Ayers

Monday evening

Hi Bee and Dee

I felt I just HAD to check in and say hello, while the pasta is cooking.

I haven't touched sides since receiving the programs to work on - and as you finish 2 , you are sent more. It's a bit of a cash cow at the mo which I am going to ride out.

Feeling a bit frantic and frizzled , and guilty , I had to stop friends wanting to pop in for coffee, twice , I am not spending any time with my husband , I am short tempered - all because now , at the age of 58 , I am grinding again as I used to when I was 25

I won't push myself more than I should . It sounds like I am complaining , but in actual fact, I am in my element. (Guilty grin)

Bee, I am so glad that you feel you have our shoulders - there for you - because that makes me feel as if this thread is working it's stuff.

Enjoy your visit with your bro and his kids - they are so lucky to have you as an aunt.

Thought you might like "American Dirt" - I enjoyed it very much and now reading another of herr books - Rip in Heaven - seems it's also going to be good -at the moment I only manage to read for about 10 mins at night before falling asleep

LOTS OF LOVE AND HUGZZZZ XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dee74

If you're enjoying it go for it...just don't burn yourself out Ayers!
D

Bekindalways

Hey Ayers, you just enjoy being in your element. Sounds great that you have the work. Keep at it and milk the cash cow for all it is worth.

I had a pretty good day for me. Checked somethings off the list and got to see my nephew for a brief bit which was lovely.

Tomorrow I get rid of the rental care and get my car back from the shop, hack away at my Dad's taxes a bit more, pay a mastercard bill, call my neighbor, and I hope do my own taxes.

May all be well all.

Bekindalways

Tonight I did one of my semi-regular self check to see if I wanted wine. It surprised me that I now remember more being chained to it than enjoying it. I do remember enjoying it but that wasn't the first thing to come to mind.

A good day of working on projects and no depression which was nice for a change.

Dee74

Hey bekind,

I didn't do that self check, just in case the answer was yes LOL

I do remember the epiphany I had about how imprisoned I was.

D

Bekindalways

Thanks for your answer Dee.

I try to practice a "listen to your emotions but don't dance to them." (Hugh Prather). I put the word "desires" in the quote instead of emotions in the case of wine. Also, I suppose it is a bit like meditation where you let your emotions and thoughts come and let them go. Hmmm . . . . I guess the other idea like this is surfing the craving.

Dee74

Yeah it's a lot like Urge Surfing. All jokes aside it's a great thing to practice

D

Bekindalways

"urge surfing" yes, this is what I meant.

I had another decent day. Alls good here.

Dee74

all good here too - have a good sober weekend everyone

D

Sunflower84

Hi,

I can't believe how long it is since I've been on here!!!

I'll go into more detail on another post but very long story short... My Boyfriend (now ex) attacked me, he was arrested and sent to jail, he's out now only served two weeks but he has a 3 year restraining order so he cannot contact me at all or enter either side of my street.
My head went and I ended up drinking for pretty much 3 months solid, I ended up in hospital twice, I too was arrested, I didn't hurt anyone, I never ever would, I was so drunk in A&E I was shouting and screaming and ended up being put in the cells myself which was terrifying for me especially with the drinking, withdrawing, anxiety etc etc...

Basically its been 3 months of HELL! We didn't get to our Edinburgh trip through drink and arguing.

Sooooo I'm now getting used to being on my own again and I know its for the best, finding the night times a little odd though being alone and the house so quiet without him here but there is no other way, it got way to dangerous to ever ever consider being together ever again.

I'm sober now and have been for 7 days, home detoxed very carefully.

I have a friend, well I should call him family, he definitely is in my eyes! He's a Buddhist, he is one incredible person with the most kind heart I have ever known, he's supported me right through this, even covered my rent and bills for this month so I can get on my feet and not loose my home, Between him and my Mum I've been supported through it.

Lots more to go into but it would be the longest post ever written.

Just feels so strange, I've had 3 months of my life just pretty much vanish into a whole series of extreme events that have lead to my life doing a complete 180. I have some good people around me now stepping in and supporting me so I'm not alone. This is my best chance now that the toxic relationship has gone.

I hope you are all ok, Obviously I have no idea about any recent news as its been so long but I'd love to be back With you if I'm welcome.

I'll have a scan back over the last few pages now and see who is still here with us.

Love to you all xxxxx

Bekindalways

Hi Kitty, so very good to hear from you again! It sounds like the last few months have been beyond rough. Congrats on getting up again and on 7 days sober.

We are a thin group now. Red joined a another class and we haven't heard from Alice in awhile. Ayers and myself are pretty much it. Ayers has been working hard so not checking in very often and I have been dealing with some depression this winter but still sober.

Stick with us lady. It is good to have you back.

Dee74

welcome SFL

D

Sunflower84

Morning,

Thanks Bee and Dee and hopefully hear from you soon Ayers, missed you all!

Bee are you taking anything for your depression, obviously things need to be checked with a doctor but personally I could not get through the down times without my St Johns Wort, I take it as a liquid herbal tincture and its my saviour, especially after a drink relapse or like you say during the dreary winter months.

It's 9am here now and today I start working again for the first time in weeks!
It's day 8 and I'm feeling much better, I can't stress enough the difference in the energy in my home now my ex is no longer here, it's so much more calm, relaxed, still... can't really explain it. I'm quite surprisedly it myself but it's kind of speaking volumes to me, if it feels this way it's clearly for the best. I have support this time that I never had before, things are extremely different so lets see what happens...

Glad to be back, would love to here from Alice and Red too, hope they're doing ok.
Any word from Barbs too?

Right I best crack on with work but I'll be right here again now so sending lots of love and sorry I disappeared for so long!

xxx

Bekindalways

Good morning/afternoon/evening all. Morning in my corner of the world.

Yes Kitty, I've been on antidepressants for some 30 years and I don't know if I would have made it without them. I went to counseling a lot when I was younger but it never did much for me so I quit. II see a Psychiatric nurse a couple of times a year to check in. I am grateful that the depression is as treatable as it is. There are way too many people for whom nothing helps. Ugh.

I hope the work went well Kitty. First day back can be challenging.

Today I'm aiming for some time working on finances and get some exercise.

Sunflower84

Thanks Bee, I've actually enjoyed it today, just finished now, it's 17:10 here.
It feels good to be in a normal routine again and getting back to it.
Also 3 undercover police officers turned up this afternoon, made me anxious at first but it was like a welfare check to make sure my ex hadn't try to contact me and to make sure I'm ok after what happened. They also took all his belongings for me to save me having to try to arrange it all.
Weight off my shoulders, that was the final bit of closure I needed, getting all his things out of the house.

I'm glad you're working through the depression and keeping on going, you're so strong to stick with it as you do, I'm hoping I can be stronger now that the toxicity in my life has been removed.

Hope you got through the finances ok and managed some exercise.

Ayers I hope you're getting through the heavy workload and it's not too stressful for you! xxx

Lots of Love xxx

Bekindalways

Well the exercise was a bit skinny today just 5 min of yoga - irk. I did get 45 min in on finances. I wish I could be more productive but I know beating myself up isn't helpful.

Yesterday, I drove around with my nephew. He needs 50 hours of driving practice before getting his license and is only up to 20 hours. It was a bit nerve racking to drive with him although he really is trying. He tends to take his half of the road out of the middle and not notice stop signs . . . I do feel useful in the role although I admit my butt muscles get a bit clenched.

I'm thankful to everyone of you who gets sober, stays sober and maybe most of all picks yourself up and goes back at it once again.

I hope Tuesday goes well for everyone.

Sunflower84

Morning,

9:25am here...

Just at my laptop about to start work.
Good butt work out doing the driving lessons then Bee lol. I'm late getting started driving so I've been doing some lessons in a friends car then when I know Im ready I have 10 lessons booked and paid for still from last year with a local instructor, just need to make sure Im well enough first.

I'm late filing my tax return so I'll be enjoying the wonderful pleasure of that today, NOT!

All is pretty good here, feeling very relaxed and calm. I'm meeting a friend for lunch and my Mum is due to call in late afternoon too.

A friend of mine locally goes swimming most weekday morning early so next week I'm going to go with her,I feel a couple of mornings swimming before work will do me so much good, making sure I don't isolate myself, especially living alone now and working from home so Im making an effort to get just little plans in place.

Right I best get started.

Sending lots of Love xxx

Bekindalways

Up and at 'em here in the US Rocky Mountains.

News in my life:

State of emergency declared in my state because of coronavirus - this just means the powers that be are trying to nip the outbreak as much as possible

Took my Dad to the Doc for an evaluation to go into a nursing home . . .ugh . . .looks like he will be headed there soon.

Now I'm off to do 5 min of yoga, 10 min of finances and tidy up for 15 min.

Yeehaw all you lovelies . . . . I'm off.

Bekindalways

What is all of your news on the pandemic in your countries?

Apparently the US has shut down people coming in from Europe; I'm less clear about if Americans are allowed to travel to Europe.

Yesterday my Dad's facility shut down visitors coming in hence I'm in lock down with him . . . .so I'm thinking about how to deal with this time. I'm an introvert but as I have probably said before, solitude can take me down. Running errands in the afternoons has been a way that I deal with my afternoon depression . . .ugh.

Giving you all an earful about my black dog makes me think a bit differently about it. I realize that if I CAN get up and moving I can get a sense of accomplishment going that can overcome the depression . . . . so . . . . prepare ye all to hear my semi regular reports of how I am working for a sense of accomplishment!!!

Today: 45 min on finances, 15 min yoga, and 10 min of tidying up.

Will report back on life in lockdown midafternoon in Colorado!!!

Bekindalways

2:55 pm here in the Rockies and all is chirping along although we just got word that we have Noro Virus in the community too . . . . it is starting to feel like the plagues of Egypt.

I managed to up my finances time to 1 hour and yoga to 50 minutes. This means I'm doing pretty well right now coasting on a sense of accomplishment. Maintaining this level of discipline is tough hence y'all might be hearing from me over the next months.

Kitty hope the taxes went well. Dee, it looks like you all have the plague down under too . . . ugh.