24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 405
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,478
Originally Posted by Free2bme888 
I’ve done what you are considering. A ‘nice’ guy. I’m a caretaker, and he had credit problems and was still getting a check once in a while from his mom at age 32 . well I thought he’d out grow out of all that and become a man and be my partner. But instead he stole from me, he never turned anything except remained lazy or worse. 17 years later we divorced. And all of my savings I had to share with him, and all of his debt he shared with me—court order. So I was absolutely screwed .
It’s weird I still like him in many ways he is the father of my children. Liking someone is a feeling, and living with them and giving them your life savings and they don’t deserve it or not being an equal partner message very hard to live with. And remember life Outlasts love when it comes to lifelong relationships.
I’m feeling for you.
It’s weird I still like him in many ways he is the father of my children. Liking someone is a feeling, and living with them and giving them your life savings and they don’t deserve it or not being an equal partner message very hard to live with. And remember life Outlasts love when it comes to lifelong relationships.
I’m feeling for you.
Oh love. ♥♥I am glad we are talking about this stuff....it is very real and very deep and personal, and not what we used to do on this thread...but I am so glad it morphed....we all feel so safe here....and we all get heard.
sI am so sorry you went through this love.
Snuf said something to me on Messenger just before....she said trusting another human being is hard....oh how right she is. I had never thought about it like that before....and gosh when your trust is broken it is crazy painful. Especially when you become partners and parents and well....it's tough.
Love you Free....thank you for opening your heart and sharing with us...you never know who you are going to help.
♥♥♥
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,478
♥ This is a list of everyone who posted their commitment to stay sober in the last
24 hours: 8 pm EDT ~ 7.59 pm EDT.
It is awesome to have every single one of you here with us!
♥
1newcreation
abcowboy
allishope
Atlast9999
aussieblue
Awake61
Babs1234
badgerden
bandicoot2
BarbieKen
Ben123
BP2
BrandNewDay11
BringingBackB
Bubovski
Canadian Koala
CaptainHaddock
CeeFarro
ChloeRose63
Coldfusion
county111111
CrossYourHeart
Daisybelle
Dee74
Delilah1
Endoftheday
erfra7
Finalcall
ForMe247
Free2bme888
FormerBeerLover
Gabe1980
gatorman
Gilmer
Goat
goodbyeevan
goose333
Hats
HeartsAfire
Hevyn
heyfly
Jack16
joandmelandhan
jsm273
julietUK
Kaneda8888
kenton
kevlarsjal2
KeyofC
Kris47
least
LillianGish
lilymaz
Lostmyoffswitch
lyddie
Mags1
Minion09
Neoo
Nic233
nmd
ODAATCAT
Patterson
PhoenixJ
Plenny
Purplrks3647
Quincy
quitter62
Rainman1
rae1973
Rar
RedBerryJuniper
Saskia
ShenzyT
Snufkin
soberista
SoberLeigh
stargazer016
Sunflower79
Sunflowerlife
Sweetpeacan
tgirl
TheToddman
theVman31
time2LLL60
Tinker B
tomls
vanaprastha
venuscat
Vinificent
WaterOx
WeaverBird
Willow68
wiscsober
Yixi
yukonm
Zanna
zeppodog
zoeydog
Onward together! ♥
24 hours: 8 pm EDT ~ 7.59 pm EDT.
It is awesome to have every single one of you here with us!
♥1newcreation
abcowboy
allishope
Atlast9999
aussieblue
Awake61
Babs1234
badgerden
bandicoot2
BarbieKen
Ben123
BP2
BrandNewDay11
BringingBackB
Bubovski
Canadian Koala
CaptainHaddock
CeeFarro
ChloeRose63
Coldfusion
county111111
CrossYourHeart
Daisybelle
Dee74
Delilah1
Endoftheday
erfra7
Finalcall
ForMe247
Free2bme888
FormerBeerLover
Gabe1980
gatorman
Gilmer
Goat
goodbyeevan
goose333
Hats
HeartsAfire
Hevyn
heyfly
Jack16
joandmelandhan
jsm273
julietUK
Kaneda8888
kenton
kevlarsjal2
KeyofC
Kris47
least
LillianGish
lilymaz
Lostmyoffswitch
lyddie
Mags1
Minion09
Neoo
Nic233
nmd
ODAATCAT
Patterson
PhoenixJ
Plenny
Purplrks3647
Quincy
quitter62
Rainman1
rae1973
Rar
RedBerryJuniper
Saskia
ShenzyT
Snufkin
soberista
SoberLeigh
stargazer016
Sunflower79
Sunflowerlife
Sweetpeacan
tgirl
TheToddman
theVman31
time2LLL60
Tinker B
tomls
vanaprastha
venuscat
Vinificent
WaterOx
WeaverBird
Willow68
wiscsober
Yixi
yukonm
Zanna
zeppodog
zoeydog
Onward together! ♥
August 21, 2018
rae1973 ~ 2 weeks! ♥
ForMe247 ~ 3 weeks! ♥
Ben123 ~ 4 weeks! ♥
Babs1234 ~ 2 years & 4 months! ♥
yukonm ~11 years!!!!!!!!!!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
rae1973 ~ 2 weeks! ♥
ForMe247 ~ 3 weeks! ♥
Ben123 ~ 4 weeks! ♥
Babs1234 ~ 2 years & 4 months! ♥
yukonm ~11 years!!!!!!!!!!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: GA
Posts: 700
24 more for me. Preparing myself mentally for my state's GCYPAA this weekend. I committed to it a while ago on a whim and then invited 2 girls who are roommates and that I don't know very well to come and split the room with me. Nervous about all the new experiences and uncomfortable awkwardness that may lay ahead but trying to let the little excitement inside be the bigger emotion. Hope everyone is doing ok tonight <3
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,478
Alex......you will love it....it will be life-changing. I promise you....I walked into AA at VICYPAA.....Melbourne (Victoria) Australia, the same AA convention...it changed my life.
We are here....but you won't need us. Enjoy love. ♥
We are here....but you won't need us. Enjoy love.
♥
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Burien WA.
Posts: 2,893
So damned tired and still feel a bit shaky, if I get some more sleep should feel better tomorrow. Actually worked out for an hour this afternoon, thought I was going to have a stroke! but not working out for most of a week and drinking takes a lot out of a guy my age, back on the exercise program maybe get in a gym where I can be around people, at work I have my own work space so don't have interaction with the few other people much, if I'm going to be living alone need to find some activities where I can at least be around people even if I don't talk to them, used to really be into martial arts maybe start that again, sure didn't drink to excess when I was going to a dojo 5 nights a week. Well night one and all.
Velveteen Rabbit
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego, Cali
Posts: 2,661
Thinking tonight of birdwatching on Sauvie Island in Portland, Oregon. When I can think of beauty and connections with nature, art, literature...I stabilize and realize I am small....and addictions are even smaller.
The noon is almost full...I hope the birds are enoying the island.
It’s 8:30 pm here in San Diego. 24 more hours please.
Love to all,
Lillian
PS ~ hang in there Zepp. It gets better.
Bobbi
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Originally Posted by kevlarsjal2
I have to just rant about something for a bit:
First I was told for ages that I am selfish and controlling, that this is who I am as an alcoholic and that I need to work on being more understanding and all that. That I am the cause of my problems and that I need to work on myself.
Now I get told that I am codependent and need to work on myself again, again I am the cause of my problem!
I am so sick of hearing this right now. I had ONE messed up relationship with a dry drunk who has never done any work on himself. Other than that I don't have any issues with other people. At least nothing that goes beyond normal disagreements and stuff like that. Still all of a sudden everyone is convinced that I need to work on myself (which I have done a lot in the past 2 years, therapy and AA plus endless self help books). Well actually not everyone. All my non-AA-friends and my family thinks there's nothing wrong with me.
But I am just so tired of hearing that my relationship failed or that the reason why I tried to make it work for 2 years must be that there's something wrong with me I need to work on. It's always me who needs to improve, get better,... I just can't hear it anymore! I don't feel like there's that much wrong with me to be honest. Maybe this makes me ignorant, maybe I am putting myself on a high horse. But I am tired of getting handed the "crazy / troubled" card.
I am not perfect, no. But why do so many people think it must've been me? Why is it so unlikely that it was my ex who's just not able to have a relationship (he has a track record of unstable and short relationships and the one he had with me was much longer than any other one he had in the past 15 years or so)? I know it takes always 2 but I think for me the work that needed to be done was to finally see through his patterns and then let go of it. And to make sure I will recognise the red flags the next time which I am sure I will. I was just too young, inexperienced and naive to really see them then or to know what they mean.
(RANT OVER)
First I was told for ages that I am selfish and controlling, that this is who I am as an alcoholic and that I need to work on being more understanding and all that. That I am the cause of my problems and that I need to work on myself.
Now I get told that I am codependent and need to work on myself again, again I am the cause of my problem!
I am so sick of hearing this right now. I had ONE messed up relationship with a dry drunk who has never done any work on himself. Other than that I don't have any issues with other people. At least nothing that goes beyond normal disagreements and stuff like that. Still all of a sudden everyone is convinced that I need to work on myself (which I have done a lot in the past 2 years, therapy and AA plus endless self help books). Well actually not everyone. All my non-AA-friends and my family thinks there's nothing wrong with me.
But I am just so tired of hearing that my relationship failed or that the reason why I tried to make it work for 2 years must be that there's something wrong with me I need to work on. It's always me who needs to improve, get better,... I just can't hear it anymore! I don't feel like there's that much wrong with me to be honest. Maybe this makes me ignorant, maybe I am putting myself on a high horse. But I am tired of getting handed the "crazy / troubled" card.
I am not perfect, no. But why do so many people think it must've been me? Why is it so unlikely that it was my ex who's just not able to have a relationship (he has a track record of unstable and short relationships and the one he had with me was much longer than any other one he had in the past 15 years or so)? I know it takes always 2 but I think for me the work that needed to be done was to finally see through his patterns and then let go of it. And to make sure I will recognise the red flags the next time which I am sure I will. I was just too young, inexperienced and naive to really see them then or to know what they mean.
(RANT OVER)
I'm glad you have moved on from your ex, no matter who ended the relationship, he showed you his true colors, and you deserve better.
I have tried to focus on what I can control in a situation. Don't worry about what others have said/did, try to focus on today, and you, and making positive choices for you moving forward.
I have found mindfulness techniques that really allow me to stay grounded in the present to be one of the greatest tools in my sobriety.
You've got this.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,737
Thank you Suze, Kev, Free, I know there were others who gave me so much support and advice as well. I’m not keeping my list of names but you’ve helped me. You’ve said such kind things. I battle constantly with if I’m doing the right thing or not.
I was true in my resolve to give DJTM a piece of my mind this morning. I was calm but I was venomous, I can be that way. I got to him today. He beat himself up about it. He drank. I knew he would drink. He has been trying to moderate. It’s hard to watch, as someone who understands. But he went further today and bought a small flask of whiskey, which is never a good sign. I know all of this because he called me to tell me that he had a bad day and to admit all of this. Apparently he tried to fix up a lot of things around his house, and drank and was manic for a while, then crashed and became depressed. Tried to convince himself to not drink more, but could not fight it and had what he calls an attack. He sounded vulnerable and scared so I went to his house. I’ve never seen him quite like this. I’m sober and seeing him and he’s opening up and it seems very painful.
He talked about his attack. He apologized for not being there for me and about how difficult it is for him to say things and express himself, and his anxiety. He was so sorry for not being there for me when I needed him. He started to talk about his mother and her alcoholism. How absent she was in lots of ways and how he thinks it affected him. He felt guilty that I was by his side when he could not do the same for me. He talked about what a miracle it was that she got sober and he knows he needs to do the same thing and how much alike they are.
His struggle tonight was relatable to me, certainly, but I’m here writing about it not only to give an update but also because it made me think of Nick and Zepp and anyone in a relationship who is struggling. And it really made me feel like I can’t leave this person who needs love and support just as I needed love and support. There has to be a place in this world for those of us who are broken and trying first to see the light and straining to find the pieces to put back together or just TOGETHER. Because I think there’s so much that was never intact to begin with.
He told me he’s never been able to talk. His breathing tightened even as he described this to me. He told me he needs to talk but kept saying he can’t. Even thinking about taking him to a meeting or therapy seems like climbing Mount Everest. I have said it before and I will say it again. The patriarchy has cheated men out of their right to feel and talk. Just as it’s pigeon holed women in so many ways. But I’m addressing this subject because I see how hard it is just to open up when that is the very thing that will save you. It is not easy. I am really proud of all of you here and in the rooms who are at any stage of opening up. Even the stage of being terrified to spill the pieces out.
Sorry for yet another long post and thank you Suze for addressing that we didn’t really used to do this on this thread, I’ve often felt self-conscious and wondered if I’m putting out too much on the 24 hour or if it’s ok.... I have been helped immensely by this thread and I hope it IS ok because seeing all of your stories and having solidarity with you is truly magical.
I promise one of these days I will lighten up a little. I just keep having epiphanies
I was true in my resolve to give DJTM a piece of my mind this morning. I was calm but I was venomous, I can be that way. I got to him today. He beat himself up about it. He drank. I knew he would drink. He has been trying to moderate. It’s hard to watch, as someone who understands. But he went further today and bought a small flask of whiskey, which is never a good sign. I know all of this because he called me to tell me that he had a bad day and to admit all of this. Apparently he tried to fix up a lot of things around his house, and drank and was manic for a while, then crashed and became depressed. Tried to convince himself to not drink more, but could not fight it and had what he calls an attack. He sounded vulnerable and scared so I went to his house. I’ve never seen him quite like this. I’m sober and seeing him and he’s opening up and it seems very painful.
He talked about his attack. He apologized for not being there for me and about how difficult it is for him to say things and express himself, and his anxiety. He was so sorry for not being there for me when I needed him. He started to talk about his mother and her alcoholism. How absent she was in lots of ways and how he thinks it affected him. He felt guilty that I was by his side when he could not do the same for me. He talked about what a miracle it was that she got sober and he knows he needs to do the same thing and how much alike they are.
His struggle tonight was relatable to me, certainly, but I’m here writing about it not only to give an update but also because it made me think of Nick and Zepp and anyone in a relationship who is struggling. And it really made me feel like I can’t leave this person who needs love and support just as I needed love and support. There has to be a place in this world for those of us who are broken and trying first to see the light and straining to find the pieces to put back together or just TOGETHER. Because I think there’s so much that was never intact to begin with.
He told me he’s never been able to talk. His breathing tightened even as he described this to me. He told me he needs to talk but kept saying he can’t. Even thinking about taking him to a meeting or therapy seems like climbing Mount Everest. I have said it before and I will say it again. The patriarchy has cheated men out of their right to feel and talk. Just as it’s pigeon holed women in so many ways. But I’m addressing this subject because I see how hard it is just to open up when that is the very thing that will save you. It is not easy. I am really proud of all of you here and in the rooms who are at any stage of opening up. Even the stage of being terrified to spill the pieces out.
Sorry for yet another long post and thank you Suze for addressing that we didn’t really used to do this on this thread, I’ve often felt self-conscious and wondered if I’m putting out too much on the 24 hour or if it’s ok.... I have been helped immensely by this thread and I hope it IS ok because seeing all of your stories and having solidarity with you is truly magical.
I promise one of these days I will lighten up a little. I just keep having epiphanies
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