Dee74

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling Pelagiac.

The only way is know to get off the merry go round is to stop drinking and get off....

If you need anything let us know.

Applekat

Good to see you Purps. Hang in there everyone. We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and always come back.

Drinking IS dumb.

Closing out 50 days, complete with springing ahead tonight. I will NOT change my kiddos clocks.

Purplrks3647

Congrats on 50 days Apple!

Dee74

Well done Applekat

D

beerbgone

Congrats Apple!!!

venuscat

You called the car bloke? How are you supposed to scream at the radio/cd/random music player now if you call the car bloke? Surely sheila would be better....errr...ok...maybe too sexist....how about Oi. Call it Oi......how easy to yell in frustration....OI....come on....or if things are going well.....Oi Oi Oi....

....Sure, I'm nuts, but we all know that.

KiKi0615

Time to humble myself and tell you all what REALLY happened to put the fire up my ass to get & stay sober. I will try to keep it short. (Haha...it will be LONG) I haven’t told you guys the REAL story because I have felt so embarrassed and ashamed but here goes....

On December 30th, 2017 (71 days ago) I MADE the choice to drink. I didn’t really WANT to drink but I couldn’t NOT drink! I remember sitting in my car chugging beer crying my eyes out & begging God to help me out of the hellish binge cycle I had been stuck in for 4 years! I called my husband crying and said “I can’t stop! I don’t know why I can’t stop! Alcohol OWNS me!” Honestly, suicide sounded better than living one more day in that hellish cycle.

I cried out to God and said “God...I think you’re just gonna have to give me another DUI! I just can’t stop! I’ve got to stop! Help me!” He answered my prayer 5 hours later!

After drinking 6 beers in about an hour, I drove to a bar to listen to a band and mostly drink lots more alcohol! My tolerance had become so high that I honestly felt “fine” to drive home. Isn’t that what they always say? Ugh.

WELL....I made an improper lane change at 2:30 am (about 1 mile from my house) and the next thing I know there were flashing lights in my rear view mirror. The crazy thing is that I didn’t really feel scared. I just wanted the drinking nightmare to be over! The police officer smelled alcohol on my breath and stated that my eyes were glassy. (Duh). They said I failed the sobriety tests but I thought I did pretty well. (Don’t we all?) And of course I said “I only had 2 beers...the standard answer). I refused to blow in the breathalyzer because I KNEW I would fail.

The officers arrested me and put me in handcuffs. There I was, standing in the street of my neighborhood being arrested on suspicion of a DUI (OVI). I was quiet and cooperative. I told the officers I’m an alcoholic and can’t stop and need help. They were kind. They took me to the police station 2 minutes from my house & did a little paperwork, impounded my car & called my husband to pick me up. (My husband & kids were so angry & disappointed but have stuck by my side...thank God)

The first 24 hours after my arrest we so dark and scary once the alcohol wore off and I realized the reality of the situation. This would be my THIRD DUI in 10 years! (Still a misdemeanor in Ohio). The 4th one would be a felony but there WONT be a fourth one!!!

I immediately got myself into treatment, have been doing 1-2 AA meetings per day since it happened & weekly therapy. I FINALLY got the willingness to do ANYTHING to stay sober (and put it first in my life above all else) and believe it or not, I’m grateful for the DUI because I KNOW if it wouldn’t have happened, I would still be in that hellish drinking cycle.

NEVER did I think I would have 3 DUIs! EVER! It’s shameful! The worst thing I had done before the DUIs was a speeding ticket! But once I take that first drink I become powerless and do CRAZY stuff!

My first 2 DUIs were back-to-back (4 months apart) in 2008. That’s what scared me straight the first time! I stayed sober for almost 6 years on that consequence! But what I’ve realized is that that entire time I never really believed I was a TRUE alcoholic! I finally got sick of my “sobriety sentence” and drank again. I also wasn’t working a recovery program anymore.

I’m grateful (as strange as it sounds) for my DUI 70 days ago because that’s what it took for me to FINALLY be free! I felt more free when they put me in handcuffs that night than I had in 4 years! Crazy! I knew it was over (the hellish drinking cycle) in that moment and I didn’t have to live like that anymore....thank God!

Anyway...I just wanted to humble myself and tell you guys (My dear friends) what REALLY happened. I hope you still love me!

Anyway...for the past 70 days I’ve gone to & graduated from treatment, thrown myself into the middle of AA and therapy by walking, biking, running (sometimes in sub zero temps), taken UBERs and have had lots of amazing people giving me rides. I will not have my full license again until 12/31/19 but that’s ok. I should get limited driving “privileges” for AA, therapy, family obligations, doctor appts and a job (that I need to get to pay off the $12,000 this has cost me so far back!) soon!

Since it was almost 10 years between my DUIs, my sentencing should be fair (I hope!). I had court Friday and my attorney worked out a “good” plea deal with the prosecutor. I just can’t wait for all this legal stuff to be over! It’s sucked but I know in my heart that if that wake-up call wouldn’t have happened (handcuffs) I’d still be in that hellish cycle so it’s worth it. I just wish I coulda stopped without those harsh consequences but I’m STUBBORN!

Anyway....handcuffs are what it took to set me free. That’s my story. Very embarrassing but it is what it is and took what it took! It could have been so much worse...I could have killed someone! Thank you God I didn’t!

Love you guys.

PhoenixJ

Kiki, thank you for the brave, raw and honest post. I find my shares, in a way are me 'talking' to me. I am not going into the process of your event. When I was woken from an induced coma and was told what had happened to me- I gave in (mostly...I DID accept the powerless over booze bit, but had to endure more sadly b4 it really sunk in) - I needed help. You have done good. There may be ripple effects..but with the stopping drinking, so there no more future damage is done. Keep posting. I find using a journal a good strategy, plus counseling and meetings and ..etc.

Empathy and prayers to you.

Bobbieka

Kiki, I’m really proud of you for sharing your story. I could say, “I’m sorry you had to go through that.” But I won’t. Sometimes God knows what we needs and I believe he will give you the power to get through all of this. Whatever it took, glad to have you back. Love you.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

venuscat

Thank God you are where you are now KiKi love....I love you to pieces and am proud as heck to know you. Really.

I think God heard you that night....I really do....accompanied by kind police officers and your willing heart.

I'm sorry that your family was harsh...I know how that goes....they forgive us though as you are seeing now through your hard work. So so proud of you girl!!! ♥♥

LillianGish

I love the name Bloke too!

Red Ford Focus....hmmm....

Diablo
Starsky
Cherry Bomb
Ron Burgundy

LillianGish

Kiki, thank you for sharing. It is a reminder to me as to what’s at stake.

I’m so glad you are with us!

Love to you,
Lillian

LillianGish

Yay Apple!!! 50 days!! Well done!

I dislike this time change. Waking up for work on Monday is hell!

LillianGish

Thank you for the support this week. I appreciate you guys very much. Made it through the week.

This is so true. Made total sense. Yes, five minutes and then back on crazy train. I just don’t want the chaos any more....so much less pressure on me.

Love you all,
Lillian

PhoenixJ

Stupid crazy train

venuscat

So I guess I should stop grumping about having 4 hours' sleep and enjoy the fact that there are Aussies here at this time.....that is just so good right now.

And Lillian of course.....hi honey. Or I guess you're asleep now...



EDIT: Don't mind me, not doing well right this minute....

PhoenixJ

2300 here. My little garden bed)s) out the front...there is a natural walkway between plants randomy planted god knows when..very dusty. I noticed my neighbour has a neat stack of light red bricks, so I asked her if she would consider selling them. She said no- she is going to give them to me. I asked why- and she said because I am a neighbour. The other side, the old lady (Greek) leaves bowls of pears at my back door, has offered to drive me places (before I got bloke), and other stuff. Nice 'normal' people..no dramas. A little sad- the 'little sis' I have as the only friend from the prgram (of any definition of the word) has started drugging and boozing again, and has fallen mostly silent. I check on her once a week, by text...but I kind of thought this may happen, sadly.

Bobbieka

Hey, Lillian.

Hope you’re better, Suze.

I’m so sorry about your friend, PHX. I’m glad you have normal neighbors. You’re pretty lucky.

Good morning, people. Trying to get up for church. I can do it.

Applekat

Hope your day picks up Suze.

Bobbie I definitely have a memory of my family being an hour early to Sunday school one year long ago after daylight savings time. Ha!

Purplrks3647

(((KIKI))) So glad to have you here with us....Thanks for sharing your story

Thanks everyone for being here....don't know what I'd do without my March Family