Dee74

Well, for me, that person has to be me.
I can't depend on others, man.

If my recoverys dependent on anything else, be it people stopping me or people understanding my alcoholism, or on things always going well, or never being down, or never being out of my home comfort zone, or whatever...my sobriety's always going to be in danger?

I get it - or I think I do.

I wasn't very confident I had the right stuff to stay quit...but I did.
I thought I did, but turns out I didn't need monitoring or policing - I just needed commitment.

for me the buck stops with me.
Its my responsibility to be sober and I'm in charge of what I ingest, y'know?

D

Hopeful528

That is wonderful to hear Final, Good work.
24 hours is all we have to concern ourselves with.

Finalround

Good night sleep. Little restlessness and sweats early on but then slept soundly thru the night. Back to my morning routine of fresh hot coffee and settling into the day. This is why I enjoyed all that sober time, geez. Crazy that we can still be so compelled to think somehow drinking will be different "this" time.

Bit jealous of the weather there Bumboid. Snow coming again tomorrow night, and steady in the 30's. I have to avoid watching extended forecast. Not going to warm up for a while here and I can get a bit discouraged.

When I get done work today I'm going to set some short term goals out to help keep me moving.

WF, I do want to hear advice and suggestions. It's all helpful and sometimes it's just that one thing you hear that snaps us out of that funk. Thank you for your continued support.

wildflower70

Good morning! Yay, everyone is back on track! Final, I am cautious to say too much when one falters, as I know how raw we feel when it happens. You're not alone, I have done it, sooooooo many times. I am sort-of preparing myself for my nasty AV to peak out of his hole any day now....I know it's coming and I need to be ready!

I'm going to keep reading and posting on SR
Make some decisions regarding my living arrangements
Get more active in my free time and get out of my comfort zone

Together we can move mountains!

Hopeful528

Sober coffee and a alcohol free sleep.
Ohhh the greatest gifts.
I agree that the insanity of thinking its the answer or going to be different somehow. It never is.

I'm doing well. I have not left the house much but I'm gradually feeling a lot better. I feel like I'm really done this time. I have felt that way before but I hope this is the time. I really feel done. And I'm being guided through the steps and I have hope that with feeling I'm done and having something that is working I will succeed for good this time.

Hopeful528

WF have you identified how the AV emerges in longer term sobriety?
The thought processes or what has happened in the past

Hopeful528

I've been reading a bit more about PAWS, and while I know no matter what everything is going to get better, I think it may be one factor of what happens to me.
I know its because I'm an alcoholic that I end up drinking without treatment for it, but I also find that I go through phases after not drinking where it becomes hard to have energy, and also hard to read and think clearly, and other symptoms. I know from the past, that in time it gets better and I wake up one day feeling so great.
I have to be patient and know that things will get better, hopefully sooner than later,but as long as I go through it and don't give in, see the forest through the trees, it will work out.

Finalround

Yeah WF, coming back here after a drinking spell can be bitter sweet. Already raw and knowing what we should have done, could have done etc. but, we really do beat ourselves up for it more than we need to. Happy to be back.

Good day of work today. Got a bit more plastering done on my sons room. Getting ready for bed after another hearty meal. I need to make sure I'm always fed, hunger is a major weak spot for av to enter. Tomorrow will be even better. No real withdrawals so very happy bout that.

Paws has certainly proven itself to be real for me. I think the symptoms can vary for everyone. One big symptom for me was the heart palpitations. I had them so frequently over the past few years. After a few weeks sober they subsided but I still got them. It was only until I reached @ 4 months I noticed they had all but stopped. (Then I drank again but fortunately not long enough for them to start again). Been thru countless er visits, ekg, etc. extended sobriety was the cure. Now I must remember that and maintain.
But other symptoms can linger for quite some time. Anxiety, neuropathy, blurred vision. All symptoms for me that improved from not drinking.

Ugh! This stupid poison! How the hell did I choose to try it again? crazy, crazy crazy.

Oh well. I'm back here with you all and ready to get back to it.

wildflower70

Hopeful, in my past experience, a relapse happened when I was in close proximity to booze...usually.

8 months sober - dated some one who took me to dinner, he drank and so did I
6 months sober - someone bought me a bottle of wine as a gift....it sat in my closet for 1 hour
5 months sober - lingered too long by the booze section at the grocery store, circled the aisle 10 times and caved
4 months sober - went to see my family, drinking was my escape from the dysfunctional craziness
1-3 months sober - just because I could, no real reason

I am aware that something will tempt me, or frustrate me, or excite me enough that I will crave a drink, again. I am not immune.
I plan to shove that little bastard (av) back down in his little hole. I can't go through it again, I don't have it in me anymore.

This is my truth.

Finalround

This.

This last relapse started when some friends of ours had stopped by. We had no booze so my wife ran out quickly to grab a small bottle of their favorite vodka. They weren't there long and I asked them to take it with them. They refused and said to keep it for the next time they come by. Well, it's gone. And I wasn't a vodka drinker.

No matter how much time we have, it's not a good idea to have booze lying around.

Finalround

Dammit Bumboid, 12'F today for me. Boy I wish I could hAve some of your weather.

Night sweats and weird vivid dreams early on last night. Then must have fallen into a deep slumber. Woke with a stiff neck this morning but well rested and looking forward to another productive day.

I set some weekly goals for work. helps to give me some ambition and motivation to achieve them. Maybe a little reward for myself too. Been thinking a new bike for the spring. Mine is ok but close to 30 years old.

Have a good day.

wildflower70

Hey everyone, so happy to hear that you're all doing good!

Day off today and have spent the morning cooking and cleaning. For some reason this led to a major amount of frustration. Too much thinking! I'm going to watch a movie and have a nap.....because in my world, that solves everything.


Have a beautiful day

Finalround

Bumboid, I currently have a hybrid road bike, 18 speed. I'm not sure if I should make the leap over to a mountain bike? I ride mostly paved bike paths now. Would it be much harder pedaling? Although, I would like to have the option of off road. Just seems really hard to bike up hill.
I live on a hill and have lived here my hole life (bought my family house). Even as kids, it was always a triumph to make the climb up the big hill to my house. It often required tacking the road on the way up. Lol. That's why I ride the bike paths. It's too difficult to ease into riding around my neighborhood. No matter which way you leave, the return is straight uphill. It sucks to even walk it sometimes.lol.

Appreciate any suggestions.

Finalround

WF, I very rarely nap but, on a warm spring day, with the windows open or in the hammock, yeah. A nap sounds good.

Finalround

Oh, and this is flipping awesome! So happy for you my friend.

wildflower70

Good morning gang

I've been rearranging my schedule over the past few days and I noticed that at the end of the day, one really needs to look out for themselves, cause nobody else is gonna do it!

It was interesting to see how many of my clients were so self centered that they failed to realize that I need to make some changes for myself. Most were in agreeance to the new times/days that I can offer services, others were pouting that I changed up their happy hour or shopping schedules...lol

I made some tough choices, and gave up a few things. However, I know that I'm setting myself up for a more streamlined work schedule, one that will allow me to have more free time, rest and rejuvenation.

Look out for number one guys.....YOU!

Finalround

Morning on my new day 5. I feel strong and confident so not thinking about drinking.

I need to drive 2hours for a meeting this morning. Its kind of a waste of time and the drive sucks but I need to show my face.

Any suggestions on the bike stuff Bumboid?

wildflower70

Good morning!

Another day, another dollar

Welcome to March 2019! Wow the time is flying by, take some time to stop and smell the roses today, and be grateful!

Let's make it a fantastic sober weekend gang!

Hopeful528

Happy day to everyone

Good work on feeling great on day 5 Final.
Let us know what you think of the meeting.

Finalround

I would smell the roses but they're under the snow. Another storm coming in tonight. Good thing about it though, gives me an excuse to avoid going out with friends because I need to get to sleep early. I get called out to plow overnight.

Another snow storm coming Sunday night too. Winter is holding on for dear life knowing its days are done. Kind of like my AV last month. Haha