Class of February 2019 Support Thread Pt 1
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
I’m so sorry MeToo! Hang in there. I cried several times today myself. Normally I would drink instead but I didn’t and neither did you! We are building our sober muscles. My mother, father & brother are all huge triggers for me too. Very toxic people. I understand. Stick close & send me a message if you want. Tomorrow will be better. (((Hug)))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
I hope you'll feel a little better tomorrow NotMe2Pls.
Thats one of the benefits for me about sobriety - I had bad days now from time to time but they're not bad weeks months or years
D
Thats one of the benefits for me about sobriety - I had bad days now from time to time but they're not bad weeks months or years
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by Addy47 
Powerful stuff Listae! Thanks for sharing!
I have always had a hard time with the “powerless” aspect of AA. The “unmanageability” part was really easy but POWERLESS???
Then I realized I was looking at it all wrong. For me...I am powerless over what happens AFTER I take the first drink because once I have one I want more and more and won’t stop (and don’t want to) until I am drunk! I have never and I mean NEVER drank for any reason other than getting drunk. (Dating back to high school) Isn’t that the point? That’s what I always thought! Ha.
Anyway...once I take the first drink I cannot predict how the day or night will end. I truly give my power over to the alcohol and let it make all the decisions for me. I’ve ended up in some very dangerous situations and have had some pretty severe consequences because I took “the first drink!” No more! I was a power drinker! No “sipping” or “maintaining a buzz”’for ME! When it was time to drink I DRANK! Hard and fast for several hours and then I’d swear it off for a little while and then rinse & repeat.
What about you? Were you a binger? Daily? What was your pattern?
I have always had a hard time with the “powerless” aspect of AA. The “unmanageability” part was really easy but POWERLESS???
Then I realized I was looking at it all wrong. For me...I am powerless over what happens AFTER I take the first drink because once I have one I want more and more and won’t stop (and don’t want to) until I am drunk! I have never and I mean NEVER drank for any reason other than getting drunk. (Dating back to high school) Isn’t that the point? That’s what I always thought! Ha.
Anyway...once I take the first drink I cannot predict how the day or night will end. I truly give my power over to the alcohol and let it make all the decisions for me. I’ve ended up in some very dangerous situations and have had some pretty severe consequences because I took “the first drink!” No more! I was a power drinker! No “sipping” or “maintaining a buzz”’for ME! When it was time to drink I DRANK! Hard and fast for several hours and then I’d swear it off for a little while and then rinse & repeat.
What about you? Were you a binger? Daily? What was your pattern?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 69
Good morning, class. Day 2 for me. I slept better than I expected but definitely have those feelings of fear and shame swirling around inside of me. I’m not worried about being tempted. The first week is relatively smooth for me... it’s when I start to feel better that I begin to slide. However, I’m not taking anything for granted and will be sticking to a plan of checking in here and going to AA.
I’m going to an AA meeting tonight. I’m feeling a little nervous because I do experience social anxiety from time to time. All part of my recovery soup.
Another thing I’m feeling dread about is having to call some of my family members to apologize for my behavior 2 days ago. When I lost control, I called them and got very nasty, completely embarrassing myself. One of them was my father, who struggled with a drinking problem years ago and has recovered. I’ve never had the courage to talk to him or get his advice (we’ve never been very close). So what a wonderful way to finally do it... get plastered and drop the bomb that way. I’m so mortified.
I’m going to an AA meeting tonight. I’m feeling a little nervous because I do experience social anxiety from time to time. All part of my recovery soup.
Another thing I’m feeling dread about is having to call some of my family members to apologize for my behavior 2 days ago. When I lost control, I called them and got very nasty, completely embarrassing myself. One of them was my father, who struggled with a drinking problem years ago and has recovered. I’ve never had the courage to talk to him or get his advice (we’ve never been very close). So what a wonderful way to finally do it... get plastered and drop the bomb that way. I’m so mortified.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Morning everyone. Checking in on day 9. If I make it one more day I will be in double digits! I am promising myself I won’t drink today. I’m going to a meeting tonight so that should help.
Like my new Avatar? I’ve been trying to find one that seems to describe where I am in life & I think I’ve found it. It reminds me that sobriety is a journey. I’m walkimg towards the sunlight & happiness and away from darkness & pain. God is in that sunlight. Hope is in that sunlight. My sobriety tools are in the back pack. Also reminds me that although I don’t have to do this alone...it’s ultimately between me & God. I can only save “myself”. I’ve been waiting my entire life for someone to “save” me & no one did & no one is going to. Time to save myself. Pretty deep, huh? Lol
Have a good day everyone!
Yep LiveHer! I can’t control it either! I’m done too!
Like my new Avatar? I’ve been trying to find one that seems to describe where I am in life & I think I’ve found it. It reminds me that sobriety is a journey. I’m walkimg towards the sunlight & happiness and away from darkness & pain. God is in that sunlight. Hope is in that sunlight. My sobriety tools are in the back pack. Also reminds me that although I don’t have to do this alone...it’s ultimately between me & God. I can only save “myself”. I’ve been waiting my entire life for someone to “save” me & no one did & no one is going to. Time to save myself. Pretty deep, huh? Lol
Have a good day everyone!
Yep LiveHer! I can’t control it either! I’m done too!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
I’m sorry Liveher. I totally know how you feel! The last time I drank (9 days ago) I called like 5 family members & pissed them all off! Ugh. I’ve decided not to apologize until the 9th step this time because my words will mean absolutely nothing to them. My “actions” over time are what will really matter. I get drunk and call, text, email etc. I hate who I am when I drink. I’m not drinking that poison anymore. One day at a time.
And I totally relate to the first week not being too hard & then caving when I start to feel better. It’s that painful merry go round. It will always be the same painful ending. Done riding it!
And I totally relate to the first week not being too hard & then caving when I start to feel better. It’s that painful merry go round. It will always be the same painful ending. Done riding it!
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Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 649
Originally Posted by Addy47
Morning everyone. Checking in on day 9. If I make it one more day I will be in double digits! I am promising myself I won’t drink today. I’m going to a meeting tonight so that should help.
Like my new Avatar? I’ve been trying to find one that seems to describe where I am in life & I think I’ve found it. It reminds me that sobriety is a journey. I’m walkimg towards the sunlight & happiness and away from darkness & pain. God is in that sunlight. Hope is in that sunlight. My sobriety tools are in the back pack. Also reminds me that although I don’t have to do this alone...it’s ultimately between me & God. I can only save “myself”. I’ve been waiting my entire life for someone to “save” me & no one did & no one is going to. Time to save myself. Pretty deep, huh? Lol
Have a good day everyone!
Yep LiveHer! I can’t control it either! I’m done too!
Like my new Avatar? I’ve been trying to find one that seems to describe where I am in life & I think I’ve found it. It reminds me that sobriety is a journey. I’m walkimg towards the sunlight & happiness and away from darkness & pain. God is in that sunlight. Hope is in that sunlight. My sobriety tools are in the back pack. Also reminds me that although I don’t have to do this alone...it’s ultimately between me & God. I can only save “myself”. I’ve been waiting my entire life for someone to “save” me & no one did & no one is going to. Time to save myself. Pretty deep, huh? Lol
Have a good day everyone!
Yep LiveHer! I can’t control it either! I’m done too!
Part of my work is photography. I've been thinking of doing an artistic photo series on what my sobriety means for me... I've been mapping it out. Thinking a black and white series that integrates color over time....
I'll start a chain here when I kick it off
.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Washington State
Posts: 591
Good morning everyone. Super quick checkin as I'm running behind this morning. I'll try to post more tonight. Its day 4 for me and I'd normally have my therapy appointment this morning but its snowed in, so I'm kind of bummed about that. I feel a lot better today than a few days ago though, but still pretty tired overall. I got in contact with my sponsor and we have plans to meet sunday, so I'm looking forward to that. Other than that I'm just going to try to stay even keel today.
Take care everyone. I hope you all have a great day and stay sober!
Take care everyone. I hope you all have a great day and stay sober!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 268
Day 12. I am really enjoying the benefits of getting decent, REM sleep. Alcohol disrupts it and I was constantly sleep deprived. I have the energy now to start cleaning my apartment, which just does not happen unless I am sober.
Addy and Liveher, I am also an annoying 'drunk dialer'. I only seem to call/text/Facebook when I am drunk and bored. To ease my regrets when I wake up after a drunken night, I disabled my Facebook and regularly wipe my contacts from my phone. I have no numbers saved. That way I can't just make random calls/texts when drinking. I can become belligerent but mainly I just ramble on about nonsense Haha.
Addy and Liveher, I am also an annoying 'drunk dialer'. I only seem to call/text/Facebook when I am drunk and bored. To ease my regrets when I wake up after a drunken night, I disabled my Facebook and regularly wipe my contacts from my phone. I have no numbers saved. That way I can't just make random calls/texts when drinking. I can become belligerent but mainly I just ramble on about nonsense Haha.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 268
Originally Posted by Evoo
Groundhog class! Yes I’m here also
Listae: Really interesting article. I may have to get the book, actually. One place I really can connect w/ the author of that piece is I had a similar experience the first time I drank. It was nothing short of euphoric, calming — I was 19. And then the first time I had liquor — I blacked out that night. For a kid as high energy as I was (and very ADHD) I was hooked, it provided such a sense of calm and confidence. Didn’t help I also had a highly romantized view of alcohol from an early age.
Keep it up, everyone. Let’see... day 9 for me.
Listae: Really interesting article. I may have to get the book, actually. One place I really can connect w/ the author of that piece is I had a similar experience the first time I drank. It was nothing short of euphoric, calming — I was 19. And then the first time I had liquor — I blacked out that night. For a kid as high energy as I was (and very ADHD) I was hooked, it provided such a sense of calm and confidence. Didn’t help I also had a highly romantized view of alcohol from an early age.
Keep it up, everyone. Let’see... day 9 for me.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
Welcome LiveHer! Great support on this site! As for self-sabotage, I do that all the time as well. I have gotten sober 3 times before (for years at a time)....only to subsequently rationalize taking that first drink (again), thinking that I could control my own drinking.....of course THAT didn't work and I was worse each time. As for kindling, the last time I quit (2013), my withdrawal was BRUTAL. I feel somewhat lucky that this time I have not had any withdrawal symptoms. Cravings? Yes. Regrets? Yes. Incomprehensible demoralization? YES! It's all part of the process of getting sober. I did my fair share of drunk dialing/texting, and I would have to look at my phone the next day to see what I did....no more! I agree that relapse does NOT need to be part of recovery, but for me it has been. Good for you Awkward Kitty that you at least are aware that you may be planning your relapse....I did (but never admitted it to myself).....so I relapsed, of course thinking "Oh, I can do this for 'x' amt. of days and THEN I'll quit"....obviously THAT didn't work....which is why I am a newcomer (again) I first got sober when I was 38....Thank God I kept trying, since I think by now I have had more sober than drunk years (I am now 64).....and I want to die sober! I hope that I have a few more years to make living amends ....that's the best I can do right now. So, don't wait, Addy! NOW is the time, so that you can live a life of gratitude and have happy memories through the next chapter of your life....
Evvo- I romanticized drinking for SO many years. Both of my parents were alcoholics (my mom died from alcoholism....she was totally jaundiced, bloated, and all of her organs shut down. We had to finally "pull the plug"....it was not a pretty sight).They also both worked in the restaurant business and my dad "taught" me which glass was for what drink, what drinks to order when, etc. Maybe that's why I like the "pretty" glasses and (when sober) I order juices, tea, etc. in a wine glass....somehow that helps me to feel less "deprived".
I HATE being an alcoholic.....but, it is what it is and today I KNOW that I will stay sober! I WISH I could drink "normally", but by now I realize that is not an option. As for family being triggers, mine is for sure! My sister is an alcoholic, and one of my daughters is a recovering addict (who has bled me dry)....so I HAVE to stay away from them. As I said before, I isolated myself pretty much from everyone while I was drinking, so I don't have many friends anymore. I am going to work on re-establishing those relationships. I have a lot of work to do.
Today, however, I am going to just do what's in front of me. I make a list each day for what I need to do, and I feel quite accomplished even if I only do ONE thing a day! Yesterday, I met with the CPA, went grocery shopping and did a bunch of errands. That never would have happened had I been drinking. So....onward and upward! Have a good day everyone! BTW, WhoDey, I love the proverb!
I first got sober when I was 38....Thank God I kept trying, since I think by now I have had more sober than drunk years (I am now 64).....and I want to die sober! I hope that I have a few more years to make living amends ....that's the best I can do right now. So, don't wait, Addy! NOW is the time, so that you can live a life of gratitude and have happy memories through the next chapter of your life....Evvo- I romanticized drinking for SO many years. Both of my parents were alcoholics (my mom died from alcoholism....she was totally jaundiced, bloated, and all of her organs shut down. We had to finally "pull the plug"....it was not a pretty sight).They also both worked in the restaurant business and my dad "taught" me which glass was for what drink, what drinks to order when, etc. Maybe that's why I like the "pretty" glasses and (when sober) I order juices, tea, etc. in a wine glass....somehow that helps me to feel less "deprived".
I HATE being an alcoholic.....but, it is what it is and today I KNOW that I will stay sober! I WISH I could drink "normally", but by now I realize that is not an option. As for family being triggers, mine is for sure! My sister is an alcoholic, and one of my daughters is a recovering addict (who has bled me dry)....so I HAVE to stay away from them. As I said before, I isolated myself pretty much from everyone while I was drinking, so I don't have many friends anymore. I am going to work on re-establishing those relationships. I have a lot of work to do.
Today, however, I am going to just do what's in front of me. I make a list each day for what I need to do, and I feel quite accomplished even if I only do ONE thing a day! Yesterday, I met with the CPA, went grocery shopping and did a bunch of errands. That never would have happened had I been drinking. So....onward and upward! Have a good day everyone! BTW, WhoDey, I love the proverb!
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Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by Evoo
Hey I love it. Very meaningful.
Part of my work is photography. I've been thinking of doing an artistic photo series on what my sobriety means for me... I've been mapping it out. Thinking a black and white series that integrates color over time....
I'll start a chain here when I kick it off.
Part of my work is photography. I've been thinking of doing an artistic photo series on what my sobriety means for me... I've been mapping it out. Thinking a black and white series that integrates color over time....
I'll start a chain here when I kick it off
.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by Canuck76
Day 12. I am really enjoying the benefits of getting decent, REM sleep. Alcohol disrupts it and I was constantly sleep deprived. I have the energy now to start cleaning my apartment, which just does not happen unless I am sober.
Addy and Liveher, I am also an annoying 'drunk dialer'. I only seem to call/text/Facebook when I am drunk and bored. To ease my regrets when I wake up after a drunken night, I disabled my Facebook and regularly wipe my contacts from my phone. I have no numbers saved. That way I can't just make random calls/texts when drinking. I can become belligerent but mainly I just ramble on about nonsense Haha.
Addy and Liveher, I am also an annoying 'drunk dialer'. I only seem to call/text/Facebook when I am drunk and bored. To ease my regrets when I wake up after a drunken night, I disabled my Facebook and regularly wipe my contacts from my phone. I have no numbers saved. That way I can't just make random calls/texts when drinking. I can become belligerent but mainly I just ramble on about nonsense Haha.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 246
WOW TrudgingAgain! I loved your post!!! ^^^ It really helped me! Thank you!
***BTW***: If you guys notice I post ALOT it’s for a couple reasons:
1. I’m trying really hard to stay sober & since I’m not drinking I have wayyy too much time on my hands! In the next few months (once my sobriety is stable) I plan to get a job! I’m bored! The kids don’t need me as much anymore. :-( Ugh.
2. I mostly check in from my phone so I like to respond individually because I can only remember 1 post at a time. Lol
SOOOO....I hope my millions of posts aren’t driving everyone crazy!
***BTW***: If you guys notice I post ALOT it’s for a couple reasons:
1. I’m trying really hard to stay sober & since I’m not drinking I have wayyy too much time on my hands! In the next few months (once my sobriety is stable) I plan to get a job! I’m bored! The kids don’t need me as much anymore. :-( Ugh.
2. I mostly check in from my phone so I like to respond individually because I can only remember 1 post at a time. Lol
SOOOO....I hope my millions of posts aren’t driving everyone crazy!
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 322
Addy, post away, you are very supportive of everyone!
i have just realised Ive had fewer relapse thoughts/ plans/ urges today. Perhaps actually telling you guys helped me rein it in a bit. Its important to share isnt it.
i still dont think Ive accepted I'll never drink again if Im being completely honest.
i ordered a copy of this naked mind as recomended on this thread and it came today so looking forward to an early night with a hot chocolate and some reading.
sending thoughts to all my fellow travellers on this journey xx
#day11
i have just realised Ive had fewer relapse thoughts/ plans/ urges today. Perhaps actually telling you guys helped me rein it in a bit. Its important to share isnt it.
i still dont think Ive accepted I'll never drink again if Im being completely honest.
i ordered a copy of this naked mind as recomended on this thread and it came today so looking forward to an early night with a hot chocolate and some reading.
sending thoughts to all my fellow travellers on this journey xx
#day11
just feeling really down that I can’t beat this. I’m going to stay close by here. Could use a hug.
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