The Power Of Sobriety Thread (POST!) #10
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,181
Powerful insight Glee. I am sometimes guilty of jumping to conclusions without getting all the facts. One employee called me on it this weekend, and we talked it out and I apologized. I need to remember to always give people the benefit of the doubt.
Sorry you are doing double duty FBL, but I am sure your coworker is going through a lot emotionally, as well as physically. I hope he can get back to work and up to speed shortly.
Courage, sounds like Mexico is just what the doctor ordered for you. Enjoy the laid back warmth.
Have a good day all!
Sorry you are doing double duty FBL, but I am sure your coworker is going through a lot emotionally, as well as physically. I hope he can get back to work and up to speed shortly.
Courage, sounds like Mexico is just what the doctor ordered for you. Enjoy the laid back warmth.
Have a good day all!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 33,506
Courage, I love that you have tangles in your hair. When I get near the water/humidity, my hair gets curly and I never brush it, so I walk around with tangles in my hair too, esp at the beach!
Have a great time and so good to hear from you! ♥
Have a great time and so good to hear from you! ♥
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,845
Hair tangles are not an issue for me. 
I have what I'm hoping is my final eye exam by the retina specialist later this morning. I will probably be there for awhile as he wants to examine both peepers. He'll be dilating both eyes, so hopefully I can see well enough to do a little work this afternoon.
Looks like we're bracing for 8-12 inches of snow over the weekend. It is overdue this season.
I have what I'm hoping is my final eye exam by the retina specialist later this morning. I will probably be there for awhile as he wants to examine both peepers. He'll be dilating both eyes, so hopefully I can see well enough to do a little work this afternoon.
Looks like we're bracing for 8-12 inches of snow over the weekend. It is overdue this season.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,845
Well, the eye saga continues. The right eye is healing nicely, but he still wants to do another exam in eight weeks. The left eye has some minor lattice degeneration, but I have no acute symptoms at this time. He said that he could do a preventative laser treatment and asked if that was "something that I would want?" He caught me off guard and I said "yes" to it without asking any questions, and I made the appointment for the end of the month. However, I'm now having second and third thoughts and I just don't feel right about doing it without more information. So, I'm going to listen to my gut, cancel that appointment and talk to him about it further when I go in for my exam in eight weeks.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,181
FBL, what is a preventative laser treatment? Is that something before full blown cataracts? It's probably a good idea to cancel the appointment and weigh your options. As you are aware, it's nothing to take lightly.
Supposedly going to hit the mid 60's today. It has been a relatively mild and snow free winter thus far, even for the East Coast.
Have a good day all!
Supposedly going to hit the mid 60's today. It has been a relatively mild and snow free winter thus far, even for the East Coast.
Have a good day all!
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,845
Originally Posted by stargazer016 
FBL, what is a preventative laser treatment? Is that something before full blown cataracts? It's probably a good idea to cancel the appointment and weigh your options. As you are aware, it's nothing to take lightly.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 33,506
FBL, after what you've been through I can see why you wouldn't feel the need for another procedure right now. I think it's great that you're asking and thinking smartly. Any gut feelings should always be heeded! Doctors aren't Gods and a step back to think and research is always a really good idea!
SG, I think CA is in the mid 50s today. It's cold but clear. It's nice when the sun is out, not so depressing.
Have a great one to all our POSTers! Peace and love to you all.
SG, I think CA is in the mid 50s today. It's cold but clear. It's nice when the sun is out, not so depressing.
Have a great one to all our POSTers! Peace and love to you all.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,845
Thanks, everyone! I intend to ask a lot of questions when I go for my next eye exam in March. Like I said, he totally surprised me with that quick diagnosis. I've also never had a doctor ask me if I "wanted" to have something done, it's usually I "have" to have it done!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
FBL - Wise of you to listen to your instincts. When asked what I “want” to do, medically, take no action is my go to!
I had a set-back at work that I never would have predicted. I said something “controversial” in a meeting. I would have called my comment honest. My “honesty” rubbed some leaders the wrong way. The day of, my boss called me to his office to share his concerns with me about my approach. Fair enough. What I didn’t count on is that he brought it back up to me weeks later, to tell me how very bad what I did was, that now people are now whispering what is going on with me, and reaching out to him to say they heard about it. He said I more or less sabotaged myself, my opportunities in the organization, at “rating time of year.” Can you imagine that a year of working so hard it hurt could be washed away by a comment in a meeting? That one comment proved to everyone that I cannot move ahead in the org? My comment was that folks in my site are inundated by another site forwarding all of their escalations to my site. This has been interpreted as salty, sarcastic and hurtful by - folks in the other site. And that my boss is now fighting to thread back together my reputation.
My head is spinning. Can one comment truly be someone’s undoing? Could he be saying this to make me feel indebted?
I had a set-back at work that I never would have predicted. I said something “controversial” in a meeting. I would have called my comment honest. My “honesty” rubbed some leaders the wrong way. The day of, my boss called me to his office to share his concerns with me about my approach. Fair enough. What I didn’t count on is that he brought it back up to me weeks later, to tell me how very bad what I did was, that now people are now whispering what is going on with me, and reaching out to him to say they heard about it. He said I more or less sabotaged myself, my opportunities in the organization, at “rating time of year.” Can you imagine that a year of working so hard it hurt could be washed away by a comment in a meeting? That one comment proved to everyone that I cannot move ahead in the org? My comment was that folks in my site are inundated by another site forwarding all of their escalations to my site. This has been interpreted as salty, sarcastic and hurtful by - folks in the other site. And that my boss is now fighting to thread back together my reputation.
My head is spinning. Can one comment truly be someone’s undoing? Could he be saying this to make me feel indebted?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 33,506
Glee, so sorry that happened and yes, one comment. I used to work for lawyers here for many years and went to BOD meetings, etc. I had to be so politically sensitive to EVERYTHING and not offend anyone. If you offended the wrong person, your days were usu numbered, as sick as that is. Then people hate unions that protect the workers. Everything is messed up.
Once again, I empathize and I am so sorry that comment came back to you. Sending energy that things turn around for you. That is just a sad state of affairs.
Once again, I empathize and I am so sorry that comment came back to you. Sending energy that things turn around for you. That is just a sad state of affairs.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,845
Well, I cancelled my laser treatment yesterday and feel I did the right thing. What's really cool is that for the first time in 40 years, I no longer need my glasses on at all times! My right eye (the problem one) is now 20/20! The other eye still needs the glasses, but as long as my brain looks out the right eye, I'm good to go!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,181
Glee, I am sorry that you have found yourself in this situation. If you are the one telling everyone that the emperor has no clothes, everyone looks at you like you're crazy. Companies say that they want honesty and fresh ideas, but if you bring up legitimate concerns, you are labeled as a trouble maker and not a team player. Your boss sounds like he is mainly trying to cover his butt. He doesn't want to admit to his superiors that your team is overwhelmed by the ineffectiveness of the other team and doesn't want to antagonize the head of that team. Is your boss really trying hard to save your reputation, or is he just using you as a scapegoat? Knowing you, it seems more the latter. I am certain your boss knows your real value and doesn't want to lose you, as you head into your crunch time. Are there any other people above you that you can trust that can give you an honest appraisal of the situation? It sounds as though your boss is not an effective manager and leader and is possibly worried about being exposed as such. I am sure he likely feels the same about your team's difficulties as you do, but can't express his concerns for fear of potentially derailing his career. These types can act the part of a cornered rat and are not folks you can trust in the business world. Ride the wave until it breaks, know that you did nothing wrong as a team leader, and see where the chips fall. Move on to the next day, count your blessings, and stay sober. Bosses will come and go, but your personal integrity lasts forever.
I am glad you postponed your laser treatment FBL. Definitely gather more information until you feel more comfortable in discussing this with the doctor.
Aly, I am glad that you are getting some sun. Just being outside in it for an afternoon totally changes my attitude. Hang in there!
One of the things that I love about this thread is that though we have given up drinking, difficult situations still occur frequently in our lives. Not drinking gives us a leg up on finding solutions that we would have never attempted while using. Everyone here is such an inspiration to me!
I am glad you postponed your laser treatment FBL. Definitely gather more information until you feel more comfortable in discussing this with the doctor.
Aly, I am glad that you are getting some sun. Just being outside in it for an afternoon totally changes my attitude. Hang in there!
One of the things that I love about this thread is that though we have given up drinking, difficult situations still occur frequently in our lives. Not drinking gives us a leg up on finding solutions that we would have never attempted while using. Everyone here is such an inspiration to me!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
You are all so great! I love that we can count on each other!
Aly- I hear what you’re saying. Ugh.
I’m a newer leader, relatively speaking (4 years), and I’m learning a lot. SG, I appreciate your input. I’m meditating on it.
FBL - 20/20 vision is amazing! I’m glad you’re feeling comfortable with your decision on eye treatment.
Booze was an escape that never made my problems better, and often left me feeling more confused. I’m glad that today I can spend my time focused on moving forward!
Aly- I hear what you’re saying. Ugh.
I’m a newer leader, relatively speaking (4 years), and I’m learning a lot. SG, I appreciate your input. I’m meditating on it.
FBL - 20/20 vision is amazing! I’m glad you’re feeling comfortable with your decision on eye treatment.
Booze was an escape that never made my problems better, and often left me feeling more confused. I’m glad that today I can spend my time focused on moving forward!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 33,506
Glee, you have such a wonderful personality that really shows through. Do try to be yourself though. I just hope things get better. I went through so much of that so I get it. Love and peace to our dear friend.
I'm still not feeling so great from this bug I feel like I've had forever! It really takes the energy out of you and loves headaches.
Have a great day all. I hope Courage gets back soon, I miss her. Although I wouldn't want her to cut her fun in the sun short. I bet she's tan and beautiful!
Love and peace to all of you.
I'm still not feeling so great from this bug I feel like I've had forever! It really takes the energy out of you and loves headaches.
Have a great day all. I hope Courage gets back soon, I miss her. Although I wouldn't want her to cut her fun in the sun short. I bet she's tan and beautiful!
Love and peace to all of you.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,845
I shared this with the overs and wanted to share it here too.
This past year has been one of tremendous spiritual growth for me. I've recently come to some very personal insights. I've shared them with my FB recovery friends and would like to share them with my SR friends as well.
I'm now 54 years-old and have never experienced, nor desired, a close romantic relationship with another person. This was very confusing to me, especially as an adolescent and young adult. It made me feel very much an outsider and I'm certain that it helped fuel my alcohol addiction. I was (and still am) physically attracted to women, and I've even "dated" a few times, but the concept of a romantic relationship, let alone marriage and children, never appealed to me in the slightest. I even thought that once I finally got sober in 2009, that I would somehow grow out those feelings, but instead they became even stronger. It wasn't until recently that I discovered there is actually a name for my "condition" and that is aromantic. I also discovered that I am not alone and that there are many others like me. After much research into the subject, I found a nice description, that really fits my life:
A heterosexual aromantic person is someone who is aesthetically attracted to the opposite sex, but doesn't experience romantic attraction. This is an innate trait that a person is born with, it is not a choice and is not something that needs to be “cured” or “fixed.” There’s no need for an aromantic to pair up with another person for romantic reasons. Aromantics are capable of feeling love - platonic love such as that between family members or friends. Many of them enjoy romantic songs, books and movies, but only intellectually, it is not something they actually wish for themselves. Aromantics can feel and express deep emotions for others - they are not cold or heartless people. Most aromantics enjoy spending time alone, but they never feel lonely or unloved. Many never marry, but lead fulfilling lives with their career, hobbies, family and friends.
I can't begin to tell you what a sense of relief I've felt being able to share this with my friends. It certainly has led to a huge dose of self-acceptance for me.
This past year has been one of tremendous spiritual growth for me. I've recently come to some very personal insights. I've shared them with my FB recovery friends and would like to share them with my SR friends as well.
I'm now 54 years-old and have never experienced, nor desired, a close romantic relationship with another person. This was very confusing to me, especially as an adolescent and young adult. It made me feel very much an outsider and I'm certain that it helped fuel my alcohol addiction. I was (and still am) physically attracted to women, and I've even "dated" a few times, but the concept of a romantic relationship, let alone marriage and children, never appealed to me in the slightest. I even thought that once I finally got sober in 2009, that I would somehow grow out those feelings, but instead they became even stronger. It wasn't until recently that I discovered there is actually a name for my "condition" and that is aromantic. I also discovered that I am not alone and that there are many others like me. After much research into the subject, I found a nice description, that really fits my life:
A heterosexual aromantic person is someone who is aesthetically attracted to the opposite sex, but doesn't experience romantic attraction. This is an innate trait that a person is born with, it is not a choice and is not something that needs to be “cured” or “fixed.” There’s no need for an aromantic to pair up with another person for romantic reasons. Aromantics are capable of feeling love - platonic love such as that between family members or friends. Many of them enjoy romantic songs, books and movies, but only intellectually, it is not something they actually wish for themselves. Aromantics can feel and express deep emotions for others - they are not cold or heartless people. Most aromantics enjoy spending time alone, but they never feel lonely or unloved. Many never marry, but lead fulfilling lives with their career, hobbies, family and friends.
I can't begin to tell you what a sense of relief I've felt being able to share this with my friends. It certainly has led to a huge dose of self-acceptance for me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
FBL - What a major piece of self-discovery. Self acceptance, the ability to say “I am who I am,” is an important role in inner peace. I’m happy for you. I credit the generations younger than mine for the greater level of identification and acceptance of all the different ways to live and let live.
Being sober brings me closer to understanding myself, for sure! This year I’ve decided to spend time in my work week for reflection. In an effort to be less ticked off (lol) I “fourth stepped” the past week. That is identified 4 times I felt angry/ frustrated/ hostile. I asked myself how it impacted me, what fear it elicited in me. Then I asked myself what was MY part in it. For example, I was frustrated when my colleague and I said no to a candidate we interviewed. During a calibration session, our team (who was not at the interview) questioned why we said no, and suggested that even though the interview was poor, we should move forward with an offer based on previous experience on the resume. This made me angry and illicited my fear of not being taken seriously. My role in the issue was that I discussed it with someone later that day in a space within earshot of others who were in the session. I was angry and hoping others would overhear and agree with me. Upon reflection I decided that indirectly trying to get others on board with my frustration with the process is not the way to create change. In fact outspoken frustration is not a leadership competency that others should jump on board with. Also this is happening to everyone - not only me. Instead I can choose whether this is something that I want to formally address, or just let go of. I decided to practice calm under pressure in these situations. It’s also a great interview example of disagreeing with leaders.
It didn’t take me long and helps me strategize for the coming week. Neat, huh?
Being sober brings me closer to understanding myself, for sure! This year I’ve decided to spend time in my work week for reflection. In an effort to be less ticked off (lol) I “fourth stepped” the past week. That is identified 4 times I felt angry/ frustrated/ hostile. I asked myself how it impacted me, what fear it elicited in me. Then I asked myself what was MY part in it. For example, I was frustrated when my colleague and I said no to a candidate we interviewed. During a calibration session, our team (who was not at the interview) questioned why we said no, and suggested that even though the interview was poor, we should move forward with an offer based on previous experience on the resume. This made me angry and illicited my fear of not being taken seriously. My role in the issue was that I discussed it with someone later that day in a space within earshot of others who were in the session. I was angry and hoping others would overhear and agree with me. Upon reflection I decided that indirectly trying to get others on board with my frustration with the process is not the way to create change. In fact outspoken frustration is not a leadership competency that others should jump on board with. Also this is happening to everyone - not only me. Instead I can choose whether this is something that I want to formally address, or just let go of. I decided to practice calm under pressure in these situations. It’s also a great interview example of disagreeing with leaders.
It didn’t take me long and helps me strategize for the coming week. Neat, huh?
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,845
Thanks, Glee! We live in such a romance centric society, that it's hard for many to grasp that some of us just aren't interested. Some of my own family members are still hoping that I'll find "the right girl" someday. I just smile and move on with my life.
As far as anger and resentment go, I'm learning to let that all go. If I dig down deep enough, there is always some sort of fear behind it. I recently shared in an online meeting about some lingering resentment that I had toward my Dad. I thought I had let all of that go years ago, but deep down (almost on a subconscious level) there was some residue that I needed to talk about. I guess that's why they call it a practice and not perfection!
As far as anger and resentment go, I'm learning to let that all go. If I dig down deep enough, there is always some sort of fear behind it. I recently shared in an online meeting about some lingering resentment that I had toward my Dad. I thought I had let all of that go years ago, but deep down (almost on a subconscious level) there was some residue that I needed to talk about. I guess that's why they call it a practice and not perfection!
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