Class of April 2019 Support Thread
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 236
Originally Posted by bimbott 
Sounds like me Mandosca - a year sober then threw it away with a glass of wine and so followed another year of stupidity and sickness.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 236
Originally Posted by dickensen
Mandosca.
Many of us have been on and off the wagon. Keep at it. You will realize that sobriety is better than living life under the influence of alcohol. In fact, there is no comparison.
Many of us have been on and off the wagon. Keep at it. You will realize that sobriety is better than living life under the influence of alcohol. In fact, there is no comparison.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 236
Originally Posted by OtherSideOfMe
Hi all, I am so happy to have the support here and a place that I can be completely honest and understood.
This is Day 2 for me. No ones knows that sobriety is a wish and a challenge of mine. I've tried many times in the past 2+ years and have made it to 6 weeks once. I've never reached out to a community (only lurked here) and am hoping that this is what I need to be successful and not feel like this is a lonely battle (esp when I was drinking partly for loneliness).
This time I know alcohol will never be fine for me. I took a good long look at my swollen and blank eyes last night, with dark and deep circles underneath, and this is not the life I want. I want to be free from alcohol's control over my life. I want to be free. I want to be free.
I have to say this here so I cannot lie to myself or forget about this in the future and push it under the rug. Yesterday was my Day 1. I stayed home from working feigning a stomach bug, when I was actually extremely hung over and exhausted from drinking non-stop for the last couple of weeks.
Usually I can easily maintain my 6 IPA a day deal, but the day before yesterday, I quickly polished off 6 in 3 hours as soon as my daughter went down for a nap. She was home sick and what a break of life for me to be able to sit outside and drink "a couple" of beers and smoke, smoke, smoke. When my husband came home a couple of hours later, I was so drunk, I had to go bed claiming to have the stomach bug too (after hiding the empty six pack of course). Slept from 4:30 p.m - 8:30 a.m. The next day, had to call in sick and knew I have to STOP. This is getting ridiculous!!
So Day 2, here we go. Hopefully I'll stop sweating in bed soon. It was hard to go to sleep last night, but I just read The Sober Diaries (on my phone of course, can't have that one laying out) until I fell asleep. I can very much relate to this book!
side note- my husband and friends do know I drink, but have no clue that I drink so much. i keep my life "in control" but they have no idea how much I really don't have control over alcohol.
I'd like to end my post with my something to feel grateful for: and it's this community/forum and being able to kiss my kids last night fully (mostly) present.
This is Day 2 for me. No ones knows that sobriety is a wish and a challenge of mine. I've tried many times in the past 2+ years and have made it to 6 weeks once. I've never reached out to a community (only lurked here) and am hoping that this is what I need to be successful and not feel like this is a lonely battle (esp when I was drinking partly for loneliness).
This time I know alcohol will never be fine for me. I took a good long look at my swollen and blank eyes last night, with dark and deep circles underneath, and this is not the life I want. I want to be free from alcohol's control over my life. I want to be free. I want to be free.
I have to say this here so I cannot lie to myself or forget about this in the future and push it under the rug. Yesterday was my Day 1. I stayed home from working feigning a stomach bug, when I was actually extremely hung over and exhausted from drinking non-stop for the last couple of weeks.
Usually I can easily maintain my 6 IPA a day deal, but the day before yesterday, I quickly polished off 6 in 3 hours as soon as my daughter went down for a nap. She was home sick and what a break of life for me to be able to sit outside and drink "a couple" of beers and smoke, smoke, smoke. When my husband came home a couple of hours later, I was so drunk, I had to go bed claiming to have the stomach bug too (after hiding the empty six pack of course). Slept from 4:30 p.m - 8:30 a.m. The next day, had to call in sick and knew I have to STOP. This is getting ridiculous!!
So Day 2, here we go. Hopefully I'll stop sweating in bed soon. It was hard to go to sleep last night, but I just read The Sober Diaries (on my phone of course, can't have that one laying out) until I fell asleep. I can very much relate to this book!
side note- my husband and friends do know I drink, but have no clue that I drink so much. i keep my life "in control" but they have no idea how much I really don't have control over alcohol.
I'd like to end my post with my something to feel grateful for: and it's this community/forum and being able to kiss my kids last night fully (mostly) present.
Hi there! You and my situations seem very similar. Although my family and friends don’t really know I have a problem my husband does. It took me a long time to tell him everything (probably like a year). I started by saying that I thought I had a problem, worried that he would judge me or think differently (which was completely silly, of course he wouldn’t) but made it out to be small. The more I talked to him about it the more comfortable I became. I recently told him that I frequently black out and am possibly having night sweats due to withdrawal. It took me a long time to be able to say all of that out loud but I am so glad that I did. Not only will it help to have someone checking on you, holding you accountable etc but just like writing it all down here, saying it out loud to another human made me feel like I HAD to do something about it and try harder.
It sounds to me that we may be at at different stages in our disease as I can easily drink 3/4 of a 1/5 of vodka in one night but I too started off at just four or so beers and the problem escalated quickly. I am so glad you are reaching out for help now before the problem becomes any bigger!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 260
Three days in, just about to embark on the fourth, and aside from the occasional twinge it hasn't been too bad so far. I think I'm fortunate in that I've given up for long periods in the past, and so the particularly invasive feelings of fear and grief that I remember from before are largely absent. I know from experience that they're phantoms, and can be dealt with.
Mainly I just feel relief and gratitude, and I'm hanging on to all the advantages of being sober. I know that I coped with a minor family emergency so much better because I wasn't either drunk or hungover; I was able to kiss my little boy goodnight without steeling myself for him to say, 'You smell of beer!' Just the whole blissful feeling of *not being hungover*, not planning my drinking, not counting the cans...
Weekend to come, though, of course. Big (bigger) test. Like most people with jobs and lives my drinking would be steady throughout the week and then truly blast off at the weekend, and I can't remember a Monday morning when I haven't woken up slathered in desperate fear and regret, wondering if I've broken my life, pledging to 'take it easy' this week, back on the beers that night. Okay. Not this time.
Mainly I just feel relief and gratitude, and I'm hanging on to all the advantages of being sober. I know that I coped with a minor family emergency so much better because I wasn't either drunk or hungover; I was able to kiss my little boy goodnight without steeling myself for him to say, 'You smell of beer!' Just the whole blissful feeling of *not being hungover*, not planning my drinking, not counting the cans...
Weekend to come, though, of course. Big (bigger) test. Like most people with jobs and lives my drinking would be steady throughout the week and then truly blast off at the weekend, and I can't remember a Monday morning when I haven't woken up slathered in desperate fear and regret, wondering if I've broken my life, pledging to 'take it easy' this week, back on the beers that night. Okay. Not this time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Worcestershire, UK
Posts: 153
Day 5 for me and I am experiencing truths. Not just thinking that the things others say about alcoholism and the things I have read about alcolholism are true, but knowing first hand that they are true.
I now have first hand experience of alcoholic progression. Having chalked up a year of sobriety and then spending the last year 'moderating' I am shocked at the toll that the last year appears to have had on my health and the difference in this first week of sobriety compared to the last time.
I have slept through the night for the last 3 nights. I have not woken up in a pool of sweat at 2, 3, or 4am and been unable to get back to sleep because I am so anxious. And I had put my inability to sleep properly and nighttime sweats down to a thyroid problem - turns out it was the drinking.
I have also realised that my tolerance for alcohol has decreased significantly. I can't demolish anywhere like the amount I used to be able to - I just physically can't. If that isn't my body's way of telling me to sort it out I don't know what is.
I'd love to hear from others about the truths you are/have experienced.
I now have first hand experience of alcoholic progression. Having chalked up a year of sobriety and then spending the last year 'moderating' I am shocked at the toll that the last year appears to have had on my health and the difference in this first week of sobriety compared to the last time.
I have slept through the night for the last 3 nights. I have not woken up in a pool of sweat at 2, 3, or 4am and been unable to get back to sleep because I am so anxious. And I had put my inability to sleep properly and nighttime sweats down to a thyroid problem - turns out it was the drinking.
I have also realised that my tolerance for alcohol has decreased significantly. I can't demolish anywhere like the amount I used to be able to - I just physically can't. If that isn't my body's way of telling me to sort it out I don't know what is.
I'd love to hear from others about the truths you are/have experienced.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Warrington, England
Posts: 65
Morning everyone. Day 23. Feeling good today. I've just been to Tesco they had lots of booze right at the front advertising a 'drinks festival' didn't give it a second glance, just bought the food I need for today. Got lots to do to keep busy .Its looking like a wet windy couple of days for us in UK. I won't drink with you this weekend x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 8
Hey everyone. Today is my day 1. Reading all your posts in this thread have really made me feel better—not alone. It’s so helpful to know that other people feel as powerless and scared as I do right now. So many of your stories sound way way too familiar to me. I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about all the specific ways I’ve been stupid/neglectful/completely controlled by alcohol, but it’s definitrly time to make a change and get control of my life back.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Worcestershire, UK
Posts: 153
***Rant Warning***
Well I've just spent a delightful evening with my ex-husband.... not.
He turned up uninvited with his best mate - they are both alcoholics. He brought a bottle of wine with him. I reminded him that I wasn't drinking. He apologised and then got himself and his mate a glass and cracked it open anyway.
His friend left after a glass and that's when ex turns into a dick. I'm not sure what's happened but all of a sudden he is drunk and trying to get me to have a glass of wine. I am suddenly catapulted back to when we were married and how toxic the relationship was and how bad it made me feel and I just wanted to get as far away from him as possible.
I reiterated to him that I was trying to stop drinking and that I didn't want to drink and that if he couldn't respect that to leave, but he just went on and on.
He left eventually, not before he managed to upset our youngest son with his behaviour.
I'm angry and shaken and of course now thinking about drinking - which I'm not going to do, but it doesn't help.
Sorry, rant over. Hope you all are having a better day/evening.
Well I've just spent a delightful evening with my ex-husband.... not.
He turned up uninvited with his best mate - they are both alcoholics. He brought a bottle of wine with him. I reminded him that I wasn't drinking. He apologised and then got himself and his mate a glass and cracked it open anyway.
His friend left after a glass and that's when ex turns into a dick. I'm not sure what's happened but all of a sudden he is drunk and trying to get me to have a glass of wine. I am suddenly catapulted back to when we were married and how toxic the relationship was and how bad it made me feel and I just wanted to get as far away from him as possible.
I reiterated to him that I was trying to stop drinking and that I didn't want to drink and that if he couldn't respect that to leave, but he just went on and on.
He left eventually, not before he managed to upset our youngest son with his behaviour.
I'm angry and shaken and of course now thinking about drinking - which I'm not going to do, but it doesn't help.
Sorry, rant over. Hope you all are having a better day/evening.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Birmingham
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by bimbott
***Rant Warning***
Well I've just spent a delightful evening with my ex-husband.... not.
He turned up uninvited with his best mate - they are both alcoholics. He brought a bottle of wine with him. I reminded him that I wasn't drinking. He apologised and then got himself and his mate a glass and cracked it open anyway.
His friend left after a glass and that's when ex turns into a dick. I'm not sure what's happened but all of a sudden he is drunk and trying to get me to have a glass of wine. I am suddenly catapulted back to when we were married and how toxic the relationship was and how bad it made me feel and I just wanted to get as far away from him as possible.
I reiterated to him that I was trying to stop drinking and that I didn't want to drink and that if he couldn't respect that to leave, but he just went on and on.
He left eventually, not before he managed to upset our youngest son with his behaviour.
I'm angry and shaken and of course now thinking about drinking - which I'm not going to do, but it doesn't help.
Sorry, rant over. Hope you all are having a better day/evening.
Well I've just spent a delightful evening with my ex-husband.... not.
He turned up uninvited with his best mate - they are both alcoholics. He brought a bottle of wine with him. I reminded him that I wasn't drinking. He apologised and then got himself and his mate a glass and cracked it open anyway.
His friend left after a glass and that's when ex turns into a dick. I'm not sure what's happened but all of a sudden he is drunk and trying to get me to have a glass of wine. I am suddenly catapulted back to when we were married and how toxic the relationship was and how bad it made me feel and I just wanted to get as far away from him as possible.
I reiterated to him that I was trying to stop drinking and that I didn't want to drink and that if he couldn't respect that to leave, but he just went on and on.
He left eventually, not before he managed to upset our youngest son with his behaviour.
I'm angry and shaken and of course now thinking about drinking - which I'm not going to do, but it doesn't help.
Sorry, rant over. Hope you all are having a better day/evening.
Good on you for staying strong and kicking his ass out the door!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 260
Originally Posted by bimbott
Morning all,
How's everyone doing today? Day 6 for me and I am still waking up with what feels like a hang over.
How's everyone doing today? Day 6 for me and I am still waking up with what feels like a hang over.
I know what you mean, Bims. Generally speaking I feel sharper, though, and even that is nothing compared to a sense of achievement that I'm feeling. Go me etc.
Meanwhile, I had an unexpected test last night: a minor social thing that I'd completely forgotten about until an hour before I was due there. Eek! It was one of those events which was primarily for the kids but where the grown-ups stand around with drinks chatting, so it wasn't HUGE, but still, quite scary, and I was almost glad that I'd forgotten and thus didn't spend all day stressing about it.
It was okay, though, in the end. I drove and so I had that as an excuse, although I still got people asking me why I was clutching a lemonade rather than the usual pint. The most difficult thing was just *being there*, chatting to people I don't know too well and not having that usual crutch, being hyper-aware that they'd had a couple of drinks while I was completely straight, feeling like, 'You're in my space, you're talking too loud, that joke wasn't at all funny...' and of course feeling like a terrible hypocrite for judging them.
I passed the test, but it made me realise that there's a long, long way to go yet.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Warrington, England
Posts: 65
Originally Posted by bimbott
Morning all,
How's everyone doing today? Day 6 for me and I am still waking up with what feels like a hang over.
How's everyone doing today? Day 6 for me and I am still waking up with what feels like a hang over.
Wishing everyone a sober day you can do it x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Warrington, England
Posts: 65
Originally Posted by MarkstheSpot
I know what you mean, Bims. Generally speaking I feel sharper, though, and even that is nothing compared to a sense of achievement that I'm feeling. Go me etc.
Meanwhile, I had an unexpected test last night: a minor social thing that I'd completely forgotten about until an hour before I was due there. Eek! It was one of those events which was primarily for the kids but where the grown-ups stand around with drinks chatting, so it wasn't HUGE, but still, quite scary, and I was almost glad that I'd forgotten and thus didn't spend all day stressing about it.
It was okay, though, in the end. I drove and so I had that as an excuse, although I still got people asking me why I was clutching a lemonade rather than the usual pint. The most difficult thing was just *being there*, chatting to people I don't know too well and not having that usual crutch, being hyper-aware that they'd had a couple of drinks while I was completely straight, feeling like, 'You're in my space, you're talking too loud, that joke wasn't at all funny...' and of course feeling like a terrible hypocrite for judging them.
I passed the test, but it made me realise that there's a long, long way to go yet.
Meanwhile, I had an unexpected test last night: a minor social thing that I'd completely forgotten about until an hour before I was due there. Eek! It was one of those events which was primarily for the kids but where the grown-ups stand around with drinks chatting, so it wasn't HUGE, but still, quite scary, and I was almost glad that I'd forgotten and thus didn't spend all day stressing about it.
It was okay, though, in the end. I drove and so I had that as an excuse, although I still got people asking me why I was clutching a lemonade rather than the usual pint. The most difficult thing was just *being there*, chatting to people I don't know too well and not having that usual crutch, being hyper-aware that they'd had a couple of drinks while I was completely straight, feeling like, 'You're in my space, you're talking too loud, that joke wasn't at all funny...' and of course feeling like a terrible hypocrite for judging them.
I passed the test, but it made me realise that there's a long, long way to go yet.
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