tired of talking about alcohol, period? Drinking it or not drinking it, it's occupied the center of my life for so long I can't remember when it didn't. Can we be vigilant and consistent in recovery without making it all about alcohol, all the time? What's it like to actually enjoy life without feeling like the Sword of Damocles is hanging over your head, 24/7? Sincere questions, not rhetorical.
Anyway, it's a very cold winter's night (for the South) and I am enjoying Keith Jarrett's Sun Bear Concerts. A big steak and diet ginger beer for supper tonight, then sleeping in tomorrow. Simple but favorite weekend things.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
I obsessed about drinking for years and then about not drinking SS...
Eventually I gotten to a place where my recovery is still important...it runs through my life, but it's not my whole life.
D
Eventually I gotten to a place where my recovery is still important...it runs through my life, but it's not my whole life.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 517
Hi SS,
Those are really good questions. I’ve often had the thoughts of isn’t thinking about not drinking constantly the same thing as thinking about drinking? I would like to eventually get to a place where I don’t think about alcohol at all and it’s an extremely small part of my life. Eventually it’ll be a part of my past, but this early in my recovery it’s important for me to revisit why I don’t drink and be active in my recovery. So at the end of the day I don’t put the pressure on myself because I know my brain is forming new pathways and new connections. It’s vital for me to stay sober to connect the dots, practice recovery, and not fall into the alcohol trap again.
Those are really good questions. I’ve often had the thoughts of isn’t thinking about not drinking constantly the same thing as thinking about drinking? I would like to eventually get to a place where I don’t think about alcohol at all and it’s an extremely small part of my life. Eventually it’ll be a part of my past, but this early in my recovery it’s important for me to revisit why I don’t drink and be active in my recovery. So at the end of the day I don’t put the pressure on myself because I know my brain is forming new pathways and new connections. It’s vital for me to stay sober to connect the dots, practice recovery, and not fall into the alcohol trap again.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,340
Yes,SS, I do!
Sometimes, I get sick of posting, reading, self evaluating, trying to be a better me. ITS HARD WORK!
And a few fleeting thoughts sometimes I’ll say to my self ,” eff it.” People live with their head in the sand, drink and smoke all their lives, and they are fine.
Thats a lie. And I’m working on switching my stinking thinking. And those are just thoughts .
i think it’s normal, and as a non smoker now, after 34 plus years, I don’t ever think about them, except when I see someone smoking, and I think, “thank god I don’t do that anymore, DISGUSTING!”
Big hugs, classmates 💗💓💞❤️🤓
Sometimes, I get sick of posting, reading, self evaluating, trying to be a better me. ITS HARD WORK!
And a few fleeting thoughts sometimes I’ll say to my self ,” eff it.” People live with their head in the sand, drink and smoke all their lives, and they are fine.
Thats a lie. And I’m working on switching my stinking thinking. And those are just thoughts .
i think it’s normal, and as a non smoker now, after 34 plus years, I don’t ever think about them, except when I see someone smoking, and I think, “thank god I don’t do that anymore, DISGUSTING!”
Big hugs, classmates 💗💓💞❤️🤓
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,340
The food sounds excellent!
Today, started the day off right 😈, now coffee, smoked salmon for breakfast, skiing, then going to watch games with a fellow Kansas City fan (I lived there for 12 years), so when Packers lost, just slid into the Chiefs fan mode. Going to get BBQ, and do my Pilates and stretching today come heck or high water.
Fun, fun, excercise! Yep, so much fun to talk about other than recovery. Good distraction! Ok, have to add wouldn’t feel like that if I was puking in the toilet pretending I had the flu bug and full of self loathing.
Onward!
Today, started the day off right 😈, now coffee, smoked salmon for breakfast, skiing, then going to watch games with a fellow Kansas City fan (I lived there for 12 years), so when Packers lost, just slid into the Chiefs fan mode. Going to get BBQ, and do my Pilates and stretching today come heck or high water.
Fun, fun, excercise! Yep, so much fun to talk about other than recovery. Good distraction! Ok, have to add wouldn’t feel like that if I was puking in the toilet pretending I had the flu bug and full of self loathing.
Onward!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,521
For me, I spend my life thinking about other things now.....my head has room now.....ideas float and form and stuff happens....as PJ says....we are doing something about stuff 
❤️
❤️
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
I'm happy to say I really don't think about not drinking nearly as much as I did the last time I stopped (I really am aware now that I wasn't working at it very hard last time, I just kind of stopped drinking and then "willed" it away rather than doing any actual work on myself) and now when I do think of it, it's kind of like, Oh wow- I haven't thought about that in a while. This week was a little different but I figured out why yesterday- I have been watching a show on Netflix and the main character was always walking around with a giant glass of wine. It didn't trigger me but it put the memories back- I'm glad I discovered what that was about and now it's gone. I come here every day and it's a pleasure, not the chore I felt it was last attempt, and I'm not consumed with the endless thinking, which was indeed so tiresome. I have some old posts that echo yours, SS. The perpetual thoughts of not drinking stopped when I realized that drinking just has nothing left for me, everything I thought I enjoyed was a lie, and I am the one in charge now. I am helpless against alcohol, but only when it's in my body, so that gives me all the power. I don't have to focus on my addiction if I'm not participating in it, I have to focus on being honest, doing the next right thing and helping others if I can. When the thoughts pop up, I work to figure out why, but so far, I have not had a true urge to return to that pathetic way of living. So, while I am ever vigilant, and know enough to understand I am always going to be at risk of going back, I am not consumed with the thoughts because I no longer feel that I am on the precipice of failure. For me, it's like being aware that if there is glass on the sidewalk so I don't want to step on it, but when there is no glass, I don't think about it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2021
Location: Litchfield, SC
Posts: 585
Wow. Great stuff, y'all. Thanks.
"I don't have to focus on my addiction if I'm not participating in it, I have to focus on being honest, doing the next right thing and helping others if I can. When the thoughts pop up, I work to figure out why, but so far, I have not had a true urge to return to that pathetic way of living."
"I don't have to focus on my addiction if I'm not participating in it, I have to focus on being honest, doing the next right thing and helping others if I can. When the thoughts pop up, I work to figure out why, but so far, I have not had a true urge to return to that pathetic way of living."
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