quitter62

24 More is the Plan of the Day!

Plenny

Thank you Suze. I wish it was different.

I’m sitting in a bar where I used to spend too much money. They have a killer quesadilla that I was craving after my bummer of a morning. Had to take kitty to the vet and spend the last of my paycheck (I got paid yesterday), and had a phone call to the collection agency because they want larger payments. So here I am having a coke and trying to cheer up. I’m not in danger of drinking, surprisingly. I’m just trying to keep moving forward.

kenton

Went to Universal Studios theme park yesterday. We met the Simpsons, flew alien spaceships, escaped a fire-breathing dragon at Hogwarts, cycled back to ET's planet and hung out with some minions .... normal Mondays are going to seem so blah when we get home. According to fitbit, I walked 33,000 steps yesterday. Certainly keeping fit on this holiday. We're chilling out in our villa today and going to Hollywood Studios later to watch a show. I'm loving our holiday villa....the kids love the pool..... my husband loves the sun loungers and me? I love the washing machine. I seriously love it. It's so massive I can fit three loads of washing in it. I've just done all our washing and hung it outside in the sunshine to dry. I couldn't feel happier. I love the washing machine so much, I just took a photo of it ... to go in our holiday scrap book. Not sure if it's a sign of getting old or a sign that I am a really simple soul but yeah, I'm going to really miss the washing machine when we leave. And Walmart. And Disney. And pretty much everything.

Jo, puppies take a little while to settle but it doesn't go on for long. My dog only cried the first night but he was a demon chewer. ... he chewed everything when he was really young. But it didn't last. Stick with it .... the aggravation they give you as puppies is insignificant compared to the love and companionship and loyalty heading your way. Miss my dog so much...... if I could have this washing machine and my dog in the same house, I would be very happy indeed.

Sending lots of love to everyone. I'm thinking of everyone .. Plenny, Kev, Venus, Goat, Willow, Zepp and everyone ... love you all. 24 more for me please xxxx

Gabe1980

24 please xxxx

John65

8.35pm, 24 more for me please, thanks.

least

I'd like another day sober please.

BringingBackB

Another tough day at work for me but I got through it. Another 24 please

Sweetpeacan

24 more is an absolute must please and thank you.

Congratulations to our fabulous milestoners & Much Love to you all, SP

Hevyn

I'll have another serving of sobriety please - 24 more hrs.

kevlarsjal2

Thanks Delilah! Yes, I know I have to focus on myself, which is what I am doing. Making sense of what happened in the relationship and why it didn't work was an important part for me and it helped me to let go. I am a very analytical person and if I don't understand something, I suffer.
I still tend to worry that I am doing things the wrong way when others tell me that is the case. Not so much in the sense that I want them to like me or to please them but that I worry that they know better what the best thing to do is.
But even with that I think I am making slight progress these days and don't just think that anything someone else sees in me must be true, that's what caused the rant! And probably what ended the relationship, because I kept saying "no" when things seemed wrong to me.

kevlarsjal2

Don't feel sorry for your posts Plenny! I love reading them, even when it's not all piece, joy and pancakes (like we say it in my mother's tongue).
I also felt like I over-shared my personal stuff on here lately but then I thought, no one is forced to read it or to reply and if people don't want to hear about it they can just skip it or ignore my posts.

I can relate so much to your situation. There sure were some big differences but in many ways it reminds me of the relationship with my ex. It wasn't very stable, it wasn't what I wanted, it didn't look like he was working on the same kind of future I was hoping for. My ex was already sober though but it didn't help with any of his other problems. And then there was the abusive behaviours of course.

But also I had found that a lot of people never understood my pain or my past. That they couldn't relate to what I have been through or how I felt. And that this part of me scared them, it seemed to hurt, too damaged or what do I know.

He's still a very special person to me and he has pushed me on the right path towards sobriety which was one of the best things anyone has ever done for me, he really really forced me to close the whole chapter on self destruction I had going on since my teenage years and to "grow up" and become responsible.

Although he pushed me on that path, he, unfortunately, didn't want to join me. I always saw the same potential in him too. And in fact I think most humans have the same potential. But it's not only about the potential. Eating dry, hard corn isn't quite the same as eating pop corn although it has the potential to become pop corn. It needs a lot of work, strength, energy and commitment too. And not everyone is willing to give that.

I don't know DJTM. I don't know how serious he is about sobriety. And then even once he's sober it looks like there are a lot of other things he'd need to take care of. I also know that it can be very pressuring to be in a relationship with someone who expects you to face all your problems when you don't feel quite ready yet. I had that situation. And while it was reassuring and nice to have someone that close supporting me and believing me, it also added SO much pressure, so much stress. And it took part of the "getting to know yourself" thing away because I never had the space or time to focus on myself, to make my own decisions about recovery, to have my own pace and my own goals. Partly I was always doing it for him too. I'm not saying that this is how DJTM will feel or that you will handle things like my ex (who wasn't just abusive but also very loving and supportive if he felt like it, which he did a lot in the first year). But being so close to someone in early recovery doesn't necessarily have to be a good thing only. Giving someone space can be painful at first maybe but might be good in the long run. I don't know, just an idea.

But I see how difficult this is for you and how much thought you put in this. I'm sure you will know what to do when the time is ripe

soberista

24 more pleaae (and i read posts and have no idea what a DJTM is??!!!)

kevlarsjal2

Your holiday sounds perfect, I'm very happy for you Kenton! And I can relate to your fondness of a washing machine! I love my dad's dish washer because it has lights inside! It's small things like that which can make my day very special.

(In those moments I tend to feel like a housewife in some TV commercial from the 50's going crazy about her new pressure cooker. But really, it's the small things that can make such a difference!)

kevlarsjal2

Thank you for saying that Suze, you're so sweet! I really needed to hear it!


I had my therapy session today and felt a bit misunderstood. She asked me 5 times if I don't feel used or betrayed by my ex and why I'm not angry and what I would like to tell him if he was in the room with us, or if I wanted to yell at him. And if I do feel some kind of relief that the relationship is over.
I said no to all these things. As I see things now, I don't think he used me (which is a conscious thing). He treated me in bad ways and I am not okay with that and feel hurt and angry about those times. But I don't feel used or betrayed. I just think we both said we wanted a relationship, him having his idea of what that means and me having mine, not knowing that our ideas differ so much from each other's.

I said I feel like someone who has been trying to use a calculator as a mobile phone for 2 years, putting in the right number but never been able to call anyone. Thinking that either there must be something really wrong about my "phone" or that I am too stupid to use it. Which drove me mad at times. Trying and trying to make something work that remained impossible.
And now I feel relieved that I finally realised that it's a calculator, not a mobile phone! So it was never meant to work the way I expected it. So it's this realisation that brings me relief but not the fact that the relationship has ended. To me that's two unrelated and very separate things. I told her I just feel sad and disappointed that things were not like I thought they were. Which didn't seem to make sense to her. She kept suggesting I am suppressing anger and other emotions. Which just made me angry after a while cause I felt, again, misunderstood.

I guess in the end people just want to help but I've worked so much on myself and I got so tired of people pointing out new problems I need to focus on all the time. I got literally tired of working on myself. It does cost a whole lot of energy and for what's happened to me in my 28 years I think I'm not doing so bad.
And for now I will allow myself to be as imperfect as I am and do my thing for a while.

Hats

Another 24 for me please

Kris47

24 more please, Dear God.

bandicoot2

(((Kris))) Thinking of you and hoping you feel a bit better each day.

bandicoot2

24 more for me please.
Congratulations to everyone celebrating a Milestone today!!

Hugs, peace, strength and love to all with extra hugs for those struggling......xxxx

Daisybelle

23.25

24_more for me please x
Much love to you all. Xxx

venuscat

Ha....we went through this the other week....I forgot what it stands for but it is kev's name for her guy....