Tanky

yeah. You could be right. Just keep changing up the meeting. I am also a bit despondent because I finally got up courage to ask someone to sponsor me at that meeting. (Because my temporary sponsorship is probably nearly over.) The person said no. And it took so much to get my dumb ass to a space to ask. So now want to run for hills I guess. 😂😂

venuscat

Hmm, just no? Not I am sorry but I have too many sponsees right now?
I am thinking if she said no and Ieft you feeIing upset, she might not be the best fit anyway. s ❤️

Tanky

There were reasons given. But I had already been thinking about running back to drink during the meeting and it didn’t exactly help with that. 😂😂 but I didn’t drink . and I am here. And yes, probably not right fit. But honestly, I don’t think anyone will be. Because I don’t think I can do it , right now. I am struggling to believe I am enough, I am worth it. But I know that is not me. That is fear and despair and AV speaking. I just have to keep doing the things. I am speaking to my temp. sponsor in an hour and a half. So will be fine.

venuscat

And you have others who are here for you and are in your corner Iove. ❤️❤️

RAL

HI everyone
Lovely to read all your posts

I hope you have a wonderful family time with your daughter zura. she is lucky to have you

hows your day been elly?

Tanky - sorry you feel down today but it does get better and youre doing amazingly well I did AA about 15 years ago. Went to several meetings. The people were lovely, welcomign and supprtive. i just didnt like all the talk of the past-the war stories.talk of drinking. it triggered me hugely and made me want to drink. the smart meetings i am doing now don;t focus on the past. people do talk of their recent few days but it focuses on coping tools for now and the future whcih i love and feel really positive about.

for me one of the benefits of lockdown is the accessibilty and openign up of online meetings. been to one tonight. felt blah all day and the meeting left me feeling uplifted and positive.

i hope none of you have images of me in the yard chopping wood with an axe nothing so energetic or extreme. it;s a wood splitter! i get free wood from work so get a bit each week and chop it up.


onwards we go.xx

venuscat

Oh wow, Iike those machine thingies that you feed the wood into? Wow.....super cooI.
Except for the times when they use them on TV for nefarious purposes.

Have you watched the tv show caIIed The Bay Iove? It is very good and season 2 is out now. (UK awesome crime/mystery show). xx

Tanky

Wood splitters are awesome fun. But I am keeping my image of lumberjack RAL with axe.

thanks to you and Venus for support this morning. ****** to need it so early in day. 😂😂

sorry also that I am so chaotic with my ups and downs , still. Too needy. Hopefully will be more balanced soon.

RAL

It is a machine and you a piece of wood on it then press 2 buttons one at each side and it squishes the wood -I love it! Cost £120 years ago and still going strong!

Oh yes love the Bay! Watched it in 2019 when it came out and watched it again last week as they showed series 1 again prior to season 2 starting last week! It's fabulous! I come from about 40 miles away from where it was filmed! So great you can watch all these programmes there in the US

venuscat

Yay..... !!!!
I subscribe to Brit TV chaneIs on Amazon....I am a bit fIoored by how Iucky I am to be abe to do aII of that.

So what do you do with the wood muIch?

RAL

tanky, please don't be so hard on yourself. It's totally normal to have these ups and downs. You're not needy or chaotic. It's normal and it's life and things are more enhanced at this stage we are at. plus with covid and all additional pressures of life it all makes it worse. but you will get through. we all will. and it will get better but drinking will only set us back and make it worse. We don't have to be strong or perfect. Even if all we do today is not drink then that is a win Be kind to yourself. x

RAL

oh I just sweep it up and use it as kindling

I need new recommendations for dramas. Anything detective ish

venuscat

Hmmmm......I have Iots but I am guessing you have seen aII the Brit ones.....I wiII have a think. Do a Iist. s

RAL

Thanks Venus xx

Zura

RAL - I'm sticking to the fantasy of axe wood chopping 😂 not that I'd have you out chopping wood but it's a dream of mine to live off grid in a wood cabin (in some semi secluded location, preferably close to both mountains and ocean) all olden day, self sufficient style.

Tanky - please don't be sorry for sharing here, openness with your vulnerability is a gift I think. I admire that about you immensely. I'm having a tough day too, wanted to have a cry but there's a house full of teenagers. So I'm going to go for a nature walk and do a releasing ceremony by the stream

venuscat

(((Zura))) ❤️

Tanky

Zura, sorry you are also in struggle-town. With the teens watching. Hard. My boy has gone to his soccer match - which I should be watching but can’t . My girl in her room. Releasing ceremony sounds interesting and good way to deal. Feels powerful within you.

My d&a counsellor wants me to have a physical ceremony of some kind for my addictions . Honour them in some way, thank them for the things they did try to do to protect me, grieve and let them go.

Zura

That sounds like a wonderful thing to do Tanky 🥰❤️😍 I'm all for releasing the things that no longer serve. I hope you come up with something deeply meaningful for you and it's helpful xxoo

EllyB

Tanky— We are all here for you!

EllyB

Zura— that sounds like a good idea... Our addictions really are like tortured relationships.... and it is important to grieve them and let them go.

RAL

Morning all and Happy Sober Saturday I thought we would have fireworks this morning to cheer us all up and for us all to celebrate being on this journey and doing the best we can do. And a group hug too

It is 7.30am here. I got up twice in the night and up early as it is forecast heavy snow. I'm like a child-it is such a rarity here, Snows maybe once every 5 years or so. Anyway, THERE IS NO SNOW! I am very disappointed! And wide awake! No matter. TO wake on saturday morning with a clear head and mind is something for which I am always grateful. I have 7 weeks sober today too. The last week hasn't been the best but it's life and we must just go forward. Today will be better. Take care all,xx