Angie 247's thread - This new sober life Part 6
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I hope you got some sleep Angie. 
I think as long as you're working on your recovery you should be fine - whether that means braving meetings and chancing running into your former sponsor. or post more regularly here. You have the tools to win Angie - and access to many many more tools besides
D
I think as long as you're working on your recovery you should be fine - whether that means braving meetings and chancing running into your former sponsor. or post more regularly here. You have the tools to win Angie - and access to many many more tools besides
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,509
I completely agree with Dee....you have the tools to keep going on this journey, and to have the life you want.
I notice that I have strange thoughts at the end of the day if it has been a particularly difficult day....I try and tell my head 'thanks for sharing'. Good time to say the serenity prayer.....
Sending love.
♥♥
I notice that I have strange thoughts at the end of the day if it has been a particularly difficult day....I try and tell my head 'thanks for sharing'. Good time to say the serenity prayer.....
Sending love.
♥♥
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,180
Angie, I often found that in the earlier days, big anniversaries i.e. 90 days sober, six months sober, one year sober, my AV would be screaming the exact same thoughts to me. " Look, you have gone XX many months without drinking. You got this. You deserve a drink." That's one reason I never placed a huge emphasis on days sober, because I knew it would rebound on me a little.
Of course, it is all a trap being set by your AV. Being self aware is key. Like Dee said, you have the tools to ride this through unscathed. Remember that you are not the only person who has had to go through this. I highly recommend checking into the 24 hour recovery thread each day. It helps to keep me grounded, and our very own Suze offers wonderful advice tirelessly to folks day in and day out. It's just another tool to add to the toolbox.
What are you planning for Memorial Day?
Best wishes for a good day!
Of course, it is all a trap being set by your AV. Being self aware is key. Like Dee said, you have the tools to ride this through unscathed. Remember that you are not the only person who has had to go through this. I highly recommend checking into the 24 hour recovery thread each day. It helps to keep me grounded, and our very own Suze offers wonderful advice tirelessly to folks day in and day out. It's just another tool to add to the toolbox.
What are you planning for Memorial Day?
Best wishes for a good day!
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: California
Posts: 2,435
Thank you all for the advice and support. I had gotten sad and depressed about work and other things. It’s gotten a bit better and I’m also just a few hours from being a year sober. How about that! I can’t believe it, sometimes doesn’t feel like a year because it’s so very easy to remember how horrible I felt drinking and after drinking. Can remember the shakes, brain fog and paranoia all too easily. I’m in a much better place and I never have to go through the horrible things I went through while drinking again. So grateful and I want to continue to make more progress in my life. I’ll continue to use those tools. Thank you all for staying here with me. I was quite something and everyone was always so supportive and kind to me. Thank you so much.
Angie!!! Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: California
Posts: 2,435
Thank you so much! I went to a meeting today where they do the chips and guess what, I lead the meeting! First time ever. I did my 10 minute thing and thought I did okay. I did cry just a little bit. Although, I did mention the BPD diagnosis and how I was relieved to know what’s wrong with me. The very next person who spoke immediately said she was diagnosed as BPD and she wasn’t one, she was just an alcoholic and rolled her eyes in my direction. This was someone with a lot of sobriety time. It hurt more than it should and I almost decided to leave which would have been something I would have felt horrible about later. However, every single person who spoke after that was so incredibly supportive and took time out of their sharing to talk to me with such warmth. I did get one suggestion from a couple people afterwards was not to look down when talking because I am a strong woman and I’ll remember that. . However, they were out of one year chips. I was a bit sad about that for a minute but I was promised one at Monday’s meeting. I just said it was fine when she kept apologizing and I said to not worry about it that I’ll have something to look forward to. I’m really glad that I went and I’ll have my chip on Monday.
. However, they were out of one year chips. I was a bit sad about that for a minute but I was promised one at Monday’s meeting. I just said it was fine when she kept apologizing and I said to not worry about it that I’ll have something to look forward to. I’m really glad that I went and I’ll have my chip on Monday.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: California
Posts: 2,435
Hi all. I'm doing well. Alex and I are back home visiting our family. We've been here for a little over a week and we head back a week from today. The days are going by too quickly but we are enjoying every minute of being with family. I hit 13 months a few days ago, and it's a relief to not be trying to figure out how to sneak in drinks while I'm here. Just here to enjoy time with family and how awesome is that? I'm so happy.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: California
Posts: 2,435
Hi everyone. I'm doing well. I hit 14 months a couple days ago. A lot of times when I have stressful moments, my mind doesn't even think about alcohol which I just realized the other day. Can't get too cocky because sometimes it does go there and I guess it will because I can't change myself from being an alcoholic. I just don't have to be an active one and just because I think of having a drink doesn't mean that I will go and drink. Although, when Alex and I are out at a restaurant and someone orders a drink, I am still amazed that they just want one or two.
I'm working a lot and that helps because I was sad when Alex and I left our family a couple weeks ago. He's going back to school in a few days so we will be busy with homework. His dad is taking him camping this weekend and my boss emailed us and asked if we wanted to work some this weekend so I'll be busy. I'm not sure how much I will work, Saturday definitely and maybe even Sunday for a few hours. Probably will keep my Monday off though. I'll enjoy the paycheck still. This wouldn't have been an option if I were still drinking, and before when I did drink, I didn't have the three day weekend that I do now. Boy, my health would be so much worse if this schedule was around then, and I'm not sure how long I would have stayed without being fired.
I still haven't gone back to AA since I got back my year chip. There's a good bit about AA that I do not believe in, and that's okay. I go mostly to hear other people share in the meetings. Sometimes they have meetings where the leader picks who they want to talk, or they pick one person and have that person pick and on it goes. Those give me such anxiety because I'm afraid of being called on and honestly, I have left one because I let myself get too worked up and nervous. I did lead the last one I was at, and I wrote about it but afterwards I beat myself up for bumbling my way through it and the comment the woman made after I spoke didn't help. It's just every single woman who spoke after her was so supportive and nice to me and why can't I focus on that?! Still a work in progress. I'll work on it.
I'm working a lot and that helps because I was sad when Alex and I left our family a couple weeks ago. He's going back to school in a few days so we will be busy with homework. His dad is taking him camping this weekend and my boss emailed us and asked if we wanted to work some this weekend so I'll be busy. I'm not sure how much I will work, Saturday definitely and maybe even Sunday for a few hours. Probably will keep my Monday off though. I'll enjoy the paycheck still.
This wouldn't have been an option if I were still drinking, and before when I did drink, I didn't have the three day weekend that I do now. Boy, my health would be so much worse if this schedule was around then, and I'm not sure how long I would have stayed without being fired. I still haven't gone back to AA since I got back my year chip. There's a good bit about AA that I do not believe in, and that's okay. I go mostly to hear other people share in the meetings. Sometimes they have meetings where the leader picks who they want to talk, or they pick one person and have that person pick and on it goes. Those give me such anxiety because I'm afraid of being called on and honestly, I have left one because I let myself get too worked up and nervous. I did lead the last one I was at, and I wrote about it but afterwards I beat myself up for bumbling my way through it and the comment the woman made after I spoke didn't help. It's just every single woman who spoke after her was so supportive and nice to me and why can't I focus on that?! Still a work in progress. I'll work on it.
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