Hopeful528

I couldn't make myself leave the house yet. My anxiety is way too high.

Dee74

Every day you'll feel a little better Hopeful. This is not the best it gets, Believe that. Hope tomorrow maybe you can leave the house and hit a meeting

D

Hopeful528

I'm sorry for posting so much. Don't feel like you have to read it all or respond to any of it. I guess I am just anxious and trying to figure out How and What happened so i can figure out How to get out of this.

One thing I know is that if i could do it before, after being at my darkest and completely turn my life around. I can and will do it again.

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow that i may not post so thats where I am if I end up having to rest afterwards.

Dee74

Hope all goes well hopeful

D

Finalround

You've been through a lot. I'm sorry. But you know the best thing you can do is not drink. Our mental health improves when we remove that toxin first. Then we need to overcome that fear that keeps us from being our best selves. Sometimes that just takes courage and a leap of faith. Commit to doing something you know is good for your well being today. Just one thing.

Lift your chin up a little too. You should be proud of yourself. You are doing something about a problem many let get way out of hand. You are going to be ok.

We will walk with you.

wildflower70

Hopeful,

Maybe you could lighten up the expectations for the next few months, getting a job, returning to school, and getting sober. That's a lot for you to do, especially now when your feeling so anxious. One step at a time. What can you do today to relieve some stress? Hot bath, coffee with a friend, a meeting?

If your planning on working and going to school, maybe focus on just one of those goals for now. Let yourself settle in, and then add another task. Being overwhelmed is a trigger for a lot of us, and having booze so close by might be too tempting. (It would for me)

I know it seems logical to fill all of your free time with productive activities, but sometimes rest and rejuvenation is what will actually move us forward. We are here for you, and you will get through this. Give yourself a big hug, you are going to be ok.

wildflower70

I hope you all know that you are loved, appreciated, and valued. Be kind to yourself and show yourself a little compassion and forgiveness.

Happy Valentines Day!!

Finalround

That sucks Bumboid. Hope she gets better soon.

No need to worry about us as long as we keep coming here and working on this. It's when we don't show up for a while that you should worry.

The days are getting longer and milder. Spring is coming soon. always motivates me to be better. Keep sharpening the saw. I've been missing many workouts the past couple weeks and I'm feeling it. I'm going to focus more on my fitness. And maybe start meditating again. Or At least quiet time for myself.

Finalround

Thanks WF. Your always so sweet.

Finalround

TGIF! Good morning. Hope you are all well.

How are you feeling hopeful?

wildflower70

Good morning!
I'm still not sleeping well and trying to figure out what the problem is....lol, guess I'll be taking another nap today!
I've also decided to adjust my work schedule to one day on, one day off. Working every other day should give me ample time for rest, and let me start a few other projects I've been contemplating! This is one of the many perks of being self employed, and I'm grateful for that flexibility!

Hope you all are well, keep putting one foot in front of the other, no matter where you are on the journey to sobriety

Hopeful528

I still don't feel anywhere near like myself, but I was able to get some rest and have some moments of relief.
I will focus on the small things I can do that help. Getting out for a coffee, going to exercise, hot baths.
Meditating and quiet time is usually a great tool but right now it feels like I want to run away from myself and not sit and think about last Friday.

I know with time, my anxiety and depression leaves.

Sorry about your sleep WF. Can't wait until you get a breakthrough on that again.

And sorry about your lady friend Bumboid glad she is ok!

I agree Final and glad you are getting some of the spring lightening effects. I feel it a bit too. That at least the weather in the air is coming.

Finalround

Friday night. Was having urges tonight. Wife came home from work tonight then let me know she was running out for gas a wine. I worked out instead. Urges gone. Feel better for getting back to exercise. Did short workout last night too.

Really is important to do anything when the urges come. Just do. And get thru.
Ha, that could be my tag line.

Hope you guys are having a good night. See you all on sober Saturday.

Hopeful528

"Really is important to do anything when the urges come. Just do. And get thru.
Ha, that could be my tag line. "

Thanks for being so inspiring. And yes, good line and smart choice. Good work.

Finalround

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...n-fatigue.html (Decision Fatigue)

Read this post in newcomers. Makes a lot of sense and points out how important it is for us to create new and better habits/plans. Especially when we are fatigued, bored, tired or just stuck.

Have a great sober Saturday.

Hopeful528

I realize now that there is no such thing as standing still.
I'm either moving forward or I'm regressing.

I know I have to do small steps, not big ones that overwhelm, but i need to be working on something all the time or I'm moving backwards.

Hopeful528

A better day today.
It doesn't seem like a linear climb this time, but is understandable considering its been a long time since I did a number on myself that bad.
It feels like one day is better, the next day is awful, etc. But i'm happy that today is a better day.

Finalround

Finished working @ 3 pm and had some slack time. Nobody was home and that little AV bastard started poking at me. It's a sunny day, a bit cool @ 40'F but I jumped on my bike anyway. The cold air and headwind made for a tough go but I passed the time and got in a workout.

Keep getting those annoying feelings that I've gone so long without drinking, I got this. Just a couple. Ha, right. It would be the bottle. Then I would be miserable and tired tomorrow. Not gonna happen. I'll have a drink at my funeral, that's it.

Hopeful528

Great job Final.

I never want to feel the way I am feeling ever again. Its all a lie. Its hell. There is nothing left in drinking that is remotely pleasurable.

Hopeful528

I was out with a sibling earlier, and started thinking of how stupid it is to be resentful or expect my family to be supportive or to help me keep my being well, when they aren't well themselves.
I'm ready to let that go. I know its myself ultimately I'm so angry with for getting back here in this position again.
I will find a way. I just wish I got out of here when I was well instead of tearing it down again. Now I want out but I have to fight through to get well enough so I can find a job and find a way.
It doesn't matter all that matters is forward. I'm not doing this ever again. I don't want this old way of life I'm ready to be well do everything i need to do to keep it.