Free2bme888

Wonderful insightful post, classmate SS!

I can’t cut these people out as they are Dr Frees friends, but he did have us leave their cabin early last September as I was so uncomfortable. I agree about cutting people out, and not lightly. I have cut my brother and sister out since November. I’m much better for it for sure.

For this visit, I will pray for calm as you do. Great idea, I need to do that before my morning gratitude post.

Congrats on the kitty! I love kitties! Ours passed last May, and Dr Free is allergic. I’m so bummed.

A pic would be GREAT!


Warmly,

VikingGF

Hi, class-
Free- I 100% agree that those "friends" are in for an earful! I want to echo what SS says about the whole not drinking thing and telling people and letting their opinions invade your life so much that it makes not drinking a chore. We are now in this at a strong 6 months. It is not a whim or a passing thing. We are non-drinkers. To be considered anything else at this point is really ridiculous- and to have to have "a talk" about it or try to fit into what others perceive us to be, especially since it seems to be inaccurate, is just a waste of time and misdirection of energy. I no longer think about not drinking, I just don't do it and that's who I am now, I'm Lisa the non-drinker. Period. If anyone has issue with it, they get over it, and if they didn't, I guess I'd show them the door. Most of my friends have become a bit impressed at both how much better I look (just general health- my eyes are brighter, and my skin looks better) and how much happier and more engaged I am. They are saying these things to me, and I hear a little bit of envy sometimes when they refer to me as not drinking. They don't say "still not drinking," now it's just "not drinking." People are not looking at me like I'm missing out- they are understanding that I have made this choice and I couldn't be happier succeeding at it. They see me living what I say here all the time- sobriety is not a punishment, it's a gift. It is not something to be defended or hidden, it is to be cherished and modeled to others- it's a desirous place to be, and we are in excellent company. I sure do not announce WOW THIS NOT DRINKING IS SOOOOO AWESOME, YOU SHOULD DO IT, TOO!!! but my life is better and I'm better and that's what people see and react to. I don't care if everyone drinks a gallon of whatever they choose around me- I know I'm the one waking up without the regret! I have no reason to defend my choices, all I have to do is live with my choice and do it well. Never let another person take your power away by questioning your choice to make your life BETTER. Ever. We are doing GREAT.

I am still wary and I do not kid myself that I am "cured" and out of any danger of ever drinking again- but I do know that with each day I add to my sober timeline, I get a little stronger. I know the pitfalls, hell, I've lived them, and I still remain grateful of this chance I was given to clean up the mess I was making. I'm still cleaning...

SouthernSober

Thanks Free. I will try a pic (I've had trouble posting pics on here). His name is Tigger and he's a 10 month old orange tabby. My other two are twin tuxies, will be 5 this summer. Duchess and Bandit. They're like my kids and I'm so blessed with them.

Dee74

Hope this helps SouthernSober
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...our-posts.html (How to put pics in your posts)

Free2bme888

Feeling pretty weird lately. PAWS?
Idk. I’m sure it will pass, but it sure is uncomfortable.

I started to read my Part 1 thread over again, to re remember why I quit. I’m getting flashbacks of sneaking drinks and hiding bottles, not in the form of desire, but in the form of shame 😔

Dr Free shared with me a study that was very scary about the vaccines right before bed. If it’s true, it will be in public soon. OMG. We all only did the best we could with the knowledge we had at the time. Same with my drinking, my life, etc. Between that and him snoring, it was kind of a bad night.

Ok, Free, time to get off the pity 🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽

Grateful, grateful, change those yucky chemicals over.

Grateful heard from both daughters yesterday
Grateful even though it cost us extra money for a shuttle, youngest daughters friend is also coming to see us (although she didn’t ask first and it’s last minute). She’s a GREAT young lady
Grateful oldest daughter is almost two years sober, and got a great part time job offer yesterday
Grateful for snow coming this weekend and later today

Grateful for ALL of you, and my continued sobriety although stupidly forever is sometimes scary (SHUT THE EFF UP, AV 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵

LoveHateWhine

Hi everyone. I'm still here. I have 10 minutes to myself right now.

Struggling a lot. The non-stop merry-go-round of guests continues and it has just worn me down. Mr. LHW takes care of all the meals, and has even been doing the laundry, but I am mentally worn out. I admit to having a few drinks here and there last week and I am still quite sad that I drank. It was not necessary and no one would have cared if I didn't. Drinking even once in a while does me no good and serves no purpose in my life. It brings nothing but guilt, shame, regret.

My mother goes home tomorrow and my husband's daughter is here until Tuesday. After that we have a few days to ourselves and then 7 straight days of company (with 2 couples departing and arriving on the same day!) and then finally no one else but us until we head home at the end of March. Still upset we allowed this to happen.

So I asked myself what I would be doing differently so I don't cave every now and then. This time I think I will try an in-person AA meeting while we are here after the last guest leaves. I'll have a couple of weeks to get the meetings under my belt and then hopefully I can continue once we get home. I received an invitation to a bridal shower at a winery for when we return....I already declined. That would be all I need at that point (shower will be in mid April). In the meantime, I will continue reading here when I can, post when I can and also continue my journaling and try to figure out what made me cave last week, though I think I already know.

I desperately want to stay sober all the time...not just most of the time. All of the time.

I appreciate you all being here and hope you all have a great weekend!

LHW

Bodhi02

Hi Free, that is scary regarding the possibility of negative impacts from the vaccine. Fingers crossed it’s all ok either way it’s out of our control so we’ll just have to go with the flow either way.

LHW, sorry you drank. It’s another data point/more evidence for the case to quit altogether. When I drank in the Bahamas this past December it really clicked that I was 100% addicted to alcohol an no amount of alcohol is safe for me. It was a lesson I needed to learn that I has strengthened my resolve to quit for good.

I had some light spotting today which was very scary. The doctor saw me right away and the baby checked out just fine. It was quite the scare and I’m so grateful everything checked out. I think I’m going to start the 5 things that brought me joy today list again. That really helped me to focus on the good things in life even on really bad days.

Dee74

I'm glad all is well - that must have been scary Bodhi.

I think its good to look into other avenues of support LHW,
I know my whole identity was bound up in my drinking... so I had to forge a new identity once I stopped drinking.

One of the things that made it easier to do that was to hang around with people who were sober like I was, or who only knew me as the sober person I wanted to be.

Middle of the night worries are not nice but I know you'll get over the forever thing Free - I feel blessed and proud that this is my life going forward.

Have a great sober weekend you guys

D

Free2bme888

Thanks for the kind words Dee, Bodhi, and LHW. HI SS!

Dr Free took a steep walk with me earlier, about 3.2 miles which is 5 k. (ALL the walks around here are steep). It really felt good to go out, and I held my hand up most of the time to keep it from throbbing.

Dr Free also emptied a storage slider bin that was under our bed that had knitted sweaters late wife had made, I gently reminded him I sure could use that room for MY things if we could move those to the basement storage locker. He actually threw three away that had snags, and tearfully put two other sweaters she had made for him on a community ‘giveaway’ table (that he didn’t like but kept, you know how that goes 😳😉

AND, since we were on a roll of getting our bedroom more to be mine and his, I asked him once again to please remove the wedding book of him and late wife out of our bedroom and his night stand. He was tearful again, recounting the memory that when “A” was near death, she requested to see their photo album, and he couldn’t find it. He looked for hours daily and never found it before she passed. Apparently ‘A’s’ sister had forgotten she had temporarily placed it in the bottom of a box of pics from her side of the family no one wanted.

I gave Dr Free a big hug, empathized with how terrible that must have been for both of them, and so glad he’d found it when he moved after she passed.

I feel better Dr Free let some emotion out, and got the things out of our bedroom, The album is safely tucked away but NOT next to our bed.

AND, I did NOT get picked for jury duty, as I was hoping to so I would be minimize my exposure to his friends that are visiting, you know, the rude inquisitive couple that were “A’s’ and Dr Frees close couples friends? Anyway, so glad I was not in court all day to have to fulfill my volunteer usher duty tonight in a snowstorm.

Bodhi, glad you got the baby checked out, your dr sounds lovely and competent. You were right to get checked out right away. How many weeks are you?

LHW, I’m sorry you drank too. Your plan sounds good. I think perhaps the spiritual and emotional part for me weighed more than the unseen damage I was doing to my body. I very much understand where you are coming from. I also ended up looking at a three hour you tube video on step four, by two men who do a GREAT job of explaining the (imho) difficult to understand and swallow Big Book.

Im def NOT AA myself, but some of their principles are helpful to anyone, in ANY situation, on self forgiveness, forgiveness of others, moving forward, and self awareness. Maybe you can find it and listen with earbuds in privacy.

Lots of love, everyone ❤️🤓

Bodhi02

Good for you LHW for declining the shower invite and planning to attend meetings. On recovery elevator they say the opposite of addiction is connection. I’ve been thinking about attend some in person meetings so I can meet more sober people. Virtual meetings and this forum are wonderful, but I would in person connection and just building more of a community. I figure it’s time for me to let my college friends go and time to forge new relationships with people going through similar journeys. I’ve done the work to see if there’s a deeper connection and there isn’t at least not right now. So I’ll let them go and focus on other friendships in my life. I have some nicely budding friendships where the people only know me as a non drinker and that’s so nice I don’t feel like they’re comparing/remembering my old ways. It’s like a fresh start.

Free, I’m glad to hear Dr. Free is making room for your things and that you’re there for him as he feels all sorts of complicated emotions. Also, I’m 8 weeks pregnant, 32 weeks to go!

Free2bme888

Woot woot on 8 weeks Bodhi 🎊🪅🎉🎏🪄🎁🎁🎁

Free2bme888

My hand still hurts terribly, it felt better this week as I babied it, and then used it more yesterday.

Last night had to take Tylenol and Aleve. This morning in tears, took meds again. Told Dr Free it feels deep, the pain is not incisional. He said it was just the skin that was operated on. I feel I’m losing my sanity, it hurts deep inside.

Ive messaged the Dr to see if this feels normal.

Just ranting.

LoveHateWhine

Congrats on the 8 weeks, Bodhi! Thanks for the words about the no alcohol is a good amount for us. I came to that conclusion years ago and it pains me that I am still battling it. I keep trying.

Free - good decision in calling the doctor. Best not to mess with that stuff. Are the two guys on the AA video you mention named Joe and Charlie? If so, I think I have seen their stuff before, but I will look for it again. And I know exactly where you are coming from on the stuff that "A" left behind. Mr. LHW had the same emotions regarding his wife, "J". When I first started dating him, his bedroom at his house looked like she still lived there and "J" had died 9 years prior. Her closet still had all of her clothes in it...her jewelry box still sat on the dresser, her shoes were still in the corner. It was emotional, but like you, all we can do is gently remind them that while they had a long life with their deceased spouses who will always hold a place in their hearts, there is also room enough in their hearts for us, too, and we can also build a nice life together.

Dee - thanks as always for your words of wisdom. I agree that I need to make some sober connections. I can't very well expect my new husband to just give up his circle of friends and family entirely and not see them or do things with them because I can't seem to stay on the course. I'm so tired of being on this never ending wheel. A few weeks/months here and there don't cut it.

Well, getting ready to take my mother and stepdaughter out to lunch before we take mom to the airport. Mr. LHW is out playing golf with his friends, so get's to miss all the fun. LOL.

LHW

Free2bme888

Yes, I think Joe and Charlie, LHW.

Perhaps the chores and errands are a good distraction………

We have the power to decide who we are in our lives, for sure.

The more sober I am, the more I don’t feel guilty about forging a new me, and I realize no matter who I am, most people will like me, and some people won’t. It’s ok.

venuscat

Sending you so much love dear Free s

I think you know that I had bone tumours in my index finger and have had a few surgeries.
I empathise big time....and I hope the pain recedes. xxxx

Very glad all is well dear Bodhi s s xxxx

Sending love and support dear LHW s xxxx

SouthernSober

Greetings y'all--great to read all of this on a beautiful Saturday spring day.

Yesterday felt like pure "parallel universe" (the non-drinking one vs. the drinking one)...drinking, the flat tire I got the other day would have turned out to be a huge deal, stress and worry and this and that and how to replenish my beer supply and blah blah blah. Drinking, my garden would have stayed the mess it was after a rough winter (for here) and a year+ drought. In the former case, I calmly called AAA and the dealership, new tire in 2 days, and even when they forgot to inflate to factory specs which kept the low pressure warning on...I just pulled over and addressed it. The valve cap would not come off. I commandeered a swiss army knife out of my gym bag and McGyver-pliered it off. Then hooked up the air and guesstimated it. The digital readout was 33.0, exact factory specs. "Perfect," I smiled. In the case of my garden, this the busiest time of the year for gardening and it is a madhouse at the nursery. Took over 2 weeks to coordinate everything, but yesterday a crew came out and did a spectacular job. Top dress, fertilizer, mulch, sharpen up all edges...when the guy told me $475 flat rate for labor, materials ($175) separate, I thought "it'd better look like frickin' Augusta National when you're done." Well, when my Azaleas bloom, it WILL look like Augusta National. My neighbor did a double take walking her dog. "Wow. That doesn't look cheap."

And then last night I pulled on a pair of 35" pants and buttoned them with pure joy. The last time I could wear a 35" was 2006 when I got back from Iraq and weighed 202 rock solid.

You know...I could easily say what the hell, I deserve it, and spend this weekend drinking and golfing and fishing. A million reasons why I won't...but man does it feel awesome that my reason today is that things are going so well...it feels miraculous hitting these goals...I feel like a healthy, well-adjusted, confident guy.

The opposite of ~200 days ago. best, SS

Free2bme888

Yay SS!

sounds wonderful. No gardening here today 🙃

Dee74

No you cant expect Mr LHW to cut out his circle of friends but I think you can be the non drinker in the group.
I used to think that that would be rude, or that it would make people awkward, or that they might laugh at me or pity me...but instead I just feel empowered.

I'm living my best life

I've not had any operations like that but my brother and sister have. Sometimes they have to dig pretty deep to get the (for want of a better word) the 'roots' out.

It may be the case for you too, Free?

D

Free2bme888

I’m not sure, Dee.

I have a note out to Dr, Maybe she can ease my mind a bit 😘🥰😍

LoveHateWhine

Thanks, Dee!

I agree with you in that I can absolutely be the non-drinker in the group!!!! I want to be! When I think of the invisible harm I am doing to my body, it just makes me cringe. Trying to keep that in the front of my mind. Think of the hidden harms I am doing to myself, no matter how infrequent my slips are. I have to be 100%.

One of the things I am doing is constantly telling myself how I am slowly killing my internal organs. I read about it constantly. Finally, if and when anyone asks why I am not drinking, I can simply say that I have read so much research on the harm its doing to our organs, I just decided to put the drink down for good. I doubt anyone can argue that.

Free - let us know what the doctor says.

Hope everyone has a great evening/day.

LHW