TheLight17

Day 2. Disappointed for giving in so easily. Thats been going on a long time so sometimes I just give up entirely. I let my ambivalence get the best of me. Just thinking about it way too much, I think. Spent the entire weekend reading on SR like an obsession. (I do that a lot with things) Not working my plan otherwise. Convinced myself I wanted to drink more than sobriety in all kinds of ways. Im not sure how to stop that. I dont have the answers. I read on here all the time and and on an off for years now. Sometimes think I get it, but I guess I just don't or I wouldn't be here. Not sure sometimes if the rationalizing is AV or really me. Ended up getting pretty toasted and crying over the concept of death for a few hours. Not exactly my idea of a good time. Looked like I was puffed up from a deadly allergy all day yesterday from the crying. Miserable, exhausted, wet brain. Still a bit puffy today. Didnt want to come back and say so, but here I am in my humility. I can only focus on today or its too overwhelming. Don't want to go to work but I have to. Not in a good head space.

Panacea

Dear September Class,

Day 1 for me. I have been off and on this site for a few years and always manage to find an excuse to drink again. I need to turn a corner. Last night, I tried to sit in a chair, completely missed the seat and ended up on the floor - right in front of my husband. It was very embarrassing. He is so used to it now - there was only a look of horror/disappointment on his face. Both my kids have asked me to stop drinking as well. I don't know how much more motivation I need. I read a post regarding someone celebrating their sobriety birthday - for some reason, this made me really want to have one of those too. It is a long way away, however. September 5th is my goal, however. Hope all is well with the September Class. Wishing you all strength, sanity, and peace. Best, Panacea

wildflower70

Hang in there Light....

You too Panacea....

We have all been there, struggling to get back on track.

I'm fortunate to be back on day 5, having several sober months and then BAM...back to the booze, It can be a tough roller coaster ride, try to get off as soon as possible, it just keeps getting scarier and more dangerous.

Sending healing thoughts to you both..

.WF

allishope73

Hi folks. I read the posts and noticed many started day one but on day 2 or 3 struggled with urge to drink. For some people its an evening time. I will share my expierience on alcohol . From first binge i knew booze is off the list completaly. But i lapsed many times ... i had no plan ... i did not understand the process... i rationalised it was coping and unhealthy coping was better than being killed by cortisol and stress and grief. Silliness .Maybe it will help somebody . One needs to really suffer ... not enjoying drinking but doing it. Somebody wisely wrote : i do not have problem with drinking ... i have problem with stopping. Who hits rock bottom is desperate to fight ... unless sb for some reason does not want to live. Where i m going with this ... i might think as long as folks enjoy drinking over weekends or even daily in the evenings but still function ... they might be doing it for years. But it will progress and will be more difficult to stop with every relapse. To those who still can drink only evenings or weekends .... now it is easier to make a plan and quit. Some rock bottoms can be deadly. Those who binged for days and could not stop know how awful are acute withdrawals. I was lucky i managed always detox by myself and not expierienced life threatening withdrawals symptoms but expoerience paws and need to make many days till it lessens. To those who only have hangovers now and psychological cravings ... do it now unless you want to choose longer , more painful and more dangerous way. With love lets welcome sober 6 th of September x D

TheLight17

Wildflower, thanks. I think I needed to hear that. Even a month sounds really great. I'v had a couple of months lately, but I was in a shelter and wasn't allowed to drink. When I am left to my own discipline, I have a much, much harder time with myself.

Today was frustrating because I wasted my last $10 to drive to work and they turned me away because of inventory. Argh. I was productive though. I managed to set up an appointment for counseling, but its clear out until the end of October. :/ Also setup a dentist appointment and some bloodwork testing as agreed to with my doc.

Just wanted to say if I don't click "thanks" on some people for their posts, its because its not an option when I use my mobile device, but I appreciate each and every one of you for postings. I really miss that feature when its not available to me because sometimes I just don't have the words.

TheLight17

I've had those moments! Then getting up and pretending to still have some dignity left.

Moments like that used to be funny as a 21 year old with my buddies. Not so much now. I can't tell you how much energy I've invested into perfecting my mannerisms while drinking in order to hopefully make myself appear (more) sober when I'm not.

wildflower70

How's everyone doing tonight?

I had a frustrating day, and told myself over and over....Things can always get worse, and if you pick up the bottle, you'll see just how bad.

Some days I just gotta remind myself that booze makes everything worse..problems don't get solved, they get bigger!

Thought I would share that.....a reminder for me and everyone struggling. Hang on guys, if even by a thread, we can do this!!

yinzer

Day 3 coming to a close. Got the tax issue taken care of. Working late these days out of town, but instead of going out with the crew, I’m laying in my hotel bed stuffing my face full of some delicious snacks. I might wake up with crumbs in my face, but I’ll wake up sober.

TeeJayVerm

Thank you so much for this... unfortunately, I caved in tonight but did make a call to an EAP counselor today and will be scheduling some in person sessions soon.

Once I get past Day 2, Day 3, etc., it is easier to stick to a regiment of sobriety but it is also too easy to put things off until tomorrow when you first so-call "commit" to being sober.

Your mention of the cooking part and the quality time with family part are indeed positives. I definitely can relate to that... buying microwavable meals or eating at a restaurant/bar when I am drinking... making my own meals and/or meals for the family when I am not drinking.

I know the positives far outweigh the negatives... including the quality of time with the family. I KNOW THIS.

I have been sober weeks at a time this year and I am happier during that time. I AM MUCH HAPPIER!!

I have made bold declarations of commitment to sobriety in this forum but have failed to live up to my promises. I understand this needs to change.

wildflower70

So happy the tax issue worked out...and eating a bunch of snacks is something we can truly enjoy, now that were not filling our gut with poison!

Congrats on Day3

Midton

https://youtu.be/RX2opvj7WE8

Been wanting to watch this since I heard about it. Reaffirming is all I can say.

TeeJayVerm

This is nuts! My dreams for my family and me are right there but I need to do this one simple thing!! This one simple thing will also potentially add 10 or more years to my life. Furthermore, my streaks of sobriety this year have been the best weeks for me in years! This should be easy, right?

Longlady

Just starting day 4 so I thought I'd join here now. This is probably the longest I've voluntarily gone without drinking in the past year. I usually only don't drink if I've got something to do the next day that requires no hangover but last night I didn't purely because I want to stop.

Anyway I know it can flip all of a sudden during the day so even though I'm ok at the moment I'm on guard. I'll check in again tonight.

Outonthetiles

Hey Septembers! For everyone struggling, ... you can do this! It's hard at first, but infinitely worth it.
One thing that amazed me when I first came here is that I wasn't alone, and in fact my experience was pretty typical. So remember, you aren't alone. Most of us have gone through what you're going through now.

LoveHateWhine

The beginning of Day 6 is upon me. Didn't sleep well last night, so been up for quite awhile. Trying to use this early rise time to do a longer meditation. I can't seem to get past 15 minutes, trying to work up to 30. Baby steps I guess.

All have a great day.

Dee74

If it was easy this website wouldn't be here

its not tho - not at the start - so don't beat yourself up when the going gets a little tough - do reach out and ask for help tho- that's what we're here for.

Welcome longlady

D

opalblue

Good morning September class.

Why am I still amazed that everyone thinks the same as me?? Ofcourse you guys do because we all share a common ground..addiction to alcohol. Every thought and action I have read so far..I have done. And over and over and over and over again. Insanity.

Anyway here is where I am at today. Its day 7 and I am feeling slightly better. As in my withdrawals are weaning off and my cravings are not as strong. BUT. I am still the old me. I still think I need a drink to live on a daily basis. I feel like I have no arms. Yesterday I was that close to buying a bottle. But I had to rethink and change my thought pattern. So I imagined what would happen if I did react to my craving.

I would buy a bottle and drink it fast, then drink another bottle and then back to the same old shite of a life I had before I became sober. Making a microwave dinner for my son, hiding my wine in a coffee cup, drunk conversations on the phone, comotosed on the sofa later. Cant even watch a movie cause I am too drunk..Then waking up next day just as my son is leaving to go to school. I cant look at myself in the mirror. I am full of guilt that I am not living my full potential, not giving enough time to my 14 year old son, struggling to work ( can I pull a sick day AGAIN I ask myself for the forth time in a month), struggling the whole entire day and waiting till I can drink again later. Because that's the highlight of my day..my wine. PLEASE NO !

Today I love my sobriety. Grateful to you guys and I get a lot from your posts. ;-)

Juno11

Hi everyone, I had a great day yesterday! I have decided to try to live more "in the day that I'm in" - not the future or the past - and really make an effort to make the most of each day. It's a good strategy for me. I had a good day at work and I watched a movie with my son (Wayne's World from 1992 - we had several good laughs together).

I'm also really proud of myself because I got my flu shot yesterday! Not something you really feel like doing, but it feels great to check that off the list (I have been getting the flu shot every year for many years now). I also found out that my doggy is vaccinated with the canine flu vaccine and that made me happy (I did it last time at his checkup and kind of forgot). Gotta get my kids their flu shots this year now, too I feel very good to be on top of things. Hoping for another good day today.

Midton, thanks for the YouTube link. I watched the whole thing this morning and found it interesting - lots of different perspectives in there.

Hope everyone has a great Thursday... I'm off!

Panacea

Good morning Septembers,

Day 2 today. Reflected quite a bit on the concept of surrender last night and this morning. It is amazing that at 52 years, I find myself needing to grow up and find inner strength. Looking forward to a new day and not being hungover this morning.

Best to all, love the posts - Panacea

Michael2018

Grrr. Had a hard day yesterday and ended up drinking. I need to strengthen my defences while walking home. I've just put some sobriety podcasts on my phone to listen to while walking.