venuscat

That is just horrible Angie.....that guy is not nice. Drunk or sober.
You are lovely exactly how you are.....

We can't let what other people think of us be our guide love....especially someone who is drinking....you are doing beautifully, and in time when you are ready, the extra weight will just fall off...one step at a time. ♥

Angie247

Thank you so much venuscat. . I got up this morning and did a two mile walk but not at the gym. I walked back and forth around my house and the back road behind us. Felt great. I’m not sure what to do with myself today. Alex is with his dad this weekend so I guess I’ll do some tidying up and watch movies. I’ll work on getting some pics up on little ms Bella too. . Is it weird that I still can’t believe I’ve sober for almost 16 months? I didn’t think I could do it but I have. Just need to work on more stuff. Hope everyone is having a nice weekend. .

Angie247

I’ve been texting some of the people I was in the outpatient program with last summer. We’ve stayed in touch and that’s so awesome. I’m grateful to have them in my life. There are five of us that are planning on getting together next month. It’ll be for lunch and it will be so nice to catch up with them. :-)

Angie247

I got up and looked in the mirror, all I could see was my fat. I went back to bed but Bella was wanting to play. Thoughts of since I was so hideous, I should drink to numb me came up. I let those feelings go. I’ve just made an appointment with my therapist because I haven’t been in a while. I refuse to stay down.

venuscat

A month ago I felt the same way....I had really put on weight. Way too much bread and cheese and no exercise. And the bread here has more sugar....so I really need to be careful.....my point is I worked at it and got some pounds off....it is just not helpful to further sabotage ourselves love.....no way....we have worked too hard....you need to check in more here and let us remind you how well you are doing!!

On the way to less pounds with you.....it will be fine. We are perfectly capable.

stargazer016

Angie, it's more important to be sober than worry about gaining a few pounds. I put a lot of weight on in early recovery stuffing my face with sugary cakes, cookies and ice cream. I am back to eating better and exercising more. It's just not something to agonize over. You are awesome and you need to believe that each and every day!

Angie247

Thank you venuscat and stargazer. I’m doing better. I did exercise 30 min every day this week which is better than what I was doing. I’ll keep doing that and going for walks too. Water is something that I need to drink more of as well. I think I’m on day 472 and grateful to be this far.

I wish I could help people who are suffering but if they have a tendency to say hurtful things while drinking and they’re drinking almost every night then it makes me nervous to talk to them. There are people out there to reach out to who can help and are qualified to do so. I hate to see people in the midst of that, I truly know what it is like.

So, it’s almost 1:30 and I didn’t eat yet so I’m gonna fix a tuna sandwich with hummus and carrots on the side. Oh, that sounds nice lol. I get Alex tomorrow and he has off Monday as do I. It’ll be awesome.

venuscat

Yum....

I hear you honey.....and yes....protect yourself. There are plenty of people up for dealing with people when they are drunk and unruly.....I can do it sometimes, but not when it is someone close to me, that's for sure....

More water and more exercise is where I am at as well.
And it is working....
We can do it. ♥♥♥

Angie247

Thanks venuscat. Since I posted that, things happened that were hurtful to me. I don’t really know how to handle confrontational, angry people because my ex was like that. Major issues with that. I got insulted and that person is out of my life. I hope they get the help they need, I do care but I just can’t handle it. I’m a pretty mild mannered person and I don’t like that stuff but she was very upset with me because she thought I had not been a good enough friend. I have many faults and I get overwhelmed and turn silent. However, I had texted two days before asking if they were ok. Not enough. It just upsets me to be cursed at and more insults. Of course, guilt has come up and I suppose that’s normal. I hope they get help, but I’m done with it. I’m silently crying now because I miss the person they were before and I know that sounds bad. The end of a friendship is usually hard but I’m not drinking over it.

Bella could sense that something was off, I wasn’t crying then but she went and sat in my lap for the first time ever. She always likes to be close and she would stay next to me but never in my lap. I am so grateful. .

Anoyther thing I didn’t mention, I had a breast biopsy done last week and I’m waiting on pathology results. I should have talked about it and I think that was part of me being so emotional. I hope to hear back as soon as they know. Waiting is not easy.

Hope everyone is doing well. I’m gonna finally go to bed soon. I’m beat.

venuscat

Oh gosh honey.....that is scary, the waiting.
Praying that the results are good.

And as far as I am concerned, you did exactly the right thing.....for you and your friend. Nobody needs that. Friends shouldn't ever abuse each other I don't think....I mean no one should, but surely crossing that line with a friend and refusing to own it and really apologise is just not ok. You are right....she needs to get help. And perhaps she will, and you will have your friend back. But there are tons of lovely people in the world, lots of new friends waiting to meet you.

And awwwww Bella, how sweet. Give her more cuddles for me please. ♥

Dee74

Hope you'll get the all clear Angie
D

stargazer016

Fingers crossed Angie!

Angie247

Right now, fighting suicidal thoughts. Alex’s dad just gave me a run down of all my faults. Still sober. Not even wanting to drink. Not knowing what to do because I can’t miss work like I did last year, that was very rough financially on me. Just tired of the fight and I’ll always have this fight. I feel like the biggest burden to everyone. I feel like Alex will be better off if I weren’t around to mess things up The pain is just unreal.

Thirteenth

Don't believe that for a second. It's simply not true. Talk to a counselor, call a help line, sleep on it, whatever you need to do. I know similar feelings and it's not pleasant. You're sober and doing what you need to do. Please take care of yourself.

venuscat

Angie.....love, why on earth are you letting this awful man get back into your head? We know how mean he was to you....and how he enjoys bringing you down.

None of what he said is even vaguely true.....he did this to you last time.....he doesn't like you getting on with your life and making a go of things.

Alex adores you, and vice versa, and your family unit with Bella is beautiful.

You need to talk to your lawyer honey and stop this man from being able to harrass you.

I am going to see if I still have your number....we can text.....at least....I know that AA lady drove you
mad, but this is when meetings are good...you need support. You need people around you telling you that you are doing so well and just keep going.....we are so so proud of you love.

Angie247

Thanks thirteenth and venuscat. I’m not sure what to do right now but I am sober. I really have no desire to drink and i think if I lost almost 16 months, iI don’t know when I’d stop again. I’m honestly surprised that I don’t want to drink. Maybe because I’m feeling numb now. The pain I was feeling has just slipped into numbness. I’m not going to harm myself. Thank you for being here. I’ll get through this. I’m sorry for the worry but I promise I won’t do anything.

venuscat

Angie honey ~ you need to talk to someone.
You are doing so well, and this has hit you really hard...I really don't want someone's nastiness to make you this unhappy.

Do you remember how angry Leigh and I and were last time he did this to you?
We are all on your side....none of the things Alex' dad said are true or fair. At all.

Chin up girl, and where is that kitten?
You need hugs.

Angie247

Thank you venuscat. I’ve also not been taking my medication like I’m supposed to. I haven’t gotten it filled in a while. It’s my anti depressant and mood stabilizers. Money has been some issue and just not wanting to go in around people to get it. I keep wanting to go off on the former friend who thinks she can talk to people however she wants but there’s got to be a stop. I want to tell Alex’s dad a lot, but I can’t. I’ve got to work on getting better but it just seems kind of hopeless now. I’ve got to get back on the medication for sure.

venuscat

Love.....can you talk to your parents?
It is so important for you to have your meds.....I am sure they will help you.
And honey, the reason you don't want to be around people and go and get it is depression.....gosh....I know....I have been fighting with this for weeks myself......

None of this is hopeless at all....really......being off your meds is making you feel this way. No wonder all the stuff your ex said hit you so hard. And no love, that friend who hurts you is not helpful either.....

Please call your mum.....you love your parents so much.
They will want to make sure you guys are ok.

Angie247

Thank you venuscat. . My boss let me work a half day and even excused it so it won’t count against me. I haven’t slept much in two days. I’m home. I gave Bella her wet cat food, she always has dry food out but she knows I give her wet cat food when I come home so she is having her lunch. I’m going to try to get some sleep because I am exhausted and I’m sure sleep will make me feel better. I’m getting lreally scared that I’ll get another angry text from Alex’s dad. Sleep will help settle my nerves maybe.