Class of February 2019 Support Thread Pt 1
Duck Duck Goose!
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 325
Originally Posted by pupper 
Coming up on the end of day 4 for me. I watched a friend die from acute liver disease & renal failure over the course of last week (really over the course of our almost 10 years of friendship). The day he died I had my last drink. I'm committed to being sober for myself, my husband, my family, and for my friend who wasn't able to get or stay sober. I'm 45 years old. I don't want to keep asking myself "Am I a problem drinker?" I believe that I am. Grateful to have found this forum. This is my first post here. I'm not (yet?) in the program. My history with alcohol involves binge drinking, and regularly going a week or two without drinking at all. I convinced myself that I wasn't "as bad as" others. I'm here because I've accepted that my life would be better without alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Down Under
Posts: 400
Hi All
Like to join this class
I've had a on/off alcohol relationship since Monday, today is Thursday (6:30am) and it's the start of my day 2.
Why is today different? It's the most positive I've been in months.
I figured out why I get angry/anxious, it's my wife. We work together in a family business but when I say white, she says black. If I do something she will go and change it, if I give her advise she'll have a better way of doing it, if she gives advise it's the 'Law'.
It dawned on me that when we came home on the weekend when she said "we've been away and had a great weekend and you didn't drink but now we're home you're out off control again"
It's quite often we go camping or away with friends and I won't or hardly drink but as soon as I'm home it's on.
The revelation ... when we're away she is a wife, lover and a friend but as soon as we get home she becomes the BOSS.
Last few days I've been ignoring her cutting comments and walking away ... it feels good.
I know if I tried to talk to her about it, she'll accuse me of blaming her for my drinking and I can see that. Alcoholics are good at passing the blame and I've done that before.
I accept I own my drinking problem and it's not her fault. I just need to handle the situation better. I have a PLAN.
I feel good this morning even though I didn't sleep well last night.
SR too has been good support the last few days.
Nearly 7am, got to go to work. Have a good day every one.
JS
Like to join this class
I've had a on/off alcohol relationship since Monday, today is Thursday (6:30am) and it's the start of my day 2.
Why is today different? It's the most positive I've been in months.
I figured out why I get angry/anxious, it's my wife. We work together in a family business but when I say white, she says black. If I do something she will go and change it, if I give her advise she'll have a better way of doing it, if she gives advise it's the 'Law'.
It dawned on me that when we came home on the weekend when she said "we've been away and had a great weekend and you didn't drink but now we're home you're out off control again"
It's quite often we go camping or away with friends and I won't or hardly drink but as soon as I'm home it's on.
The revelation ... when we're away she is a wife, lover and a friend but as soon as we get home she becomes the BOSS.
Last few days I've been ignoring her cutting comments and walking away ... it feels good.
I know if I tried to talk to her about it, she'll accuse me of blaming her for my drinking and I can see that. Alcoholics are good at passing the blame and I've done that before.
I accept I own my drinking problem and it's not her fault. I just need to handle the situation better. I have a PLAN.
I feel good this morning even though I didn't sleep well last night.
SR too has been good support the last few days.
Nearly 7am, got to go to work. Have a good day every one.
JS
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 141
Originally Posted by Canuck76
Reddit is my favourite site on the web. I can spend hours on it. They actually have a couple subreddits for alcoholism that I read. 'Stopdrinking' is their newcomers forum. You can just search for it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 322
I have to post this.
its valentines day evening. Hubby made us a 3course meal and picked himself up a 6pack of small beers. They spoke to me for over 2 hours and i just grabbed one and drank it. I feel really ill and have a headache now. Im feeling terrible. And so anxious now.
its valentines day evening. Hubby made us a 3course meal and picked himself up a 6pack of small beers. They spoke to me for over 2 hours and i just grabbed one and drank it. I feel really ill and have a headache now. Im feeling terrible. And so anxious now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
HELLO!!! Finally checking in on day 10! I woke up late and went straight to an AA meeting then to the grocery to get stuff to cook dinner for my husband for Valentines Day. He wanted to go out do dinner but I just don't feel like watching people drink wine and be all mushy tonight. Blech. Actually I just don't feel like being around people that aren't in recovery. People in recovery are my favorite and kinda the only people I can tolerate.
Im gonna try to catch up on the posts now. I apologize in advance if I make a LOT of posts. lol.
Im gonna try to catch up on the posts now. I apologize in advance if I make a LOT of posts. lol.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by Liveher
Hi Addy, I LOVE your new Avatar and your thoughts about it. We need to remind ourselves of these good messages and the new path we want to embrace. You are my recovery twin
I can TOTALLY relate to the thoughts about saving yourself and to stop waiting/expecting for everyone else to. I’m so there too. I had this big realization recently that I may never have learned how to self soothe in a healthy way or deal with healing myself within all my life and it occurred to me that I’m always looking for something (alcohol) or someone externally to heal me. I think many of us are not taught that because neither were our parents. Also, I think a lot of old unresolved child feelings in our subconscious come bubbling to the surface when we are struggling to stop and also when we’re in recovery. If we remember maybe that we’re learning to heal our own selves on this journey, we can maybe be more compassionate and patient when “it rears its ugly head”. I sure hope so.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by Liveher
Thanks. I’m really struggling with this. I accept that I have to clean my side of the street but just because I’m the alcoholic doesn’t erase the fact that my family hasn’t been top notch to me either. So I struggle with how do I handle this now... in this phase. Do I just take care of my apologies but pretend I’m not hurt by them? I’m honestly asking the board here-I’m not being sarcastic. To make matters worse, I snooped and looked at recent texts between my husband and sister (his iPad also gets his phone texts) and can see that my husband hasn’t been honest to me about what others have been saying. You all, please understand that I know my alcoholic brain is sounding full of self pity, etc. Guess I’m just having a hard time sorting all these things out. My father is a recovered alcoholic and I keep hoping he will call me with support and advice. He’s never made amends with me nor apologized for his own behavior. You know who he called? My husband... and gave advice to HIM. I have felt ignored all my life by my father and the one time he could have spoken to me from life experience, he has not. I know, I sound ridiculous. Honestly wish I could just disappear sometimes. Like I’d pay someone to kidnap me to some place far away. Any takers? 🙃. Maybe the piece I’m missing is that I have to let go of trying to control or expect certain reactions from people. It’s been a life long habit.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by pupper
Coming up on the end of day 4 for me. I watched a friend die from acute liver disease & renal failure over the course of last week (really over the course of our almost 10 years of friendship). The day he died I had my last drink. I'm committed to being sober for myself, my husband, my family, and for my friend who wasn't able to get or stay sober. I'm 45 years old. I don't want to keep asking myself "Am I a problem drinker?" I believe that I am. Grateful to have found this forum. This is my first post here. I'm not (yet?) in the program. My history with alcohol involves binge drinking, and regularly going a week or two without drinking at all. I convinced myself that I wasn't "as bad as" others. I'm here because I've accepted that my life would be better without alcohol.
And I totally relate to your drinking pattern! That's how I drank and it has kept me in denial for a very long time! I drank 1-2 per week and sometimes only 1-2 per month When I drank I would just get drunk over the course of a few hours. It's not how often I drank...it's what happens when I drink. Once I drink I won't stop until I am drunk and out of control. I don't have an "off switch". I don't want to drink anymore and need help staying sober. I am in AA and love it!
Welcome again!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by AwkwardKitty
I have to post this.
its valentines day evening. Hubby made us a 3course meal and picked himself up a 6pack of small beers. They spoke to me for over 2 hours and i just grabbed one and drank it. I feel really ill and have a headache now. Im feeling terrible. And so anxious now.
its valentines day evening. Hubby made us a 3course meal and picked himself up a 6pack of small beers. They spoke to me for over 2 hours and i just grabbed one and drank it. I feel really ill and have a headache now. Im feeling terrible. And so anxious now.
I think you’re going to have to be clear with your hub that you need his support in not waving it in your face. And that there is no question that weak moments will come up for you. So you need him to be your fall back when that happens. My husband is a drinker and for awhile I resisted the conversation because deep down I still wanted to drink. Just keep posting, we got ya!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by AwkwardKitty
I have to post this.
its valentines day evening. Hubby made us a 3course meal and picked himself up a 6pack of small beers. They spoke to me for over 2 hours and i just grabbed one and drank it. I feel really ill and have a headache now. Im feeling terrible. And so anxious now.
its valentines day evening. Hubby made us a 3course meal and picked himself up a 6pack of small beers. They spoke to me for over 2 hours and i just grabbed one and drank it. I feel really ill and have a headache now. Im feeling terrible. And so anxious now.
Hang in there. xo
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by Addy47
LiveHer do you have a sponsor? Working the 12 steps in order apparently helps with all the issues you are speaking of. I totally relate by the way!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by Liveher
Hi Addy! I just started to go to meetings. Heading to one tonight. No sponsor yet but I hope soon! I had a feeling the 12 steps were going to address some of monkey brain business!
I love the steps...I really do!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 650
Originally Posted by AwkwardKitty
I have to post this.
its valentines day evening. Hubby made us a 3course meal and picked himself up a 6pack of small beers. They spoke to me for over 2 hours and i just grabbed one and drank it. I feel really ill and have a headache now. Im feeling terrible. And so anxious now.
its valentines day evening. Hubby made us a 3course meal and picked himself up a 6pack of small beers. They spoke to me for over 2 hours and i just grabbed one and drank it. I feel really ill and have a headache now. Im feeling terrible. And so anxious now.
Remember that beer does not mean you cannot start again right this moment.
My wife doesn’t drink out of solidarity with me (she doesn’t have an issue w/ alcohol, just abstains to support me). This feels actually very important to my recovery — she has wine w/ her friends on occasion, but not around me much.
Have you had a discussion with your spouse about things that would help you avoid that temptation — especially in the short term while you are so early in your recovery?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by Addy47
Welcome Pupper! I am so sorry about your friend. I too have lost several friends to this disease. Its awful!
And I totally relate to your drinking pattern! That's how I drank and it has kept me in denial for a very long time! I drank 1-2 per week and sometimes only 1-2 per month When I drank I would just get drunk over the course of a few hours. It's not how often I drank...it's what happens when I drink. Once I drink I won't stop until I am drunk and out of control. I don't have an "off switch". I don't want to drink anymore and need help staying sober. I am in AA and love it!
Welcome again!
And I totally relate to your drinking pattern! That's how I drank and it has kept me in denial for a very long time! I drank 1-2 per week and sometimes only 1-2 per month When I drank I would just get drunk over the course of a few hours. It's not how often I drank...it's what happens when I drink. Once I drink I won't stop until I am drunk and out of control. I don't have an "off switch". I don't want to drink anymore and need help staying sober. I am in AA and love it!
Welcome again!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 322
I dranlk that one (330ml) and opened another, took a sip and gave it to husband. Felt sick and headachey.
have spoken to husband before but its complex. Part of him still wants me to drink but not in the way i do now. He did try to stop me. He was upset after when he saw how tormented i was. He said he will try harder.im off to bed now. The positive is that i didnt want to carry on and i stopped. There was no enjoyment in what i drank. Im not going to regret it, Im going to use it to keep me going, to think of it as an important learning building block in my recovery.
have spoken to husband before but its complex. Part of him still wants me to drink but not in the way i do now. He did try to stop me. He was upset after when he saw how tormented i was. He said he will try harder.im off to bed now. The positive is that i didnt want to carry on and i stopped. There was no enjoyment in what i drank. Im not going to regret it, Im going to use it to keep me going, to think of it as an important learning building block in my recovery.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by pupper
That is exactly me! I could have a "grown up " dinner and enjoy 3 glasses of something over the course of the meal if I was with a normal drinker, but with someone who drinks more heavily, I would go drink-for-drink until I was (sometimes literally) on the floor. I thought that my "grown up" dinners meant I could control it. As a podcast I just started listening to (Recovery Elevator) says, pay attention to the similarities, not the differences. I'm here! I know it will get harder as I get closer to and pass that 2-week mark (I don't think I've done more than 2 weeks without a drink before). Will start looking for a meeting this weekend. Thank you Addy47 & FoieGras for the welcome! Solidarity & strength to everyone on here.
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